It’s a common gripe to hear women talking about how after a getting married or being in a LTR for a while, their partner lets himself go, becomes lazy, stops making an effort in their appearance, just becomes a total bum, the woman rightfully loses attracted and enthusiasm, and gives the man an ultimatum or ends the marriage or relationship. She is seen as the victim in this case by those around her.

When the tables are turned and the woman is the one becomes the bum, there’s always an excuse other than “she became a bum”. “Maybe she’s depressed”, “why don’t you appreciate the things she does do”, “why did you get with her then… you knew what you were getting into”

On the topic of depression since it is worth discussing:

  • I have seen cases around me where the man who is the “bum” insists he’s depressed and his partner brushes it off as BS that he’s using as an excuse for his laziness

  • I have seen cases around me where when the woman is the “bum”, those around the couple insist she must be depressed but when the man confronts the woman about it, she assures him she’s not depressed but those around them assure him she must be denying it and if not, it must be due to a range of complexities besides pure laziness

Is this purely anecdotal in my circle or does this double standard actually exist? If so, why?