Recognizing a predator’s behavior: how older men will initially try to trick into age gaps relationships/hook ups.

futuristicallyangry · 2021-03-22T16:08:23+00:00

This is so so so true. I remember someone who groomed me for years and he followed exactly all of this tactics, nothing more or less than this. Exactly what you have stated in this list. I'm still young but I'm so glad to be out of his trap.

fg_hj · 2021-03-22T16:18:31+00:00

I’ve read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and while it’s actually a really good, honest, and detailed book, it was exactly because of that it became really gross sometimes when it gave examples of how men sexually manipulate women, teens, and children.

leptophile · 2021-03-22T17:51:08+00:00

Thanks for this post. Based on my (unfortunately) personal experience with a much older man, there is another type you want to look out for. This is the type that is serious and does want to settle down. He wants to trap a young woman in a marriage and likely a pregnancy as well (as if anyone wants that crusty old sperm). He speaks poorly of his exes and whines about how he never had children, or a happy marriage, or the success her deserved in his career because his exes were just so horrible to him and ruined his life. What he really wants is a young, energetic, attractive mommy bangmaid to entertain him, coddle him, validate his pitifully immature emotions, and (most importantly) make him feel like less of a loser. He truly believes that life has done him wrong and that, in his twilight, he deserves a young woman to make up for it. He wants to to feel sorry for him. He will praise you with his words but then try to sabotage your success in parts of your life that don’t directly benefit him (career, social life, etc.). Most of the other qualities from the post still apply (e.g. saying you’re mature for your age, impressing you with nice restaurants and gifts). But the vulnerable narcissism may make him seem less dangerous. Don’t fall for it!!

HappyNovel · 2021-03-22T15:39:18+00:00

When I was an oh-so mature 13 year old girl that was groomed and raped by a 19 year old who would travel from his state to mine and keep me in a motel room.

The exes that followed were no better. It fucked me up in the head and even as I approach 30 my life is still in shambles.

Sewud · 2021-03-22T17:59:44+00:00

What disgusts me is that these men just try to go as young as they can. The 40-year-old who hits on the 29-year-old? He has his age limit set to 25. He would go there if he could. You could be 35 matching with a 35-year-old man, but what you don't know is that this man has his lower age limit set to 22 and you just happen to be the only woman he got an answer from. It's scary because men are so desperate these days you never know what's really going on. I think the only way to be safe is to date attractive men who easily get dates and choose to date their age.

PS. I've definitely experienced what OP describes. Older men give you way more attention. They don't even need to leverage money, they know that guys your age are likely giving you less attention so they swoop in and are available. I think this is just because they are so interested in having a younger woman. It's youth-digging. It's sad, but think about the fact that the man your age who seems to be too busy to talk to you is probably inundating in messages this one younger woman he met or matched with months ago. They will use that strategy of being "friends" at first.

jasmine-blossom · 2021-03-22T17:01:51+00:00

This is great advice. Most age gap relationships are unhealthy and most men in age gap relationships are actually just predators.

AdSmooth2328 · 2021-03-22T17:22:01+00:00

I recently just had a 40 year old guy try to hit on me at a bar (21). I was very uncomfortable and had never had that happen... the audacity ...how dare he invade my youthful space 😂 My friends kept talking to him so he would buy us more drinks but it was obvious he was only interested in me due to me being the youngest in the group🤢 I made it obvious I was not interested. He was very desperate and continued to throw money at us. Very sad and twisted... like sir you could be my father, we have nothing in common, and you are trying to get in my pants🤢🤢🤢 If I was not with my friends I would have left asap. He tried #8 for sure, no 21 year old girl wants a 40 year old man friend who’s preying on her.

ellaykim · 2021-03-22T18:33:12+00:00

Great post, thank you! One thing that really stands out to me is “yOuRe sO mAtUrE fOr yOuR aGe”

This is pure manipulation.

He says this as a compliment and flatters the young woman. She wants to continue to prove herself as the “mature, savvy young woman”

When the older man inevitably starts his mistreatment, the young woman speaks up initially because she doesn’t like it. Well guess what? Now she is “sO iNsEcUrE aNd iMmAtUrE” according to the older man. He is trying to get her to fall back in line and act “mature.” Next time in an attempt to prove her maturity she won’t speak up when he mistreats her. A cool-girl “mature” woman can handle it, right?

To these men, “mature” means: Act like a doormat and put up with his abuse.

Getting called “mature” is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Wildestrose1988 · 2021-03-22T16:28:01+00:00

I had a couple exes who lied about their age SMH

Twolipz_78 · 2021-03-22T18:30:03+00:00

This can happen at any age at anytime. I was 41 when I met my 51 year old LVX that pretty much did all these things to me and continues to stalk me at work after I blocked him and he saw I wasn’t falling for his shit anymore.

You have to be careful even when you’re older and vulnerable from having recently left a toxic relationship, being a single mother and low-income. I mean, call the animal clinic b/c there will be vets every which way from now on!

mothertuna · 2021-03-22T18:45:08+00:00

When I turned 18 years old, some random man who was 50 hit me up trying to talk to me on MySpace. I was immediately disgusted. I turned 18 when I was still in high school and was appalled someone would try to get with a teenager. Sick.

I was 22 briefly seeing an older guy. I thought it would be fun. But we had nothing much to talk about. Same with the older guy I saw the next year. It was gross with the 2nd guy because I believe he worked in higher education. Both were white. I swear I think the first guy was married.

There is no reason to be dating a guy 15 years older than you. That’s why I detest Hollywood and their glorification of young women being mature or ok with being with an old fart.

Another thing to note: a lot of these older guys who preyed on me did so especially because I am Black. These men would tell me they liked Black women specifically. Which I mean isn’t bad within itself but if I’m young + Black that lets me know you have some weird shit going on in your brain.

numbers213 · 2021-03-22T17:05:06+00:00

I agree that large age gaps are major red flags and just wrong. But I do have a question, is it less weird if they are 40 and 50? I'm looking for people's opinion on it. Honestly I think 5 years is max for me.

Savag3Rose · 2021-03-22T16:16:11+00:00

I can see a disturbing pattern forming. Age has never been a huge thing to me, but a predator is a predator.

Meredeen · 2021-03-22T19:56:08+00:00

I made a comment about the game grumps controversy and how it's crazy how many people are saying it's okay for a dude in his 40s to go after 20 year olds. It's not the legality that's the issue here, it's a power imbalance. But of course men want to support age gaps, they want access to impressionable young women with little life experience without being made to feel like creepy pieces of shit. Which they are.

And then I linked to a source which explains how the rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so, and included a source. Four downvotes so far, no replies. About what I expected. 🙄

Altowhovian93 · 2021-03-22T22:36:07+00:00

Older men date younger women because they don’t know enough to call them out on their crap.

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-03-23T02:55:16+00:00

I’ve been in a couple of these. They usually see themselves out when they realize I actually am mature for my age. Traveled quite a bit, sophisticated tastes, independent spirit, huge network of friends and colleagues...not their naive little eye candy.

Also. Gross old man saggy balls. Don’t know what I was trying to accomplish there. Social climbing can be tricky.

catlady4u · 2021-03-23T04:08:45+00:00

I've noticed in OLD ads that guys will put down a fake age for the app, but reveal their real age in the bio. Already lying and overstepping boundaries right out of the gate. What else are these NVM lying about?

Thestral-glow6 · 2021-03-22T18:43:56+00:00

Brilliant post. Definitely saving this to refer back to! ✨

PinkBlair99 · 2021-03-23T02:21:52+00:00

I'm over 40, and the only time I briefly peeped in the apps, like five years ago after my last LTR breakup, I was horrified by this. I would never date anyone appropriate for my age who publicly advertised that he wants to date 18 year olds. Or 32 year olds. Ugh, dudes.

Title	Recognizing a predator’s behavior: how older men will initially try to trick into age gaps relationships/hook ups.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	415
Comments	50
Date	March 22, 2021 11:22 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mal5xd/recognizing_a_predators_behavior_how_older_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/recognizing-a-predators-behavior-how-older-men.1189896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189896

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