You should do a distracting activity on your first date with someone if you want them to like you

KayRay1994 · 2025-10-03T17:01:11+00:00

I have to commend you, I didn’t think someone could make “do an activity together” sound slimy and sinister but here we are

baller696969balls · 2025-10-03T18:08:39+00:00

Title had me hooked, body made me put a gun to my head. What the hell is wrong with you 🩷

whothehellisfrank · 2025-10-03T17:04:03+00:00

Something to think about is why just talking with you would be an emotionally disturbing experience for them?

Doing an activity on a first date is a good idea for a lot of people, because it lends itself better to natural conversation. Being manipulative is basically the opposite of that end.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-10-03T17:18:51+00:00

While I agree that using common interests is good for dating, as it creates a safe environment, you need to keep in mind that men and women often have different hobbies and aren't intersex.

So you need to be extremely careful here and advise men that they should never pursue "feminine" hobbies, especially those they're not interested in, just for the sake of sex.

EugeneCezanne · 2025-10-03T17:18:52+00:00

The title makes me sad. Why would you want either of you to be distracted? Isn't the whole point of a first date to get to know each other and, hopefully, enjoy giving and receiving attention?

So if you want someone to just “feel comfortable” really quickly around you, I actually suggest almost any hobby or activity you have to actively focus on

I agree. Sharing in an activity builds comfort.

But you don't just want comfort. You want tension, heat, spark, attraction, arousal, passion, etc. You want to send her home thinking about you, not the activity. You want her to daydream about seeing you again, not about going back to the amusement park.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-10-03T17:10:04+00:00

I don't know is that my personal preference or not, but i want to spend a date kind of concentrating on a person, and so far all activity dates ended with me feeling like i've wasted my time because i didn't get to know him and i had no excitement for second date. There was just nothing interesting about him, just an activity. So to me it's a minus.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-10-03T19:12:07+00:00

Can you reword your point here? Your post doesn't really clarify how it results in your title. I've noticed that most of the comments also seem confused or aren't addressing your point directly, so I seem to be not alone in this.

EugeneCezanne · 2025-10-03T17:28:05+00:00

Let me say one more thing about "activity dates."

No matter how exciting the "activity" component is, the "date" component is typically boring. You're having fun, but you're not getting anywhere.

Like, imagine we see a painting. It's not very exciting, just sitting there in it's little frame. But it allows us to talk about what our tastes, our histories with art (and even uncreative adults were child-artists once), maybe even our feelings and values, if we let the conversation sprawl a little.

Now imagine we see a monkey riding a motorcycle. We say "Holy shit, it's a monkey riding a motorcycle!" That's all we can say. That's all anyone can say. It's so exciting that we can contribute nothing to it besides the same banal observation. When it's over, we're still just a couple of strangers.

This is why the best first date "activity" is to talk. Get a little personal. Show them that it's safe and fun to get a little personal. And yes, that's also the best way to build comfort.

SharpDragonflies · 2025-10-03T19:08:46+00:00

EMDR isn't about distracting activities. It's all about memory processing coupled with bilateral stimulation, wherein both hemispheres of the brain are being activated alongside the memory. Bilateral stimulation is the core mechanism. You need the alternating sensory pattern of eye movement, auditory or tactile input in order to trigger the proper nervous system response. Apart from maybe walking, which can mimic the effects to a very slight extent (assuming you maintain a very rhythmic pace and spend the entire date focused on the event you wish to process), it's an incredibly difficult action to work into a date without sounding like an absolute freak. "Hey can I rhythmically tap your left and right shoulders the entire time we hang out? No real reason, just wondering."

DankuTwo · 2025-10-04T06:42:32+00:00

This is super American. In Europe if you ask a woman out to do an activity she’d think you’re crazy.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-05T01:25:27+00:00

I’ve heard that if you say “hello” to people, it re-wires their brains into liking you. And apparently, a handshake activates the solar plexus chakra, engendering trust. So if you want to manipulate people like a real master, I recommend saying hello and shaking their hand.

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Economy-Praline9372 · 2025-10-03T20:18:33+00:00

And reddit calls you "reasonable" mouse?

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-10-03T21:07:08+00:00

I feel like I need to take a shower after reading that

Racingislyf · 2025-10-04T08:52:00+00:00

EMDR is not as easy as you make it sound lol.

toasterchild · 2025-10-03T17:07:57+00:00

Even better if it's slightly stressful or anxiety inducing.

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Title	You should do a distracting activity on your first date with someone if you want them to like you
Author	Reasonable_Mouse789
Upvotes	3
Comments	66
Date	October 3, 2025 4:57 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nx4orl/you_should_do_a_distracting_activity_on_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-should-do-a-distracting-activity-on-your-first.1563367 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563367

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