I am in my twenties and grew up self-identifying as a feminist (still do), and had the mindset of splitting bills for the longest time. But after dating a cheap man for 2 months, I realized that I’d rather have a partner that really values me and that dating LVM (esp. the ones on dating apps) is just a waste of time — time that I can spend furthering my career, among other things. Moreover, wanting to be with someone who is not cheap does not automatically make you a gold digger.

Anyways, these were the red flags I ignored: -First date, I picked a restaurant that I regularly went to. While he insisted on paying, there was this incredibly awkward moment where the waitress returned with the check - because he likely didn't include a tip. Maybe he just forgot or was not used to tipping - cultural differences - I figured (he was Indian). [I Venmo’ed him immediately after the date. We also split everything 50/50 on subsequent dates.]

-For our first trip, he booked a $50/night Airbnb in the worst neighborhood in the city -- with the highest crime rates -- and in the basement of a house with a 20-something year old man and his mother living there. I immediately regretted not looking up the address beforehand. After 5 mins, I called an Uber and stayed at a friend and her boyfriend's place for the night. And then booked a $250 hotel room for my second night stay.

Needless to say, his cheapness manifested itself in other ways. But after that Airbnb trip, I finally decided to end things. Although he never treated me to anything before the trip, it was a complete surprise to me that he had gone with the cheapest option -- we both had full-time, decent-paying, professional jobs (he - working in tech and being 5 years older - was also making at least 2x my salary). I felt like I was selling myself short. What made me the angriest was the fact that he literally put my life at risk. I wouldn’t even put a stranger in such a situation. It made sense that all of his exes were the ones to end things.

As expected, he became desperate after the breakup, said that he was thrifty and would change his spending habits quickly. I am glad I did not end up believing him and giving him a second chance: he gave me a two-flower bouquet and then a single flower both times he stopped by my office to persuade me to get back with him (I regularly bought much much nicer bouquets for myself/others and started to feel rather embarrassed). The truth is, someone is likely not going to stop being cheap after being cheap for most of their adult life. Looking back, he also never intended on getting to know me and probably saw paying for things as a waste of money.

I am still sometimes mad at myself for even giving him a chance, lowering my expectations for dating, and only realizing after two months. But I am glad it was not two years.