Inspired by u/samedinuitmort’s post, I would like to discuss covert maternal enmeshment. A phenomenon in which the mother is non abusive, and even quite nice towards her babyboy’s gf or wife. This is covert because her boy is still enmeshed, but is harder to spot.

• however nice/ambitious mother is, she is a pickme, conditioned to place her value on male validation.

• father is usually a lvm, putting low effort into mother’s emotional needs.

• therefore, mother is relying on boy’s validation.

• boy is usually an only child or only male child. Usually treated as the golden child.

• mother usually have FOO issues centered around other lvm figures.

• mother is enslaved to boys and husband, preforming house and emotional chores while working full time, seemingly demanding little to zero in return.

Red flags:

• mother never criticizes boy.

• and vice versa.

• boy might fight or even lash out on family members, but never on mother.

• boy is telling weird stories about his upbringing regarding mother. Men mention serious trauma easily because they want your empathy and are not afraid of being abused.

• boy helps mother whenever she needs, while never doing so for others.

• boy answers mother whenever she texts or calls including during date time or intimate time with you.

• boy feels a lot of shame regarding the way he treats mother, and is distracted when she’s upset.

• nevertheless, boy is 100% sure of mama’s love and caretaking. Boy will ask mother to preform any emotional and physical labor for him, even at 40. He sees it as natural, as he is still a child.

This enmeshment is hard to spot because many men know what a red flag is, and they hide attachment issues well. Also, the mother is nice and never disagrees with you, so you can’t observe how boy is treating your dispute.

This enmeshment results in:

• boy knows how to give women excellent emotional validation. He did it for mother since ever.

• boy is obsessed with women’s bodies, especially maternal parts. Boy even fetishizes you being pregnant (usually only in theory; he’ll envy the child if you’ll have one. He is your child).

• boy sees women as instruments, made to satisfy his physical and emotional needs. Therefore also prone to porn addiction.

• boy will demand 100% loyalty.

• boy is obsessed with you during the early stages of the relationship (like a child is attached to his mother), but later wants to break free (something he never did successfully to mother).

• boy is breaking free by leaving or cheating.

• you will feel like his mother at times, it will occur to you almost like an intrusive thought.

• he both loves it (you, mother, satisfy all his needs), and hates it (this is an unnatural responsibility).

These men become talented abusers because they learned manipulation tactics and attachment mechanisms since they were born.