CMV: The issues surrounding modern dating have been amplified by a culture of instant gratification

wracky272 · 2017-11-19T18:27:00+00:00

The problem is we now have an expectation that we should be able to just get this stuff, you should get that high value partner, you should get that awesome job, you should get that amazing house or apartment with the great view. And of course, as a result people are just jumping from one instant gratification to the next not really considering any kind of a future at all.

To add to this, a lot of people spend all day scrolling through feeds of people they know selectively sharing the best parts of their life. You have one friend who just bought their first home, another who just had their first child, another who just got married, another who is doing charity work, another who is traveling the world, and another who just got a big promotion. There is a natural inclination to feel like, because you're not doing all of those things, you're coming up short.

Similarly, you meet a real person in real life on a date and you have a checklist of all the ways this person is coming up short-- with a head full of counterexamples of real people you know who are better than them in select ways.

Everyone is comparing someone in real life, to high-gloss versions of everyone they know through social media, and the result is that it's impossible for people to live up to each other's expectations. So we start jumping from person to person, bitching that we can't seem to find that one good guy, or that one good girl.

Afroaway002 · 2017-11-19T20:07:07+00:00

The problem isn't a culture of instant gratification, it's the ability to see what others get out of dating and relationships. Now more than ever, we're capable of comparing ourselves to others. 4 matches a month on Tinder gets a whole lot worse when you see men that get hundreds. A relationship built over the course of several dates becomes a lot less satisfactory when you know that there are men out there getting pussy thrown at them. Maybe even the same pussy you had to wine and dine to get.

The more visible inequality gets the more it demotivates and infuriates.

Pope_Lucious · 2017-11-19T23:09:30+00:00

"Our society is obsessed with living in a teenage fantasy land."

-Jordan Peterson

Don't think any reasonable person will disagree with you here.

wub1234 · 2017-11-19T18:27:28+00:00

I think that's a very sound argument.

Also, I'm not sure if this is the case in mainland Europe and the States, I suspect it is not as pronounced as in Britain, but many young people do not have a great future ahead of them.

It is very tough for young people in the UK economically, due to a variety of factors. The ridiculously inflated housing market is a particular drain on young people, and when combined with increasing job insecurity and something we call zero-hour contracts, there is a generation of young people who are often stuck with their parents indefinitely.

Just days ago, I read this article, and this quote summed up the difficulties that many young people face:

My 21-year-old son doesn't come to as many games as he and his friends can't afford it - mainly due to zero-hour contracts. Yes, football is out of reach for a lot of people, but it is part of a bigger problem of zero-hours contracts, rising rents/house prices and student fees/debt.

We're not talking about buying a house and raising a family here, we're talking about attending a football match!

And compared to my own experience...I was always poor growing up, but I managed to save enough for a deposit to buy a little flat / apartment. I never had a glamorous social life or bought expensive things, but I could go out and do stuff with my friends.

Young people who live where I currently reside have got no chance of doing this whatsoever. They're never going to be able to live where they grew up unless they're in the top 1% of earners of their age, or their family gives them a house. And the situation is far worse in London and the south east.

So I believe that this amplifies the instant gratification culture. When people do not have a future ahead of them, it makes little sense to look to the future.

Aesterly · 2017-11-19T20:37:07+00:00

100% agree. The strongest and longest lasting relationships I've seen have been my grandparents and great grandparents. The strength of their relationship has been like 25-33% romantic love and all the sappy shit that everyone craves like heroin. The rest of it has been dedication and discipline to each other and to their ethics.

Funny part is because they don't rely on romantic love as much they still do have it for each other after 40 and 63 years of marriage respectively. Everyone I went to high school with (graduated 3 years ago) that had kids with their "soulmate" split the second the relationship with their man stopped feeling like when they were gushy in the hallways sophomore year.

oneprettycoolcat · 2017-11-19T18:38:37+00:00

I think you mean it's easier to know what you're missing out on. I know the local magna-Chads don't have to put in any effort to get the attention of women while I've got to work and work and work and work to even get Bertha the three legged 400 pound single mother to notice me. It's not a matter of imagination.

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GroovyEFS · 2017-11-19T20:26:05+00:00

Because if you perceive that someone out there has it better than you and you think with just a couple swipes you can just trade up you naturally will, it's human nature to want the best deal.

I agree with your basic premise, but I'll CYV on this detail.

Only insecure af people spend all their time worrying about how others might have it better.

This seems to be a very common mindset here but I don't do that shit. Most people I know don't express that concern either.

I care about myself achieving my goals, not how I measure up against others, especially not "perceived" ideals I've projected onto some imaginary person in my head.

The only thing I care about is whether or not I'm doing well by my own standards, and this should be your way of thinking too, because nothing good comes of bothering yourself with hypothetical crap like "but what if some guy has a hotter girlfriend/better job/more money/faster car/bigger house than me?"

WHO CARES?

hellosugarfly · 2017-11-20T01:29:25+00:00

Brought to you by Tinder and Grindr.

Ezaar · 2017-11-19T18:24:01+00:00

Psychological understanding across the board needs to be apart of basic education for the individual in order to operate as citizens in the construct of society.

Otherwise, we’re being taken advantage of by our own ignorance and ingrained traits that have been developed over the course of time.

We’re infants with the power of technology. But we’re not so much infants with nature. And this period is a bit of a cross roads as we adapt and change behavior with respect to our incredibly powerful technology.

EsauTheRed · 2017-11-19T18:25:04+00:00

I wouldn't say no one is thinking about it, and US culture has always been about get-rich-quick schemes and instant gratification (and subsequent emptiness) but it definitely has been ramped up with tech AND is not an avenue for success for the majority of people

wtknight · 2017-11-19T20:03:58+00:00

One could argue that the lure of instant gratification is better than not being gratified at all. Having options means that there is always a potential path out of unhappy situations.

tempuserthrowaway5 · 2017-11-19T21:54:23+00:00

There's nothing more heart warming than realizing you're disposable. (I'm being facetious).

I have to agree with you OP, it sucks. What's the point in working toward having an LTR when our love lives look like Sparta and we're thrown to the proverbial lions by Cesar every morning at six am sharp.

There are no guarantees in life, but without "some" security or purpose it's not a bright future.

newName543456 · 2017-11-20T09:04:41+00:00

no one's really thinking about where they'll be in 10 years from now, or 20 or 30

It's impossible to predict, and if we talk about legally binding contracts (like marriage), consequences of misprediction can be dire.

TissueReligion · 2017-11-20T22:40:22+00:00

I feel like the "highlight reel" meme is valuable, but overplayed. Think about the converse argument -- despite social media being a highlight reel, it can also make people more aware of real financial, social, gender, class, etc., inequalities. Rather than just being intellectually cognizant that such inequalities might exist, they are now presented with concrete evidence of them in an emotionally gripping way every day.

...what's the value of the truth?

a_mans_perspective · 2017-11-19T20:10:05+00:00

This was said about every technological innovation all the way back to the first luddites destroying steam engines because they were afraid they would replace men.

Two hundred years later we have unheard of (for that time) standard of living for a much larger population, thanks to technology.

Over the long term, all technology does is help people get what they want easier. Same goes for dating apps. Im pretty sure marriages and relationships and sex are better than before because people can pair up with who they actually want.

PhucCheet · 2017-11-19T21:03:08+00:00

Completely agreed. Instant gratification is why people aren't getting what they want on a deeper level, ultimately unhappy.

Title	CMV: The issues surrounding modern dating have been amplified by a culture of instant gratification
Author	PBRScagsquad
Upvotes	46
Comments	240
Date	November 19, 2017 6:12 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7e29z0/cmv_the_issues_surrounding_modern_dating_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-issues-surrounding-modern-dating-have-been.264811 https://theredarchive.com/post/264811

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