Would this be considered a pick me mindset? I used to think this way when I was a pick me. When I stopped caring about or catering to the male gaze, I stopped wanting male attention all together. Especially while minding my business.

tea-pickles · 2021-04-27T08:29:00+00:00

I’m guessing this is just pushed by media, that stereotypical scene where a girl is mysteriously staring out the window and some knight in shining armour notices and falls in love with them.

It’s all part of that fairytale they’re trying to push when in reality situations like these don’t exist.

I’ve fallen in the trap of thinking like this myself, because it’s fun to fantasise and imagine a nicer reality where romance does abundantly exist.

throwaway5634907 · 2021-04-27T13:05:06+00:00

Plugging this quote even though it has been brought up many times on FDS: “Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.” - Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride. I would say this is an unconscious pickme mindset, but it’s written in us so deeply that it can be very hard to get rid of. I would say to just be conscious of it, to notice the urge and watch it without judgement, while keeping in mind that your worth as a woman is much deeper than how many heads you turn.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-27T10:55:13+00:00

I think like this when I dress up, then I become really aware of how I look. I check in mirrors and window reflections to make sure I still look “good”. I also feel strangely “naked” even if the clothes aren’t revealing. And like my security blanket is gone.

But when I wear baggy/ unflattering clothes I really don’t give a fuck.

How can I enjoy expressing myself through fashion without being weirdly self conscious?

Devils_Tango · 2021-04-27T08:10:58+00:00

I’ve noticed that I often do this automatically. I definitely am hyper-aware of the male gaze and in the middle of wanting to be noticed realize what I’m thinking and get really frustrated/disgusted with myself for craving the attention. Anyone have tips on how to deprogram my brain??

apple_cores · 2021-04-27T10:06:26+00:00

At first glance I thought it meant like physically warm like she was stuck in the car with the windows rolled up lol.

And no, never when I was in the car cus I have tinted windows and do not want to be bothered while driving. But when I’d be out shopping or at school, sure that thought would cross my mind. We are definitely conditioned to look and dress for male validation. It’s great when you don’t care about that anymore and dress for yourself.

emptiness1017 · 2021-04-27T12:18:03+00:00

I’ve been in my car driving and at a stop had someone honk their horn to get my attention to tell me I was beautiful.

I locked my door and quickly drove off. I was genuinely scared.

I don’t see how that isn’t a bit scary to everyone. Why do you want some stranger approaching you?

msinclaire · 2021-04-27T20:28:34+00:00

I used to travel a lot for work and always fantasized about meeting a handsome man in the airport, getting on the flight and sitting together while getting to know each other and dating at our destination.

I mostly ended up sitting next to crying children or snoring old men.

nahradfam · 2021-04-27T08:42:06+00:00

Honestly I see that image I assume she's locked in and looking for help

catandalady9 · 2021-04-27T12:50:41+00:00

I used to unrealistically think this way lol, and I’m glad to say I’ve come a long way since. Have the mindset of wanting to impress myself above all else, and honestly lifting up other women that put in effort to look/dress nice when I’m out.

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-27T07:49:56+00:00

Hm. Yeah ? 😅 I guess ?

I'm genuinely confused that there's people who actually think this (no diss) any day of their lives. Just weird/alien to me (yes I'm a nerd I think, and defs long before it became cool. Socially unaware for the longest time).

CuntWaffe · 2021-04-27T11:04:42+00:00

I wouldn't say so. To me, a pickme goes out of their way to cater to all men, especially if it means trashing other women in the process.

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-04-28T21:23:39+00:00

I've sat on this post for a couple days and I think finally gathered my thoughts on it.

In short, no, I don't think this is a "pick me" mindset in and of itself. It could definitely feed into unhealthy tendencies on wrong person, but I feel that the desire to be noticed is a very human emotion. People have been showing out since 8000 BC when we realized that some rocks were shinier than other rocks.

In addition, some people have mentioned dressing one way or another and since it's a topic that comes up every so often here I'll add my thoughts. Do what you want. No, really, do whatever the fuck you want whether it's miniskirts or sweatpants. Policing the way you dress to try and dodge the male gaze is as little of a win as dressing to cater to it. You're still letting scrotes live in your noggin rent free.

VanessaViews · 2021-04-28T00:17:03+00:00

No just no. I wish I had an invisible cloak whenever I go out in public like 90% of the time.

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