What do we think about coffee dates?

Pitiful_Home5655 · 2025-10-15T12:22:11+00:00

If a girl really likes you it literally does not matter how luxurious a first date is; if a coffee or froyo date turns her off then she wasn't really all that into you.

Oli_love90 · 2025-10-15T14:14:01+00:00

To me, it’s fine for a first date especially if you’re just meeting from the apps.

But hearing guys admit that they put forth low effort if you’re not hot does bum me out a bit. Unrelated but related, when I hear guys various dating strategies it solidifies why I should never date again.

Primary_Mechanic_565 · 2025-10-15T13:32:24+00:00

I dont care how "hot" a woman is, I'm not doing an expensive first date.

I think most people of my generation (millennial) and later have moved on from the performative courting process.

Low stakes, low commitment, see how you vibe and take it from there. If she likes you, she's going to want to spend time with you.

TrumpFucksKidz · 2025-10-15T12:31:08+00:00

I'm all for it.

I think it's a low threat environment that removes any expectation of reciprocation.

I don't mind paying for a coffee or ice cream for a stranger I could be interested in. I'm not gonna pay for a night on the town for a stranger that I could be interested in - that's reserved for someone who has demonstrated that she adds value to my life.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-10-15T15:30:53+00:00

I think they're great.

As a guy who was not willing to pay more for a date just because a woman is "hot" it's a way of screening.

If she's too good for coffee or something small, then either she wants the guy for his wallet or she isn't that into him.
It establishes the guy isn't going to simp for her time or approval, and allows him to build a connection with her without any quid pro quo looming in the background in either of their minds.
If the date is dead, you can simply walk away with minimal investment.
If the date goes well, you can lean into that without money, have a great time, and the idea of spending money together later is not ruled out. As someone who always wanted egalitarian relationships, it just works better for this purpose.

The purpose of a date is the person, the activity is secondary. The activity should be enticing and give you a glimpse into who the person is and the kinds of experiences they're open to, it's not nor should it be an indicator of perceived value.

My first date with my wife, we just met up and went for a walk somewhere we both wanted to go, then we walked around a nearby park, hung out, and we always had a dynamic where we never got sick of talking to each other. We hung out for so long we got hungry, eventually got dinner, and I must've liked her because I normally don't like sushi but the only place around was a Japanese restaurant and we were both starving so I just ended up getting a bento box with steak teriyaki and giving her my California rolls. We ended up splitting the bill.

What made the date was the hours of effortless conversation, fun, and flirting, not who paid for what. And the restaurant wasn't even part of the original plan. The original plan was just to walk the bridge, take in some views, and go from there. We hung out so long she accidentally overstayed her parking by almost an hour but thankfully didn't get a ticket.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-10-16T02:54:11+00:00

that’s a staple in the lesbian community! i’d side eye any straight woman who judges a guy for suggesting that

Sweet_Discount4485 · 2025-10-15T14:56:43+00:00

It's a great idea for people!

I've never really seen the hot or not scale be mentioned, seems more to be a matter of proportion to how far along in a dating or relationship cycle you're in.

And in any case, coffee shops are pretty fucking cozy!

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MoreCheesePlease8675 · 2025-10-15T14:13:03+00:00

That coffee is cheaper at home 😂

bluestjuice · 2025-10-15T17:26:39+00:00

I’m a big fan of low-stakes, low-expense dates as first dates, so yeah, coffee before noon and ice cream after noon are ideal.

I’m interested in meeting and talking with the person, and don’t want to waste a lot of time if it’s an obvious mismatch. I also don’t really want to be impressed by how he splashes out for a first date — I want to be impressed by how he shows up over the long term.

KayRay1994 · 2025-10-15T19:23:41+00:00

They work as far as how online dating is normally structured since it is a low stakes, low bar way of getting to know someone for the first time.

I def don’t think they’re a good idea for dating someone you already know, but if you’re meeting someone for the first time, its a good way to fish out if yall have basic chemistry. Imo its less about how hot someone is, and more about “the talking and getting to know each other in a low stakes setting is the date” - like especially in these circumstances, i want to know you before dating you, and a coffee date is a good way to get initially acquainted

Ok_Royal_8429 · 2025-10-15T19:42:29+00:00

Frozen yogurt is better than coffee because maybe I like yogurt on a personal level haha. Don't really like coffee.

Low price is fine. Yogurt would spoil everyone's meal. Do you not want to eat with her? Guess that might be fine for squeezing meeting someone new into your schedule when you're young and don't know people very well. Especially if you are convenient and close by. Personally, I like a slice of pizza better than anything. Real food/nutrition and I won't be hungry later. You could maybe stay for an hour or 2 for a beer or dessert and talking a while, without having to change the entire plan for the day around being fed and going to various places.

A first date should ideally be conveniently close, personal-ish, and be easily longer than a to-go order. It should be someone you've spoken to enough to get their likes and dislikes. It should be with someone you know isn't going to be awful in the first 20 minutes. And you should be looking for more than a glance at their bum in person when you meet them on this date. Beyond that, it's up for interpretation, I guess.

Confident_Counter471 · 2025-10-16T00:46:41+00:00

If it’s a tinder date id rather get coffee first, very low stakes. My husband and I went on a coffee date for our first date

DankuTwo · 2025-10-16T03:17:16+00:00

All dates are good dates if they work out.

The date I take a girl on has far more to do with how we met and our respective schedules than anything else. Sometimes, that means tea/coffee (although usually not).

I wouldn’t know where to even find frozen yoghurt. Genuinely.

Tylikcat · 2025-10-16T04:37:57+00:00

I just mentioned on another thread, I think they're great for meeting people in person if you're doing the online dating thing - but also, that haven't had great experiences with OLD and men. (It's more useful in the queer community, because queers are thinner on the ground.)

I find formal dating kind of ridiculous? What's important is spending time together, not spending money. But some people like those rituals.

Keep_calm_or_else · 2025-10-16T23:50:03+00:00

It depends on the generation I guess but when I was younger we were told that "Let's go out for coffee" meant he was asking to take you to bed. I don't know if it's true or not.

All the first dates I've been on have been meeting up at an activity we both already do, like a concert or a party, etc.

socraticsnail · 2025-10-17T23:14:29+00:00

I find a free or low cost first date to be pretty prudent tbh. A first date is only to figure out if you want a second date so it should be low investment and low pressure.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2025-10-19T03:38:54+00:00

I love coffee dates to meet someone for the first time. It’s not about the coffee, it’s about seeing if you like each other in person. I’ve had coffee dates last 30 minutes and coffee dates that last 6 hours. Easy way to check each other out to see if there’s anything there to pursue further

Suddenfury · 2025-10-19T13:19:19+00:00

Invite the person to something you want to do instead.

1) You get to do something you like, you'll be a lot more fun when you're not bored. 2) Your date gets to know what you like, and will have more fun with you because you're also having a good time.

Hot-Wrap7042 · 2025-10-21T07:03:11+00:00

I’ve never met a women who wasn’t up for a more casual date first or a date zero, as I like to call it. This idea of the guy not caring is a bizarre one to me. How is he supposed to care about you when he doesn’t really know you?

ladybird_00 · 2025-10-15T14:16:50+00:00

I’ve never been asked to go for coffee on a first date and I wouldn’t go on one. Gives friend vibes and the atmosphere isn’t sexy. Lowest effort first date that I love would be going for drinks.

Luckyyou0 · 2025-10-15T14:22:28+00:00

I enjoy coffee dates bc it’s something quick and easy. It’s usually during the day, an hour long and you get to sip and talk with someone and it’s a great way to get to know someone!

However the lazy low effort men have in fact ruined it by thinking that women who accept this kind of date is deserving of all low effort dates going forward after that initial coffee date and then it turns into all of their “dates” are going on walks at a park and then right after that he’s inviting himself over to your house to lay in your bed, use your Netflix subscription, use your AC and then try to hunch on you. 🙃

so idk but this does happen often (depending on the man sometimes I feel like you can gauge it and then decline the date) and so I can’t really blame the women who say no to coffee dates when this has been my experience several times even for a woman who is fine with coffee dates!!

Women generally aren’t expecting you spend $300 on a first date but they want to see that you have invested some energy, effort and planning into going on a date with them. Some people surprisingly are NOT serial daters and want to make sure there is intention behind a date, otherwise why go on it at all?

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-10-15T13:12:39+00:00

I like them. With online dating in particular I’m going to invest in someone who builds up trust with me. Like why would I spend $200 on a stranger just for them to bounce afterwards, even if I can afford it?

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-10-15T13:48:23+00:00

I will never wash and dry my hair for a coffee or ice cream date. I'm 32 years old. I don't drink coffee on weekends and I don't eat ice cream or froyo. If a guy wants to go on a date we can go for a simple dinner. I'm not going on walk or a hike either. I usually text or FaceTime guys a lot before we even get to the point of dinner because I also don't like to waste my time. Also I've never been asked on a coffee or ice cream date since high school so it's not really a problem for me.

What do we think about coffee dates?

Comments

1 the fact that you wouldn't wash your hair isn't something guys would care about

2 you can get lots of different drinks and food at coffee shops

Title	What do we think about coffee dates?
Author	Xiggyj
Upvotes	2
Comments	52
Date	October 14, 2025 3:35 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o6itix/what_do_we_think_about_coffee_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-we-think-about-coffee-dates.1564175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564175