It was a revelation to me to realize that touch starvation is real. Humans are wired for touch. If you're not in a relationship, and you're in a country where touch within platonic friendships is largely seen as inappropriate, you're probably touch deprived. The pandemic has hugely intensified touch deprivation for people who are single (and respecting the lockdown). There's research linking touch starvation to a wide variety of negative mental and physical health outcomes.

When I read about this phenomenon, something clicked in my mind. I realized that all of my years as a pickme-- settling for NSA, going back to guys who were bad in bed, and staying in relationships with LVM-- I was influenced and motivated by touch starvation. I also have a high sex drive, but I've known for a long time that I can give myself better orgasms with my Hitachi vibrator than any man could give me, so I wasn't motivated by sexual pleasure. Instead I was motivated by the desire for touch.

Knowing this helps me because it relieves some of the shame I feel about being involved with so many LVM in the past. I wonder how many pickmes are at least partially driven by touch starvation.

It's a shame that in American culture almost all forms of touch are considered sexual, so we can't get our touch needs met very often by hugging or cuddling with friends, trading back massages, etc. I wish there was a way to catalyze cultural change to embrace more platonic forms of touch. In my own life, I'm going to try to combat my touch starvation by asking my female roommate about trading back massages, cuddling with my dog, and buying a weighted blanket. Now that I'm aware of this phenomenon, I'm never again going to sleep with a LVM to get my touch needs met. (I haven't been dating for a long time because Covid has hit my state hard and I feel like it would be irresponsible to date right now because hospitals are nearly at capacity).

Are there any other ladies who think that touch deprivation may have played a role in your past pickme tendencies? Does anyone have other suggestions for getting touch needs met? I'm curious to hear your thoughts.