Ambition

toasterchild · 2024-02-08T18:19:03+00:00

The few friends of mine that highly value ambition are also very ambitious themselves. Most people I know want partners who are about the same as themselves. The only people I know who are ok dating someone with a dead end minimum wage job are people who are in dead end minimum wage jobs themselves.
People with fancy office jobs have more time to be online making comments than people who are on the floor all day under supervision.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-02-08T18:33:54+00:00

I'm not very ambitious beyond my environs, and as such my husband is also not very ambitious. Two peas in a middle class pod.

AngeCruelle · 2024-02-08T19:21:12+00:00

Does he have at least a bachelor's? Is he passionate about what he does? Does his field of work, in my view, make the world a better place?

Those are my three career green flags.

Personally, as a dude, it's not much of a factor so long as she's not doing the absolute bare minimum. School teacher? Great. Librarian? No problem. PhD with her own clinical practice? Fantastic.

All three of those fields require education, have passionate people, and contribute to making the world a better place.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-02-08T19:18:06+00:00

I didn't want ambition in terms of work more passion as in he had to be doing something he loved and wanted to do a good job. This is purely as I'm very passionate about my job (teaching), and its easier in my opinion for someone to understand your passion if their work is also a passion.

My husband is a paramedic for context, and I make more than him as a uni lecturer. As a paramedic, there isn't really a straight career progression unless you want to sit behind a desk either. I'm happy that for most of our lives (other than right now as I'm on maternity), I will out earn him significantly.

EulenWatcher · 2024-02-08T17:59:14+00:00

I think it’s important to have compatible plans for the future and levels of ambition. I’m not very ambitious person myself and I value work and life balance, so I’m glad my partner has a matching level too. We still have long-term plans and a lot of work to do, but we also value spending time together as a couple and as a family.

I’d say middle-upper middle class lifestyle is enough for me as it’s what I’m used to and I want to provide enough comfort to my mother, his parents and future kids. It means we both need jobs that are paid pretty high, so we should invest in our education and plan accordingly.

Safinated · 2024-02-08T18:49:00+00:00

It means they’re going to be the primary childcare provider and domestic manager

Or they’ve put up with too many hobosexuals

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-02-08T19:59:33+00:00

As long as he’s hardworking and can keep a stable job, that’s enough for most women. We like stability and to be cared for. Most women find it unattractive if a man has no plans for the future or ambition to do better. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a cleaner or having a labour intensive job if someone is happy doing that. Trades and labour intensive jobs don’t get enough appreciation, they’re respectable jobs that contribute a lot to our society.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-08T18:35:05+00:00

I would say this mattered to me more when I was young. I'm 30, the men I'm dating should be pretty set in the life they want to lead and improvements are more about comfort than establishing a standard. He's either good enough as he is now or I'm not interested. The only ambition I'd expect from him is not on the job front, but the family and lifestyle front.

It's very different when you're young because everyone is pure potential more often than not. So how do you judge them and future compatibility. Well, ambition is one component of it. If an 18 year old dude is acting fine with working a trash job for the rest of his life or not really finding a job or a path, I believed him and wished him the best, but that isn't for me. Alternatively if he wants to be Jeff Bezos or a future senator, I may admire that ambition, but it's a little too intense for me personally. I don't need that much money and struggle in my life and I don't want the limelight of being a senator's wife. You're trying to see what he wants from life and if that matches what you want. And where a lot of young men (I mean practically boys, we're talking 16-22) fail is that they're pretty fucking content and don't seem to have a lot of plans or ambition beyond the moment. And at least to me, that always suggested that they weren't good partner material.

The other end of this is how much are they following through on that ambition. Most young men I knew struck me as bullshitters. They'd say all these normalish big plans (good job, good house, good education, picket fence, art, blah blah blah). But they were smoking weed every day, playing video games, wanking, and barely passing school. So it's like, dream big, but do it without me because I don't think you're gonna go anywhere in your life I wanna invest in. Your future plans, impressive, the chances of you arriving there, I would be shocked.

Hopefully that makes some degree of sense. It's about trying to judge compatibility more than anything. What counts as acceptable differs woman to woman.

literaryhogwartian · 2024-02-08T20:26:37+00:00

I find ambition attractive. I find laziness seriously unattractive

Sillysheila · 2024-02-08T21:09:19+00:00

Honestly the thing that matters most to me is just that he has an ability to get an ok-paying job with benefits that is stable. But I don’t care if it’s as a manager or just a team member really.

My partner isn’t necessarily very career driven and he just wants to work to live. That’s perfectly fine with me.

dabbydab · 2024-02-08T17:50:42+00:00

Perhaps this is a more 'online' talking point, as I'm not sure I've encountered it when talking with lady friends and acquaintances. But it seems like 'ambition' is a major factor for women in these spaces on whether a man is fit for dating

I've mostly seen it stated as a factor here by men insisting on what women want. Have you seen women themselves say this?

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-08T19:05:50+00:00

I think what most people want are partners who are ambitious enough to support them in the goals they're working towards themselves and who aren't complacent with just never improving or moving forward. I need a partner who is ambitious enough to want to live with me in a decent place, to support me in being able to afford to live comfortably (I will literally earn all of it so long as he adequately supports), to make himself happy and to support my hobbies and social life without the ambition to spend every night on the sofa.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-02-08T21:31:12+00:00

I'd say that it's important that we have matching levels of career ambition and other ambitions. I wouldn't be compatible with someone who is fine with the absolute bare minimum at McDonalds but I also wouldn't be compatible with a rise-and grind, works 16-hours a day corporate dude. I wouldn't be happy with someone who has not motivation to improve themselves/reach some kind of goal but I also wouldn't be compatible with someone who singlemindedly chases that goal and lets everything else fall to the wayside.

apresonly · 2024-02-09T00:05:22+00:00

nothing is less sexy than a passive person who has no goals they want to accomplish in life

like i'm not even a capitalist "i need to be #1" type person but i have long term goals and i have values i am constantly working on incorporating into my routine (learning, art, health, relationships).

i guess i think about a guy with no ambition as zoning out with video games and being a short term/instant gratification thinker, not someone who wants to build a great life with me

operation-spot · 2024-02-08T17:47:12+00:00

Ambition is very important to my family and I don’t believe anyone when they say they want to do better but have no tangible results or actions.

Men don’t care because they can’t care, but as a woman, I can set that standard and have it met.

chalkandapples · 2024-02-08T22:17:13+00:00

I feel like everyone should be attracted to ambition. I think women being attracted to ambition is common sense and is what a normal person should gravitate towards, what I find odd is why men don't care as much. Even with friends, we gravitate towards those with more ambition, they inspire you and are cool people, you want to be close to them. If you see a person that invented many things, founder of a successful start up, or one of the top people in their field, don't you want to get to know them and peek into their exciting world?

If you're looking for a life partner, you're looking for a partner to play the game of life and spend a lot of time together, don't you want the coolest, most inspirational, and most competent person to do that with?

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RubyDiscus · 2024-02-09T02:21:04+00:00

What do you mean with the word "ambition", do you mean higher wage chasing constantly to max out income or higher position chasing, or higher education chasing? Because they are very different things.

I always found it that hard to find people I vibed with that ambition was a non factor honestly. Even though I'm fairly ambitious.

Only becomes an issue if I find out they literally don't want to work or do anything, which has happened before sadly. Also people do lie and pretend they have jobs or do more than they actually do, as well. So also annoying.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-02-09T03:06:52+00:00

I'd want someone who is ambitious enough to make enough money (while pooled with me because I'd never be a SAHM for very long) to afford a comfortable lifestyle with kids. "Comfortable lifestyle" will mean different things to different people. Compared to people I live near now, I am probably a bit more frugal and less materialistic, more introverted/less desiring of constant travel than them. I also include saving a bit (for emergencies and for other reasons) in my "comfortable lifestyle" statement. I dont really care about the job only that I'd prefer someone who isnt "bringing it home" constantly. I know blue collar workers that fit what I am writing.

My top love language is Quality Time as well. So I don't like workaholics. I'm middle class and I actually prefer middle class men like myself which isnt unusual.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-02-09T05:51:45+00:00

Ambition is a nebulous concept. Ambition to be the best person he can be? Absolutely. Ambition to crush the competition and end up on top no matter the collateral? No.

Mentathiel · 2024-02-09T23:57:01+00:00

I don't like ambition. I even dislike it a bit, it very often stems from insecurity. Not always, but most people others would describe as ambitious tend to be workaholics trying to prove something. I do like healthy ambition, but it's so rare it's definitely not my dating requirement.

What I want out of a partner's career:

makes him happy & content, aka he's not feeling bad about himself and insecure about it
his career doesn't have to be stable at all times, I'd support struggling for a good cause, like financially support while bootstrapping a business or something, but he has to be able to quickly pivot into stability if needed, for example if we have kids and I die or if I lose my job

Even those two are probably not hard requirements, but very strong preferences. There's a bunch of things I'd prefer, but am not really actively looking for.

For example, I'd prefer someone to make around the same as me, so I don't have to downgrade my own living standard to match their buying power. But I did do it in the past. It's annoying to say no to fun trips with friends bc a SO can't afford it and it'd be weird to go to a seaside vacation without him and I can't afford it for both. But it's not the end of the world, we can take more affordable road trips and more local vacations. I'd do it again for someone I thought was worth it.

I'm at an age where living with your parents in my culture/economy is slowly starting to be a turnoff, it's still not, I still have friends who do, but most of us live alone or with partners at this point. But it's not an absolute deal-breaker depending on the reasoning. If the reasoning is wanting to bum out and spend his money on having fun, that would be a deal-breaker because he doesn't prioritize individuation and personal development yet and I'm at a phase where I find that important. But if the reasoning is the economy is shit rn and he's saving up / investing / pooling resources / taking care of elderly parents or disabled sibling or something / he himself has special needs that require him to live with someone etc. those are all more tolerable reasons. Random: I have a friend who was forbidden by his doctor from living alone because he sleepwalks really hardcore and has been on his terrace. Locking himself in his room and hiding the key hasn't helped. He has to live with someone who can lock him in the room from the outside.

Planthoe30 · 2024-02-10T11:49:43+00:00

I do like men who have ambition, even if not career wise they at least have to be motivated to learn new things. I love it when men learn something new and share it with me and we can have deep conversations. I have always planned on having a career myself, I work overtime frequently 60+ hour weeks but I don’t necessarily expect my partners to have that level of ambition I’d rather a partner be home when I am than have them be equally as ambitious then we never see each other. So my minimum is that they have to work full time and their work give guaranteed yearly raises, I might even prefer they don’t work overtime unless it overlaps my work schedule so I can still spend time with them.

I do think my social circle tends to be a highly accomplished individuals but that is a reflection of the family I was born into, then married someone who fit in with them. When you live in the same neighborhood as others who work hard in life then that is who you tend to surround yourself with even if it’s not intentional.

uglysaladisugly · 2024-02-10T19:30:49+00:00

When I say ambitions, I mean mostly they have a goal they're working toward. It could be having the biggest ever collection of bugs for what it's worth. I just want to share my life with someone who's driven....

Title	Ambition
Author	OnePotatoeChip
Upvotes	3
Comments	66
Date	February 8, 2024 5:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1am1cal/ambition/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ambition.1244920 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244920

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