Do you basically use hookups to get with men who otherwise wouldn’t consider you?

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-07-18T19:05:23+00:00

Sleeping with a guy the first day you meet him is risky.

Could he murder me? Will he try to sexually assault me? Will he try to take the condom off? Or pressure me to not wear one? Will he care about my orgasm?

I don’t “use hookups” to get men who wouldn’t be interested in me, but I’d like a guy I have sex with to have some accountability towards my well-being.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-07-18T17:22:29+00:00

No, i use hookups to get sex. I don’t need those men at all, better if they not consider me so I wouldn’t have issues with their attention. Like at best they will be fwb. If they fuck me good.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-07-18T17:36:19+00:00

I have literally never had a thought about any of that in my life. the guys I hooked up with were the guys I got. hooking up was how I "dated". I was always looking fir an LTR and chemistry, but never expected every hookup to become one

Lysa_Bell · 2025-07-18T17:46:05+00:00

I had different reasons for hookups during different moments in my life which include:

being lonely
wanting attention
just because I wanted sex
proving to myself that I can
because I was horny
I was intoxicated

Usually the guy in casually hookups played little to no role tbh. He was there, I was there. Sex happend because of one or multiple of the reasons above and more. Honestly the minority of my hookups happend because I was attracted to the guy. The guy was just a tool mostly.

lesliecarbone · 2025-07-18T17:35:40+00:00

No, I have no interest in casual sex.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-07-18T18:06:18+00:00

I'm not that big on hookups, but "He's not into me" is a massive turn off for me, so I would be very unlikely to hookup with someone who isn't into what I'm looking for.

Epthewoodlandcritter · 2025-07-18T19:42:47+00:00

Nah. And not only that, all the men I've ever hooked up with were really gross and I did so at low points in my self esteem LOL.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2025-07-18T21:41:19+00:00

why would i want to be with a guy who would never consider me

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-07-18T17:34:49+00:00

No, of course not

If he doesn't want an LTR, sex won't convince him

that's crazy

It's kind of pathetic to think that women don't look for and enjoy sex and hookups.

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-07-18T17:37:39+00:00

Do historical data points count?

I was a bit wild back in the day but now twenty three years monogamous and loyal. Even more interested in sex now, but very much focusing it on the one guy I married.

I don't recall ever leveraging sex to get romance, but I was a pretty clueless naive college kid, and always a pretty lusty person.

Tylikcat · 2025-07-18T19:21:34+00:00

So, first, let us focus on WAAM - women aren't a monolith.

There are a lot of women out there with no interest in hookups. You'll see folks from that faction posting here all the time.

Hookups weren't the terminology in use when I was having most of my casual sex. But when I took new acquaintances to bed, it was because I was horny... or in one case, because I was bored. At least half the time, one of the problems was that the guys who were totally fine with "no strings sex" the night before wanted to have a relationship come morning.

Okay, it wasn't that they wanted it, as much as they seemed to think that having taken them to bed, I'd of course be interested in a relationship? And I was all "No, dude, we discussed this, this was no strings sex, I'm not your girlfriend." (One seriously tried to get me to have dinner with him and meet his mom.)

These days, I'm not totally averse to no strings sex, but I only partake if there's some degree of social vetting for the folks involved. It's just not worth the drama, otherwise.

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-07-18T18:16:47+00:00

Never. Hookups were because the guy was hot, and I wanted to have sex with him. I've never wanted a relationship with someone I hooked up with, and I'm not a manipulative schemer so I didn't do it to get something else from them.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-07-18T17:29:19+00:00

No. People like sex. Young women love “good” sex lol.

I wanted to have sex with my partner because I was drunk and horny. Didn’t want a boyfriend.

Confident_Counter471 · 2025-07-18T19:19:59+00:00

The funny thing about this is that my only hookup I was blackout drunk and thought the guy I ended up hooking up with was extremely ugly. Never had a hook up again and it was awful

Independent_Day678 · 2025-07-18T20:48:08+00:00

I don’t do casual. I’m sensitive and don’t see the point in chasing something likely to fail. If I were into hookups, it wouldn’t be about guys I ‘couldn’t get’ but about finding someone I’m compatible with and trust. But I don’t do that anyway.

Xeltar · 2025-07-18T21:15:38+00:00

I would never have casual sex with someone hoping he'd change his mind.

S0yslut · 2025-07-18T23:59:35+00:00

The only women I knew who engaged in hookups were often doing it to compete with other women. They were usually average or below in terms of how they were perceived and would hook up with guys who clearly had no interest in anything serious with them. I was nosy and naïve so I asked a lot of questions about their “relationship.” What I learned really stuck with me, they would talk badly about the same women they were sleeping with and that gave me second hand trauma.

When someone in our group found a guy attractive suddenly the slut would be all over him, calling him the hottest guy ever and sleeping with him even though he wouldn’t take her on a date. Meanwhile he’d be asking someone else out whom he’d treat with more respect.

I even had to cut ties with one friend because she was manipulating. She told me that a guy I was talking to (who she liked) had said he’d never date someone like me in high school. I confronted him about it. He told me he never said anything like that, that she kept making him uncomfortable with advances he didn’t want, and that I was who he was interested in.

I had another friend who was promiscuous and ended up sleeping with a guy I was talking to. She kept it a secret because he begged her not to tell me. But once she saw how close we were getting, she got jealous. That is when she decided to come clean not out of honesty or friendship but because she knew I’d lose interest in him.

RelativeYak7 · 2025-07-19T01:33:16+00:00

The guys I had casual with had to have at least one massive character flaw in order to prevent me from falling in love or hoping for more. Racist, Trump supporter, alcoholic would be perfect. Also had to be tall and hung. If the dude was a nice guy and tall and hung then nope.. no casual sex because I might fall in love and that would suck.

thelajestic · 2025-07-18T18:54:19+00:00

Considering I initially met my husband for a hook up and now we're married, no. I just hooked up with people I wanted to hook up with. Hooking up was my only motivation, and just so happened that one of them led to more.

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obviouslymoose · 2025-07-19T00:00:10+00:00

That is usually a terrible strategy. Also no, I only have one success ish story of what was supposed to be a one night stand. We don’t sleep together anymore but we’re BFFs.

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ThatBitchA · 2025-07-18T21:45:54+00:00

How am I having sex with a man if he wouldn't otherwise consider me?

How does that work?

applejackpatches · 2025-07-18T17:32:37+00:00

I don't but there is a lot of pressure for women to do so. Men lose interest quickly if you don't sleep with them.

Title	Do you basically use hookups to get with men who otherwise wouldn’t consider you?
Author	Reasonable_Mouse789
Upvotes	40
Comments	157
Date	July 18, 2025 5:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m38b2m/do_you_basically_use_hookups_to_get_with_men_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-basically-use-hookups-to-get-with-men-who.1557490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557490

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