NVM stands up forever girlfriend at their wedding and is elated when she says she will never bring up marriage again. Calls her "wife" in public to continue to rub salt into her wounds.

HexyHag · 2020-11-24T10:34:54+00:00

He did propose to his ex - another example of IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD!

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-24T11:27:02+00:00

She has wasted years 25 to 30 with a man who doesn't give one single fuck about her

w1tchyw0man · 2020-11-24T11:31:13+00:00

I could have written this except I didn't have a child with him. We planned the engagement and everything and when it came to proposing he said he felt forced. A year of compromises later he would discard me and jump on tinder. Fuck that shit to hell

crazykitten27 · 2020-11-24T12:20:21+00:00

I messaged the op when i read that! I hope she finds her way here and leaves his ass! Sadly though it seems like she will give him another 5 years until he finds the woman he actually wants to marry. Then he'll drop her like she's nothing.

Candy_Venom · 2020-11-24T12:31:28+00:00

maaaaan I just saw this post on AITA when I logged on this morning and came right here to see if anyone shared it. MY GOD. and the comments!!! so many women stuck with men who won't marry them, with kids and a shared mortgage. I saw one comment that ripped into another woman for calling marriage 'a piece of paper'. I was sitting here with my coffee clapping bc the commenter was right. that piece of paper protects you in so many circumstances. my husband's mom is a hardcore JNMOM and he is no contact with her. he has a hefty life insurance policy and I don't trust for one second that his mother wouldn't try some shit if we weren't married and he died.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-11-24T15:38:49+00:00

I love the dumbass comment with 1.8K upvotes telling the OP she needs to "have an adult conversation" with the guy rather than "burn the relationship to the ground."

As if the guy hasn't already nuked the relationship from orbit.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-11-24T14:48:46+00:00

Don’t want to start an argument?! Girl, what?? 🤦🏼‍♀️

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-11-24T14:11:28+00:00

I really hoped she packed her shit the same day he humiliated her by backing out. She’s teaching him what she’ll accept by permitting this shit and not delivering any consequences

Half_Halt · 2020-11-24T14:57:46+00:00

Something that strikes me every time I read stuff like this is that back in the not-so-good old days, older men exerted a certain power to keep younger men in check that is basically lost in modern Western society. A couple generations ago, young men knew if they played, they paid - i. e., a shotgun wedding or worse - the woman's older male relatives coming after him.

I say this while fully acknowledging that the balance of power between men & women was a zillion times worse even the recent past. And that we don't necessarily want to return to that past.

PinkBlair99 · 2020-11-24T13:42:33+00:00

I don’t want to victim blame, because that’s what criticizing other, especially younger, women for this type of behavior really is. I was there myself. I did very similar stupid things, wasting years at a time on an LVM and then a NVM in my 20s and 30s. She’s behaving this way because we have all been socialized by patriarchy to have low self-esteem and accept scraps for men.

However, now looking back on my own behavior, I can see that it was driven by my low self-esteem (but I completely did not recognize that the time; until the last few years, I would’ve insisted that I had extremely high self-esteem throughout my 20s and 30s). So, really, the fundamental issue that we women need to excavate is why we accept these types of longterm situationships. Staying with a man like this, who has exhibited even a few of the behaviors described here, is self sabotaging. To do it for years like this is life-derailing (I speak from experience).

With me, personally, I have always been far too loyal to people—not just men I’m in a “relationship” with—who exhibit little to no loyalty to me. This is because of my own biological family dynamics, childhood, and the coping mechanisms I developed as a result that did not actually serve my best interests as an adult. I wish it hadn’t taken me 40 years to figure this out, but there you go.

TL;DR the impulse to accept this treatment isn’t young women’s fault; we’re essentially brainwashed. However, we are ultimately responsible for deprogramming ourselves and putting ourselves first. When we do, we will not accept this type of treatment. This process includes forgiving ourselves for the time wasted.

creamtart_ · 2020-11-24T12:33:11+00:00

Imagine having such low self-worth that you think you’re an asshole for being upset by someone else disrespecting you. I just wish these women would realise that they will never be picked no matter how much they give up everything that they care about to please a man who is clearly not into them.

If he wanted you, he would’ve made the effort. He hasn’t, he ain’t interested. Move the fuck on. 🤡🤡🤡

StellarSunDance · 2020-11-24T16:10:51+00:00

Thanks for posting this here. I read it a few hours ago and was like "...... wow holy shit, that poor woman".

She should have left him YEARS ago.

So many people in that thread are telling her to just call him out... but that's it. Nothing else. Nothing about leaving him because he clearly doesn't give a fuck about her.

sleeping_pretty · 2020-11-24T16:49:29+00:00

Wait.... So this long story is about her asking if she should tell him to stop calling her his wife?? She really does not mind that he does not love her... interesting. She is a legendary pickmeisha!

Platipus6 · 2020-11-24T10:28:02+00:00

Marriage can't be that important to her if she's not willing to walk.

A boundary, preference or standard doesn't mean anything if there are no consequences.

siberiansummer · 2020-11-24T18:24:49+00:00

Haha!! I know exactly what he was doing by calling her his "wife". He was breadcrumbing. Like hoping she's be happy with him introducing her as his wife instead of actually making her his wife. Sounds like she is finally getting the idea of what is really going on

isv1234 · 2020-11-24T19:01:31+00:00

This one actually physically caused me pain

Wkndwhorechata · 2020-11-24T21:23:04+00:00

What a fucking loser. I can hear the fapping sound intensify in his pea sized brain when he's introducing people to her as his wife. 🤡

eagleverest · 2020-11-24T12:14:02+00:00

I honestly feel bad for her, knowing that she even has a SON with this dude.

2020-11-24T23:47:17+00:00

Okay I notice something, men who rub salt on our wounds are the ones who can't handle it when we scrape the whole damn rocksalt on their boo boo. Please make it a habit by targeting their lies and bullsh*t thank you.

IAmGoingToBeBetter · 2020-11-25T00:30:57+00:00

I’m so sick of these comments telling women to communicate. These women have done nothing but communicate and what has it gotten them? Nothing. I hope all of these girls wake up and start dumping their asses and find a HVM who will actually listen to them.

yfunk3 · 2020-11-25T08:11:17+00:00

The kicker was that she was still defending his NVM ass inthe comments...by shitting on his ex-fiance. 😑

Agnia_Barto · 2020-11-25T04:53:27+00:00

Guys, a serious question. How the hell can 2 grown people end up homeless? Why does a woman stay with a man who can't provide a shelter even for himself? Stories like this one drive me nuts!

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