My father is a NVM with an anger problem. He was a terrifying bully/dictator growing up and nothing was ever good enough. If I did something wrong, it was "god, you never do anything right". If I did something right, it was "wow, I can't believe you didn't screw that up". In 4th grade I was shaking and crying inconsolably about getting a B+ because I knew I was in for it-my teacher changed the grade to an A- because I was in such a state. He cheated on my mom and left her after 20yrs of marriage (on her 40th birthday) so I only had limited visits in young adulthood with him. He married his affluent GF 3 months after leaving while my mom and I were in low income housing and just scraped by.

Throughout my teens/20s his narrative was I was a fuck up; he was Trump like in his gross appraisal of my body/sexuality though he didn't touch me, it was beyond disgusting. In the last decade we speak/text maybe 2-4x a year about very superficial stuff. I was in a horrible accident 3 years ago (12 surgeries, months in hospital). He lives 2 hours away but didn't call or inquire, much less visit.

Now, he has is very sick and needs me to donate something for him (purposely vague but this would be incredibly painful with weeks of recovery). He called me last night and just assumed I would do it because "family". This is a man who has never once been kind or cared about my wellbeing; in fact actively terrorizing me as a child and being a condescending douchebag through adulthood. My gut is telling me to say "fuck off". I feel like helping him would be condoning his terrible treatment of me (which he has never owned up to or acknowledged). But I want to make sure I can live with this decision.