Former PUA's, what made you stop?

ApprehensiveDot3115 · 2023-07-26T12:21:46+00:00

I got over the fear of rejection, it served its purpose.

Pre-PUA days, approaching women made me feel extremely anxious to the point where I'd avoid it completely. 'Why even try if it could go wrong? It could backfire! She could say no and it would be embarrassing.' This mindset was glued to me and it was affecting multiple areas of life, stifling my ambition.

After a relentless PUA faze, I lost that fear. 1000 no's immunize you to it, you realize it doesn't matter. And it helped me develop my social skills to the point where I can charm the socks off the entire room, which has been very useful personally and professionally.

It's all direct feedback. The humiliation of your faux-pas is the fuel you use to not make those mistakes again, and the sweetness of your successes is the fuel that reinforces good habits and behaviors. Over a large sample size, you really figure it out.

I think every neurotic guy should torture himself with a PUA faze. It's the ultimate exposure therapy.

not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-07-26T12:10:34+00:00

Approached few girls, one of them agreed to go out with me. So I didn't need PUA anymore.

StrikingAd8556 · 2023-07-26T20:01:58+00:00

I basically learned everything I needed to know to attract women. I learned how to present myself in a way that shows I would be a suitable mate and how to act charming and interested in them. Learned how to approach them and move the conversation to where I wanted it to go rather quickly. Basically developed my own techniques and routines that felt natural for me. about 70% of the advice didn't work like negging and all that. What helped the most was learning about why women fall for narcissistic men and adopting those traits.

Chad_Thundercock717 · 2023-07-26T17:06:21+00:00

I dabbled in the early 2000s, at it's height. It's just too much work. Constantly being in your head planning your next move. Worrying about your frame and all that nonsense. Instead I went the Natural Game route, from guys like David Wygant, Mark Manson, and even Tucker Max. Most PUAs lose frame the second something doesn't go their way. Woman doesn't immediately return a text, they lose their shit, and revert to their AFC ways.

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-26T18:21:04+00:00

I witnessed a group of pick up artists spam approach a bunch of girls in a park one day. All the women had a baffled, wtf is happening here look on their faces. They probably thought they were on one of those candid camera shows. It looked so cringey and weird looking at the interactions from the outside that right then and there I told myself "god help if that's how I come across to women because that's just so weird".

So I stopped "trying" to pick women up that day and resolved to just be a normal guy. Incidentally, my success with women skyrocketed and at times I had to approach only one or two women a week or a month for me to get enough play. As where before, I'd have to go out almost every day and approach a bunch just to get a few fake numbers. It worked, the same way that digging a ditch with a spoon works. Yes, it can be done but it's ineffective and exhausting and frustrating. So much easier to just act like a normal guy without trying to extract something out of women.

Excellent-Tree-2612 · 2023-07-27T13:43:38+00:00

I started to dislike myself
I lost all respect for women
It never got me where I wanted to go

badfirstdate- · 2023-07-26T13:42:24+00:00

Claiming to be a PUA is cringe.

Just talk to people. Be normal.

The comments saying “taking to strangers is antisocial behaviour” are chronically online.

AreOut · 2023-07-26T12:10:00+00:00

I was a kind of "PUA" for a very short period of time, I stopped because I felt quite stupid doing it and I claim that any man doing it is just wasting his time together with the time of those girls.

indigo_pirate · 2023-07-26T12:10:44+00:00

Successful relationships

Cjaylyle · 2023-07-26T12:08:10+00:00

After a while their conscience kicked in and told them to stop preying on very drunk women and to stop harnessing the anxiety of insecure women for sex

RahLyt · 2023-07-26T12:51:08+00:00

I was never a PUA but when I was single I use to approach. Nothing really if I was single I'd still be approaching.

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armonilyss · 2023-07-26T13:20:38+00:00

PUA??

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-07-26T13:32:15+00:00

I wouldn’t classify myself as your typical PUA, more of a natural before I discovered TRP having little trouble picking up women from bars, but then tons of success spinning plates on apps.

To put it simply, I was with enough women to know what I wanted, what I didn’t, and what I wouldn’t tolerate. I also think there is an element of “getting out of your system” guys need to have in order to avoid oneitis, but also to know you have the skills to get women should a relationship fail.

At that point, the cream just rose to the top. Almost five years later, all good.

-AvatarAang- · 2023-07-26T16:41:16+00:00

I am considering getting into PUA myself. Anyone have any advice regarding that?

I previously used to be way too "nice" and anxious around women and people in general, but I'm trying to learn how to be confident and ininhibited. I plan to read books on PUA so that I can understand social interaction better, understand female psychology better, and then hopefully be able to speak to a woman without any nerves and hopefully strike up a genuine connection with her, that eventually leads to a long-term relationship. I will cherish her and treat her so with so much love, and give her forehead kisses every single day. I'm not looking to become a player or have casual sex. Just love, with one woman.

Things like PUA seem like great tools for men like me to better understand how to interact with women. I know PUA has a bad reputation but I don't plan to manipulate any woman, but rather understand what produces the deepest emotional connection possible between a man and woman and try to achieve that. But I feel like I might intuitively already understand what that method is: listen deeply to the other person, without thinking about how you're going to respond, and when you do respond be as sincere as possible rather than saying what you think they want to hear. That's what I imagine fosters connection between two people. So maybe I can learn social interaction intuitively, but understanding female psychology will be easier by reading books written by men who've interacted with women way more extensively than I have.

I used to think being "nice" was the answer for creating friendships and romantic connections, whereas I now see that being "nice" doesn't foster anything, it only reinforces the low self-esteem of the person being nice and makes them invisible in social settings. You need to be sincere, tell people how you actually feel (while still being tactful) or at least don't act in a manner contrary to how you feel, and not value the other person more than yourself (always value yourself more, since you're the only person whose intentions you can know with certainty).

harmonica2 · 2023-07-26T16:47:12+00:00

I have a gf now so...

No_Length_6997 · 2023-07-26T17:48:10+00:00

Never stopping. I’ll always chat girls up and be a flirt. Not like any women have ever been faithful to me.

Fit_Locksmith2035 · 2023-07-26T20:01:44+00:00

Tinder is free

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-07-27T09:28:32+00:00

I remeber when PUA was big back in the late 90s and mid/late 2000s. It was 2011-2012 (18 at the time) I started learning "the mystery method" and watched videos by 33Secrets, Todd V, and Roosh.

Only problem is that yea I was cold approaching and had no issues talking to women, I couldn't ever close with women. Thats when I decided to quit PUA because being young and dealing with constant rejection was annihilating my mental health. Also Tinder just came out and all my female friends at the time were going out on dates, I was struggling to get matches, and the only advice I got after was "Wow your such a nice guy, someone will find you."

Then I found the red pill at 26 and it changed my life.

Title	Former PUA's, what made you stop?
Author	Away_Entrance1185
Upvotes	6
Comments	161
Date	July 26, 2023 11:32 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15a39uq/former_puas_what_made_you_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/former-puas-what-made-you-stop.1226509 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226509

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