Was talking with a male acquaintance I’m trying to slow fade. He texted this weekend to ask how I was. I mentioned therapy, self growth, etc. He says “yeah, I’ve been looking to get into therapy.” I read it, rolled my eyes so hard they punched my brain, then asked what was stopping him? He made some excuses about scheduling. My ex made excuses about cost while talking about how he thought he should get into it.

I suddenly realized these men were faking it. They were pretending that self growth and self awareness were important because it’s fundamental to me. Actually not just fundamental but basically all I’ve known. I was forced into therapy in childhood because I was highly sensitive and started developing issues at 6 years old, that became a full blown eating disorder. I thought I was the problem, but with time and choosing therapists for myself, I realize my childhood abuse was the issue. My father needed therapy, not me. I developed problems based on self worth and it always confounded me. I was hopeful, and wouldn’t accept my dads rage and abuse as reality. I was taught intermittent reinforcement very early on.

And then I see everywhere that men are putting women in therapy to heal the wounds that they’re projecting onto others.

So, even if a man is in therapy, it won’t actually impress me. Sometimes it’s because their ex opened up so much shame they had no choice. Sometimes they go for a season to blame their boss, their wife, their ex, or their girlfriend; then have their therapist validate their perceived victim hood status. Sometimes it’s because they realize that women are attracted to self actualization. Most often it’s like the Sopranos, where Tony used his therapist to justify his entitlement, law breaking behaviors, and feel supported (get supply) from someone unbiased.

Most men are beyond repair. We can blame culture, but women have shouldered the burden of their abusive entitlement and ignorance for way too long. Therapy isn’t going to help solve their entitlement, it’ll give them a new avenue to enable it. Especially because most therapists are not good at calling out their bs. Accountability is the be all end all. Full, firm owning of their shitty behaviors. Therapy can help them get there, but that’s only if they already own their shit. I’m done holding it.