Would you be a stepdad?

AnarchoNAP · 2021-01-12T01:12:13+00:00

Nopity nope nope. First of all, you more than likely have a baby mama hanging around. People who share kids with ex’s aren’t REALLY single.

Then that’s one less kid I can have. I have to put in the work for no recognition. And I’m not ever go to love some ex’s kid like my own. There will be a clear disparity when I have my own which isn’t good for anyone.

If a guy has a kid with someone he didn’t stay with, why THE FUCK would I trust him.

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-01-12T01:28:32+00:00

My best friend growing up had an awesome step dad that she was very close to up to and including when he died of cancer. She was at his bedside everyday and read out loud his favourite book when he lost his sight. Her biological father was a pos who she had minimal involvement with.

She called him Dad, he was her father because he was the one who helped raise her. She named her son after him.

Don’t assume that all men think like you, don’t imply that they should. I’m not saying that men should raise another man’s child but I am saying that creating a child doesn’t a parent make.

Children can and often do bond with caring adults even if they are not related by blood. There are a lot of great step dads and step moms out there.

wekacuck · 2021-01-12T01:10:57+00:00

I can grok that. But I can also see being more of an adoptive mindset. I like kids. If you develop a relationship with the woman, then kids are... just kids. I totally get that kids are a lot of effort and work and resources. So I can see not wanting to get into that just from a cost perspective. But if the woman is someone you want in your life and you like kids, dunno.

If you try to educate him, his mother will tell you he is not your kid so dont intervene in his education.

Not sure I follow this train of thought. Why would a woman not want a step dad to help raise the kids?

spacechicken1990 · 2021-01-12T05:41:54+00:00

I have & will continue to reject men with children, I’m 22 & I do not want kids ruining every last moment I spend with my partner.

Im great with children, I like them. But I dont want that responsibility rn.

SherbertBacon · 2021-01-12T02:44:51+00:00

Only if:

I had some of my own kids first OR
The biological father was completely out of the picture in every conceivable way OR
They were 16+ and almost moving out

angels-fan · 2021-01-12T05:29:13+00:00

I am a step dad.

AMA

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-01-12T01:19:04+00:00

Being a stepmom definitely wouldn't be my first choice but if I met and fell in love with someone who had kids I wouldn't be opposed to it, provided he was also willing to have kids with me because I do want my own bio kids no matter what.

If I was single past childbearing age I'd definitely be open to it because at that point beggars can't be choosers and I feel like having stepkids would beat no kids at all.

Personally I grew up around a lot of blended families (aunts/uncles/cousins) and I didn't observe the dynamic you're describing in your OP. Not saying it doesn't happen, just that it's not an inevitability. I have a step-grandfather and step-cousins and as far as I'm concerned they're all just as much family as my blood relations are. My brother married a woman with adult children and now has step-grandkids who he's over the moon for and vice versa. So idk, I've seen enough good examples in my family that I don't think it's all doom and gloom, but I certainly understand why some people wouldn't want it and I think that's valid too.

MajesticMaple · 2021-01-12T01:21:46+00:00

As a male, one of my natural impulses is to reproduce and keep my genetics alive.

I've never felt this tbh, I want a family sure but Idrc about the genetics of it. There's a whole bunch of weird genetic shit in my family tree including a mild deformity that I have, so I actually want to adopt preferably.

That said, being a stepdad seems cucky to me, just viscerally. Nothing against step dads but I don't think I could do it unless there was something really special between me and the mother

PreparationWorried33 · 2021-01-12T01:53:16+00:00

I would. I’m open to fostering and adopting so being a stepparent would be basically the same thing.

limoncelloAt3Am · 2021-01-12T02:05:48+00:00

I would be a stepmother if the relationship with the bio mother would allow me to participate enough in their education. In my view, genes are only a small part of what you give your child, and is nearly not as important as giving them your values, your view on life, sharing experiences etc.

I would rather raise someone else's child, that have my bio kids grow up with someone who teach them values I don't adhere with.

PunjabiPakistani_ · 2021-01-12T01:11:54+00:00

Yes if i had kids of my own.

IE i’m divorced with a kid and the women i’m seeing is divorced with a kid.

Mimoxs · 2021-01-12T07:12:19+00:00

You will never be close to the kid

If you're bad at being a stepdad I guess lol. Plenty of stepdads are closer to their stepchildren than the child's bio dad.

In my opinion, if that kid had a father to make him, then he also has a father to take care of them

No? If the father abandons the kid or dies he doesn't have a father to care for him lol. I think a lot of people also forget there are plenty of single moms who are single moms bc they're widows.

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-12T01:37:51+00:00

It's extremely difficult for someone to manage being both an effective parent and an effective partner, and that's why the divorce rate of remarriages with children is over 70%. Too many parents want the benefits of a relationship, but they don't want to make any compromises or sacrifices needed to be successful. It's as though "well, I'm a parent" absolves them from any responsibilities or expectations for being a partner. The "for the kids" card can be played at any time to get out of almost any situation, especially since aside from basic needs, parents largely determine what's best for their kids.

I was in a serious relationship with a man who had kids, and it was just a lot of unnecessary heartache, headache, and drama. For years, I went out of my way to be the perfect stepmother, and I got nothing but resentment in return. My ex could have done so much more for me, but sometimes it felt like he went out of his way to make my life more difficult than it needed to be. It was dumb little shit like having to beg him to update our shared family calendar with the summer custody schedule so I could make plans around when his kids would be at our house. I learned so much, and I'm ultimately grateful for the experience, but I wouldn't do it again as a childless woman.

In the future, I'd only consider it if I ended up being a single mom, and there were a lot of healthy boundaries and expectations put in place ahead of time. For the most part, I'd rather be single than deal with stepfamily drama, though.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-01-12T01:45:36+00:00

I can be a step dad if the real dad is dead. Someone gotta help raise them

SaBahRub · 2021-01-12T02:12:34+00:00

Sigh. Again, most of the stepparents I know, and I’m sure the majority, become stepparents to the adult children of their new spouse, and often become step-grandparents at the same time.

But you don’t care about that because post-reproductive people are unsexy and invisible to you

Uesugi1989 · 2021-01-12T08:18:45+00:00

Not in a million years, it just feels repulsive to me

2021-01-12T01:02:08+00:00

It would improve my standard of living if I did.

Fuck that noise, no way.

2021-01-12T01:52:26+00:00

themostgianthorse · 2021-01-12T01:59:00+00:00

JB8511R · 2021-01-12T02:01:08+00:00

I wanna adopt a kid as a single father so I guess that’s kinda a stepdad but not really

801735 · 2021-01-12T13:05:04+00:00

SeemedGood · 2021-01-12T01:51:48+00:00

Women will be stepmothers, but if you love your children, you really don’t want them to be.

There is a reason stepmothers are characterized the way they are in fairy tales and mythology - those are warnings.

Not only have the stepmothers in our family been vicious, but one of my good friends is a high net worth wealth manager for a large brokerage firm and had this to say about stepmothers:

If you ever get re-married and have children with a new wife, don’t ever allow your new wife to have any control over your money. The stepmothers are always brutal, they just don’t care. You wouldn’t believe the bullshit the try to pull behind the scenes to make sure all the money goes to their kids.

poweroverwhelmingg · 2021-01-12T01:13:04+00:00

I’d feel like a loser raising the girls mistake.

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John_Oakman · 2021-01-12T01:26:45+00:00

Yes if/when (probably never because ~$250k is a lot of money and by the time I saved up that much in addition to my 401k I'll most likely be too old to be a step parent) I acquired the financial capabilities. The child didn't asked to be yeeted into a less than optimal situation and giving them a better life/future is worth the social penalties.

JameisBong · 2021-01-12T11:15:43+00:00

It was a complete waste of time, kids are great but their mothers are an absolute horror. Even if things go well, no guarantees that kid won't grow up and have a greater bond with the dad who had no hand in raising it.

iamthemovie1992 · 2021-01-12T13:16:39+00:00

Depends. How old am I and do I already have a kid? Because if I’m in my 30s and I have a kid from a previous marriage then of course I’ll be a stepdad and she’ll be a stepmom. If I’m not already a dad, then no, I’m not paying for another man’s kid and I’m not gonna even try to compete with them for affection from the mom. The kid will always come first over me, which makes sense because it’s her kid, but I’m not down to be around that

Creation_Soul · 2021-01-12T14:28:00+00:00

honest question: if you (as a man) would get sole custody of your child (so he would always stay with you) would you marry a woman who also has sole custody of her child? This way you both bring the same to the table (a child of your own) but also share the same responsibilities (raising a child that is not your own).

Skeletal_Sektors · 2021-01-12T14:45:52+00:00

I had a step-dad and do have a step-mom, I care for and am/was close with both. Me and my step-dad used to be inseparable but then he started abusing my mom and that’s why I hate him.

If you are a good dad, and aren’t a pos, then the kids are likely to bond with you.

2021-01-12T16:41:41+00:00

I could be a stepmother, I think. Especially if I were to be a single mother myself, I’d think it’s rather natural to date other single fathers.

Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that, though.

2021-01-12T17:08:49+00:00

At the age I am now? Definitely not. I’m too young and inexperienced to act as a father, especially since this would be my first relationship ever.

But here’s the thing. Say I don’t start dating until I’m 40 (which is a realistic possibility for someone like me) a good chunk of women who are still single at that age will be divorced and many will have kids of their own. So if I refuse to date a woman with kids, I’m probably automatically rejecting 50% of single women in my dateable age range.

2021-01-12T20:37:04+00:00

Nah I would rather invest time and money into something other than another mans kids. They are his responsibility, not mine.

relish5k · 2021-01-12T21:03:19+00:00

Kids are pretty lovable. I can't imagine spending time with a child on that scale and not developing motherly feelings towards them.

Dating a man with children would only be a dealbreaker if that precluded me from also having children of my own.

I will say tho that I would not go out of my way to adopt children in lieu of having my own biological children, because there is something to be said for the genetic and biological element of it all.

Also I initially read this as "would you be my stepdad" and loled

superlurkage · 2021-01-12T21:32:17+00:00

Sure I’d be a stepmom; I just wouldn’t remarry until my kids and his were grown

Carloverguy20 · 2021-01-12T22:04:36+00:00

Maybe when im older i would consider it, but as long as she doesn't have 5+ kids out of wedlock, no job, dependent on others etc. As long as she has her act together, has a job, 1 or 2 kids, is financially responsible, then i would consider it.

LooseIndication · 2021-01-12T22:19:32+00:00

Being a stepdad means killing your own children, to benefit the lineage of a dude that is making other women pregnant, and making you pay the cost.

2021-01-13T00:28:46+00:00

Men have been agreeing to raise another man's children in exchange for reliable sex since we lost our tails.

Some women have such strong maternal instinct that they will tolerate a pathetic beta dick in exchange for keeping her kids safe and fed. We can measure the progress of our welfare state by how quickly that "some" is dwindling to "few".

2021-01-13T01:25:33+00:00

Nope. Child free since I was 16. I dont want mine, I dont want hers.

Commercial-Engineer3 · 2021-01-13T15:07:46+00:00

Hell no I wouldn't.

2021-01-13T16:37:11+00:00

I'd love to be a stepmom! I prefer to meet men with kids, as I don't want to have any myself.

ivy176 · 2021-01-14T03:26:17+00:00

I wouldn't date a man who had kids unless I had kids and I don't have kids.

geyejoe7 · 2021-01-15T23:46:35+00:00

I say no now.

But if I'm 40, single, idc. I can't have kids of my own with a woman my age. At least not healthy ones.

So her having kids is whatever at that point.

As I am now, young, No. I want my own.

TraehNoil · 2021-01-18T02:08:41+00:00

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2021-01-12T01:40:19+00:00

I wouldn’t for the following,

Kid will always come first before me (as it should)
Potential baby daddy drama
Twice the work for half the reward.
I wouldn’t be able to really love the kid like a dad if he isn’t mine, I’d be more of a uncle.
I’m young and still have my pick of child free women
If wife didn’t want anymore kids, she’d be sharing a bond with another man that she’ll never share with me.

Ladies if you are with a good man who isn’t the bio dad of your kids you better be treating him like a king. Being willing to raise someone else’s kids like that takes a lot of dedication that most men would not want to get involved with.

Suck-Less · 2021-01-12T02:50:01+00:00

In a day and age where women can go online and just make up crap for attention, I would be terrified. Imagine a 16 year old girl getting jealous of her moms attitude to you, then goes online and makes something up.

Mom has no choice but to back the daughter, society thinks men are monsters so it must be true. Evening after proving your innocence, you will end up broke, friendless and probably jobless.

This is what happens when evidence isn’t required, women constantly portrayed as victims and men as patriarchal monsters.

Believe what you want, but I’d bet money this is only going to get worse.

2021-01-12T02:52:29+00:00

No. Never. Anybody that willingly does that is a very damaged individual. I wouldn't even consider adopting anyone other than some nephew.

dondon98 · 2021-01-12T01:30:29+00:00

I’d rather knowingly be a stepdad than unknowingly be one ¯\(ツ)/¯

But on a serious note I was thinking about this the other day and I think I would if 1) the child was relatively young and 2) she was trying have a bio child with me.

But I’m not gonna lie I’d rather raise only my biological children if I had a choice. It might be cause I’m young but I have a hard time not viewing stepdads as desperate people tbh.

_mwk · 2021-01-12T07:58:57+00:00

my family is a blended family, my parents remarried to people who had their own kids when I was kinda young. my step dad is awesome, i don't see him as a replacement dad, but he's definitely a parental figure i love and am very close to. i am very close to my step siblings, so im very glad my step parents are in my life.

i don't think I could be a step mom now, I want my own bio kids. I can be a step mom if I already had kids though.

Gravel_Roads · 2021-01-12T13:13:06+00:00

sure I like kids. I had a step dad growing up. He was p cool.

YouSaidChicken · 2021-01-12T01:00:45+00:00

Nope. No interest in kids, mine or anyone else's.

The issue isn't the kids, kids are great. Singe mothers are the problem. That would kill the relationship.

Single mothers, with all due respect, are terrible for relationships.

2021-01-12T01:17:38+00:00

Never.

I'm a divorced dad with kids and I don't want another man's kids in this house. First off, "another man's kids" comes with a WOMAN. She'll think HER wants and needs are the #1 priority of the house - and she'd be dead wrong. She'll also think HER kids would be a close 2nd. Also, dead wrong.

It's me and my kids vs. the world. If I want a piece of ass, I'll pay for it by the hour.

No woman is moving her bullshit and baggage into my house. I'm not doing that to my kids.

Blended families are shit.

geometersbane · 2021-01-12T01:19:35+00:00

If I was infertile then a MAYBE. Otherwise, fuck no.

old_wise_man_ · 2021-01-12T01:35:47+00:00

Depends how hot she is.

Emervila · 2021-01-12T15:55:43+00:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

It's treason to your own blood. You waste resources into another's guy sperm and denying them to your blood so no.

Title	Would you be a stepdad?
Author	old_wise_man_
Upvotes	6
Comments	135
Date	January 12, 2021 12:59 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/kvgol2/would_you_be_a_stepdad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-a-stepdad.748331 https://theredarchive.com/post/748331

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