27 and getting divorced.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-08-16T21:28:40+00:00

Give them nothing until you talk to a lawyer. They are fishing to see if you have any money or assets she doesn't know about. A year of marriage with no shared assets or children should be pretty painless for you

Traditional_life98 · 2023-08-16T21:54:21+00:00

Don’t talk or say anything until you clear it with your lawyer first. No matter how small it might seem. They can try to use anything you say against you.

Sorry you are going through this, I hope the best for you and that it works out the best way possible!

ehWoc · 2023-08-16T23:16:25+00:00

Don't know the laws in your country, but how does she need any of that if you don't have children together?

Pablo_the_cat · 2023-08-16T21:47:39+00:00

Dude.. Lawyer, now!!! You don't engage with her or her lawyer in any way, what so ever. You have a professional, a good one, deal with it on your behalf. A woman, married for one year? I mean how bad could it be? Something tells me very, very, very bad.. These special needs children are catered to in every aspect there is known, in society. Protect yourself.

iceborg71 · 2023-08-17T01:40:14+00:00

If everything was that simple you and her could have done the divorce without lawyers. The fact that she has a lawyer means you must get a lawyer now before anything happens.

killerwerewolfdaddy · 2023-08-17T04:12:42+00:00

Wives in a divorce situation can get a lot meaner than we give them credit for. I found out the hard way.

Get the best attorney you can afford .

Good luck .

Arvis1983 · 2023-08-17T03:49:13+00:00

I have a friend who is going through something similar, he even lawyered up.

He’s an idiot though, and keeps getting lured back in by her… every time she burns him with his own weakness

Lawyer up as you have been told, but also stop speaking to her, her friends, and her family

If you have “friends” that are in touch with both of you, cut them out too until things are final

mydadisnotyourdad · 2023-08-17T06:01:12+00:00

Lawyer up. Delete social media. Hit the gym. Shut the fuck up.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-08-17T04:04:50+00:00

We own nothing together, no joint bank accounts, no house and no kids she doesn't even have my last name.

consider yourself very lucky.

mvong123 · 2023-08-16T23:48:19+00:00

Lawyer up, asap!

Uncle_Touchy1987 · 2023-08-16T21:55:35+00:00

Stop direct communication with her immediately. Only communicate through a lawyer. She is now actively performing recon to scour you for any remaining resources. She is bitter and hates you and wants revenge for 11 years she may consider wastes. Guard yourself. Have your phone with you at all times. Record if she acts out.

1837-1980 · 2023-08-16T21:58:07+00:00

Always talk to a lawyer first. And make sure you get a good one cause some can screw you over.

Also I am sorry that you are getting divorce. I hope it wasn’t abusive. I have never liked divorce or thought it was good unless it was abusive in some way.

I hope you are well. How are you taking it?

planned_serendipity1 · 2023-08-17T04:11:14+00:00

It may not be an option after a year but when you talk to a lawyer ask about an annulment. That might be advantageous. My brother did that and it worked out well for him.

throweezus · 2023-08-16T23:25:12+00:00

Lawyer. Speak through lawyer only. They are probably entitled to that info, but everything should be ran through your lawyer.

Probably looking to calculate alimony or wanting you to pay her lawyer bills

MusicFinal · 2023-08-17T02:24:42+00:00

Lawyer Up ASAP! Stop talking to them solo.

Fun-Faithlessness569 · 2023-08-16T21:27:08+00:00

1 year? damn dude.

ReaperManX15 · 2023-08-16T23:53:25+00:00

You are under no legal obligation to give her lawyers any information.
They’re not criminal lawyers.
That means, they’re just guys.

lewandisney69 · 2023-08-17T00:42:21+00:00

Hire a lawyer and only do what your lawyer tells you to do. Whenever they want you to do something, just tell them to contact your lawyer.

Anyways since you own nothing, barely been married for a year, I honestly have faith you won’t get fucked in court.

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2023-08-17T00:48:40+00:00

You should get a lawyer. Yes, it will cost you money, but significantly less than having no defense at all.

BEEZ128 · 2023-08-17T01:22:10+00:00

Brother, you need to lawyer up right away. DO NOT communicate to her or her lawyer in any way AT ALL, until you have a lawyer on your case. Reading your other comments, she doesn’t deserve anything more from you. Do what famous footballer Achraf Hakimi did, and put any assets you own into your mothers (or fathers) name, or close family who have your back if you can. If you talk to an accountant, there may also be additional ways to secure your income as well. Trusts, foundations and things like that may be an option. She doesn’t deserve a dime more from you brother, reach out to me if you want to chat more or need some support.

p3ngwin · 2023-08-17T02:35:20+00:00

SS, yearly income

HAHAHA no fuck off.

Marvelous_dahhhling · 2023-08-17T05:04:42+00:00

Damn, only a year!

Get a lawyer, inform yourself of all your options, develop a strategy and let your lawyer handle all the proceedings. Never handle anything without a lawyer.

DiversityIsDivisive · 2023-08-16T22:23:33+00:00

Next time pick a girl who wants your last name...

Hitman322 · 2023-08-17T00:17:22+00:00

Definitely lawyer up like yesterday. It should NOT be a difficult divorce since you don't share many assets, kids, etc. But her lawyer is working for HER. You need someone on your side. Do NOT communicate with her lawyer or her for that matter. Get a lawyer and communicate through him. Record and document EVERYTHING. It probably won't be that expensive. Also, ask your lawyer about annulment.

Also, in my experience, the first thing lawyers do on behalf of the woman is go after your assets and money. It likely won't go anywhere, but they start with that in an attempt to scare you and put you on your heels at the start of negotiations.

somebullshitorother · 2023-08-17T04:11:22+00:00

Always lawyer up

PunctuallyExcellent · 2023-08-17T04:16:14+00:00

Don’t forget to update here what happens. 👀

WhiteAirforc3s · 2023-08-17T06:18:18+00:00

Better call Saul

Ill-Truck-8077 · 2023-08-17T06:49:39+00:00

Talk to an attorney as fast as you can and follow his instructions.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. She's no longer a "friend"

BlueeyeswhiteNoah · 2023-08-17T07:27:59+00:00

Lawyer up, shut up.

nhlfod21 · 2023-08-17T00:11:23+00:00

I’ve been divorced twice. You both have the right to a full accounting of each other’s assets. That doesn’t give her any additional claim on the assets, but she has the right to know what they are. You have the same right to ask her for a complete accounting of any of her assets. This process is called “discovery” and it is standard. If you don’t turn over bank records when asked, for example, if she knows where you bank they will simply ask the bank for them and the bank WILL turn them over.

This doesn’t mean you have to be cooperative however. Give the minimal amount demanded, then if asked for more, say you are in the process of gathering it and delay the process as long as possible to wear her out of paying her attorney so much.

Shdwfalcon · 2023-08-17T00:15:10+00:00

Lawyer up ASAP.

Most importantly: NEVER EVER communicate to her! Let your lawyer do the communication and dealings. Your lawyer will know what to say, and what information to provide. Do NOT speak to or give any information to the other party (includes your ex-wife, her legal team, and basically everyone else except your lawyer) in any form or manner.

JCgamerX · 2023-08-17T01:05:52+00:00

talk to a lawyer and give nothing

Atheist_Bale_ · 2023-08-17T01:08:24+00:00

LAWYER UP!

Her attorney can talk to your attorney.

subavgredditposter · 2023-08-17T02:21:47+00:00

Lawyer up and cut off contact with her and her lawyer

After you get a lawyer that is how conversations will be conducted between the two of you.

Best of luck to you.

KelVarnsenIII · 2023-08-17T03:01:41+00:00

Check your state Identity theft laws, this might be breaking them. In my state this protected information. Sadly my idiot lawyer wouldn't stand up for my rights for my information to be protected. Blows me away you've been married a year and she wants this. What does she stand to gain? There will be no spousal support as it's been to short of an amount of time. Seems like you'd be able to go in file for divorce, have a single hearing and end it.

Za__guy · 2023-08-17T03:49:03+00:00

It's one year

What is she gona take anyway?

TheSkyIsBeautiful · 2023-08-17T04:35:19+00:00

everybody has given you good advice already. I just want to start the discussion of how/why this happened? It makes no sense that you guys were literally together for 10 years, so happy and content with each other that you guys married a year ago. And then 1 year after signing a piece of paper someone wants a divorce. Was it a build up? was marriage trying to save the relationship?

arequipapi · 2023-08-17T06:26:18+00:00

I know everyone here is mostly bitter and wants you to go nuclear on her. I'll give you my experience. It's not gospel, just my experience.

I got divorced after only a year and a half of marriage as well. Also when I was young, only 23. We likewise owned nothing of value together. Hell, her car was still registered under her maiden name.

Just talk to her first. You're young, she knows you don't have much. Appeal to her human side and just divy up the belongings fairly. In my case, we kept anything registered in our own names (like vehicles). I got the Playstation, she got the TV, I gave her the furniture because I never really liked it anyway. I got the dog (because she was the cheater). Etc etc

At the end of the day humans are humans. Regardless of who is at fault, she's as scared shitless as you are. You guys are kids. She got a lawyer probably because one of her bitter single friends told her to. Don't assume she's out to ruin you right away. But if you escalate it can go there. And men don't win in court

I'm 95% sure, regardless of fault, she got a lawyer because someone recommended it. You guys own nothing, you have nothing to give her. She's scared and trying to protect herself. Put on your big boy pants and have a personal negotiation over your belongings. The only person trying to screw you is her lawyer because they want a commission

Divorce lawyers are nothing but scummy ambulance chasers. Your best bet is to convince her to drop any legal action.

kuzism · 2023-08-17T09:51:17+00:00

Modern women want weddings but they don't want to be wives. If you make more money than her you may have to pay a few months of alimony depending on where you live. Here is an alimony calculator. https://www.maritallaws.com/alimony-calculator

Smacktardius · 2023-08-17T10:33:52+00:00

Yes, talk to a lawyer first. Otherwise, you may get fucked.

2M3GM4 · 2023-08-17T13:02:49+00:00

Speaking from a British perspective, lawyer up and your testicular fortitude will take care of the rest. I got divorced at 29 and it was the best decision I ever made, at the time it was painful but you get over it pretty quick. Find something to occupy your mind, take up a new hobby etc, you’ll be fine bro!

doctorstrangexX · 2023-08-17T16:07:24+00:00

I'm sorry your going through this, I don't understand how her lawyer needs all that if no kids are in the picture and everything else. Should be a easier than those that do share everything. I wouldn't talk to her till you talk to a lawyer they'll know more.

Wewinky · 2023-08-17T00:11:53+00:00

Her lawyer is trying to extract every penny from her as they can. Also she and her lawyer are the enemies', treat them as such.

FeelingEar9604 · 2023-08-17T05:12:39+00:00

You're one lucky SOB

TheFlyingSlothMonkey · 2023-08-17T11:42:06+00:00

Be smart and get a lawyer. Asking for legal advice on Reddit is a mistake.

Intelligent-Term · 2023-08-17T02:52:38+00:00

I'm sorry to say this, but you'll probably get screwed.

The first thing a divorce lawyer does is file 'discovery'. That means that you are under a court order to divulge ALL assets and possessions. If you attempt to hide any, you can be held in contempt of court and jailed/fined.

I went through a divorce rape in one of the reddest states in the US. So being in a conservative state didn't help.

Also, if your wife is not a college graduate and is not currently working, you might have to pay her alimony. The only way I escaped alimony is that my wife had a Master's degree.

Try to find a good lawyer, but it probably won't do you any good. There is a template that all divorce lawyers follow. They eat lunch together. They're besties. They're scum. Their sole purpose is to keep the couple fighting over money and assets while they laugh their way to the bank charging exorbitant legal fees.

I wish you luck.

Past_Atmosphere21 · 2023-08-17T00:57:23+00:00

Is she a good person and wants an amicable divorce or do you have a feeling she is being sneaky? Either way, since your asking this question, it sounds like you doubt her honesty, so talk to a lawyer.

Old_Payment_4335 · 2023-08-17T02:09:44+00:00

Plan some cocaine in our car and have someone call anonymously get her ass arrested

slipkid556 · 2023-08-17T06:05:01+00:00

Give them nothing without a court order.

EvidencePlz · 2023-08-17T10:28:29+00:00

Disrespectfully tell her lawyer to piss off

denvercaniac · 2023-08-17T00:40:54+00:00

Absolutely lawyer up.

duhdatguy · 2023-08-17T00:41:28+00:00

If you can consult with every lawyer in the area so she can’t find one to represent her because of conflict of interest. Most law firms keep a record of all consults and if you’ve talked to one about the case they won’t represent her.

Minimum_Direction_43 · 2023-08-17T01:47:59+00:00

Get a good lawyer. Most likely she is trying to take you to the cleaners and get alimony for life. You have only been married for a year. It will be hard for her to claim she lives a certain lifestyle. She is only due what you GAINED during the marriage. Therefore if you income is the same as it was a year ago she should get nothing.

Wpns_Grade · 2023-08-17T02:00:38+00:00

You should be alright. It’s a good thing you don’t have kids or anything else. The worst case I could see is alimony

tgr3947 · 2023-08-17T03:04:13+00:00

File first! If she already hasn't. Gives you an upper hand. A divorce is a lawsuit. The one who files first is who makes the demands. If you File first you're a plaintiff, if you're the responder you're a defendant.

ReplacementPersonal9 · 2023-08-17T07:55:38+00:00

Is she working ? Is she educated and to what level . These things will come into play if she's looking for maintenance under crpc 125 also I don't know your situation but try to find out if there's someone else she's seeing if yes gather hard evidence (you can google ) and present them in court . If that's not the case or you can't gather evidence, try to keep up on her daily life , if she marries some else after this you are not liable for maintenance but I don't think she'll willfully disclosure if and when she's planning to do it .

Rionat · 2023-08-17T16:09:02+00:00

As others have already pointed out. I won’t repeat the advice but I would like to discuss the most likely scenario. It seems this will be a relatively simple divorce with no real assets to split. If she has a lot of student debt make sure your lawyer tries his best to make that her responsibility only. Be completely honest with your lawyer and follow everything your lawyer tells you to do. A lot of issues arise because people don’t disclose everything to their lawyer or don’t follow their lawyers instructions. This is basically Simon Says the extreme irl version. If your lawyer tells you to jump you jump.

Zealousideal-Edge-40 · 2023-08-17T16:27:01+00:00

That should be obvious that you shouldnt proceed on anything unless advised by your own lawyer

JoeyBellef · 2023-08-17T16:53:08+00:00

Don’t give her a thing. Being together for one year at that age doesn’t give her the right to support. I would apply for an annulment.

CawlinAlcarz · 2023-08-17T17:03:44+00:00

Get a lawyer.

It's unlikely there will be much she can do to attack your personal assets after only a year of marriage, but you should have a lawyer advise you.

The only advice you should take seriously from this subreddit or any other here is that you should get a lawyer yourself.

LetsTalkFV · 2023-08-17T17:31:26+00:00

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but is this an acrimonious divorce - as in bitter and no window for reasoned and reasonable discussion? Is this a case of you hating each other now, or more that you just can't get along enough to remain married? Of course, everyone's divorce is contentious, but some people can be reasonable through it, others just can't.

My parents went through a 'War of the Roses)' divorce - mainly because of my mother's actions. I vowed I would never be in that kind of a situation. So when my marriage broke down (3 years together) my ex-husband and I did our own divorce - no lawyers, filled out and filed our own paperwork, went in together as a couple to file it with the clerk. They were all staggered, said it was so rare to see and commended us. Practically gave us a standing ovation.

Not painless, not easy, but in comparison to what I hear about, whew. We should never have been married and wanted different things - but that doesn't mean we needed to be dicks about it. It's my suspicion that there are more people out there than you'd suspect who'd want to be like my ex and I, except there isn't anyone whispering in their ears that there are alternatives. That there are ways to get through this with minimum pain and drama.

Not to excuse your soon to be ex, but is it possible she was influenced to do that against her better judgement? You're kind of in shock during a marriage break-down, and more inclined to follow strong advice that may not be in anyone's best long term interests. In my case, at every single turn someone was insisting I get a lawyer - right now, Right Now, RIGHT NOW. I'd had more than my fill of lawyers w my parent's divorce, so just ignored them and could resist that push. But it's incredibly strong, and imo pushes women (both parties really, but especially women) to lawyer up as the only option with nothing out there to help them see alternatives. I say this about a lot of things in modern life, but it really is like a cult movement - I'm always hyper-aware of the sheer tidal wave of voices urging women to see a lawyer IMMEDIATELY, before they've had a chance to collect their thoughts.

You said you practically raised this woman: I hear two possibilities out of that.

1) that if she's come from an abusive or neglectful family she'll likely be more suspectible to being influenced by coercive tactics (e.g. lawyers in general and all the RIGHT NOW voices), and,

2) unless she's an entirely malign character, if she's used to being guided by you that might still be a possibility here, if you guys can get to a better place away from negative influences.

I'm not in any way saying that you shouldn't see a lawyer yourself to protect your interests (you should now that she has), or that either point above is likely. Definitely don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Just be sure first whether it's mainly your wife, or her friends/family, or her lawyer, pushing this, and plan your response accordingly. Interfering family and friends can be dealt with or at least mitigated, but once this is in lawyer territory nobody wins but them. If there are any opportunities at all to be reasonable and step back from lawyer instigated conflict - take advantage of them. If at all possible try to avoid making this a fight between opposing lawyers.

Taser601 · 2023-08-17T20:14:15+00:00

Her attorney shouldn’t ever ask you for anything. Lawyers talk to lawyers not the person in litigation

ShandyFatGirl · 2023-08-17T20:52:39+00:00

How are you doing emotionally? it must be super tough

Puzzled-Fly9550 · 2023-08-17T21:57:04+00:00

You shouldn’t be talking to her lawyer. Your lawyer talks to hers.

toomuchtoofast42 · 2023-08-17T21:59:27+00:00

Hahahahah the first marriage is always a fraud eh? Happened to me too about this age. Seriously who stopped marriage counseling to prevent a lot of us for going down these rabbit holes. You’ll bounce back in a few months and start learning yourself and to love yourself as an individual again. Heck spend as much time as you need to to do that too. I find our generation happened to be a little too co dependent on each other and incomplete and reliant on their significant other for the wrong reasons often leading to unhealthy couplings. Consider this your second rebirth and if it’s anything like mine you will be just fine. Love.

SolutionBig179 · 2023-08-17T22:34:28+00:00

Download screw the bitch a pdf file that will save your life

Appropriate-Ad-8030 · 2023-08-17T22:58:25+00:00

Just listen to your lawyer and get the best one you can….if her lawyer is asking for financial info, she is going to ask for money….I have no idea what state you live in but even if you live in a pro alimony state, for a one year marriage it shouldnt be that bad….however it shows she is going for the throat….DO NOT TRUST HER…DO NOT SPEAK TO HER….LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER

Still_Succotash5012 · 2023-08-17T23:17:05+00:00

Ouch, didn't even take your last name. Did you really think it was ever going to work?

JeffyFan10 · 2023-08-17T23:44:19+00:00

every man should watch and follow this divorce lawyer James Sexton for the cold hard truths about marriage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5z8-9Op2nM

BaconCatBug · 2023-08-18T00:19:46+00:00

You got married. Unless you were forced at gunpoint, this is your own fault. You don't get to stick your dick in a wasp nest and then complain you got stung.

NeonCityNights · 2023-08-20T14:17:01+00:00

Follow the advice in this thread and be extremely guarded with anyone related to your former spouse. Many divorce attorneys are feminist ideologues and they hate men. They have absolutely no regard for justice or fairness of any kind. Instead they are angry spiteful vindictive people who care only about getting your money through the divorce courts.

Be aware that many of these lawyers will "coach" your wife to say the "right things" that will give them the best chance of getting as much money from you as possible i.e. the will coach your wife to claim that you were "abusive" (emotionally, physically, financially) so that they can get a restraining order against you and keep you out of your shared residence, or get a better settlement, etc. Don't let them get away with these lies.

Collect and keep as much records of your communications with your wife as possible especially those that would prove you are not abusive, and that otherwise prove you were a good husband.

LogicalLabia · 2023-08-21T19:04:46+00:00

Lawyer. Now.

fibinachos · 2023-08-27T03:28:51+00:00

Cut off all contact. Her lawyer can communicate with you through your lawyer. That’s it.

Title	27 and getting divorced.
Author	modestben
Upvotes	361
Comments	122
Date	August 16, 2023 9:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/15t2lhg/27_and_getting_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/27-and-getting-divorced.1228734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228734

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