"A friend"

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-03-05T21:32:53+00:00

My female friends usually support me and help me grow to be the best person I can be IDK.

They are also usually pretty talented smart gals. TBF I only have two friends that are girls that I hold close or to the level of real friendship. I have heaps of girl friends who would probably flip the switch and suck my dick if it were that type of relationship but I usually just have them around for social reasons or my friends have or are hooking up with them.

There are two girls I consider on the level of best friend, I hold them to the same standard as my male best friends with the one caveat being they are female and have female tendencies like saying super sweet shit all time etc.

Any chicks I have dated have been chill with them, ones married and the other is usually with a boyfriend.

gunbusterxl · 2019-03-05T22:13:16+00:00

About 40% of my friends are female.

No, their attractiveness doesn't matter. I want to hang out with them, not bang them.

Standards are the same.

If it gets to the point where they're trying to probe me for a relationship/sex, I'll let them know I'm not interested.

With all that said, most people get jealous over stupid shit or see things that aren't there. Hell, just giving a female friend of mine some rides to work has made people suspicious that we were sleeping together on the side. Like WTF, grow up people. Platonic friendships between adults of opposite sex is a very real thing. If you're too immature for one, don't project your insecurities onto others.

TheAlphaChadBluePill · 2019-03-05T21:44:41+00:00

Attractiveness doesn't matter beyond the way that attractiveness matters for everyone, regardless of sex (e.g. I'm not likely to be close friends with an unhygienic frog-man either.)

My standards for female friends also aren't different than my standards for male friends. In fact, some of the behaviors you've described as having a problem with I'd also do with male friends. I have deep conversations with them, text them frequently, hug them, etc.

It's entirely possible for men to have entirely platonic female friends.

EchoZeroEleven · 2019-03-05T23:35:24+00:00

I got plenty of friends, men and women, so I'll take a shot at this.

how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them? Does their attractiveness matter?

I'm slow to relationships, but once I feel myself drawn to them and I catch feelings, then I decide to pursue something beyond friendship. If I don't feel that, I don't do it.

Attractiveness matters, there's never a time where it won't. However when most of your female friends are attractive, it becomes a matter of character and personality.

Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women?

That's different from normal friendship, that relationship-behavior-but-not-actually-in-a-relationship. It's fun and flirty and all (so long as he's not being used for money or whatever), but once he's in a relationship he should limit that drastically in favor of his girl.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-03-05T21:19:20+00:00

They have to be pretty and entertaining. But they aren't really "friends" to begin with.

I haven't found many female friendships in my lifetime that would have my back or be there for me in any meaningful way, and if they did, they became more than just friends or wanted to be.

ascended-cel · 2019-03-05T22:10:11+00:00

But these women that want to insert themselves into your life, text you, have deep talks and hug you after, write really FRIENDLY things all over your social media.... are there any men that have the insight to let them go?

Idk exactly what you mean by "really FRIENDLY things" but this all sounds like a normal friendship to me

Glawen_Clattuc · 2019-03-05T22:49:28+00:00

... how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them?

We hang out; we have a laugh.

I can't really think of any women friends who haven't either been work colleagues first unless they've been friends of those colleagues.

Does their attractiveness matter?

I'm not sure what you mean by this question - do you mean "Are you only hanging out with them because they're good looking?" If that is what you meant, then, no, I'm not only hanging out with them because they're good-looking.

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

While I'm sure you're sure what this means, it's not actually that clear what you mean.

Friends are people who are easy to talk to; who you can have a drink and a laugh with and so on.

There are some differences in the way I am with my male friends as opposed to my female ones and vice versa.

I wouldn't use "standards" to describe what I'm talking about though.

But these women that want to insert themselves into your life, text you, have deep talks and hug you after, write really FRIENDLY things all over your social media....

This I found really interesting, and I know exactly the kind of thing you're talking about here.

What struck me as interesting about this was how typically male the complaint sounded - by which I mean, imagine being the SO of the woman who's always super friendly and super huggy etc. with some other dude who's not them.

Either they go mad with jealousy and break up (or else the whole thing spirals out of control) or, more often, they just let it slide and shrug it off.

are there any men that have the insight to let them go? To cut them off?

If they're really friends, then, No, you can't just let them go and cut them off anymore than you would agree to stop seeing male buddies of yours - why should you?

I mean, sure, if you're drinking with the guys every night while you're SO's left at home then it's a problem - but the problem you have is a far bigger one than your SO having close pals.

But in general, No, you can't go around insisting a man can't stay in contact with his female friends - that just sound nuts.

Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

Again, "What struck me as interesting about this was how typically male the complaint sounded".

But sure, probably some guys do realise this - but they maybe they like it; maybe they like the feeling that someone needs them and depends on them; maybe it fills a hole in their life.

Why is this so common now?

I don't know that it is, really.

But if it is more common, it's because more men work with more women so at some point it's bound to happen.

Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women?

Yes, there are.

But in my experience - and it is just my experience - they've either been fundamentalist religious fruitcakes or just real shithead assholes.

Women who want to treat them like girlfriends, essentially and cuck them in public.

Am I wrong here?

I think you might be, tbh - certainly, it's a very singularly mean and cynical view on what is really just people socialising, hanging out and having a laugh.

guy_24601 · 2019-03-05T23:08:01+00:00

how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them?

Same as for men. Nothing in common = not friends.

If it feels like effort, thats a good clue that somethings wrong.

ChesterRickman · 2019-03-06T00:06:24+00:00

I have female friends and it's usually that I'm more attractive than they are. I know they want to fuck me, so I lead them on a bit, but I'm mostly friends with them because they invite me to parties they throw and this way I can meet their other, potentially more attractive friends and network further. They also validate my ego and support me emotionally like a beta orbiter man would usually do to a girl he likes.

trail22 · 2019-03-06T00:54:43+00:00

I dont do anything with or for my female friends that I wouldnt do for my male friends. I dont mind having deep convos and hugging, but I am blunt. IF you wanna know why you dont have a guy, then I will tell you you gotta lose weight or at least approach and flirt with guys.

Also women dont write all over my social media but lookign back, all the pictures I have when I did stuff were all taken by women who were frieds of mine. I had forgotten half of the stuff I did until I started lookign at my pics taken by female friends.

MY friends who are women are the ones who plan stuff to. They organize. Most of the stuff I do when I am out that are cool was started by a girl organizing and inviting everyone along.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-03-06T20:51:38+00:00

I’m the same OP. Recent generations try to pretend men and women can be super besties and if you’re scandalized, you’re an outdated prude or worse.

Well, yes, it can happen. There can be an exclusive friendship that’s totally platonic, even between heterosexual man and woman. But there are just as many, if not more, that have underlying sexual tension and/or feelings.

I don’t get the cognitive dissonance. People will shriek “what? You don’t want your bf going on a trip around the world with his hot female friend and not you? Control freak! Abuser!”

Then the next week you see on relationship advice: “My bf is on a long trip with his best female friend and not me; I tried super hard to be the cool girl and be super chill and not care, but they slept together” and everyone’s like “you’re an idiot for not realizing.”

CamoWoobie100 · 2019-03-05T21:28:03+00:00

After many bad experiences I have decided not to have female friends. Cut a few off recently. If I'm not fucking, and it's been established that I wont be, I refuse to talk to a woman outside of a professional setting.

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passepar2t · 2019-03-05T21:45:00+00:00

What the fuck are you even asking? Are u jelly of other women or something? This post is a goddamn mess.

MMDT · 2019-03-05T22:43:07+00:00

If I have any desire at all to fuck her then she's not my "friend"

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-05T22:57:35+00:00

how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them?

do i get along well with them? do we have things in common? do i enjoy doing things with them? do we see each other fairly regularly? but mostly does being a friend with them add value to my life or decrease it?

Does their attractiveness matter?

obvs yes, I don't want to spend a lot of time around ugly loser people

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

they're different but similar because men and women are different. with female friends there's a higher chance for drama, but they can also add value in ways that men can't.

But these women that want to insert themselves into your life, text you, have deep talks and hug you after, write really FRIENDLY things all over your social media.... are there any men that have the insight to let them go? To cut them off? Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

that sounds like a very close friend being a very close friend. if i'm in a romantic relationship with a woman who gets jealous and can't deal with the fact that i also have friends who care about me, it's not the friends who are the issue. and if anyone needs to be cut or let go, it's probably the overcontrolling girlfriend.

I've had guys on social media try to post overly familiar things publicly on my timeline when I don't even know them.

those guys are just trying to fuck you by using NiceGuy game. it has absolutely nothing to do with true mixed gender friendship.

Why is this so common now?

because society has decided that men and women should be equal and this includes social contexts. it's not improper or inappropriate for men and women to socialize with each other or be platonic friends with each other.

Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women?

yes, but it's usually either very uptight men who don't understand women well, or men who know that if they become friends with a woman that they will eventually catch feelings so they just avoid the possibility

Women who want to treat them like girlfriends, essentially and cuck them in public.

idk what this even means. and if anyone is getting "cucked" it's the girlfriend of the guy who has a female friend.

most men aren't really capable of truly being friends with women, at least not with attractive women. most men are too thirsty and don't have many options so if they do start getting close to a woman, they'll start trying to fuck her. this ulterior desire for sex means that they can't really be a true friend.

only men who already have an abundance of options keeping them sexually satisfied can truly be friends with women. they can be authentic in the context of friendship because they're not just trying to use the "friendship" as a way to get sex

honestly this whole post just seems like you are very jealous of some other girl who is close friends with a guy you are dating or want to date. or you are jealous of the women who do have the social skills to cultivate friendships with men. so now youy butthurt and want to shit on male-female friendships

bonslytoss · 2019-03-06T07:43:54+00:00

Short answer: I don't have different standards for men or women. I don't believe that having female friends who form a deep connection precludes me having a romantic relationship.

Long answer: My standards for male and female friends are exactly the same. If you are around and nice to me long enough, you are my friend until you give reason otherwise. The big difference is in how I treat my male and female friends. Men typically need mutual respect, mental stimulation, and the occasional favor to consider a friendship "worth it." Women need unconditional support, time spent, and words of affirmation from their friends. Let me give some examples:

A male friend comes to me with a problem; "Here's what you need to do, let me know if you want me to help with that."
A female friend comes to me with a problem; "OMG that's terrible, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Here's a hug and an ice cream sandwich."
A male friend asks for my opinion; "Here's a wild tangent that is meant to make you consider an angle you never even knew existed."
A female friend asks for my opinion; "You have already made a decision, so my opinion doesn't really matter. Now go do what you need to do and I will support you."

Does their attractiveness matter?

Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women? Women who want to treat them like girlfriends, essentially and cuck them in public.

I can't speak for all men, but for me, none of these things even cross my mind. In my life, I have had a female friend with whom I spend more free time with than any of my other friends three times. All three of them treated me like you described, inserting themselves deeply into my life, all while still being platonic, and I loved it. Only two of my male friends have been able to bond so closely with me. I shudder to think what my life would've been like if I'd instead cut out my female friends under the pretense that they were "cucking" me somehow. Friends are so valuable, I don't see how anyone can afford to eliminate half the population from being counted a friend.

cxj · 2019-03-06T07:45:09+00:00

I officially consider people my friends when they’ve stuck their neck out for me when they didn’t have to and I really needed it. Some of these people are women. They aren’t cucking me in public lolol.

Tbh I haven’t had any women take it that badly when I friend zone them. This only happens when their friend asks me about dating them and I’m like nah but don’t hurt their feelings !

rosacanina_ · 2019-03-06T14:08:51+00:00

Does their attractiveness matter?

Nope.

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

Hard to say. It's a different kind of friendship because you guy she girl.

But these women that want to insert themselves into your life, text you, have deep talks and hug you after, write really FRIENDLY things all over your social media.... are there any men that have the insight to let them go? To cut them off? Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

Why is that a hindrance? Because your gf is insecure?

Belugoid · 2019-03-06T14:36:06+00:00

A female friend is just that, a friend. I don't have different "standards" for them, hell I don't even think in terms of standards when it comes to friends. It's just someone I enjoy spending time with. And how is it "cucking"? Do the guys "cuck" their female friends too by dating or sleeping with other women? Do gay men cuck their platonic male friends?

Workaholico · 2019-03-06T15:17:25+00:00

how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them?

Are they lesbian? if yes, then I make them my friend. My only female friends are lesbians.

I have friends with benefits and the likes with heterosexual women. Never only just friends.

Does their attractiveness matter?

Not at all, even when I still had normal heterosexual female friends I couldn't care less. But again, I care little for attractiveness in general.

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

Not much. Just be fun to hang around or have booze. These 2 are the only cut nowadays

are there any men that have the insight to let them go? To cut them off?

Stop talking to them. You can only control what you can do. Behave like they don't exist.

Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

They most probably do realize, they just don't care.

Why is this so common now?

Extrovert culture and friendliness I guess.

Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women?

Most of the manosphere. Women who want to treat them like girlfriends, essentially and cuck them in public.

Am I wrong here?

No.

decoy88 · 2019-03-06T19:19:06+00:00

Men who are friends with women: how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them? Does their attractiveness matter?

I decide I’d rather not fuck them but still enjoy their company. Attractiveness is not a factor.

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

Nop. Exactly the same. I treat everyone equally.

Personally, I prefer a man who has male friends and his female friends are siblings, relatives and spouses of his male friends. Maybe a few women he grew up with that he sees around or meets up with once or twice a year. Maybe one or two he went to college with.

This screams insecurity. I have quite a few female friends and at least half are very hot. Because of this I’ve dealt with many women who let their insecurity, distrust and paranoia from their previous relationships spill over and ruin their current v

But these women that want to insert themselves into your life, text you, have deep talks and hug you after, write really FRIENDLY things all over your social media.... are there any men that have the insight to let them go? To cut them off? Do you not realize that this is a hindrance in a romantic relationship?

A man who cuts off real friends for new pussy is a cunt. It’s only a hindrance if there is cheating or someone makes it so.

I am trying to sort this out.

Good for you.

I've had guys on social media try to post overly familiar things publicly on my timeline when I don't even know them. I unfriend or block them.

Different situations require different solutions.

Why is this so common now? Are there men who don't encourage or tolerate this kind of "friendship" behavior from women? Women who want to treat them like girlfriends, essentially and cuck them in public.

People who care less about this shit lead happier lives

Am I wrong here?

Yes!

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-03-07T01:08:48+00:00

I’ve had plenty of female friends, and I never wanted to bang them, that’s mostly because I refused sex before marriage in any capacity.

For most women that’s not an issue because the thought never occurs to them, a handful of female friends did want sex, however, and the ones that did were pretty aggressive, they would eventually give up though, and stop asking, whether that meant continued contact or not.

Now I’m in the unfortunate situation of leaving a wife due to infidelity; without a first time to lose, would I cave into a female friends’ requests if one asked me now? I mean, I could at least consider it, but that’s no guarantee. I still wouldn’t ask.

I am a bit of a sick bastard, though, for the following reason; I believe, correctly or incorrectly that I’m no longer capable of being interested in someone romantically at this time, due to the whole marriage dissolution thing, but I still drop hints at female friends who seem to be dropping hints of their own, just to bait an admission. It’s convenient for me to know if female friends are interested because it helps to establish their motivation in keeping me as a friend. I’ve had things like that happen before and it’s unnecessary jealousy.

beachredwhine · 2019-03-05T21:24:24+00:00

No I never cared what a girl looked like to be friends with her but I did decide that I can't be friends with women. At some point every single woman who is your friend will try to sleep with you. It might takes years but years and years of friendship and that girl is going to be chatting with you on Facebook about your problems and being a good friend and all and out of nowhere she's going to offer to come over after work and blow you to "help" you with your "libido problem". Despite the fact that you know her husband and her kids.

Men and women just can't be friends for too long. Either she's attractive so you end up hitting on her and the friendship ends or turns into a girlfriend or she's not attractive and then she ends up trying to sleep with you and you have to make all these awkward excuses about why you don't want to date her until she has some kind of mental breakdown and gets some bizarre face laser treatment because she's decided you won't date her because her cheeks are too red.

ColdHardTruth2019 · 2019-03-05T22:49:28+00:00

It varies. I personally will never be just friends with a woman I had previous relations with - unless it naturally phased out for both of us equally and we shouldn’t have been having sex in the first place. But those are rare. There are two dear female friends in my life that I had this situation with.

I’ll never accept a demotion to the friend zone if there is chemistry and the sex is good. The reason is usually superficial or they are feeling too vulnerable and caught feelings and want to manipulate the situation so they can be in control and have you in their life. That’s a one way ticket to jealousy and hatred for both of you. I simply tell them we should just end it and resume when she wants to be an adult about it, lol.

I will have however befriend women, who I am attracted to, but know nothing will come of it or it won’t last, or I know they will be terrible in bed. But only if we have a good energy together.

The best female friendships are when you both are kind of attracted to each other, but there is no deep chemistry and it would never work. They are fun and will get you other women, lol.

Friendships with women are priceless and help me to be a better man in ways men can’t, and the women I date can’t. I have a bunch of friends that are women. They mean everything to me, and I can’t live with out them. I would do anything for them. They make me a better man, and make them better women.

But it is an acquired skill, and takes a lot of maturity. Most of all you have to truly value and cherish women in order to have them as true friends. Most men can’t do that.

Also, in order to have true friendships with women you need to be a player, or player qualified. Meaning getting laid consistently and have no shortness of naked women in your life.

Men that aren’t getting laid don’t make good friends for women. Lol.

a-WaltzingMatilda · 2019-03-05T22:59:08+00:00

So basically, you’re insecure?

You’re projecting?

You don’t think women can be friends with men without wanting to have sex with them, maybe because you yourself can’t?

If my girlfriend started policing my friendships, telling me I can’t be friends with girls I’ve known for years, forcing me to excommunicate them just because she’s insecure, then I can tell you exactly where my loyalties would lie. Hint: not with my now ex-girlfriend.

couldbemage · 2019-03-06T04:50:50+00:00

I have more female friends than male friends. I've never not had a relationship. Just had a ten year anniversary.

So it's not an hindrance.

I'm not really interested in a partner telling me what to do. So being treated like a boyfriend wouldn't be being treated like a cuck. Which I suppose would be giving away services that you don't want to do in order to get sex, then not getting sex. I don't do that when I am getting sex.

Or more to the point, I like going out with friends and partners. It's not a chore. Not a price I pay.

fuckdr11 · 2019-03-06T00:08:26+00:00

how do you decide whether or not you want to be friends with them?

I don't consciously think about it. But if we enjoy each other's company, and for whatever reason, we aren't/can't be sexually involved, we become friends.

Does their attractiveness matter?

People tend to gravitate towards people in their same "weight class", looks-wise. This is no exception.

Are your standards for male friends different than for female friends?

I don't have a predefined set of standards that I evaluate people on. Like I said above, there isn't really any conscious decision about who is and isn't going to be my "friend".

I've had guys on social media try to post overly familiar things publicly on my timeline when I don't even know them. I unfriend or block them.

They're probably trying to have sex with you, not "be friends" with you.

Title	"A friend"
Author	p3n3lop3
Upvotes	3
Comments	70
Date	March 5, 2019 9:15 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/axqc01/a_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-friend.256903 https://theredarchive.com/post/256903

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