Men in deadbedrooms are given a play book, go to therapy, do more chores, take her on dates, etc etc. These things do not work because of one simple fact, woman in this case feels pressure to perform since husband has done his part.

Women don't like being put in the position where failure is completely their fault. That's why women come up with lame excuses and shifting goal posts when they fail. "Emotional connection" or "mental load" are just ambiguous buzz words.

But when instead of communicating, a man simply cheats, a woman can absolve herself of responsibility of failure of marriage.

In a way she would have less pressure on herself because she could just save face by simply saying that husband betrayed her and she never could fix things.

If man communicates and does all the right things, his wife will be cornered into actually taking the uncomfortable steps to fix the issue.and take full responsibility if she fails.

Women are just not strong enough to handle such responsibility. That's why they would rather demonize their husbands for wanting sex than to admit that they are the problem.

Men have to work around this weakness. By cheating, man gives his wife the tools to save face. That's essential for her comfort, so that she could work on things without undue pressure.

It's wrong to tell men that they can't cheat because not cheating is not good for anyone, let alone for the wife.

Cheating should be the first step, it improves chances of relationship improving