How does one "Work on their personality"

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-03-17T00:31:36+00:00

what has happened to make it so that no one understands what the english concept "personality" means" you all seem to think its some Psych 101 term or greek philosophy "virtues"

personality means that to be funny, interestig, likable, charismatic, engaging, charming, etc

why dont any of you know this? what are you mental cases recommending therapy for?

bread93096 · 2023-03-17T02:57:26+00:00

Something which I think is true from RP ideology is that Dark Triad traits, when present to a moderate degree, make people more likable, not less. This is true not only of male-female relationships, but of all relationships.

A lot of men on this sub could stand to be more egoistic. They’re self conscious, self hating, desperate for approval from others, fearful of rejection and judgment. You should go into social interactions thinking not about how you can please others, but asking what you can get out of it - and I’m not talking about material things like sex or money. Ask yourself, what do you enjoy about social interactions?

Maybe you have an interest, like anime, or fantasy, or something else that’s not so popular. Fuck it, people are going to listen to you talk about it. Maybe you tell a joke and no one laughs - who cares? The only good reason to tell a joke is because you think it’s funny, not because you want to score points with others. Maybe you’re in a conversation that’s boring you - so change the topic. If you’re bored, chances are they are too. Let your own emotions be the barometer of the situation.

When you stop worrying about how to make others like you and just focus on having fun, you become more likable because, 1. everyone is more charismatic when they’re enjoying themselves 2. you having fun enables other people to ‘join in’, and you become a source of fun for others. The ‘life of the party’ so to speak.

This is what charismatic people do. They’re not Machiavellian social manipulators, they just say what’s on their mind, and have a good time being themselves wherever they are. What’s uncharismatic is consciously trying to become more likable to others. That’s not your job. Your job is to be you.

blebbyroo · 2023-03-16T22:47:23+00:00

Imo one of the best ways is acts of service. I have a planner where I track how often I workout, study for other jobs, read, etc. and one of those lines is for service.

If you can get in the habit of looking outward and actively trying to help others just day to day it will make a world of difference

herinquisition · 2023-03-16T23:05:24+00:00

Depends on what you need to work on. Sometimes there may not be that much you can do, or that you'd be likely to do to change, like in the case of some personality disorders.

But aside from that:

- Therapy is a great resource for everyone. There are usually childhood trauma issues you wouldn't expect that affect who you're attracted to, how you connect and form attachments, etc. as well as coping mechanisms that no longer serve you and hinder connections with other people. Therapy, therapy, therapy.

- Think more about empathy and empathetic listening

- Active listening and conversation skills

- Learn about emotional abuse and what it is and looks like. Learn about healthy boundaries - both setting and respecting them

- Build confidence and assertiveness that is also grounded in self-awareness and kindness toward others

- Talk to friends and family members about things you could improve, but keep in mind that not everyone likes the same kind of person. So some feedback should be taken with a grain of salt. For example, some people don't like talkative people but others will appreciate that about you. People filter a lot through their own insecurities and bias, so the goal is to learn to balance perspectives and learn what to take and what to leave. I say this because how you make people feel is very important, but also some people will not like you for reasons that are not your fault sometimes and maybe even due to their own insecurities. It's a lifelong practice to strike the balance of being a kind, empathetic person that connects well with others, while also being assertive, confident, and grounded in who you are

- Be kind and forgiving to yourself and work on self-acceptance and self-love. I've found that internal dialogue usually affects how we treat other people. These are the thoughts about yourself, your worth, etc. that can be buried deep in subconscious mind and come out in different ways. For example, if you're very critical of yourself and lack confidence and self-love, you might also be very critical of others and lack empathy. This goes back to therapy really.

- Be authentic and enjoy your (healthy) interests, hobbies, projects and don't be afraid to be judged for them. Being interesting, happy, and passionate is attractive

Some people are naturally introspective and self-reflective and have deep connections with friends and family to help with processing this, but I think therapy is going to make a huge difference for most people.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-03-16T23:07:38+00:00

I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing -focusing on building my own personal code of ethics and morals (very inspired by the philosophy of the good place if I’m being honest) -started volunteering at an animal shelter -considered the traits I wish I had, or find admirable, and worked harder to emulate them myself (kindness, patience, compassion, work ethic, trustworthiness). Personally, it was like I woke up and flipped a switch.

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propyl21 · 2023-03-16T23:31:44+00:00

It's such a damn shame posts like this get taken down as it is seen as an advice post yet the misogyny filled ones stay up. Some great responses in this post.

StarTrippinn · 2023-03-17T02:54:05+00:00

What a great fkn question. I think leaning into you genuinely are and doing things that make you happy and make you light up when you speak is important. Really pour into yourself and discover who you are and what means the most to you.

Filling your mind with things that help you grow mentally so you can have an interesting conversation with someone is a good idea.

roger61962 · 2023-03-17T06:55:22+00:00

Travel. Meet people. Talk.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-03-17T12:45:39+00:00

Do some good for someone. Whether it's a small task or an every day thing just something nice for someone. It can be extra play time and walks for your dog. It can be helping your friend out with something. Just small things and helping others will help you.
Active listening. Listen to people.we all have biases and stuff or have opinions but sometimes just listening to the other person.
Become a yes man. Go out and do things. If your friends are doing something this weekend go out with them. Start saying yes to more things and experiences. Make yourself super busy doing things out of your comfort zone.
Positivity and gratitude. It's so easy to be stuck in a negative headspace because of lived experiences. All we see on the news in media is tragedies and stuff. But making a little effort to notice the good in your life and being thankful for the good around you and yeah sure there are bad things happen but there's a lot of equally good. And to try and focus on that.
Therapy/Counselling. Trauma and emotional wear and tear happen. Like a car, like your body, and everything else sometimes a professional can help keep you maintained and things can get broken so it's okay to get it fixed. Trauma is never your fault but learning how to grow and recover and heal helps. If you have a mortal wound you see a doctor and get treatment emotional trauma is the same way, (break ups, death in the family, extreme parental neglect).

bluestjuice · 2023-03-17T13:52:14+00:00

A lot of deep reflection about what personality traits and habits you dislike in yourself, or feel like an inauthentic representation of your ‘best self.’ Developing a vision of what you want to be like and identifying what’s holding you back. Then when you have some points identified for growth, you can start devising a plan to specifically practice a new behavior and grow in that direction.

jhondough345 · 2023-03-17T16:42:15+00:00

This is mostly a throwaway line to avoid harsher truths about mate selection and evolutionary psychology

Safinated · 2023-03-17T16:51:17+00:00

Stop being antisocial, negative, edgy, offensive, self centered and selfish

Yes, I did that and it worked

Highonuppers · 2023-03-17T19:00:09+00:00

As one comment said, it starts with a self-introspection and getting to you yourself. I would say that working on your personality means to identify your weakness and negative traits and take action to change them if that’s what you want, or simply improving them.

Med_AmineCel · 2023-03-18T09:51:45+00:00

it's just a meme

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-16T23:32:03+00:00

That really depends on what you're working on. There are so many different personality traits and you can have too much or too little of all of them. If you don't even know where to start with what to work on, the best way to find out is to talk it through with someone you trust or a therapist.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-03-17T01:42:21+00:00

Seeing a therapist.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-03-16T23:26:52+00:00

Be constantly learning and growing. Read a lot. Have things to talk about other than what TV show you watched last night or the latest Marvel movie. Venture outside your comfort zone and talk to/meet people outside of your social circle and family. I myself have social anxiety but one thing that I found helpful and that I recommend to others is to take a public speaking course or to join Toastmasters - it will help you in your career but also with just talking to strangers socially.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-03-17T00:41:03+00:00

Start by not being so uptight and insecure about everything. If you are totally relaxed and non chalant around women and don't always try to pursue them and hit on them, they may actually start liking you.

focuspocus22 · 2023-03-16T22:47:17+00:00

Read up on active listening skills, and conversation etiquette. These things will give everyone a better personality.

cromulent_weasel · 2023-03-16T23:10:29+00:00

Learning new things and practicing habits that make you a better person.

Some ways to learn: Read books, get a therapist, talk to friends with good judgement.

Some habits: Start a hobby you are interested in, make some friends, get regular exercise and sleep, volunteer to help at an organisation.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-03-16T23:44:53+00:00

Therapy.

Hobbies that involve others.

Learning.

Backas_Before_Work · 2023-03-17T10:40:57+00:00

It’s starts by doing egoless introspection and learning the aspects of your personality that isn’t perfect and is in need of bettering/adjustment.

Few people have even done that and many refuse to, which is the primary reason why so many think it’s bad advice.

It’s like building another floor on a house that has a shit foundation. Many will proceed to build that extra level so that it can look good externally rather than deconstruct and see that the foundation is built properly internally.

It’s a personal journey that will mean something different to different people. For example, it can mean an introverted person learning why they’re such a shut in and taking steps to go out more, or an extrovert learning why they always find the need to seek out others and finding ways to spend more time inside with themselves.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-03-16T23:55:57+00:00

Take an interest in other people and find opportunities to practice socializing. I went to tons of meet ups when I was young and super shy. book groups, spirituality meet ups, whatever. Stay later at parties, don't just bail at the first opportunity. It helped a bit but was a slow process.

Xanax_ · 2023-03-17T02:51:12+00:00

It basically means you have to be able to carry the conversation. Practice, practice, practice. Learn a persons interests and feed their ego, learn to pick up on social queues. where/when they show interest and what appears to bore them etc etc

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2023-03-17T03:00:52+00:00

Example from cognitive behavioural therapy: if you tend to fall into unhelpful thinking styles that trigger extreme reactions/emotions, it might be worth recording your thoughts and identify which unhelpful thought processes lead you there and what arguments are there to disable them. Over time, you react less extreme to things, as thoughts are the root to your emotions.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2023-03-17T03:07:04+00:00

Developing charisma. Learning how to be outgoing. Picking on social ques

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-03-17T03:48:43+00:00

Self improvement material.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-03-17T04:36:48+00:00

Confidence and trying to achieve the next level of super saiyan daily

Appropriate_Car2697 · 2023-03-17T05:12:27+00:00

When I made post earlier on the purple pill debate sub is a few guys helped me think abt this same question and I remember when I’m talking to my close friends I’m more relaxed and loose and not rlly super uptight kn what I talk abt but when I’m in front of other people I just start to over analyze and it makes my personality a lot worse. I also realized that when I’m drunk people like me a lot so essentially just letting looser is kind what I realized I have to do.

MiamiSunrise12 · 2023-03-17T06:11:34+00:00

Build confidence and try to be more empathetic

Far_Albatross_Far · 2023-03-17T09:36:22+00:00

Be born normal.

DestroGamaDx · 2023-03-17T11:03:36+00:00

Its a cop out where people simply assume you don't put in the work.

My only advice as a sociopath that navigates social situations and friendships is to have multiple opinions on multiple topics. Essentiall just have things to string together a conversation when needed.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-03-17T13:30:19+00:00

I found a crew of people that I liked doing stuff with. And then I would offer to do things with them/for them cause they were my bros: and they do stuff for me cause of course they would: I’m their bro. Then we had other groups we’d help. And they’d be good to us. Then we also had personal causes, something bigger than ourselves that I, or we, would volunteer/donate to help with and met people that also cared about it and even some who might not but we talked about it and gave each other different perspectives.

You don’t have to be a religious dude to see why “do unto others” is good life advice. Just be a bro

Damn I could just said: socialize and be kind.

Laniekea · 2023-03-17T15:46:32+00:00

Fake it till you make it

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-03-17T16:23:32+00:00

Did someone tell you to do this?

Hosj_Karp · 2023-03-20T07:10:19+00:00

You can't, really. Personality is largely genetic and immutable.

"Working on your personality" should be replaced as a phrase with "setting better habits".

Title	How does one "Work on their personality"
Author	NERDZWIN
Upvotes	16
Comments	54
Date	March 16, 2023 10:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11t8bjq/how_does_one_work_on_their_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-one-work-on-their-personality.1180586 https://theredarchive.com/post/1180586

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