The importance of lying about your disfunctional family

Determinedblonde · 2021-11-15T09:43:33+00:00

Wow. He wanted you to have low self esteem and be desperate.

tuberosetears · 2021-11-15T13:23:57+00:00

YES SIS YES. I am so proud of you for being so smart.

For daughters of divorce or misfortune: If you don't know or don't have contact with your father, lie and say that you do. In the initial vetting stage (though vetting never ends) it is important that he thinks you have both parents. Men only respect other men, and him having a perceived sense of male-to-male accountability will scare off scrotes like this who are out to take advantage of you.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-15T15:17:42+00:00

He proceeded to NAG THE FUCK OUT OF ME for not having daddy issues. "I usually do not get along well with people like this"

He told you he likes exploiting women with daddy issues without telling you he likes exploiting women like that.

SyllabubQuiet2482 · 2021-11-15T13:34:25+00:00

Redpill men prey on girls who have low self esteem and dysfunctional family. I think looking back, the reason why I rarely had any negative experiences with men was my dad was very supportive and he worked as a lawyer in well known firm so most men didn’t want to fuck with me. Men don’t fear women. They fear other men who are more powerful than them. Men are very hierarchical animals.

Even if you have dysfunctional family or have been abused, never tell anyone. If someone asks about my insecurities, I always say I don’t have one and never have been depressed in my life. I rarely show negative emotions infront of men unless I’ve known them for very long time.

LVM prey on low self esteem women since they are easy to manipulate. Sheraseven1 and other YouTubers who are well aware of psychology and manipulation talks about this on their YouTube.

Even if you’ve been abused in the past or haved unsupportive family, act like you dont have one.

But also I’m guilty of this since I don’t and never have dated a guy who was abused in the past. I don’t feel empathetic since Im not that empathetic in the first place. Lot of them have unresolved trauma and victim mentality. So I know that when a guy ask me those kind of questions, it’s like begging me to block him immediately.

Also I usually lie a lot on initial contact with men or when I’m vetting them. No need to tell them your personal traumas, personal info and many other personal information. To add, lying itself isn’t good but in order to vet guys, you need white lies. Also do not feel empathetic towards grown man.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-11-15T14:58:19+00:00

Yes yes yes. I grew up with my mom, step dad and 3 sisters. My biological dad was in and out of my life and his mental illness is just too intense for me to want to have a relationship with him.

My step dad has always been my dad. All my Take Your Child to Work Days were spent eating cheese and cracker spreads and getting free company merchandise in his office. (Oh, except for the one time my bio dad insisted he have the chance to do it one year… and took me to an old building full of asbestos 😷). My step dad was the one who sat in the kitchen and did my math homework with me, who’s shoulders I rode on while we vacationed at Disney World, who paid for my college tuition and a million other things. I have sisters that are kind and beautiful, a selfless mom who’s my best friend and a loving father who would do anything to help me.

I don’t bring up my bio dad until several months into the relationship. The dynamics on his side of the family weren’t right, and I wasn’t treated well whenever I was forced to visit him. I felt like he stole time away from my real family. When i decided I didn’t want him in my life anymore, the relationship with that whole side of the family ended. There’s cousins and aunts and uncles that I miss. I never got to say goodbye to my dog there, who has long passed. That’s what hurts me the most because it felt like the German Shepard was the only living being in that home that was genuinely happy to see me and protected me. My bio dad would just let me swim in the backyard pool unattended while I was 6- He wasn’t even home, just the dog in the yard. I really think if anything happened that dog would have saved me. I think about her all the time and I loved her so much.

But I’ve never brought that up to my boyfriend, and it’s been well over a year of us being together. He’s disclosed plenty of family trauma to me (long story short- his parents sucked). I just don’t feel the need to. Maybe I never will. Kinda like how cats go their whole lives never enjoying a belly rub lol. I just don’t want to let someone in in that way. Maybe when we’re married and I want a German Shepard I’ll tell him because he doesn’t like those dogs and doesn’t understand why I love them the way I do.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2021-11-15T16:46:22+00:00

I lost track of the number of men who would hear that I wasn't open to s@x until I knew them well and had an emotional bond and immediately faked sympathy and said some variation of, "Oh. I'm so sorry. When were you r@ped?"

:o WHAT?! Never.

"Oh. Was your dad ... you know?"

"I'm texting him now. He's awesome. He never missed a piano recital when I was little."

Predators going to predatate, I guess. They're looking for the injured gnu trailing the pack that they can take down with less effort.

melympia · 2021-11-15T09:47:01+00:00

Then a scrote asks me about my family on OLD. I decide to lie: my family supports me and we have a great, loving relationship.

He proceeded to NAG THE FUCK OUT OF ME for not having daddy issues. "I usually do not get along well with people like this"

So, he doesn't usually get along with women who have a great relationship with their family. He literally told you that he's a creep who wants a helpless she-victim he can terrorize to his heart's content because she has nowhere else to go.

Edited to get the quote just right...

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-11-15T14:43:21+00:00

That’s honestly so scary. You avoided a major bullet. I’m sure he would have pretended to be soo understanding to run a game on you. Good for you!!

ChamomileTea97 · 2021-11-15T14:13:41+00:00

I think women, especially, shouldn’t reveal anything about their dysfunctional family members as you never know who you are vulnerable to. I think once a guy has been there for a while (years in my opinion) and shows he’s committed to you that it’s okay to reveal the truth

Closeted_desk · 2021-11-15T14:55:01+00:00

I genuinely think it’s a big red flag if men ask lots of questions or push to know about private matters (past relationships/ your body image/ family) because they will usually try and use it to know how to push your buttons. Or they do it to see what they can get away with. Information like this has to be earned

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2021-11-15T15:51:14+00:00

I have DEFINATELY notice their face drop when you say you come from a secure, loving home. I remember one saying essentially alluding to it. He was a total weirdo lawyer guy with serious issues.

It is so SAD that they want to go with woman who are vulnearable to exploit them.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-15T10:36:18+00:00

...Not sharing the most intimate and personal details about one's family life with complete strangers is considered deliberate deception by men now? I thought this was just what people did. Being vulnerable when there's no established connection and trust is unnatural.

bubblegum-brat · 2021-11-15T15:12:50+00:00

I just came here from another thread about fathers and this hits home so hard for me. My mother and brothers are awesome, but my father is an abusive, narcissistic, drug-addicted misogynist with MAJOR mental health issues. He and my mother are still married and living together (which truly kills me inside because she is an angel and he treats her like shit) and it casts a black cloud over the rest of the family.

I've been in therapy for years and I think I am finally at a point where I manage boundaries well. I've cut my father out of my life completely but maintain pretty healthy relationships with my mom and my brothers.

But I could totally see men trying to take advantage of the trauma surrounding my dad. I never really thought about trying to hide this part of my life from potential partners. I've always taken the tact of making dark jokes to reveal information about my family. But now that I think about it, that's a pretty undignified/uncomfortable thing to do. Not Queen behavior at all.

This is another really helpful example of why I need to limit access to my spirit. No one gets to know my inner world unless they've proven themselves to be trustworthy, respectful, gentle, and compassionate.

Competitive_Bar8657 · 2021-11-15T19:07:43+00:00

LVM on OLD are preying on vulnerable women!!!

They snoop around figuring out if you have family issues, mental issues, money issues, any issues.

They want validation and attention from lots of women that they don't care about

anadreamy2 · 2021-11-15T16:59:40+00:00

Questions like this should be asked after you went on some dates and already know each other quite a bit. And even then you don’t have the obligation to share about this if you don’t want to, specially if it involves some form of trauma for you. People should be careful about asking personal like this to someone you barely know and I see this as an attempt to force intimacy but trust is something you have to build with the person over time and show them that they can trust you.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-15T19:18:20+00:00

So he wanted a girl with family issues like him sonhe can trauma bond? Not happening

jayda92 · 2021-11-15T15:58:21+00:00

Now imagine what would have happened if I told him the truth about my family? Lie, lie and lie, a HVM will forgive you and understand you later on.

Preach it sis' ❤️

My man is a major catch, and he also told me (when I had to confess my shitty fam): if I tell a girl my dysfunctional family story right away, she will not understand me and/or use it against me. It's better to keep your guard up a little bit and see what they're made of.

thelionmermaid · 2021-11-15T15:34:29+00:00

what a schmuck

Altowhovian93 · 2021-11-15T19:11:18+00:00

If people ask, I say I don’t get to see my family much and then I change the subject. For context, my mother is mentally ill and I haven’t talked to my dad in 10 years. If they keep pressing I say I’m not comfortable talking about it, it’s none of their business and I end the conversation. Flat out lying about bad family situations does not gain you in the long run. You have to keep track of lies and it makes what you say suspect later, because you lied. I feel like this is part of female socialization where we just can’t flat out say no, we have to say something nice ish.

Normalize telling people to stay out of what isn’t their business!!!

Please note this is different from giving a random creep a fake number up make him go away. If you are trying to create a long term relationship with someone, don’t lie. Just say you don’t talk about [insert topic] until you’ve known people for a while. FDS talks about vetting mens family’s to see the dynamics before committing, any HVM worth his salt will do the same to you to see if he wants to marry into that.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-11-16T02:40:42+00:00

Yes!!!!!

For a long time Idk want to say about my family too, but I think lying about family drama is a good way to go.

There are so much predators on OLD who feed off of vulnerability. I’m so glad I’m not the only one to see this.

Title	The importance of lying about your disfunctional family
Author	chamomilepill
Upvotes	502
Comments	31
Date	November 15, 2021 1:11 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qu4egy/the_importance_of_lying_about_your_disfunctional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-importance-of-lying-about-your-disfunctional.1084033 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084033

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