I'm an older woman, 50s, childfree, long divorced. I'm in decent financial shape and great physical shape. I recently moved to a much larger city in a different area of the country and thought I'd see who might be out there. Things are slowly starting to re-open here so planning a decent and safe date should not be difficult.

I know I'm of a different generation than most here and was raised with different dating expectations. Even pre FDS it was considered normal by me and my peers to be taken on dinner dates and given gifts when in a relationship. Also, when I was younger men were keen to help fix things around the house as well as minor auto repairs. These things are much harder to find these days but they are my standards and they will not be compromised. I do not believe in FWB, the talking phase or situationships. We are dating (going on dates) or not. That does not imply exclusivity, but if a man is not willing to admit we are dating it is game over.

I'm looking for a long term monogamous relationship with a man close to my age, gainfully employed whose children are grown or at least in college. A man in his 50's who has never been married and/or had children is a huge red flag. I also need him to be in good health and decent physical shape. I am not interested in marriage or cohabitation.

I tried 3 different apps since moving here and honestly, they are all pretty much the same in terms of the quality of men. I only lasted a couple of days on each one before becoming disgusted. I've also joined a gym thinking I might have a IRL encounter.

I am thoroughly convinced that 99% of the men out there are porn sick. I have been dating for about 10 years and things seem to get worse each time I give it another go. Here is my most recent experience:

At the gym: I notice a lot of men checking me out and positioning themselves where they could watch me workout. After three months of working out 5-6x per week not one man has approached me or even tried to make small talk, however they are quite happy to leer and stare.

Hinge: I never message first. I got a lot of attention and messages but 100% of them were very low effort and boring. Had one guy, 52 CPA with grown daughters suggest a walk date in the park. I did not respond. He said "Not your idea of a date, huh?" Blocked and deleted.

Bumble: I don't love the women message first thing but I gave it a shot. I matched with some nice looking men. Most of them were boring and lazy and I unmatched within 48hours. One of my matches was a former NBA player and collegiate coach. He looked pretty good but had put on quite a bit of weight. Our texting was fun and there was some intelligent banter. We decided to talk on the phone. First conversation went great. Second time we talked he tried to get some free labor from me (I'm a fitness trainer,) suggested meeting at his place and then tried to turn the conversation towards porn. Immediate block and delete. Prior to speaking with him I was able to vet extensively because he was a public figure. I had found a documentary online in which he prominently featured. It painted him as a very decent man and caring coach that helped a lot of young men get out of bad situations. At the time the documentary was filmed he was married. All of his on camera interactions with his then wife were loving and respectful. He also has daughters and a granddaughter.

Tinder: I haven't used this app in years because of the reputation it has gained for being only for hook-ups but thought I'd give it a go. I made it clear that I was looking for a relationship and none of my pictures were in any way suggestive. I'm very selective with my swipes and out of hundreds of profiles only swiped right on about 5. I matched with all of them. Four were quickly eliminated because of weird or inappropriate opening messages. One guy seemed pretty normal. He gave me a lot of information about himself. He has a daughter in college and works in a very specialized area of law enforcement. Messaging was good. We moved off app for a phone call. The phone call also went really well and we agreed to meet in person soon. Five minutes after getting off the phone he texts me a picture of himself at work. I don't respond. He texts again this time "hey." I respond "hey, nice picture." He requests I "show him what he is missing." Block and delete.

Another Tinder match, 47 year old, good career, very well traveled - I had mentioned that I was only interested in traditional dating. He sends me a link to the story of Chrissy Teigan and John Legend about how they had sex on the first date. Also, said he hoped I wasn't someone who was just looking to be taken out to dinner, sent a big copy/paste thing about his wife of 20 years dying from ovarian cancer and how they too had had sex on the first date. Regarding my traditional dating he said "Who's tradition? The tradition of people who enslaved other people?" So basically he was saying black men shouldn't have to pay for dates because of slavery? First time I'd seen that one. Lol, Nice try bro. FYI all of his answers came in three gigantic paragraphs. There was no back and forth or arguing on my part. Once I saw what he had written I blocked and deleted.

This post is getting super long. I guess my point is to let the younger women know that porn sickness has affected men of all ages, even those who weren't raised with it. This really does make me sad. Not too long ago going on actual dates was pretty common. The bar is so low now.

One thing I did do before downloading the apps was to read some reviews. Almost all of the negative reviews were from men. It seems some of the apps are limiting the number or right swipes men can have per day unless they pay for the premium plan. They are mad as hell about this. It was really sad to see the level of entitlement and delusion from these guys. They are mad about OF and IG girls scamming them but the same dudes won't put any effort into actual dating. They are beyond redemption.

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