What is your stance on ghosting?

Civil_Seaworthiness · 2019-01-08T01:21:40+00:00

I've talked about this before; it's highly contextual. I would rather be ghosted than told 'hey, I found a much hotter girl, sorry'. I would, in most cases, prefer someone tell me 'hey, you made a few jokes at dinner that I didn't really vibe with, I'm sorry but I don't think I'm into that' - but I would understand if they weren't confident enough to say that and just kind of didn't want to deal with it.

I think the best thing to do in all cases is to assume best intent, while interrogating your own actions. If someone stops texting me back for a while, I try to think - 'maybe they weren't into it, maybe they're busy, either way, if they want to talk to me, they will, and if not, I don't want to hang out with someone who doesn't want to talk to me' - but also look at our last texts/last date and be like... hm, what went well? What might I be able to do better in the future? What about the way that I comported myself was worth repeating, or worth changing?

When breaking something off, it's usually best to be polite and honest about it, but sometimes you're going to be anxious or feel like your reason is hard to defend or forget or start dating someone else or any number of things can happen, and it's a good thing to ask yourself... hm, what went well? What might I be able to do better in the future? What about the way that I comported myself was worth repeating, or worth changing?

Just make your own choices, but if you want to be a moral actor, compare your choices to your morals and do your best situation by situation.

cxj · 2019-01-08T02:39:06+00:00

Young people seem to think that it’s less hurtful to ghost than to say to someone they don’t like them.

Young people are also confrontation avoidant to an extreme, and feel entitled to avoiding emotional discomfort 🤷‍♀️

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-01-08T02:51:41+00:00

Ghosting is, in some ways, a natural response for ending your interactions with someone, but being that we can speak to each other in ways that we can more accurately understand, ghosting isn’t the most appropriate way to respond in some situations.

If you’re ghosting someone because you would personally feel guilty for wanting to stop conversing with someone and are trying to avert stress from confrontation, then yes, you’re a coward.

jintana · 2019-01-08T05:50:50+00:00

No one owes anyone anything, but it’s still a rude, irresponsible, cowardly, and shitty way to break up or cease contact, which is best used for last resort situations, not conflict avoidance.

Texastentialism · 2019-01-08T00:29:30+00:00

I'm sure if someone who I really liked and who I thought liked me ghosted me, I would be hurt and sad. Then again, I would also be hurt and sad if he texted me and said "Hey, I don't like you that much and don't want to see you again." So really, what's the difference? Either way I'm not getting what I want. At least if he ghosts me I can make up a reason that has nothing to do with him not liking me, like maybe he's dead or in witness protection.

Pope_Lucious · 2019-01-08T00:31:21+00:00

People shouldn’t take it so personally.

Also what are the parameters of ghosting?

If you’ve had one conversation after matching on tinder, then never talk to the other person are you ghosting them?

_anothergumnut_ · 2019-01-08T00:28:46+00:00

dating only a few times? you mean, been on 3 dates?

it's not a cowardly way of breaking up, because there's no breaking up to be done. you've been on 3 dates. you owe each other nothing.

hammerhaunts · 2019-01-08T00:11:12+00:00

I don't like it

whitetrashcarl · 2019-01-08T00:47:59+00:00

I’m all about it, if we’ve been on less than 3 dates

After that i think it’s pretty low

Look i have a friend who calls stopping talking to a tinder match “ghosting,” well, you have to draw the line somewhere, I think 3 dates is fair

killallthenarcs · 2019-01-08T03:04:31+00:00

If you've not yet got some sort of mutual understanding of exclusivity then the assumption is you will have other options and avail yourself of them and as one casual relationship descends another will ascend, no fuss no muss. If you do have a mutual understanding of exclusivity then ghosting is very rude because it put the person being ghosted in a very difficult and ambiguous position, unable to move forward with someone else without breaking an agreed on rule of your relationship.

NeuroMnemonic7 · 2019-01-08T05:38:32+00:00

It's pussy shit. You don't have to give a long ass explanation, but at least have the nuts to face the person when you pull the trigger.

wtffellification · 2019-01-08T08:38:49+00:00

It's so sad, the best argument in favour of ghosting seems to be "nobody is owed anything"

decoy88 · 2019-01-08T17:28:47+00:00

People don't know what "Ghosting" is I swear.

It comes from the word ghost. As in, how a person would respond if they were dead.

If your friend was dead, you'd text them, call them, attempt to contact them multiple times and be met with nothing. That's being ghosted

Two people not reaching out (or one being too proud to reach out) to another after a few dates is not 'Ghosting' Ghosting is actively ignoring someone. Or blocking them without explanation.

KikiYuyu · 2019-01-08T00:16:34+00:00

Unless they're feeling threatened, anyone who ghosts is a piece of shit.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-01-08T00:37:15+00:00

I've done it but generally as a last resort with stalkery types.

Shadow_Of_ · 2019-01-08T03:48:12+00:00

It's for dishonest people.

deadsandsushi2 · 2019-01-08T00:12:10+00:00

I'm in favor of it. I don't care if one guy doesn't click with me. There are plenty out there. I really don't want to get a lame text about his not wanting to see me again, and definitely not a call.

I'm cool with his just fading. He doesn't owe me anything if we just went on 2 or 3 dates. I won't be offended.

I'm definitely not obliged to send a text to a dude I saw a few times to "end" anything.

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azngirl7689 · 2019-01-08T00:45:16+00:00

Ghost crazy. Crazy is crazy.

DREADC0RSAIR · 2019-01-08T01:15:43+00:00

If you were in a relationship with the person you should probably inform them that you'd want to take your own path, but if you only been on a couple dates with the person you don't owe them anything

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-01-08T01:52:56+00:00

I think humans are shitty and shitty humans do shitty things. Either way, that's life, deal with it.

simcity4000 · 2019-01-08T02:01:29+00:00

I think after a first date its fine, after date 2/3 not so much.

Truedemocracy4 · 2019-01-08T03:30:51+00:00

It's reflective of the times. Sure ghosting sounds abhorrent. So does dating 8 people at a time, or dating multiple people months on end and it being ok because you never talked about being 'exclusive'.

Is it cowardly? Sure. But this day and age it's also kind of an unwritten rule if someone doesnt text you they arent interested.

Also it's not breaking up with someone. No one ghosts to break up. There is nothing to break after a few dates.

The_Legend_of_Jaelon · 2019-01-08T11:45:15+00:00

I really hate it. I’m gonna go and say it counts as ghosting if you’ve been talking to this person consistently for 3 weeks. If you just leave without saying anything then you’re an ass. I hate how some people have tried to say this is just the norm now. And people love to say “They didn’t owe you anything” until it happens to them and now you’re wondering wtf happened too.

panzershark · 2019-01-08T16:57:11+00:00

I try not to do it. I don't really care if I get ghosted by someone I haven't seen for very long, but if it's someone that I actually cared about then I'd get a little upset.

A simple text isn't hard and seems to be appropriate sooner rather than later. It helps stem the flow of questions like "Is she busy, or just not interested?" "Am I texting too much or too little?" "Did I say/do something wrong?" "Should I reach out to her to schedule another date?" I've overanalyzed situations to the point where I was getting bummed out, and a simple text could have solved this a few times.

I try to do my best to have as little of a negative impact on people as possible, so if a simple text can save someone some trouble then I'm all for it.

SpaceWhiskey · 2019-01-08T22:32:45+00:00

If you only go out a few times with someone, it's not a real relationship and thus ending things isn't really a breakup at all. I think ghosting once things haven't gotten serious is profoundly rude, but if it's in the early stages of dating I don't think it's a big deal and someone I've been seeing for a short period of time isn't entitled to an explanation for why I've become disinterested. Most people I think would rather live in ignorant bliss anyway, people say they want closure, but who really wants to hear that I've discovered they're boring/annoying/bad at sex/ect.

play_yr_part · 2019-01-10T10:27:00+00:00

I went on a date with a woman about an hours drive away, we had a good time. Didn't reply to my texts after. After a couple days I "called her out on it" (for lack of a better term) as the date was mutually enjoyable and that not replying in any way at all is lame. She replied back stating that the distance wasn't feasible factoring in her busy work schedule. Now this could have been her way of letting me down gently or whatever, but to me it felt infinitely preferable than the previous silence and though not expected I felt better afterwards. I never treated it as a numbers game so that could be where I was going wrong.

And unless they're crazy doing it with anyone who's a fling or above is just shit tier behaviour

peacefulopinionberry · 2019-01-23T04:50:41+00:00

Ok, so this one is tricky. I’ve had people ambush me with messages or get upset for ghosting them when I’ve never met up with them and only talked to them for a day or two. That stresses me out and I don’t think the short amount of communication obligates me to explain why I’m not responding. Sometimes it doesn’t have to do with them, or maybe I discovered a dealbreaker that’s not inherently good or bad, but just my preference. Today a guy I had talked to for two days said he “lost respect for me” and that I played him. I think a line needs to be drawn as to what is actually inconsiderate, and what is taken too far.

I have gone on one date and ghosted because of my uncertainty with how I want to proceed going forward. I don’t want to send anything because either I wouldn’t want to know why someone wasn’t into me (e.g. you were less attractive in person, or your voice sounded strange), or I want to leave the possibility of me reaching out to them in the future an option. However, this approach that I’ve done a number of times does make me feel a little uncertain and perhaps guilty.

However, after 2-3 dates I definitely can see how it’s inconsiderate, and you should at least say something. By then you actually meet the person and start to form something, and they gave you their time.

I like to think this is logical.

fuckdr11 · 2019-01-08T00:14:12+00:00

I think it's fine. I've ghosted and I've been ghosted. It's part of the game. When it happens to you, move on to the next one.

verticordia · 2019-01-08T00:33:50+00:00

Fucked up, but I've done it. Only after sex, though, not like with a relationship.

CatchPhraze · 2019-01-08T01:43:41+00:00

A date or two? Probably whatever. After that, if sex or expectations have come in to play, it makes you a shitty person to do it.

Zippo-Cat · 2019-01-08T06:12:01+00:00

Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.

Of course it's cowardly. Even women with their infinite rejection paranoia surely can send a "This isn't working out, sorry" message.

Bestoftherest222 · 2019-01-08T00:48:30+00:00

Ghosting is probably the best way to breakup with a modern female. Any form of contact tends to end in yelling, screaming, and alike. All of which can lead a female to levi false charges or she will gas light you to do something stupid. I've had friends I told to ghost their females, they wanted to do it the face to face way.

A few got gash lighted and acted on it, next thing you know my friend is in a blackmail relationship in hope his "lover" doesn't charge him with DV.

Ghosting isn't bullet proof but it gives the modern female less ammo to use against a man.

Million-Suns · 2019-01-08T03:44:21+00:00

Ghosting is the sane way to move on. It prevents wasting his/her time and yours. And no interactions means no toxicity and additional bitterness.

If it is over, what's the point of continuing talking about it and adding salt to the injury anyway?

SavingMasculinity · 2019-01-08T02:55:38+00:00

Being ghosted by cowardly bitches is what red pilled me. I don't blame them...bitches just ain't for that beta bullshit. I know better now.

Ghosting is for cowards! Feminists should tell women to stop being such cowards and COMMUNICATE. Tell the guy "Hey, I no longer want to fuck you because you are too beta."

The women who have communicated properly to me, have all been in their 30's so maybe it's something I get for banging 20 year olds.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-01-08T09:04:37+00:00

I love ghosting. I ghost all the time, and really prefer people ghost and just disappear from my life if they aren't interested in being part of my life.

If you made plans together or gave the impression that a person should expect you to stay around, it's a little different -- setting people up with false expectations is shitty, and you should make sure to cancel or otherwise try to reasonable lengths to make sure they aren't dependent on you, if you're decent. But I'd be uncomfortable in a world where leaving at the drop of a hat wasn't an option. I got itchy feet and don't like locked barns.

enzotiger · 2019-01-08T00:47:03+00:00

I think pumping and ghosting should be how you repay women who freely give sex

theobesegamer · 2019-01-08T00:36:49+00:00

Nothing wrong with it.

ThrowFader · 2019-01-08T00:47:37+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

Title	What is your stance on ghosting?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	12
Comments	194
Date	January 8, 2019 12:09 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ado4ou/what_is_your_stance_on_ghosting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-your-stance-on-ghosting.257984 https://theredarchive.com/post/257984

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