The "huh?"

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-07T19:27:48+00:00

Another version of this is when you bring up issues, problems with his behaviour and how it makes you feel (you know, the good ol' communicate), he shrugs or just looks at you, looking all bewildered, and doesn't say anything.

RUN FOR THE HILLS if this happens to you. That dirtbag will go happily to sleep while you're next to him sobbing night after night.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-07T21:29:30+00:00

Ah yes, the misogyny filter. Where listening to women is optional.

They tune you out if it's something they don't want to hear. They can damn well hear you whisper "want sex?" from 10 feet behind them.

MissouriBlue · 2021-11-07T18:45:13+00:00

Yes, my Ex (Narcissist) also did this. Not just the “huh?” but the “what do you mean?” trope.

It’s a way to break down your self-esteem. Because “obviously you’re unable to communicate effectively”.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-11-07T19:29:55+00:00

YES. This is a big red flag that needs more attention. They want you to say your words again because they want you to dissect them, scrutinize them, and doubt them.

Two important men in my life can’t hear well. My boyfriend has some premature hearing loss that’s genetic and my grandpa can’t hear well because he’s old. When they don’t hear me, they say things like - Sorry, can you say that again? One more time. I didn’t hear you, dear.

These statements put the responsibility on their ears; Their ears did not pick up my words. They make it clear they want to hear what I just said.

Huh? and What? have a very different energy. I say huh? or what? when I heard what the person said…but didn’t like it or can’t believe it. I say those when I want them to say something different! When I say huh or what there’s a good chance I don’t want those words repeated to me!

(Side Note: Now I am laughing to myself because I’m thinking back to the time I told my boyfriend “We have all summer!” and he replied “We don’t have Autism?”)

pompommom31 · 2021-11-07T18:22:31+00:00

Men use “huh” as a diversion tactic to stall for time while figuring out how to gaslight or manipulate you. They also use it when you call them out in a lie. If a man says huh in every communication and he’s not hearing impaired, RUN. Ask me how I know.

bookworm1896 · 2021-11-07T19:56:10+00:00

Had to laugh a little, my husband actually IS hard of hearing and does the huh a lot. But he is always very embarrassed.

brylm92 · 2021-11-07T21:28:42+00:00

Yes!! They're weaponizing the bumbling male trope and trying to make you crazy. Ex narcissist in my life would constantly do this, and I wasted so much time trying to get him to uNDeRsTAnd blatantly obvious things and eMpAthIsE with me when he literally just didn't fucking care. Carrot on a stick comes to mind.

Also, I swear to god 95% of the guys who've ever expressed an interest me with have told me they are deaf or have some kind of impartment in one ear. It's happened so often it's ridiculous, and I'm convinced they're just setting themselves up to have an excuse to not listen, put in no effort, and conveniently not quite hear properly when you set boundaries (incidentally I'm very introverted and generally not a big talker, which is usually the excuse men give for not listening to a woman's nagging, henpecking, and harping on). Must be one of the many tactics in the Scrote Handbook.

On the plus side you can use this tactic right back at them to get them to leave you alone ;)

exhalefierceness · 2021-11-07T22:16:24+00:00

If they also tell you “You’re not making sense” that’s another red flag

Hateorade_ · 2021-11-07T22:51:28+00:00

Yikes yes. Also, when you ask for ComMunIcAtIoN and he turns it into an argument, dips for a few days, and comes back as if nothing ever happened. LVM’s act like complete idiots when you tell them of their bullshit. Meanwhile, they know exactly what they did.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-11-07T20:28:00+00:00

Lol "huh" can also interchange with "do what, now?"

If you know, you know.

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-07T21:01:49+00:00

As a retired teacher, I'd look at a kid and say, ask someone who actually listened. Very low, very soft, so they had to strain to hear. And then there were times I'd take a grade on something, just because I was getting way too much huh? what? Didn't hear me? Oh well, guess that's your grade then! Don't want to fail? Better find out what to do then, good luck. I taught them super early to listen, because I was not repeating.

In a social setting, I just say, "I. did. not. stutter." And glare. Sometimes I'd add, "You just didn't listen." And yep, pretty soon after, nope out. They can't or won't listen, they don't love you; they don't even like you. Who needs that? NO ONE. After two huh/what comments, I'd re-evaluate the ENTIRE relationship... and probably still nope out.

aoi4eg · 2021-11-08T07:34:42+00:00

Same. Or he made me repeat something several times and replied with "Sorry, I still don't understand what are you trying to say". I wrote it before, either in one of my posts or in the comments, how this type of behaviour always correlates with men avoiding chats on messengers. Their reason is a desire to have "natural communication" with you, but in reality, they want to avoid responsibility for things they wrote since you always can provide screenshots and other receipts if it wasn't a verbal conversation. Gaslighting 101.

IllustratorUnhappy55 · 2021-11-08T00:54:25+00:00

Mine liked to do "word salad" where he twists what I say until I got frustrated and just dropped it. Jokes on him. Last time he tried that shit I turned it around on him so bad he got a migraine. What can I say, I learned from the best.

miwamus · 2021-11-07T22:38:05+00:00

Agreed, and I'd like to throw in "nah" in there.

Cel_Gabe · 2021-11-08T15:24:14+00:00

Another classic is the "me too".

Like you can't express something that happens to you without hearing the dreaded "me too", and then the conversation segues to whatever happened to them in exhausting detail.

Experience courtesy my dear ole (narc) dad 😑

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-11-08T01:11:15+00:00

I had a narcissistic ex several years back who would do that. I told him my grandma was dying and I was pretty upset about it. He just shrugged and said “well anyway..” then went on about himself.

shaezamm · 2021-11-07T22:40:07+00:00

Oh, wow. Thank you! I’ve been struggling with writing essays for uni lately… like I will write a paragraph then literally cannot figure out if it makes any sense or says what I was trying to say... But now I think about it, maybe it’s a result of being with an asshole like this! Thanks for sharing!

Novemberinthechair · 2021-11-08T02:01:09+00:00

Gaslighting. That's what that is.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-11-08T03:11:32+00:00

My boyfriend is 100% deaf from a birth defect, if he can't hear me with his implants, he will let me know. If he mishears a word, he asks if it was the correct word or repeats it back to me for clarification. Men feigning their inability to hear you is utterly inexcusable. If a man who is fully deaf can do it, any man can do it, they're just choosing not to.

intrepidis_dux · 2021-11-08T02:25:33+00:00

Yes you're correct, run when you see men like this. My ex was like this. Long periods of time of this gas lighting will break you down.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-11-08T23:01:56+00:00

Yes thank you for posting. This is abusive behavior that doesn't get enough attention.

My ex pretended to not understand whenever I spoke about issues that needed to be resolved. And then it wasn't until I read his cover letters (he was applying to jobs) and remembered he has a master's in philosophy .. that I realized he was one hundred percent capable of understanding and was just manipulating me.

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Title	The "huh?"
Author	searchingforjupiter
Upvotes	974
Comments	51
Date	November 7, 2021 6:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qou5iy/the_huh/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-huh.1085396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085396

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