Dating Apps Are a disaster for Relationship

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-12T19:26:29+00:00

Most of the success stories I know came from Hinge, Christian Mingle, Catholic Match, and of all places Facebook Dating.

Hinge seems the most in-depth of the mainstream apps in terms of actually encouraging you to talk and get to know the other person. Unfortunately in some places it's pretty dead. Figures.

The Christian apps actually bring people together who have morals and values in common, which is a better foundation for a serious relationship. Needless to say, they are also not hookup apps.

As for Facebook Dating, I honestly have no idea why that one works. I'm guessing that it attracts people with more old-fashioned sensibilities and similar to the above gets people with compatible values together.

Based on these cases it seems like dating apps work best for LTR when the user base is predominantly looking for genuine connection and compatible values. Unfortunately Statista is down right now so I can't link it, but I remember seeing that something like 50% of men on dating apps want serious relationships while 60% of women do.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-12-12T20:07:13+00:00

If I had my way I would have them all shut down as they contribute towards poor mental health. They exploit the vulnerable and needy which is absolutely sickening!

No-Drummer-939 · 2023-12-12T19:40:31+00:00

So far my tinder experience does not seem to match anyone else's. But it was and is really positive. I used tinder over the summer for a little while for a whole two weeks. I had a lot of really great conversations with women on there. I even met up with a woman who was really pretty. Way better looking than I normally run into.

She was not very intellectual, though. I mean when I talked about topics I was interested in, after she asked, she listened and seemed invested but I could tell that it was not her cup of tea. I actually thought I blew the first date but we hung out again at bar. We were there for like an hour before I came clean about not liking bars and that I didn't like alcohol that much.

So we ended up somewhere I liked, which was this comic book store where they have board games and stuff. I don't know why people look down on board games. You get to know a lot about how people behave in a lot of situations. We had a great time. She said she did not expect to have such a good time.

She asked if I wanted to go back to her place because it was near the comic book shop. I was a bit nervous about it because I still did not know her that well. So I declined and said I had to study.

I didn't think I'd hear from her again but she contacted me again and wanted to know when I could hang out. I put it a week out because I was nervous and did not want to deal with the stress during the week. We met again but I surprised her by picking her up and instead of taking her to this bowling alley that I can't believe she agreed to go to, and instead taking her to a picnic at this park with a nice view of the city at night. I figured I should because I didn't want her to think I didn't like her just because I was nervous.

I learned a lot about her that night. She told me she was a stripper and that she attended college off and on. She's 23, 2 years older than me. In retrospect that is probably why she made me so nervous. She gave off an aura of confidence and sensuality that I really did not know what to do with.

After another while she kissed me and I really enjoyed it. She kept trying to get me to do things I wasn't and am not comfortable doing. Not that she knew that. She tried to escalate at the park. Then she tried umm, something in the car. And I just told her I just am a normal guy who likes normal things. She got really quiet and I really thought it was over. Then she just started massaging my neck. I liked that. She seemed to like that I liked it.

When we got to her place, figuring that it wasn't working out I told her goodnight. Then she asked if I wanted to come inside. She made it an innuendo with the eyebrows and everything. I agreed and we went inside her apartment. It was a nice place, spacious. Better than my dorm by a mile.

She asked me what I wanted to watch. And I decided to show her Pacific Rim, one of my favorites. During most of the movie when she tried to escalate I more or less pretended to want her to see some part in the movie. Finally I decided I should just tell her I was pretty anxious about anything happening between us. Told her that I was pretty inexperienced and had only been with a few women.

She leaned forward and said 'No way.' She really knows how to make me laugh sometimes. But I said that if we did something I would probably get feelings for her. At the same time, I'm a student and an overachiever and I know I'd be anxious if she were my girlfriend, and that the anxiety would be even more compounded if she were some ambiguous situationship in my life.

She said she really liked me too and that we would just follow a plan where we see one another once a week or twice a month for a few months and see where it leads us. I agreed. And then we did our thing.

Earlier this month she asked me what my thoughts were about being more of a couple. I told her I still was not sure. She's very pretty and her job being what it is men are always more or less descending on her. I don't think I am secure enough with myself to step into that role she would need if I were her boyfriend. I gave myself til the end of the month to think it over. But whatever happens I would not mind being her friend.

She's a good person and has always been really kind and patient and understanding with me.

The only reason I'm saying this is because from everything I hear this is an atypical experience. From how warm and kind she is to me. She has no real reason to be, I'm not paying for anything. I'm broke. I'm okay looking and somewhat tall. I'm definitely not as gregarious as she is.

But it has been a really good experience for me and it is because of tinder. I don't know. It hasn't been a disaster for me I don't think.

Sorry for the long read.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-12T23:31:15+00:00

Agreed. I did OLD apps for a decade and while ultimately I was very successful (happily married) I hate them with a passion

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-12-12T18:57:44+00:00

Gonna just point this out again

Not nearly as many people are hooking up as people think.

https://www.bustle.com/p/the-size-of-hookup-culture-is-being-greatly-overestimated-report-finds-its-having-some-damaging-effects-61050

And 68 percent of LTRs start out as friends or met through friends of friends social circles.

https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/turns-out-68-of-romantic-relationships-start-out-this-way#:~:text=Two%2Dthirds%20of%20romantic%20relationships,according%20to%20a%20new%20study.&text=People%20said%20they%20prefer%20to,or%20meeting%20at%20a%20bar.&text=Studies%20rarely%20explore%20love%20via%20friendship.

“The disaster” is still almost 70 percent LTRs thru non OLD.

Fauxmannequin · 2023-12-12T19:03:51+00:00

I think people overestimate the effects of OLD. If it’s the only method you rely on meeting people, then yeah, you’re probably gonna end up more than a little frustrated at one time or another. But most people simply don’t rely on OLD.

But still, it can serve its intended purpose of introducing people to seriously date if you’re lucky. The longest relationship I’ve had lasted 3 years and I met them on Tinder.

fuckLEDDITmodz · 2023-12-12T20:12:51+00:00

Dating apps are simply a means to meet people nothing more. You can meet some trash and some gems on there but at the end of the day it's whatever you make it to be.

TWCDev · 2023-12-12T19:17:09+00:00

I agree apps suck for building relationships. You can use them, they work. My oldest relationship is 5+ years and that was from an app, but that's because I play the numbers game which is generally successful combined with being a volunteer for a nonprofit which was recognizable on my profile which some women (good women) like.

But saying apps are a problem for LTRs and thus happiness, I think isn't true.
Relationships don't equal happiness, so for women whose expectations are too high, the end result is just them being single, not that they're unhappy. This isn't new, in the. 80s I remember many many women who lived alone. Maybe this was forced (because men pursued younger women) but they all seemed happy enough and focused on family and friends. Family and friends is the route to happiness, not relationships. If you get good sex from hookups, bonus.
The men I know in real life, who are single, sometimes complain about wanting to fuck hot women and not being able to, but they rarely complain that they want to make all the sacrifices needed in order to be in a relationship. I live with 2 women. They use me as a body pillow at night, they take up 2/3 or more of the closet space in the entire house, they decorate and have control of at least half of the house. I have to drive 8 hours for holidays several times a year to visit family.
This is all "relationship" stuff, and many men don't want to do any of that stuff, and they acknowledge it. They just want sex, and they think of a relationship as the way to get it. If you want sex and aren't able to succeed on dating apps, you should hire prostitutes. If you want a relationship that also includes sex sometimes, then there is plenty of opportunities to get them in US metropolitan areas. The lower the population, the harder it would be I guess, but here (2.4 million), it's easy. If I wasn't living somewhere with a vibrant opportunity for interacting with strangers, I'd move.

ryboto · 2023-12-14T21:49:06+00:00

This has been my experience. Hookups happen on all the apps. Most women need me to polarize immediately or they don't keep talking to me. I admittedly have old crappy photos but I am always the picture taker and don't have any from friends or family that really show me off.

Maybe I'm selling myself short as I am very fit, and I know a lot of men's profiles showcase that. Eh. I've had ok luck meeting women, but meeting quality women I'd want to date has been harder. My area is fairly sparsely populated so that may have a bit to do with it. I also assume I get filtered for my age, height and dad status despite having a stable decent income job and living a healthy lifestyle.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2023-12-12T19:27:39+00:00

Dating apps are the clearance aisle of people.

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-12-12T19:05:51+00:00

Idk my girlfriend met her expectations on a dating app and found a relationship lol

MidoriEgg · 2023-12-12T20:32:55+00:00

I think dating apps could be pretty helpful in rural areas and small towns where it might be genuinly really difficult to meet people your own age who you aren’t related to/wasn’t your friends high school girlfriend or something. There’s still scarcity even with the app in those situations so people seem to take the relationship more seriously. But in big cities I’ve never seen a net positive for dating apps at all.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2023-12-12T22:25:23+00:00

Hell yeah dude. As a below average looking guy who is 5'8 - 5'9, I've had nothing but terrible experiences on dating apps with only 2 exceptions. In other words I've gone on 1st dates with maybe 40 different women. And only 2 of them were remotely positive interactions.

I match with these chicks who claim they're looking for a "relationship". Yet when I meet up with them, it's all business. They treat the whole thing like a job interview. No flirting, no fun, nothing. Just straight to business. They start asking questions about my thoughts on marriage and family. It's like they're ready to settle down and trying to find a husband, but the guys their parents found for them on arranged marriage sites were too ugly. So they're hoping they can get some guy on a dating app to commit to them before any intimacy even takes place. Lmao, it doesn't work that way girly.

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Safinated · 2023-12-12T22:13:14+00:00

People cheated and lusted after others before apps, I assure you

Electronic_West_1831 · 2023-12-12T19:30:01+00:00

There is no realistic way of meeting a women that doesn’t involve either a dating app or the risk of public humiliation; personally, I’ll stick to Tinder, a pointless and futile exercise it may be, but the chances of me being creep shamed on TikTok are significantly lower than the dreaded cold approach

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2023-12-12T20:41:09+00:00

Do women like dating apps? Would they rather keep them, or remove them and return back to meeting in person?

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-12-12T22:22:51+00:00

I met my hubby on OLD (Tinder), what attracted me to him was he listed that he was specifically looking for a relationship and had the same taste in music as me, so giod and easy conversation starter. The looking for a relationship part was very important because it eliminated the anxiety of the person I was talking to only being after a hook up.

ta06012022 · 2023-12-12T23:50:51+00:00

Most of the long term couples I know who have met post college have met through dating apps. It’s by far the most common way among the couples I know.

Apps serve their purpose. They’re designed to make money and have a lot of imperfections, but having apps is better than not having apps.

Something-bothersome · 2023-12-12T23:59:18+00:00

Seems to work for some. I read something like 30% of new relationships start online, that doesn’t sound disastrous.

It just adds an option, it doesn’t have to be the solution for everyone.

Creepy_Pass_957 · 2023-12-13T14:27:09+00:00

I agree with you, but I also met such an amazing guy off hinge. I guess it depends on your mindset

WeeklyVirus2203 · 2023-12-13T14:43:03+00:00

I think if everyone was more honest about what they wanted it would be more successful. I only date men but have heard that plenty of women do the same thing but my main blockers are 1. Saying LTR to get matches when all they want is regular sex and no label 2. Married but don't admit it 3. Thirsty AF and just wanting sex chat, no to meet IRL 4. Not healed from previous relationships

For point 1 to 3 if they put this in their profile they could find it as both sexes seem to want this type of situation. Target your profile to your audience. What this would do is take away the time wasters from genuine LTR seekers, reduce us all complaining about it and the impact on self esteem, mental health etc and fingers crossed allow everyone to get what they want. And I get thirsty guys on all platforms, Hinge currently being the worst!

Not gonna happen I suppose but it's a nice dream

Title	Dating Apps Are a disaster for Relationship
Author	Otherwise_Possible2
Upvotes	20
Comments	139
Date	December 12, 2023 6:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18gt6jg/dating_apps_are_a_disaster_for_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-apps-are-a-disaster-for-relationship.1240603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240603

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