Stop internalizing men’s cruelty/inability to treat you well

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-08-28T02:48:57+00:00

I needed to be reminded of this right now. I’m tossing and turning in bed, haunted by the past and “why did he do that to?” when I already know the answer “because he could and figured he’d get away with it.”

Sage_Planter · 2021-08-28T03:29:30+00:00

This is a well-timed reminder.

A friend recently told me that my toxic NVM got married. I doubt they've been together less than a year. Deep down, I know he's extremely unhappy with himself, and this is just another Band-Aid to keep him from truly addressing his trauma and problems. There's no way he's done the extremely hard work needed to be happy with himself or with someone else.

lavender_icicle · 2021-08-28T09:07:44+00:00

This is so important! My LV ex had a new gf within hours of us breaking up and in the beginning I felt like it was my fault it didn't work out and that after all the work I put in to fix him (never again, I want someone who doens't need fixing) he moved on to someone else, who he was happier with. Only through a lot of soul searching and therapy I started to realize that someone as LV as him can never be truly happy and the reason he made me so miserable was bc he is miserable himself. I deserve so much more! Now i'm in a much better place and even if he was happy, I wouldn't care bc I wasn't happy with him, and I can do so much better. Never settle! And don't keep toxic people in your life, yeet them as far as you can!

Wild_Artio · 2021-08-28T04:49:52+00:00

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polite_as_fuck44 · 2021-08-28T04:27:43+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m still recovering from a trauma bond relationship that I left last October. He immediately started dating his “best friend” who he texted all day and would wear cologne to go see. I always knew it was off but was told I was jealous, crazy, making things up that weren’t there - you know how you sometimes do? He was totally toxic but I still battle with missing him and fall into black holes of thinking I’m not worthy or maybe I am just crazy. Ive never struggled with a breakup like this before.

emmgdac · 2021-08-28T05:01:55+00:00

I'm upvoting so other women can see this but I just gotta pat myself on the back because this was something I've always known with my exes. Despite staying longer than I ever should've, I always knew they would never be happy, not with me, not with the other women whose thongs I'd find, and not with whomever else thought they could fix him. And when I left I made it a point to tell him too just in case he thought he was hiding it well, I wanted him to know I knew how miserable he actually was.

Stay strong Queens!

Even cheating isn't about you! So don't be selfish thinking everything is about you ;) (I'm being facetious for those who didn't get the joke; it's not your fault or reason he cheated so dont make it your fault by internalizing and asking what she had that you didn't.)

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-08-28T07:32:22+00:00

Behind every abusive, misogynistic man is a string of women he exploited the life force of.

The new girl he’s dating is just his newest victim. Don’t delude yourself by looking at the smoke and mirrors of social media.

Even in ‘Why Does He Do That’, Lundy Bancroft tells us that these men seldom change because they themselves benefit from being abusive & continuing such behavioural patterns.

Abusive LVM don’t just wait up one day and decide to treat women better out of their own conscience.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-08-28T03:00:49+00:00

I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He done fucked up! I do sometimes wish I could be a fly on the wall to watch him cry for me...

I 100% know why he fucked up and I don't blame myself. I just wish I had realized it sooner. But oh well. Better late than never.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-08-28T15:59:15+00:00

I don’t care if my toxic exes are happy, sad, indifferent or with someone else now. Caring even a smidge gives them something of mine that they don’t deserve. With that being said, they probably aren’t happy 😋

modernmedusaa · 2021-08-28T04:52:31+00:00

Lmfao and what are they even hurt about?

Sarah who rejected them in year 10?

The bumble matches who didn’t chase them & give them sex straight away ? Lmfao gtfoh women are walking around with multiple knives in their back not abusing anybody.

They’ll wax lyrical about being lonely and depressed, land a loyal partner they find attractive ....it’ll all be going fine and then start cheating on and abusing her

Then they get kicked and go back to being bitter and lonely like there aren’t tons of loyal women and they didn’t orchestrate that themselves - it’s just high value women are repulsed by scumbag cheaters and abusers

But these men never know when a good thing is in front of them....or they do and get too comfortable thinking she won’t leave. They think they’re entitled to a woman staying loyal to them when they’re disrespecting her in plain sight.

And this is very true- if a mans esteem is reliant on tearing others down....he is not a happy person at the core. He is not what he tries to appear. And he doesn’t deserve pity either since projecting is a trait of the weak & ignorant.

He can only stay up by tearing multiple women down all at once....how pathetic. Someone who takes glee in spiting someone loyal to them is an abuser and pathetic coward. That is fracturing to society and therefore goes against nature. Since women birthed him

No one who truly loves themselves and knows they’re a catch.....has to aggressively mentally abuse someone into staying. That’s operating from an unstable weak desperate place.

He’s basically saying - I have to destabilise and triangulate someone in order for them to put up with me 🤡 so by default he’s saying he doesn’t have what it takes to feel level with them- wow doesn’t that spell a happy future with them. Aren’t you missing out on a future of everlasting misery with them? They know it too. That’s why they get angry when you leave. Because they know it’s them.

It also says they have to hide because they don’t feel their true self is loveable. They aren’t strong enough to bear their true selves and put that on the line - again I don’t think that’s a sign of confidence. Cheating is not the flex they think it is. Go be single- nobody’s stopping you bruh. Acting like you didn’t orchestrate all that.

Weak people, at some point- cave in and become more of the things they don’t like in other people. And so the cycle continues.

Some of these men are only ‘hurt’ because they choose to self sabotage. Boohoo, no one can change that except them.

Their fear of rejection and loss of control is greater than their ability to love, hence why they only feel ‘secure’ in a relationship by constant cheating & mind games. How was that ever going to end well? It wasn’t. They don’t care. They are parasites.

See that as the desperate, unstable, insecure and bitter behaviour that it is.

Confused_One_ · 2021-08-28T04:42:20+00:00

Quit thinking about that toxic ex altogether, period. We are on to bigger and better things 💪🏻

staywiththecrown · 2021-08-28T05:29:04+00:00

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lolmemberberries · 2021-08-28T16:51:54+00:00

From past experience, if he doesn't want to change he'll find someone else more willing to put up with his piss poor behavior.

shedipity · 2021-08-28T07:06:33+00:00

it’s a cycle of ego boost. they get with a girl, hurt them, leave them, move on super quick, act like you wasted their time, and WANT to act this way so that YOU feel bad to make them feel better about themselves, repeat. in reality, many of them know deep down that they’ll never secure a successful and high value woman so they keep going for girls with low self esteem as a bandaid to USE and throw away once they catch onto the pattern. many of them are happy about being fboys until the age of 40 where they try find a woman who will settle for him.

GCFDSthrowaway · 2021-08-28T03:46:06+00:00

This is TRUTH. My NVX projected all his bullshit on me, and I'm embarrassed to say it took me a month to figure it out. (Should I even call him an 'ex' if we only dated a month?) They're crafty, these guys... and sometimes it's a slow roll, so you don't see it coming even though things feel... off. So many people think narcissists would never do anything to hurt themselves, but the fact is they are some of the most insecure people out there. Mine knew he was garbage - and ate his gun.

lostmillenia · 2021-08-28T03:25:18+00:00

I needed this. Thank you

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-08-28T03:48:20+00:00

I didn't know I needed this. Thank you!

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-08-29T05:49:31+00:00

Sending this to a dear friend whose man dumped her bc she wasn’t comfortable moving in with him and being the only name on the lease. He’s such a freaking loser.

Feministtiktok · 2021-08-28T03:55:57+00:00

I needed this

DuchessDurag · 2021-08-29T04:20:26+00:00

I’ve dealt with an ex lover who used to think it was entertaining to try to pull my self esteem down. Not long after we split he married a new woman.

Two years later, he messaged me to confide his wife ran away back to Korea and left their daughter behind 😯. He also told Me he was into heavy drinking and recreational drugs 😵‍💫.

This post is so true ladies. I’ve had the last last laugh 😂

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-08-30T04:33:10+00:00

They’ll be trash forever and they know it. It’s why they act a fool and put on a show, but they can only fake for so long. They do that cus they’re demonic bastards and they’ll end up alone or making someone very miserable. Adios

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-08-28T08:37:08+00:00

All my exes are terrible to their gfs, if they were lucky to get one.

muffy2008 · 2021-08-28T06:53:25+00:00

FDS spittin’ all kinds of truths today! Love it

shedipity · 2021-08-28T07:07:40+00:00

i’m sure a lot of us needed to hear this today ♥️

MorthaP · 2021-08-28T11:35:18+00:00

I disagree. With the second part, anyway. This still follows the idea of 'he's only treating me badly because he's ill' or something.

Title	Stop internalizing men’s cruelty/inability to treat you well
Author	Wild_Artio
Upvotes	1694
Comments	66
Date	August 28, 2021 2:15 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pd1axp/stop_internalizing_mens_crueltyinability_to_treat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/stop-internalizing-mens-crueltyinability-to-treat.1065303 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065303

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