Why I don't date "nice" guys

fireforestfairy · 2020-12-11T05:47:43+00:00

[deleted]

intergalacticanon44 · 2020-12-11T06:31:03+00:00

I think anyone who insists that they are one thing almost always tend to be the very opposite of that thing

aliengames666 · 2020-12-11T08:37:43+00:00

I fell into this trap at some point when as a gay girl I started dating girls. I didn’t realize that the problem wasn’t that I was “nice”, it was that I was obviously insecure/people pleasing/trying to convince women I was something/not setting boundaries/etc. and those characteristics ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE TO ANYONE.

Once I settled into being my full, authentic self, it was a lot easier to find girls who wanted to date me and the whole “women don’t like nice people” thing started to slip away.

Nice is just the most boring base level characteristic anyone could have anyway. It’s not definitive enough to be the reason someone rejects you. That men blame rejection on being “nice” is really disgusting because it makes it the woman’s fault they aren’t desired (instead of taking a good honest look at themselves) while also like validating in their minds that they’re great people, or that they deserve something in exchange for being “nice”.

Pahapan · 2020-12-11T05:56:31+00:00

And most asshole boyfriends/husbands don't start out that way. They're smart enough to put on an act until the woman catches feelings, then they'll start dropping the façade and catch her up in a trauma bond.

OutlandishnessTiny14 · 2020-12-11T09:56:22+00:00

Totally, plus “niceness” has been used as a tool to manipulate women into compliance with men’s expectations of them and tolerate their bullshit since ever. Whenever a guy I’ve turned down then turns around and says I’m not “nice” it’s always meant “not compliant” or “not willing to look past my shitty behaviour”. Every. Single. Effing. Time.

It’s a word I try to eradicate from my vocabulary altogether because it’s empty.

amyanubis · 2020-12-11T10:58:05+00:00

Nice people don't go around announcing how nice they are. I've looked in to statement analysis and for example if a man tells the police or anyone else that he is "just a normal married man" he's most likely a paedophile or something as dark. It's a red flag as either he himself knows or has been told that he's not "normal". I'd urge all women to look up Peter Hyatt a statement analysis expert on YouTube so you may be armed with more weapons against these monsters.

juju0716 · 2020-12-11T12:14:17+00:00

Do not trust self proclaimed nice guys. Elliot Rodgers was a mass murderer who considered himself a "nice guy". He was a virgin and he was resentful towards women for choosing other men, not him, and hated women for not liking nice guys like himself. He called himself a "supreme gentlemen". And just based on my personal experience, the ones who consider themselves a nice guy are incels and many of them are actually even more sick minded.

ksprayred · 2020-12-11T07:41:00+00:00

Said more succinctly: “nice” isn’t a personality trait, it’s a strategy

Cool-Fill9819 · 2020-12-11T08:30:15+00:00

My older brother is the perfect definition of a NiCe GuY.

The dude was texting me on the phone for over an hour on how women will choose "hood guys" instead of him. I mean that's a no brainer when he has nothing to show. Never pursued academia or any technical skills; is completely dependent on my parents; a full-ass MOMMAS BOY; doesn't cook (that I know of); has been unemployed for a LONG time now -- and shows no signs or interest of getting a job.

When I made that known to him. The dude went hay-wire he insulted me on the school I am currently attending for grad school (since it's not highly recognized) and proceeds to say how all his friends have way better-paying jobs than me and have no college credentials to show. Only if he were to actually follow the lead of his friends.

The dude has been chasing women forever and has yet to find one. I mean grow-up GROWN ASS MAN.

I am so done, so done with this man child. Sad thing is my parents enable his behavior.

Softrito · 2020-12-11T07:58:17+00:00

Covert narcissist I presume fall into this category

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2020-12-11T14:30:55+00:00

That's my hard and fast rule; if "nice" means "doesn't beat women, and doesn't cheat", that's not EVEN the bare minimum. Usually these "nice guys" do end up cheating and laying their hands on women, and the ones that don't end up verbally and psychologically abusing women. I dated a "nice guy" (not the neckbeard type) when I was younger and naive. Didn't hit me, but boy did his tongue wound worse than any knife could cut. I couldn't do anything right. His constant stream of abuse threw me into a deep depression and lead me to give up playing guitar, singing, writing, and art. And he cheated. Turns out he had a rotation of women because "I'm the nice guy who's friends with all his exes". Didn't last more than 9 months. 1/10 would not recommend. Also, I'll give him a 1 star on DickAdvisor.

DoversBlue · 2020-12-11T16:21:50+00:00

An actual quote by Gavin Becker, who wrote a book called, The Gift of Fear to help people identify potential abusers, that I live by:

"We must teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning."

YgirlYB · 2020-12-11T07:50:49+00:00

I don't know if I'm doing mental gymnastics here, but doesn't proclaiming you are nice to someone and expecting admiration for that presuppose their subservience? Like, oh the guy is nice to animals how sweet = that guy is nice to women? Sorry it's early here 😁

2020-12-11T06:19:06+00:00

[deleted]

szuszik4 · 2020-12-11T17:12:51+00:00

To "nice guys", nice isn't even a personality trait, it's a manipulation strategy. I unfortunately know multiple men like that who have straight up admitted to my face that they pretend to be kind and to be into the same politics and hobbies as the girl they're interested in, even if they personally hate the girls hobbies and beliefs and look down on them, so that she will be more likely to have sex with them/get in a relationship with them. And these men think that lying to someone to get sex and a relationship from them is "nice" and "loving" behaviour. Absolute psychopaths.

"Nice guys" are angry and stewing with resentment because they put in all this effort into lying and pretending to be someone else, only for it to turn out to be fruitless. Legitimately nice people don't do this, and "nice guys" are easy to detect because whether they like it or not their masks keep on slipping and it's relatively easy to pick up on them. They're bitter because they wish they were like the more "successful" psychopathic and sociopathic men who are good at manipulation and lying. This is why red pill garbage and pua bullshit is so popular amongst men like this, they want to learn how to manipulate women more efficiently. They don't actually give a single fuck about being nice, or being good people, they only care about themselves and their nasty smegma encrusted dicks. They're solipsistic, selfish, and entitled.

ChonkyCatzPlz · 2020-12-11T11:02:15+00:00

I gave a "nice guy" a chance. Turned out he was pornsick, couldn't wipe his ass properly and supported Trump

Nice my ass

jenhenfofen · 2020-12-11T07:49:38+00:00

My husband...soon-to-be-ex-husband is a nice guy.

Ugh.

-pop-fizz-clink · 2020-12-11T16:00:01+00:00

If you're telling me you're nice, instead of showing it... Just yikes.

Women are not vending machines. You don't put Nice Tokens and have sex come out.

I love this, because nice is NOT a personality trait. Nice is the bare minimum. I love that this was indicated.

Nice ≠ kind, empathetic.. etc.

GreytracksuitPants · 2020-12-11T08:18:27+00:00

When you are a “Nice” person you look to go out of your way to be nice and let everyone know how nice you are, when you don’t get any of what you seek in return for being nice are you still really that nice?

LadyGrimes · 2020-12-11T09:42:51+00:00

"nice" is just an act to get you into bed with them.

berned-out · 2020-12-11T16:14:04+00:00

Men and boys, always trying to talk their way out of work and self improvement.

OPEN A BOOK AND LEARN HOW TO PLEASE PEOPLE, fellas. This is the way to what you seek.

BasieSkanks · 2020-12-11T20:59:28+00:00

My ex would always say he was a nice guy and that it was unfair he couldn't get women. This "nice guy":

Raped me in my sleep
Pressured me into an abortion and threatened to kill me if I did not get one
Wanted to sleep with one of my friends, knowing she was in a relationship
Guilt tripped me into swallowing his nasty cum
Refused to pay his share of the accommodation fee when I rented an apartment to visit him in his country.

So yeah. Fuck nice guys.

PasDeTout · 2020-12-11T16:27:49+00:00

If you have to tell people you’re nice, you’re not that nice.

Also nice is a lot more than not doing horrible things: thinking you’re nice because you don’t beat women up or rape them is a pretty low bar to set yourself.

2020-12-11T18:37:48+00:00

Most men fantasize about bullying women, as a gender rule of thumb.

Being "nice-ish" in general means nothing, even if he is kinda nice-ish to his buds and strangers.

When it comes down to nuts and bolts, we will be disrespected within a relationship.

daisy_0720 · 2020-12-11T19:43:44+00:00

Nice Guys are a particularly frustrating breed to deal with, because while your run-of-the-mill fuckboy will at least probably admit he's an asshole or not good for you, Nice Guys lack even that level of self-awareness. They've convinced themselves that they're 'nice', ergo, nothing they ever do is wrong. They will never admit fault or be accountable for their actions. Everything is always someone else's fault. God forbid you suggest that their behavior is the reason they got dumped or are perpetually single. Nope, that can't it be it, it's all the fault of the cruel woman that broke his heart and didn't appreciate his pure, Nice Guy ~~dick~~ soul!

LegallyParis · 2020-12-11T06:30:25+00:00

Truer words have never been spoken.

smilodon91 · 2020-12-11T22:38:55+00:00

These days "nice guy" = one who hasn't committed any serious crimes.

SayNad · 2020-12-11T16:29:51+00:00

NiceGuy^TM are raging misogynists that thinks women are beneath them and should serve them like king till we are wrung dry, but still look like the perfect sex doll of their dreams. While looking like shrek being punched in the face 132788 times. And literally have zero attractive traits - unless you are attracted to a whiny manchild.

At least jocks and chads got the looks and the stamina to go with their douche-ness, and can intimidate other guys in public setting so you are less likely to be harassed.

What can NiceGuy^TM do for us?

saint-jezebel · 2020-12-11T18:14:32+00:00

It’s the giant bag of dicks for me.

forgivemefashion · 2020-12-15T04:50:45+00:00

Dickity dick dick dickwad

Title	Why I don't date "nice" guys
Author	sillychickengirl
Upvotes	2637
Comments	65
Date	December 11, 2020 4:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kaw4wf/why_i_dont_date_nice_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-i-dont-date-nice-guys.568755 https://theredarchive.com/post/568755

Comments