Thoughts on cheating?

goatismycopilot · 2019-03-06T14:35:13+00:00

I think the men here will say if a man cheats he is high value and it does not mean he loves his wife less but if a married woman cheats it is a horrific crime against humanity.

belletaco · 2019-03-06T15:05:19+00:00

Do you associate cheating with high value or low value behaviour?

cheating is usually done by "low value" people in an attempt to get validation from the opposite sex.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-03-06T14:19:57+00:00

just spending time alone with another person?

Wat? No. Just how neurotic must one be to classify "spending time alone with another person" as cheating in and of itself?

Is it different when men cheat or when women cheat?

Nope not to me.

Do you associate cheating with high value or low value behaviour? I believe that if you had lots of options you wouldn’t feel the need to cheat, you would just break up with them.

I agree with you. If you have options you don't need to resort to cheating.

Is cheating more acceptable in a marriage or a relationship?

It's unacceptable in either case.

whichbladeN · 2019-03-06T14:19:13+00:00

'Cheating' is only acceptable in a separated marriage. That's the only scenario that is less immoral than the rest.

Emotional cheating is a thing. Basically where you sext, or express romantic love for another person. Ultimately it's a precursor to actual sexual affairs.

It's probably different in most cases where men and women cheat. I would think men are more likely to cheat for casual sex, and women are more likely to form romantic relationships and then cheat. But both sexes are known to do both.

doctor_trucks · 2019-03-06T15:51:24+00:00

Cheating is never acceptable, in any form, in any relationship. There is no excuse that makes it ok.

Go do what you want, but be honest and break up with your partner first.

fuckdr11 · 2019-03-06T16:29:33+00:00

Cheating is extremely low value. Next.

Sir_Koopaman · 2019-03-06T16:22:35+00:00

Cheating is unacceptable in virtually all scenarios. Either separate or have an open relationship.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-03-06T17:49:43+00:00

Cheating is bad because you’re breaking your word. Cheating is not gendered, it’s not less bad for men than for women. There is no gender pattern; men can fall in love with an affair partner, women can cheat just to have a second dude, without living him or planning to leave her husband. People can love two people. Lying is bad. Stereotypes are bad.

Belugoid · 2019-03-06T14:31:19+00:00

The people dating decide what cheating is. Personally, I'd consider anything sexual cheating (so that includes sexting and such) but I wouldn't consider emotional closeness cheating unless it was somehow interfering with my SO's feelings for me.

There is no difference when men or women cheat.

I don't associate it with any kind of value. Well, I guess cheating has to do with the amount of opportunities a person is confronted with so in that sense it gets harder to not cheat the more desirable you are.

Cheating gets more hurtful the more there is at stake but the higher stakes also mean there's more incentive for the cheated on to forgive their partner.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-06T16:12:48+00:00

there is no such thing as "cheating" in an ad hoc "bf gf" "relationship. people in "LTRs" are just trying each other on for size usually at the peak of their capacity to do better (for women) so it makes sense that among young "LTRs" theres lots fo cheating and branch swinging

the attempt to elevate LTR to some committed state like marriage is all mouth music, meaningless and unreal and evedryone knows it

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-03-06T16:42:09+00:00

Cheating is being with someone in the same way that you are with your exclusive partner.

If you’re sharing a life with two people, both sexually and not mutually agreed upon, you’re cheating.

Shazoa · 2019-03-07T11:40:31+00:00

I think a lot of cheating happens just because people find it an easier way out when compared with the alternative; actually identifying, discussing, and addressing issues.

If you're in an unhappy marriage there are a lot of pressures to keep you in it. Kids, for starters, but the social pressure from family and friends, and even a vague sense of community or societal pressure. There's the idea that you took a vow and you're supposed to make it work, but it isn't, and that represents how you failed at something. Then there's money, living arrangements, and loads more.

The 'right' thing to do if you're in an unhappy marriage is hard. The easy thing to do is get your relief elsewhere on the sly - whether that's sexual gratification, emotional support, or validation. If you do it right you can have your cake and eat it... only it's not that simple, and most people end up consumed by guilt or get found out, and it all comes tumbling down. People are not simple and even when they know a relationship isn't working they can feel attached to it. It comes in baby steps, too. One day it's just a message, then a bit of flirting, then it's meeting up but nothing will happen, then you've gone too far but the spouse can never find out. Not many people actually go looking for an affair.

So I don't think it's ever right, but I can understand when it happens. I actually find it harder to understand it in casual relationships because it's relatively easy to just break up if you feel the need to cheat. It's more damaging when infidelity occurs in a marriage, but it's often a lot more complicated too.

wokein · 2019-03-06T14:22:31+00:00

Well by time alone I mean a date which may not end in a sexual interaction.

hammerhaunts · 2019-03-06T17:51:43+00:00

Both, yes, low value, neither

Clit-cheese · 2019-03-07T23:09:23+00:00

I used to get really angry about cheating, even just reading some online persons story about cheating would get me fuming.

Nowadays i almost HOPE my wife cheats. It would making transitioning into amicable divorce so much easier, and honestly, it would be enlightening for her and good for her growth as a human being. Right now she is lying to herself that sex doesnt matter and having an almost purely sexless marriage is a-ok because we're grown up now and our focus should be elsewhere or... something.

No joke, she even wanted to buy me a weighted blanket the other day, because i still proposition her for sex, and she thinks this indicates "hyposensitivity" and addiction to touch on my part. I cant believe how dumb she is at times, for a smart chick.

I would cheat myself, but i think it would just turn into a huge blow up with recriminations and lawyers and ultimately a bad situation for the kids. Right now im feeding my wife articles about open marriage and shit, hoping to spark something. Its more of a social experiment than anything, because im mostly apathetic, but it would be satisfying to score a trivial intellectual point on her by getting her to concede that sex still matters, just not sex with me.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-06T16:00:19+00:00

Ill give you a version of my answer to goat tailored to your OP, but as you’re mainly asking moral questions the science on what happens is largely immaterial ... “you can’t get to ought from is”.

Is cheating only sexual interaction or can it also mean emotional cheating or just spending time alone with another person?

All humans will have different views here, but they ought to sort by sex.

The main risk to females of male cheating is “abandonment” so women feel more strongly against emotional cheating than men.

The main risk to males of female cheating is “cuckoldry/parental investment” so men feel a lot more strongly about female sexual infidelity than emotional infedelity.

Is it different when men cheat or when women cheat?

Morally, you’ll have to decide for yourself. But scientifically these are treated differently by the two genders. Male cheating s much more often forgiven thanthe cheating of fertile women. Once women are past child bearing age this evens out. (Which I think is why swingers mainly seem to be over 40).

Do you associate cheating with high value or low value behaviour?

In females “promiscuity” is seen as modestly attractive in a ST mate and so adds to her ST mate value. It’s highly undersirable in a LT mate and would greatly reduce her LT mate value. Cheating per se is only possible in LT contexts and greatly reduces her value, more so than in the sex reversed case by a modest amount.

Promiscuity in males is about equally undersirable in both LT and ST contexts. Cheating greatly reduces value too, but not as much as with women.

However, it is the most highly desirable males that are likely to both be promiscuous and cheat. This means that in many more cases than females they would be able to take such a large hit and remain desirable. Hence the phenomena of “I’m the wife, and I ignore the mistress” type deals with very highly desirable men.

I believe that if you had lots of options you wouldn’t feel the need to cheat, you would just break up with them.

Absolutely a woman would. Women seek to have the best mate possible.

Absolutely a man would not. The best deal for a man is to have a stable loving wife at home, and lots of whores and bastards in addition to that.

So females commonly cheat with an objective of “moving on to a better man”.... while for males the objective is much more commonly “getting some side sex in addition to staying with the wife I still love”. Hence the phenomena of mistresses saying “he keeps promising to leave her for me, but doesn’t ever actually do so”.

Male/Female Love emotions work differently this way for this reason. Females are much more monomaniacal. Males much more open to sustaining love for 1 woman whilst still sleeping with many others.

Is cheating more acceptable in a marriage or a relationship?

Again, a moral question where people may agree to disagree. Science can’t help us. I’m going to say “less acceptable in marriage” simply because a formal commitment was overtly made there not to do so, whereas such an agreement is merely implicit in most other relationships and was not formally committed to.

diffdedbed · 2019-03-06T14:29:57+00:00

My wife has had sex with maybe 20-30 guys since we were married.

I've had sex with maybe 40 women since we were married.

If either of us cheated, it would probably lead to divorce. Cheating, at least for me and her, is not about sex its about trust. Without trust a relationship is not worth having.

Relationship vrs married is too grey. If you have been exclusively dating for two years, even if not married, cheating means something more than if you just had a couple of dates. I almost cheated on my wife this way, we had been dating a couple of months, I went out of town, met girl who was also out of town, made out a bit, got interrupted, and it ended. I even told my gf (now wife) about it and it bothered her a ton which surprised me at the time as we were pretty much all about the sex then. What I didn't know is that she was already in love with me, even if I wasn't quite there yet. Had I cheated then (and you can argue the making out was) that may have ended our relationship.

PlantainNationalism · 2019-03-06T14:27:06+00:00

It depends on a case by case basis. You can't just bring up a vague concept like cheating and say "alright, discuss". That isn't a position. This isn't a debate.

rosacanina_ · 2019-03-06T16:43:40+00:00

Cheating is inevitable. It might be different if average life expectancy is 30 but since we live so long now cheating is probably just inevitable.

It might also be because people are afraid of the "sex has been kinda boring lately" talk? But I don't think humans have it in them to fuck the same person for 20 years and never wanting change.

[deleted] · 2019-03-06T17:00:32+00:00

Thoughts on cheating?

Grind dancing with someone else is cheating.

Willow-girl · 2019-03-07T13:41:00+00:00

Don't do it! It's more trouble than it's worth. Just break things off cleanly and move on if a relationship isn't working for you.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-03-07T15:30:24+00:00

Some people deserve to be cheated on.

Pleanty of vaulable woman will accept infidelity from their high valued husband but only the lowest valued unattractive loser men would accept it in a wife.

Woman share high value men all the time. It dosent work the other way around.

shipiaozi · 2019-03-06T15:07:33+00:00

1.Man and woman cheating are quite different.

[1] In most relationship, male body worth much less than female. Let's say two people formed a company, A contribute 10k worth of capital and 20k worth of labor, B contribute 20k worth of capital and 10k worth of labor. Then "capital withdraw" is more serious for B than for A.

[2] For most man, LTR partner is much better STR partner, man cheat for sex. For most woman, STR partner is much better than LTR partner, woman cheat for love.

[3]Paternity Uncertainty. Even if I understand it and view it as an illusion, I still feels bad.

2.Loyal provider hate cheating more than polygamy lover, because they can't afford paternity uncertainty. Someone who "f**k and run away" don't care about the blood of his children let alone cheating.

3.As someone who understand paternity uncertainty, I could accept former sex worker/one-direction open marriage with reasonable payoff, cheating isn't a great offense to me because it's not actually harm much. (Single mother or sterility woman are unacceptable)

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2019-03-06T14:48:22+00:00

I hate a cheater. Married couples should agree before marriage as to whether or not they will be monogamous or open. Then if one attempts to cheat the offender should be physically disciplined to the point of either opting for divorce or returning to the original marital agreement.

stappen_in_staphorst · 2019-03-06T18:18:15+00:00

I don't put "cheating" on the same pedestal most people do; to me it's breaking an agreement like any other and not some kind of special or holy agreement. I put the same weight on it as "promising to come to your play and then not showing up"

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PearsOfWrath · 2019-03-06T17:38:05+00:00

If a woman cheats her marriage is over.

Cheating is fucked. Especially in a marriage. People take relationships before marriage way too seriously.

Title	Thoughts on cheating?
Author	wokein
Upvotes	2
Comments	174
Date	March 6, 2019 2:08 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/axz7ng/thoughts_on_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/thoughts-on-cheating.256890 https://theredarchive.com/post/256890

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