Should we encourage Peer Pressure?

yeahrum · 2023-12-06T15:42:06+00:00

If parents encourage it then it will become uncool.

I think there's lots of opportunity for kids to learn to socialize without drugs and alcohol.

Although I say that as someone who partied a lot in high-school...

captainhowdy82 · 2023-12-06T15:52:30+00:00

We should encourage kids to socialize with their peers. Not sure why OP thinks going to parties is “peer pressure.”

Slipthe · 2023-12-06T15:45:14+00:00

No. It's hardly peer pressure. Kids drink at 16 because it sounds fun. Not because they are bullied into it.

That's the point. Someone who is so neurotic and highly inhibited that refuses to drink or smoke is also going to display those neurotic behaviors in other ways when it comes to courting and dating.

Safinated · 2023-12-06T17:15:26+00:00

Oh, bullying and judgement — so wonderful for child development!

MarauderSlayer44 · 2023-12-06T19:22:57+00:00

You can’t peer pressure kids who aren’t even invited in the first place.

wtknight · 2023-12-06T15:44:19+00:00

Is it in the person's best interest to not always make the smart decision?

Not making the smartest decision is always a gamble. Sometimes it pays off. Other times one will suffer.

I think that, like gambling, it’s best to play the games that have the lowest risk. This is why those who earn the most invest in financial planning rather than play the lottery.

macone235 · 2023-12-06T16:11:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MidoriEgg · 2023-12-06T20:09:21+00:00

I don’t think it’s that black and white, to be a rounded person you need a balance of a bit of both.

I read this insight of how we teach kids (I’m going to butcher this, so hopefully it makes sense to someone). It said 15% of kids will be extreme risk takers, so as a society we often really hammer in the dangers of certain activities so those kids at least take a bit of notice (ie, don’t EVER drink underage or you’ll die, under NO circumstances have sex, if you don’t wear a helmet you’ll explode, always make school your priority or you’ll be homeless) They don’t expect these warnings to fully stop kids doing this stuff, but there are also 10% of kids who maybe have higher anxiety or take things more literally and if society tells them they need to put their nose on the grindstone, they take it literally and do it.

Don’t really have a soloution to this.

mrs_seng · 2023-12-06T16:06:45+00:00

Let the kids have fun. There are some risks (as it is with everything) but if you raise them well, they will not take big risks, but rather smaller risks.

Parties are a good way to socialize, get their first teenage relationships, get drunk once and swear they will not do it again (lasts until next party).

Teach them about protection, about boundries, about never leaving their glass unwatched.

Occasional alcohol is not a bad thing. Doesn't mean you have to become 4x4 by the time you arrive home. But two beers might make you feel relaxed, dance (although you shouldn't), give you a bit of courage to approach a girl.

The kids won't have FOMO when they grow up, had their share of fun at the fun age.

Make sure your kids stay in school and no going to parties if school is ignored. Give them a few chores since they are little, make them dunctioning adults that work when it's time to work and have fun when it's time to have fun.

My husband and i (both 34) still organize parties at home and we invite all our friends. One friend is a dj, my husband serves cocktails, i arrange the yard. We bring lasers, lights, glow in the dark bracelets, hawaii necklesses, funny eyeglasses and champaign. We do this at least once a year and everyone has a great night.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-06T17:09:36+00:00

Going off of what Slipthe said about refusals to drink or smoke being a display of neurotic behaviors that will be displayed in other ways when it comes to courting, I partially agree, but not about the specifics. I would say refusing to go to parties period is the display of neurotic or shall we say difficult personality traits.

I personally didn't and don't really enjoy the party atmosphere, but, I'd still go. And I never once had to smoke or drink to have a bit of fun or be socially normalized and enjoyed by others. I simply turned it down with confidence, but no judgement. Honestly, I mostly hung around the smokers because I found the back porches, alleyways and other quieter more intimate settings they tended to cultivate more how I wanted to socialize.

And in turn, I could cover for any awkwardness this projected by being an actually enjoyable person to interact with, I am fun, I do like laughing a lot, I am warm, I say clever things, I make other people feel clever and enjoyed. Even at my most anxious and awkward, (and there was some), people always commented that they just felt good around me.

The idea you're making the smart decision by avoiding these situations is a projection of your neurosis. The smart decision is to be able to handle yourself in any and every environment without caving to peer pressure and without making other people feel bad for what they're enjoying.

And it's a good skill for the rest of life. The kind of dudes who cannot find a little joy in parties or make other people feel bad for partying, are the same dudes that make women feel their interests are shallow, stupid, or unworthy.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2023-12-06T17:02:19+00:00

No. Peopke are rarely peer preasured to do something that benifits them. We shouod instead, enchourage them to decide for themseives when, and how much, they want to drink and party.

No one respects people that give in to peer pressure, even the people pressuring them.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-12-06T19:47:23+00:00

I don't think we should encourage people to fall for peer pressure. And there's also a difference between having a drink or two and chugging enough booze to make a hippo throw up. Having a beer or two at a party isn't the end of the world but it's also not the end of the world if you just don't want to drink. Sure, teenagers might laugh at you but after a certain point, only the most immature people would find an issue with you not drinking or smoking, and do you really want to hang out with those people？

I have friends who don't drink, they're still fun to be around and get invited to parties, they just have mocktails. In proper EE fashion, I started drinking at parties at 14, and partied a decent amount in uni, and yet, I am not some criminal delinquent who is robbing the local liquor store because I can't afford to buy the cheapest vodka. You can party and still be an ''upstanding member of society''.

Philip8000 · 2023-12-06T19:58:46+00:00

Not necessarily drinking and partying but yes, making friends as a kid is very important for future prospects. Dating is often through mutual friends, even today.

However, it's one of those things that if you don't succeed as a kid, it's very hard later on. I've never had a social circle, so I speak from experience. In my entire childhood, I had maybe 2 friends. One descended into addiction and died of cancer at 21. The other, his mother ripped us apart because she thought I was gay.

This matters a lot more than "Chad is the only one who succeeds with women!" I see thrown around. Being unattractive is a handicap; being socially awkward is a death sentence.

theReaders · 2023-12-06T20:05:03+00:00

Nothing good whatsoever can come from teaching anyone, especially children, to bend to the whims of others.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-12-06T15:50:50+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily say that peer pressure is the right way of achieving this, if anything it'll push socially isolated individuals further away.

Parents in general should be OK with their kids going to parties. Freaking out over hypothetical worst case scenarios is not a reasonable approach to take when your kid gets to the age where parent-less parties become a thing.

Teenagers should be taking risks, they should be engaging in behaviour that they wouldn't want their parents to know about, they should be getting up to all sorts. Denying them that takes away a large part of socialisation and understanding risk/reward.

I went to parties as a teenager, not as many as I should have though and certainly not certainly not enough when I was at university. I tended to see myself as a nerd, it may be a chicken and egg but I believe that impacted my view of more "edgy" parties (i.e. drugs may be involved). Sure there's risks involved, but I missed out on a lot of fun, opportunities for socialising and good memories.

uglysaladisugly · 2023-12-06T17:03:13+00:00

No need to be so black and white... you can achieve brilliant studies or get a great job while still drink, party and/or do drugs sometimes.

macone235 · 2023-12-06T16:34:37+00:00

No, why do we act like people 60 years ago were anymore fun to be around? People are more "fun" than they used to be. The difference is the competition is stiffer than ever before, which means the top end of men are more socialized than ever while the bottom tier of men are giving up as there is no point since they can't compete. It makes sense for Chad to do a line of coke at a party for social points. It does not make sense for mediocre guys to do a line of coke, because nobody is going to care either way.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-06T22:31:46+00:00

I think shame is better and more effective than peer pressure. Society needs more shame.

2023-12-06T15:54:31+00:00

No, most men cant teach their son game because they are themselves beta bux. Women cant ever teach their son game, they would rather him be a beta bux

Throwing them in social situation without any sort of framework is gonna be bad. Unfortunately for men, redpill is the best way to go about dating. It gives a framework in which men can experiment.

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KayRay1994 · 2023-12-06T16:12:57+00:00

Encourage kids to socialize for sure, though idk about “peer pressure” - all’s fun and games till your kid is pushed to far and does something they may ruin his/her life before it even starts. I also think this kind of encouraging peer pressure would create the association of fun with drugs/alcohol and that’s a horrible association to make. You’re basically telling your kid that in order to be fun, you have to actively engage in this stuff (which isn’t true)

At the same time, don’t taboo and demonize something like drinking, for example - american drinking culture in particular is horrible when it comes to this, drinking is seen as a huge taboo then suddenly your kid is in a dorm away from the family with lots of alcohol. That also creates an unhealthy relationship.

bottleblank · 2023-12-06T16:42:35+00:00

It sounds like a good idea, but ultimately nobody can tell you to be social, or drug you into being social (and nobody should do that, obviously). You have to feel it, you have to do it, yourself, and (to an extent) not even drugs or alcohol can make you be social.

What they can do is lower your inhibitions, when you're already in a good place to be social, they can cause you to take more risky actions and accept invitations to do things you might not do, they might disconnect you from a sense of negativity or responsibility or danger (depending on the drug), make you more open and accepting of people you might otherwise keep your distance from, and so on.

But you need somewhere to be able to do that comfortably/safely. You don't want to be drunk or high in the company of people you don't like/who don't like you.

Aside from all that, even as someone who's engaged in intoxicated socialising, I wouldn't necessarily recommend getting absolutely mashed, because over-reliance and over-use can be damaging - they can mess with your behaviour, potentially cause you to act anti-socially (or at least without regard for consequence or social impact), they can have health effects (especially street drugs of unknown purity), and so on.

I wouldn't say don't enjoy intoxicants, they absolutely can be beneficial to socialising, both in terms of providing opportunities and bringing down social barriers, but they're not a fix-all and you do have to treat them with some respect. Especially if you're not used to consuming them and/or you're in an environment you can't be sure you're safe in, or have company in.

Bubby0304 · 2023-12-06T18:49:02+00:00

This is such a weird framing of peer pressure. Your argument has little to do with the "good of peer pressure" and more-so being open to having "fun" or being more care free. Even the drugs/alcohol example doesn't make sense because the idea of not drinking/performing drugs can also be a form of peer pressure as well depending on the culture.

Remember, you would only believe peer pressure is good if said examples of peer pressure already aligned with your perspective on what is "good" or "beneficial".

There is nothing intrinsically valuable to peer pressure, it is essentially an appeal to majority instead of making your own decision.

SmallSituation6432 · 2023-12-06T21:10:42+00:00

I don't think it needs to be encouraged. I mean realistically teenagers are going to do what they decide to, whether that be what they want or what they think they should. That said, telling a kid to go to parties is a far stretch from telling them to do drugs. I just think we need to encourage kids to do things where possibilities exist. Seems like a lot of parents aren't comfortable with kids doing anything they can't control or monitor, and that is just so completely different from when I was young. Maybe I'm just an old man yelling into the air here, but there was often some opportunity of things going great or really fucking terrible when I was growing up. Playing wrist-rocket tag almost lost my friend his eye sure, but the other 99 times it was great fun. Trying to buy drugs for the first time from someone not at the high school? Very valuable learning experience.

The second part of this is somehow convincing kids not to fucking record everything on their phones. Evidence of your every mistake and poor decision really is the biggest obstacle to the kinds of lessons teenagers should be learning for themselves. I remember telling my cousin that when he was showing me videos of him at a party, and sure enough later that year his parents went through his phone and fucking flipped over every little thing like they didn't do the exact same shit.

jamie29ky · 2023-12-06T22:37:55+00:00

I dont think so. There are plenty of socializing opportunities that you dont have to make bad decisions to be included in. Hell, you can even go to a party and drink responsibly. I partied a bit when I was in the 19-20 age range, and gained absolutely nothing from it but memories (good and a lot of bad). I dont even know any of those people anymore, and the only relationship I gained from it was a drug addict that stalked and threatened to kill me once I realized how into drugs he was and broke it off.

I think people who never partied hear all these fun stories and see these fun pictures, but thats people playing up the positives and not showing the negatives because theyve got nostalgia now, or are in denial of how bad their lifestyle sucks.

FineDevelopment00 · 2023-12-06T23:44:38+00:00

should we encourage our children and young adults to actually acquiesce to peer pressure?

No, we should teach them how to think for themselves. If they don't stand for something, they'll fall for anything.

these types of scenarios where drugs and alcohol are present provide some of the greatest access to socialization.

The real question is what the quality of that socialization is, though. Plenty of people who developed addictions from acquiescing to peer pressure ended up having to cut their former "friends" off after sobering up, precisely because those former "friends" were a bad influence they didn't have the willpower to stand up to and/or those former "friends" wouldn't continue to hang out with them unless they remained mired in their addictions and the hard-partying scene. An active social life doesn't automatically equate to a well-adjusted social life.

I'm sure there's a saying that encapsulates the benefit of terrible choices when it comes to having stories to tell.

There're several ways to gather experiences that lead to great stories without becoming self-destructive. Traveling, attending interesting events, picking up interesting hobbies, meeting interesting people, gaining interesting knowledge that makes for good conversation, etc.

To be romantically and sexually successful, you need to be someone who's fun to be around.

If one's definition of "fun to be around" is limited to "parties hard" or whatever, that's actually a boring way to look at all life has to offer.

How do you, men and women, measure a 'fun' factor?

Someone who knows how to have fun without alcohol, drugs, etc. is likelier to have an interesting personality than someone who doesn't. Someone like that who is also open to trying new things will likely find exciting things to do without the urge for substance abuse and/or any other harmful behaviors.

Are we gimping ourselves and future adults out of love and sex by instructing them to put their noses to the grindstone and to become 'upstanding members of society'?

I will say, the current emphasis on hustling for education, a career, etc. at the expense of relationships is indeed injurious to people's work/life balance and meeting other milestones that aren't education and career. But that doesn't mean the only other option is the opposite end of the extreme.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-06T23:58:45+00:00

The people who had the toughest time getting laid in HS were the good boys and girls who followed all the rules to a t.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-12-07T00:18:14+00:00

No but I dont think it would hurt to get out of your comfort zone within reason. Like you can still go to a party and not have to get drunk and drugged out. Or just have a couple not getting plastered. Still may not be your usual scene but may still have fun going Sometimes.

Going to a party or a club Sometimes is fine.

Maybe putting a little 'pressure' (as in encourage them to try new things within reason) on a friend to step out of their comfort zone, ok, just dont push so hard you're being a jerk about it.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-12-07T00:23:24+00:00

We should teach our kids to be aware of social pressure and know ways to sidestep it. We shouldn't teach them to have contempt for their peers' attempts to have fun. Maybe you don't want to go stealing cars and holding up liquor stores and indeed that's a good decision avoiding doing so but your peers do things for reasons and it is wise to learn to see why they do what they do.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-12-07T00:42:38+00:00

Most people aren't cut out for true drug addicted life so as long as you stay away from tranq, flakka and fent which can one shot kill you, you should be fine.

I've hosted and been to dozens of parties most aren't extremely crazy one or two crazy things happen at a few like one of my two friends first time meeting one of them tasered the other lol.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-07T00:52:51+00:00

If you encourage it, it ruins it. I won’t encourage or actively try to stop my kids from drinking and smoking weed a bit while socializing after a certain age (~16+). My main concern is that they are happy, secure, and well-adjusted so don’t develop alcoholism to cope like I did.

The_Red_Raven_ · 2023-12-07T02:45:24+00:00

Being “fun” is subjective. Some people enjoy drinking and taking drugs. Some don’t enjoy it. Personally binge drinking and illicit drugs aren’t my thing but if they are do it all you want I don’t care. I got a lovely gf who thinks the same way so do what you want, live and let live blah blah blah.

On that note I would like to point out that 40% of murders, 45% of rape victims and 70% of rapists, and half of road fatalities either alcohol or drugs are involved. I think if we can curb alcohol and drug use especially chronic, binge, and youth we can make a dent in these number. Exposing kids to drugs and alcohol at a younger age actually makes them more likely to be addicts. In my mind if “fun” cannot involve drugs then I’m all for it. I can’t think of an argument for drug use assuming people have the same amount of “fun”.

The one upside is alcohol is a pretty good social lubricant but that effect generally pointless when people get shitfaced and make asses themselves.

apresonly · 2023-12-07T21:59:59+00:00

No this isn't healthy for anyone.

Not everyone needs to party. We need diverse perspectives in order to create a civilization that works for everyone. Everyone being the same and having the same experiences is not desireable.

Title	Should we encourage Peer Pressure?
Author	OnePotatoeChip
Upvotes	3
Comments	86
Date	December 6, 2023 3:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18c6lf7/should_we_encourage_peer_pressure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-we-encourage-peer-pressure.1240299 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240299

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