Q4All: How important are orgasms?

future_space_boobs · 2016-10-28T13:38:15+00:00

I'm gonna preface this by saying I realize this isn't going to apply to All Women™ but I think it's true of most of us most of the time:

I don't think many men understand just how badly most women want to please them once they get them in bed and just how insecure most of us are about our bodies. Incredibly so. We really want to be the most effortlessly sexy, cool girl you've ever been with... but then we worry that our boobs sag a little and we haven't shaved in a few days (hope he doesn't notice the stubble) and we could stand to tighten things up in our midsection (maybe if we do doggy he won't notice but cowgirl is definitely off the table until we hit the gym) and oh sweet, holy mother of christ I hope he doesn't think we smell bad.

with all that going through our head you can see how it can be difficult to let go and let ourselves come, especially if we're with a brand new guy who doesn't know what we like yet. Don't get me wrong, we want to come, but we're insecure that it might take too long, or maybe we sweat since our last shower and don't want him to give us head... even if he offers... even if we fuckin' love getting head. There are a lot of jokes in the cultural zeitgeist about how it's practically rocket science to get a woman off, so we worry about that. The archetypal cool, sexy porn girl doesn't need a half hour of foreplay to get her going, after all.

So we focus on getting him off and making him feel amazing. Once we know and trust a guy these fears fall away and we get more concerned with our own orgasms, but first we want to establish ourselves (however unrealistic this may be) as the hottest lay we can be. So you can see why the best sex, for women, is almost always with an established partner and not a first-timer. If we're into the guy we really do love to make him feel awesome in bed, so if he comes away with his mind blown we'll walk away feeling good about ourselves... but if his mind is blown and he can work us past our body hangups and make us come we'll probably become repeat customers.

rulenumber303 · 2016-10-28T13:10:19+00:00

In the longterm yes orgasms are important, if I'm not getting orgasms the sexual relationship is going to be on shaky ground. I mean think about the dynamics of that relationship... when I feel like having an orgasm I'd be actively avoiding my partner! However it is possible for an individual session here and there to be pretty good without an orgasm if it is emotionally intimate and lighthearted fun. Vasocongestion is more of a problem for me after multiple orgasms than it is after mere arousal.

If some manosphere/redpill women are telling you that sexual relationships without orgasms ever are all fine and ticketyboo for them, well that is probably the best they've known and I deeply deeply pity those women and the men they are in relationships with.

GroovyEFS · 2016-10-28T09:43:04+00:00

Orgasms are very important for both parties, anyone who says giving women orgasms is beta is a fucktard.

Best thing to do in my experience is you make the girl edge a lot and don't let her cum for like a week then it's Orgasmtown for the both of ya.

anitapk · 2016-10-28T11:58:46+00:00

I can do without them every once in a while if the fuck is nice and animalistic.

What turns me off completely is a guy going crazy about making me cum, and going paranoid if I don't. That smells like desperation.

I can feel completely satisfied even without climaxing with no blue clit symptoms

SkinnySweaty · 2016-10-28T15:39:20+00:00

Orgasms are everything.

If you expect her to want to see you again, you better get her to orgasm. If you expect her to stay with you, orgasms are mandatory.

Ignore her orgasms if you like jerking off alone.

GridReXX · 2016-10-28T18:37:44+00:00

For a while I suppose I can be content oragasmless, but eventually I'll going to resent not getting off. So for an LTR it's very important.

As someone else mentioned if the session is ultra passionate, sensual, intense, and animalistic... the overall experience will be good enough for me to be okay not busting a lady nut.

However if we're just doing maintenance sex for the LTR... for me to remain "happy" and not resentful of the sex and not feel like a human fleshlight, it would be nice if each session ended in an orgasm so I feel I got something out of it too. :)

OfSpock · 2016-10-28T11:25:23+00:00

They're vital, sex without orgasm is pointless and frustrating. It make me annoyed with my partner.

mashakos · 2016-10-28T15:01:03+00:00

Likewise, I've seen men who say they bang women all the time without bothering to help them orgasm, or refuse do the things she says will make her orgasm because it "takes too long", and yet these women keep coming back for more.

Gold diggers. Eye on the prize.

sublimemongrel · 2016-10-28T15:22:55+00:00

One tradcon guy I've spoken to on many occasions even said that giving women orgasms is "the way to betahood".

The only men who would say such a thing is a guy who is bad in bed or too much in his own head. What retarded, overly paranoid, and counterintuitive mentality. Yeah, that'll keep'em coming back to your bed.

Q4Women: Are your orgasms important for good sex? Is it possible to have a great session of sex if you don't cum at all that time? Given that vasocongestion (blue clit) occurs in women as well as men (blue balls) how do you deal with the discomfort of persisting arousal when you don't orgasm?

Yes, orgasms are most definitely important, although it is still possible to have good sex without one (I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it "great" sex though).

Orgasms are key for both partner's sexual experience. I can't imagine anyone who would say otherwise. Granted, I'm a post-wall married woman who has been getting orgasms from and giving orgasms to the same man for the past 12 years. We know exactly how to get each other there. No worry, shame or guilt there. And yes we each have our times when it's just not going to happen (for whatever reason), and that's ok too although it's pretty rare.

screenmagnet · 2016-10-28T15:50:24+00:00

Participating in sex without an orgasm makes me angry.

Jaxx_Teller · 2016-10-28T18:03:09+00:00

I am probably in the minority of men with this view, but if i am with my girlfriend and we're having sex all the time, I don't care if I do not finish during a session. To me, it just means that I am going to be extra horny later, and my orgasm will be much more satisfying.

But some girls, including my gf, sometimes get insecure if I don't cum when we're having sex. Even if I reassure them that it's fine, even if I came before in the same day, my gf says that she has all these thoughts about how maybe she isn't doing it right, which really isn't the case. I mean i cant just cum on demand like guys supposedly can do. That's just not me, and never has been. Sometimes I want to just save up my urge to the point where when I eventually do orgasm it will be very intense. To be honest, it kind of bothers me in my personal experience that a girl won't understand this.

Sunhappy_DC · 2016-10-29T11:58:02+00:00

good luck pair bonding with a woman in this day and age if you can't make her orgasm

TW_CountryMusic · 2016-10-28T13:52:19+00:00

Sex is pointless without them tbh. Fortunately I orgasm easily so it's never been an issue. On the rare occasion a guy didn't get me off (which really only happened with my first bf), I do it myself.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2016-10-28T20:34:57+00:00

IMO if it's a 1 night stand then both partner's orgasms are important, because all they're getting out of it is sex, so at least make it good sex. I can't say sex is good sex if either partner doesn't get orgasm.

However, while orgasms are important in relationship sex most of the time, sometimes there are times when 1 partner isn't feeling it but wants to please the other because they love each other, so the one who isn't feeling it might not reach orgasm, but that's okay if it happens once in a while in a relationship.

But if it's ONS then both partners should be reaching orgasm since sex and pleasure is the goal of a ONS.

DesireeStar · 2016-10-31T23:41:11+00:00

Orgasms are EXTREMELY important to me and here's why:

With only 30% of women who can cum vaginally only, laying pipe so good they twitch doesn't do it. Avg time to turn a girl on to get her ready? 20-30 min foreplay. Without extra effort beyond laying pipe, it's ** NOT doing it for her.

Men are severely misinformed about how women work and as a result, until a good lover is found, learned and established, orgasming was non-existent. They don't care, or know to care, because women are MUCH more complicated.

If a man thinks every women he has fucked by piv only has orgasmed, he's been severely mistaken.

Why don't women cum more? Telling a ons or casual lover they can't cum without more clitoral effort is difficult at best when all those things above are churning AND men don't know how women really cum AND then if they do, they don't care to help.

For my entire sexual life, my orgasm rate was about only 10% of the time with casual lovers, 5%with ons, (if they bothered to eat me for more than 5 min,) and about 75% with LTRs.

So. That's why women don't cum every time like men do.

Education, communication and actual care and concern will change all of this.

With all of the information on the internet about sex, sexuality, female anatomy and physiology, there should not be such numbers.

alcockell · 2016-10-28T11:38:17+00:00

Are your orgasms important for good sex?

yes.

Is it possible to have a great session of sex if you don't cum at all that time?

i don't think so. i mean it can still feel good so i won't say that it's horrible if i don't finish, but i'd never classify it as "great" if i didn't.

Given that vasocongestion (blue clit) occurs in women as well as men (blue balls) how do you deal with the discomfort of persisting arousal when you don't orgasm?

ignore it until it fades, or take care of it myself.

littleeggwyf · 2016-10-28T11:42:21+00:00

Being able to have one when I am in the right mood is important, but not every time. I sometimes want the intimacy but don't want to concentrate and finish on purpose.

shoup88 · 2016-10-28T14:54:16+00:00

No, an orgasm is not the be all, end all of sex for me. I'd say I orgasm maybe 65% of the time? If we're having a quickie, or I'm focusing on him, then it's just probably not going to happen. Everything leading up to it still feels good. To me, almost all sex is good sex. I'm like a teenage boy - just happy to be here.

If I ever have "blue clit" (gag) I would just finish myself off.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-10-28T16:59:10+00:00

Likewise, I've seen men who say they bang women all the time without bothering to help them orgasm, or refuse do the things she says will make her orgasm because it "takes too long",

Link some examples not from TRP or redpill men. I defy you to find a single example of a non pillospherean male admitting to not caring about the female orgasm.

The only men I have ever seen say shit like that are RP dudes trying to over compensate against the current cultural hyperfocus on male sexual performance (ie, if she doesnt come its your fault, and if you dont come its also your fault).

cxj · 2016-10-29T06:11:53+00:00

Are your orgasms important for good sex? Is it possible to have a great session of sex if you don't cum at all that time? Have you ever had a female partner who did not care about whether she came or not?

Yes they are important but I have always had trouble pulling the trigger even while jerking off lol. I probably don't finish about 1/4 of the time. I fake it with most girls because their feelings get really hurt if I don't and they think something's wrong with them. It has nothing to do with them and has happened with girls I was really really into. TBH most girls don't seem to care that much about their orgasms, and when I press them about it they just say they really don't know what would make them come and don't care to find out. The ones who do have orgasms know exactly what they want, communicate it clearly and it works in 2-8 minutes or so.

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shogunofsarcasm · 2016-10-28T11:04:48+00:00

My orgasms are important to me but they aren't the most important thing.

I can have great sex without one, if we are talking about vaginal sex, I never have one without help. So really I enjoy it but it isn't the biggest deal if it doesn't happen. However, in a relationship I do like if my partner enjoys using other means to help me get there at least once in a while not including my period which is basically a week of just sex for me. Mainly oral is my preference for an orgasm but hands work too. If it is a ons I expect not to have an orgasm because I won't do oral with him and it takes a few tries to get the hand movement right.This means I do deal with persisting arousal. I deal with it by not complaining and waiting it out or sometimes finishing myself while the guy watches.

I find a lot of the girls who say sex is good without ever having an orgasm* are being honest, they just haven't actually had a guy take the time to learn how they work or they haven't taken the time to learn themselves

Edit*

DashneDK2 · 2016-10-28T11:52:45+00:00

Sex is overrated. Orgasms double so. But then I have sex three times a day and am going on 50 years. It's ridiculous. At this point I rate chocolate bar much higher than an orgasm.

BPremium · 2016-10-28T13:31:43+00:00

I've had plenty of sex where I didn't finish. I take a long time, dont know why, I just do. So I focus on my partner and make sure she finishes as often and hard as possible. A womans pleasure is my top priority. I'm not a Chad, so I cant expect much

Entropy-7 · 2016-10-28T15:02:41+00:00

If you are 20, young, dumb and full of cum then the big "O" is it. When you get to my age and have had as many women and orgasms as I have. . .just enjoy the process.

FishingWithShoesOn · 2016-10-28T17:43:40+00:00

I've never understood the whole "sex sucks for women because no orgasm" argument. Like I enjoy plenty of things short of orgasm, I enjoy a hug or a kiss or a grope, none of those will ever make me orgasm

stonepimpletilists · 2016-10-28T18:04:22+00:00

During sex, important.

During workday, less so

wynterpetals2 · 2016-10-28T19:05:17+00:00

Orgasms are important, it releases a chemical that leads to bonding.

iponi · 2016-10-28T19:54:22+00:00

One tradcon guy I've spoken to on many occasions even said that giving women orgasms is "the way to betahood".

LOL! Orgasms are important. The only exception is people with an orgasm denial fetish.

fullmoonhermit · 2016-10-29T16:35:40+00:00

My partner has to be invested in mutual pleasure. Caring about my needs in a real way. Whether I orgasm or not is secondary to that.

So that's the difference between some asshole who uses me as a sex toy and someone who genuinely tries to make me feel good.

Does that make sense? It's not so much the goal as the intent.

For me, achieving orgasm can take a long time with a partner, so sometimes I just want to do other things. Other times, I want an orgasm, and I ask for one. Just depends.

-The-Pussy-Whisperer · 2016-10-31T23:50:04+00:00

Female orgasms are very important and you should be keyed into your partner to try and make that happen. For purely selfish reasons: if she likes it, she'll want more of it.

For me, my stamina is excessive and my partners have tapped out prior to my climaxing. It can be frustrating, but masturbation is an okay substitute when needed.

justtypingcuz · 2016-10-28T15:56:31+00:00

My orgasm Is definitely important. once I cum is when sex ends.

Wether my female partner cums or not... idc

DarkLord0chinChin · 2016-10-28T10:16:51+00:00

Women don't like sex, so I can see how they may not care about orgasms too

Title	Q4All: How important are orgasms?
Author	MisgenderedCactus
Upvotes	7
Comments	210
Date	October 28, 2016 9:29 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/59tjnk/q4all_how_important_are_orgasms/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-how-important-are-orgasms.272120 https://theredarchive.com/post/272120

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