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From removeddit, this guy's comment on a post by a pregnant woman who's husband is buying nudes and sexually talking with other women. I worry what he said is true: men will always feel something is missing in a monogamous LTR, even the faithful men who do try not to stare or are porn-free.

MySadOrgans

September 9, 2020

101 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	From removeddit, this guy's comment on a post by a pregnant woman who's husband is buying nudes and sexually talking with other women. I worry what he said is true: men will always feel something is missing in a monogamous LTR, even the faithful men who do try not to stare or are porn-free.
Author	MySadOrgans
Upvotes	101
Comments	70
Date	September 9, 2020 8:16 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ipo6w2/from_removeddit_this_guys_comment_on_a_post_by_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/from-removeddit-this-guys-comment-on-a-post-by-a.279023 https://theredarchive.com/post/279023

Comments

[–]Proud-PurposeFDS Apprentice175 points176 points177 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]NoThisIs-PatrickFDS Disciple38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mimory12519 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mysterious_Midnight7FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]blerty567FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]nobodybutiliketypeoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

biologically [...] we are apes.

Well, women are also programmed to search for other mating partners (even wrote a long comment about it yesterday). We don’t do that due to socialization — so men can control themselves too.

it’s entirely virtual.

Calling onlyfans ‘virtual’ is being dumb on purpose. Texting your gf 80% of the time is also ‘virtual’. Onlyfans isn’t a one way street like porn, men can contact the woman and ask for specific things. That’s why they like it. And honestly, all of these stuff are a slippery slope — men start with pornography, then onlyfans, then they use pics of their acquaintances. This is the essence of cheating.

chicks

I don’t think he’s HV, nor believe he’s ‘faithful’ as he claims to be. Maybe he has cheating friends and he thinks he’s a saint, whatever.

I believe men can control these ‘urges’. Just like women do. Some of them choose to be entitled because society allows it, not because they must. Sex and especially drooling over loads of women isn’t a life necessity, not was it an option for 99% of male population until the last decades.

Edit: Overall, these men look for external solutions for their problems. It’s entirely normal in a LTR w/ the stress of pregnancy to go through a change in the relationship dynamics. But instead of looking for validation in the form of lust, they can & should find fulfilling activities. Instead of waiting for their woman to arouse them, they can initiate dates, buy gifts, and do things that keep the flame alive. Instead of looking for the the superficial arousal they’ve had in their 20s’ they can update their expectations of life — having a mature, loving, long term relationship. Something that can bring the most vulnerable and amazing sex, daily.

[–]oldncranky1982FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Noemie_MathildeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Revy_Ur_EnginesFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mimory12522 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]CinnamonSandcastlesThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]plutonian_princessFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]ayhtdws1989FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]wtfisthisgoingonhereFDS Newbie46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]NoThisIs-PatrickFDS Disciple56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I really wish there was an answer for this. Like a strong, scientific answer that is mostly agreed upon. Because if this is the case, it would settle so much for me. I wouldn't have to feel like my clock is running out for having a family because... I would no longer want one.

If this is truly the case for males, I would be able to rest easy and just date around for fun, with no desire to ever shack up with a man, get married, or have his children.

I hold out in hope that there is a faithful man out there who is capable of building a good, wholesome family with me. But if there isn't, if all men are driven like this because "biology", then... I don't want that anymore.

No point holding out for a fairytale. No point going through childbirth with a man who will always feel like he's missing out if he commits to me.

[–]Proud-PurposeFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]NoThisIs-PatrickFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Proud-PurposeFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't have to.

It is 100% guilt, fear and unnecessary obligation.

Take every open relationship story. Man watches porn and gets smiled at by some barista once, thinks his monogamous arrangement holds him back from slinging gallons of cum, proposes open relationship to woman. Woman cries, mourns, is dragged into it kicking and screaming, but eventually gives in. She feels terrified, abandoned, alone - like you do right now. It feels like someone pulled the world from under your legs.

One week later, woman is tired of mourning. "My life is fucked, might as well go with the flow", woman thinks. She joins OLD and says yes to that one cute male coworker who's been fruitlessly orbiting her for years because the thought of cheating on her bf horrified and disgusted her. She goes on a nice date with him. Her inbox is filled with hundreds of messages from all kinds of men, many of them vastly more attractive than her bf.

Woman eventually realizes that it's not that bad. After another week, it finally dawns upon her that she was the one missing out all along. Meanwhile, her bf who thought that monogamy was holding him back from sexual variety gets a rude awakening. He demands that everything be returned to the way it used to be, but it's too late.

Remember, they're the ones who need monogamy, not us.

[–]paperbagskirtFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SoybeanApocalypseFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Proud-PurposeFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, you do. Fooling yourself only helps them.

Men know that women's nature is cuckoldry. Do they "accept" it? To some extent they do, because they bother to use violence and social shaming to prevent or punish it. But note how their way of dealing with it isn't just letting it happen. Does it matter who a woman wants if you get everything you want from her?

A man can want whatever, but that doesn't mean he'll get it. Your objective in a relationship shouldn't be building some nebulous connection, it should be utility. Given that said connection is impossible because he will always want someone else, if a man wants to be exclusive, he needs to provide - improve your life in measurable ways and be agreeable. He needs to spend all of his time proving that he's invested so you have no reason to bail. Does it matter who a man wants in his head if you're the one getting all his resources?

Of course he can choose not to provide, which is entirely okay. In this case, you don't owe him any sort of exclusivity, and you're free to reciprocate his mentality without a hint of guilt.

[–]NoThisIs-PatrickFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]hotorangetofuFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]nobodybutiliketypeoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]oldncranky1982FDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Proud-PurposeFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't need men to be of higher morality to make their wishes and opinions completely inconsequential to your life. Who cares who a man wants to fuck when in the end, he needs a real life woman to be exclusive with him? Beggars can't be choosers. If said woman requires him to pledge all of his resources to earn her commitment, his "unfaithful thoughts" stop affecting your life in any measurable way.

In fact, someone else taking the burden of entertaining his dick while I get all the good stuff like money would be entirely ideal. Sex is not the prize for women, it's an unfortunate part of the bargain.

Men know that they can't compete with women in non-monogamy. It's in their best interests to neutralize their own "nature" and remove its impact on us, or we'll have no reason not to revert back to cuckoldry and sexual opportunism. They're the ones who mate guard, not us.

[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MagnoliaMirageFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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