Can the "equal power-dynamic" relationship work? Is it common?

AmbitiousCamp5942 · 2022-12-13T05:00:49+00:00

All of the men I know with wives who call all the shots picked a commanding woman on purpose. They like her taking charge of things. They just pretend they don't to their buddies. You ever seen those couples on vacations? The wife has everything planned and the husband gets to just be dragged around. She likes the power, he likes the laziness. Those men don't need saving. They're living their Freudian mommy issue dreams and pretending not to like it to score man points. Just let people find the relationship dynamic that works for them.

EulenWatcher · 2022-12-13T04:17:59+00:00

Blue pill isn’t homogenous, as it describes everyone who doesn’t subscribe to black or red pill, so most egalitarian couples fall into the blue pill category as well.

I think these days most couples discuss together major plans and they divide small decision by one’s expertise areas. So if they decide whether they have another kid or not, it’s a mutual decision, and small things like grocery shopping or internet provider can be made by one partner. At least that’s what I see in couples I know closely and that’s what my husband and I do.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-13T05:09:04+00:00

For what it’s worth, I’m BP and I loathe the phrase and idea behind “happy wife, happy life.” Irritates the shit out of me.

Anyway, yes an equal partnership can definitely work, and I would say describes the majority of happy relationships I know. It doesn’t have to be literally 50/50 on every single thing, it’s more a matter that both partners are contributing their skills, talents, abilities, labour etc. equally to the relationship overall. And it works well for the folks I know, and worked well for me in my longest LTR.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-12-13T04:28:35+00:00

With the way society is set up in my country (90% of couples need 2 working individuals to pay for basic life necessities, even more so with children once they are older, plus women being expected to work or else she is "lazy" only exception is young kids because childcare is like a mortgage) a 50/50 relationship is needed. Anything less than that breeds resentment and discontent.

Second shift hypothesis is one of the leading causes of divorce. The USA expects women to work like men yet still do everything else.

2022-12-13T11:31:12+00:00

Happy wife happy life is not a 'blue pill' thing. I've only ever heard it from old school guys where it basically means that decisions like curtain colour or whatever isn't important to them but it is their wife, so they make sure she's happy, because in return she makes them happy.

There's nothing progressive or reactionary about it either way. It's not some leftist perspective.

literaryhogwartian · 2022-12-13T08:03:28+00:00

I'm in an 'equal'marriage and we are very happy. We don't do a 50/ 50 split on money and chores though. All of our money goes into a single account and the chores are split by who has the more time outside if work ( ie if one of us works more hours then the other does chores during that time - if one is working then we are both working).

Birb-brained · 2022-12-13T09:29:16+00:00

50/50 is vital in a household with 2 partners working and child(ren) to look after. We tend to just divvy tasks up as and when needed and have frequent check ins with eachother to make sure we are both feeling seen enough and to avoid any resentments building from one person taking on too much. This requires lots of open and ongoing communication, and knowing what each of our strengths are so we’re efficient. Neither of us are in charge, we simply lead when whatever the task os happens to be either of our strengths.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-13T13:13:41+00:00

My issue is that every time a redpiller describes a non-50/50 or dom/sub relationship…it just sounds like a normal relationship. So I think most modern relationships where women are legal persons with as much opportunity to support herself as a man, are fundamentally equal, and any belief otherwise is play to some extent.

Caetraaa · 2022-12-13T04:06:39+00:00

I think the majority of relationships are equal partnerships. Mutual respect and effort is what builds a happy LTR.

zombie_still_alive · 2022-12-13T04:36:21+00:00

Of course 50/50 partnership can work. It doesn’t mean that you split everything, sign a contract … it means that both contribute equally: neither believe the other is slaking, inferior, dominant … Look at it as living with your best friend: you do whatever works so neither feel used. You make decisions that works for both of you. When you marry your best friend, it is really that easy. And you get to have sex, a lot of sex … But you need to get lucky as knowing a lot of women out there, I don’t believe I could do it with many of them.

RottingVillain666 · 2022-12-13T10:04:06+00:00

Here in italy, it's usually the mom in charge. With usually husbands being at work, the mom is the only at home and so is in charge.

Jeshurian77 · 2022-12-13T15:03:51+00:00

Both parties should appreciate one another's strengths and both parties should acknowledge one another's weaknesses.

There's no point in me being in charge all the time because I'm simply just not that good at everything.

I call the shots on the things I'm good at, as does my partner.

The goal should be teamwork.

gofigure62 · 2022-12-13T15:33:23+00:00

I've rarely seen an equal power dynamic relationship. Whether the woman made more or less in the relationship, she was still the "underling" in the household that did most of the domestic labor and childcare. The male in the relationship still had their wants and needs catered to the most and the life of the household largely revolved around his comfort above everyone else.

Most relationships turn out this way because we live in a social hierarchy where men are on top and people still submit to this structure irrespective of what they claim their personal beliefs are.

I've only seen truly equal relationships in homosexual couples that don't try to mirror or imitate generic heterosexual stereotypes. Both parties see what needs to be done in the home or for the family and just do it. They both contribute and income and both attend to each others needs intuitively. They have open communication and don't play the "blame game" when someone brings up an issue. Just well-rounded, mature, and thoughtful people creating a life together without trying to take advantage or exploit each other at every turn.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-13T16:09:30+00:00

I feel like Happy Wife, Happy Life, is more of a thing about telling men that as leaders their leadership is meant to prioritize the happiness of others around them just as much if not more than themselves because this will lead them to being happy in their own lives.

I didn't think that was a line about wives getting to be in charge.

But yes, equal power dynamic relationships work provided both people play to their strengths, understand the limits of their partners, understand life shifts and challenges us, and are seeking the good and joy of the other more than themselves.

cindyroseex · 2022-12-13T18:05:20+00:00

The idea of traditional relationships is one that is pretty foreign to me since I’ve rarely encountered people that have a partnership like that. Ever since I was a kid, the moms were also working, dads knew how to cook and spent a lot of time with the kids. My country was probably among the first to introduce paternal leave.

So yeah, it works and it’s probably the dominant relationship model in the west nowadays. I think the fact some people argue they should “lead” by default is a form of narcissism that’s not even aplicable in real life for various reasons.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-12-13T18:19:06+00:00

I'm in an equal relationship and we've been together for a decade.

So yes.

upalse · 2022-12-13T09:39:20+00:00

Essentially a 50/50 split on everything.

It's a hideous trope. People seek in others that which they don't have - they complement each other. Not necessarily by gender roles, but there's always some yin and yang.

Being infatuated with your perfect clone is just pure narcissism, not love.

M3taBuster · 2022-12-13T04:24:20+00:00

"50/50 relationships" will almost always eventually devolve into "whoever works fewer hours does most of the chores".

This tends to be a shitty arrangement for the partner working fewer hours and doing more chores, because they have to juggle multiple responsibilities which is more stressful, while the other partner can just focus on their job all day and then come home and relax.

In my opinion, traditional gender roles worked better for both partners for the same reason the division of labor is the bedrock of civilization. It's more efficient to hone one skill and then trade the excess with the excess produced by someone who honed a different skill than for everyone to hone multiple skills. Back then, women were experts on household duties and didn't need to do anything else, and men only had to be experts at their job. And with women largely out of the workforce, men were paid double, relative to living expenses. So families made twice the money with half the total hours of work.

Repulsive-Sink-9924 · 2022-12-13T06:18:49+00:00

I’ve never seen it work for long

BruddaMSK · 2022-12-13T10:46:17+00:00

No they are impossible.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-12-13T05:04:42+00:00

Redpill doesnt says men should lead because of biology, redpill says men should lead because otherwise his woman wont truly respect him and love him, and they backup that claim using real life examples, then they proceed to use biology to explain why that happens and why thats the kind of man women prefer and therefore men should just accept it as it is or suffer the consequences. It was never about having power over women, is just accepting women as they are.

Is clear very few people who oppose the redpill actually understand it, and that is demostrated when the majority of "bluepillers" or clueless people as i prefer to call them come here just to virtue signal and get offended at even the slightly controversial topics that challenge the validity of the status quo or just look for validation and antagonize the "bad guys"

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-12-13T04:30:35+00:00

I think the big issue here is that “equal” relationships are inherently unsexy and unrealistic for us heterosexuals.

A woman’s true equal would be another woman. A man’s true equal would be another man. Therefore, the nature of being heterosexual is being attracted someone who isn’t your equal. This is why most sexually dimorphic traits are the inverse of each other. Not the parallel.

MDFornia · 2022-12-13T04:57:43+00:00

People here are talking a lot about 50/50 splits of time and responsibility, but you're asking about power. I think the nominal 50/50 power split is ideal, but (and this strictly my weird nerdy neck-beard conjecture) in practice it would actually render the wife more powerful than the husband. If she doesn't have more power over him, she can't necessarily get what she wants. There better be a powerful incentive for her to stay in the marriage, because she knows she can better get what she wants by being single or married to a less "powerful" dude. Ultimately, the dude needs to provide that incentive. Thus, because there's a nominal 50/50 split in power between the couple, the dude will probably need to put more effort into the relationship than the woman in order to disincentivise her from going single or hopping onto another (weaker) branch.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-13T13:39:57+00:00

Bluepill says egalitarian is best, but every study shows that men who do feminine chores get less sex. So yea, if you're ok with a deadbedroom and a woman who doesn't respect you, be bluepill.

th30n34nd0nly0 · 2022-12-14T11:38:03+00:00

No, it will fail just as surely as a female dominant relationship will.

WalterYHW · 2022-12-13T06:59:25+00:00

The Most successful Relationships have a Leader and someone who follows, As a Men it's in your responsibility to take on that Leadership Role otherwise your Women won't respect you and she doesn't respect you she can't have Love for you simple

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-12-13T07:26:38+00:00

I don't think so.

You can't rule effectively if the king and queen bicker.

One must lead, have final say.

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a_popful_mail · 2022-12-13T08:48:40+00:00

It can and does often work out pretty well in my experience, both with myself as a lesbian and my partner and then also with het families I've had in my life. Those that communicated fairly and split based on what they agreed to and generated their fairness by being essentially two equal voices and both mattering in the process.. well those marriages had gone on their entire lives pretty much. One couple is in their 70s now. My grandma and grandpa did it that way too. One of my best friends' mom and dad are so sweet to each other and communicative. Those are the relationships I see lasting, and lasting in a healthy and happy way that sets a good, good example.

Outside of that.. I mean, no. Without that respect and communication, I don't think anything works. It'll always break down. Seen a lot of that too in couples that couldn't compromise, couldn't hold the same page and often barely spoke to each other on decisions or were ever willing to really talk things out, including grievances. None of them have lasted. None. In my life absolutely zero of them have lasted.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-12-13T16:11:49+00:00

Here's the thing, if I wanted a partnership, 50/50, I'd start a business...

If hot chemistry, attraction, and passion are the goal, no it is not an "equal power dynamic" because those things ARE INHERENTLY UNEQUAL!

fools_errand49 · 2022-12-13T18:07:50+00:00

This depends on what 50/50 means. If the split is a symmetrical 50/50 then the answer is no. If the split is assymetrical then an equal power dynamic is ideal.

gate18 · 2022-12-13T18:42:00+00:00

It's not common. For all the talk, we still live in a patriarchal society.

But of course, it would work. The dynamic isn't natural, it's made up, carved out, by social norms.

I saw a few tiktok videos on "manhandling your man". Just think about why not? Why did the men in the video not like it?

It's all things we have learned to do without questioning. It has nothing to do with biology.

Before getting a boyfriend/husband, a woman has to do everything - why the fuck doesn't biology stop her?

Before getting a girlfriend/wife, a man has to do everything - why the fuck doesn't biology stop him?

But in marriage, they have to pretend and assume roles? Why?

Notsonewguy7 · 2022-12-13T19:00:54+00:00

No. A power imbalance is always inevitable between two people independent of any sort of relationship.

But you can have a relationship where the leverage is not used. Which I think is the best you can get if one person has more money has more options they can just not discuss their money as a contribution and ignore options.

serafixed · 2022-12-13T19:58:27+00:00

It can and is not common

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-12-13T22:46:46+00:00

No such thing as equal between humans especially between men and women, somebody's always going to be stronger, faster, prettier, richer, smarter, etc.,

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-14T04:04:18+00:00

I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, I wouldn’t say “equal power dynamic” always means a 50/50 split on everything. Both partners should have a say in all major decisions, but usually one will be better at or care more about certain areas of life than others. It’s an overall equality, not an exact split on everything.

I dislike the term “happy wife, happy life” though. It just seems so disingenuous and patronizing to both partners. Like yeah, of course you should want your wife to be happy, and she should want you to be happy. But it just sounds like… appeasing someone you don’t actually respect in a patronizing way, in order to avoid stirring the pot. Not a very healthy relationship dynamic.

Title	Can the "equal power-dynamic" relationship work? Is it common?
Author	uselessloner123
Upvotes	7
Comments	71
Date	December 13, 2022 4:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zklr3a/can_the_equal_powerdynamic_relationship_work_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-the-equal-power-dynamic-relationship-work-is.1144052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144052

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