I can’t keep up with his libido

pearlsandstilettos · 2025-07-24T20:15:32+00:00

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OkCaptain1684 · 2025-07-22T11:45:25+00:00

You don’t even have kids, twice a month is pretty low, I’d be trying to figure out the reasons for your low libido and work on that together.

p0megranate13 · 2025-07-22T06:10:31+00:00

I have to say I've became a lot more sexual and being in the mood more often after I've quit full time job. My fiance appreciates it.

Deliaallmylife · 2025-07-22T13:32:41+00:00

If sex is his number one priority, you should ask him what he would prefer you deprioritize? You can't do everything and do it well. If you want to prioritize something you need to move another thing down on the importance list.

I think you also need to have a conversation about what you need for sex to be fun for you. Tell him that bedtime isn't working for you and see what he suggests.

Four times a week is doable but it's not necessarily something that just happens. I think people want to feel like sex is spontaneous and natural but that doesn't often work with a full life.

Dialetic212 · 2025-07-22T13:47:48+00:00

A few things: 1. Don’t let people on here make you feel like something is wrong with you for not wanting sex everyday. We tend to pathologize differences in libido but the truth is we are all wired differently and that’s ok.

Regarding the extreme fatigue: I would check you iron, thyroid and assess your sleep. Lack of adequate sleep kills libido.
Your husband complaining about the frequency is further killing your libido. When our partners complain about it, it becomes a point of contention and a chore
The fact that he feels entitled to a physical relief while you rarely orgasm is also a reason why your libido is “low”. The brain seeks reward. After a while of having sex that is not satisfying , your brain stops seeking that act.
You deserve fulfilling sex and it shouldn’t just be about his gratification. Redpill or not.
Yes , as others have said, full time work can create a stress response in women. You and your husband need to get creative and find ways to bring down that stress level at the end of the day. You need a wind down routine. Bubble bath, soft music etc
If you have responsive desire, sometimes you have to create the mood for yourself. Listen to erotic books or the app Dipsea. Sometimes even if you are not in the mood, allow him to create the mood and see how you feel. The problem is sometimes they get mad if you stop the act midway. The problem here is your husband is only worried about his physical release.
It’s ok to stop meal prepping and cleaning to prioritize sex. We don’t have to be perfect home makers all the time.
Consider a couples sex therapist to help you navigate this. Or else it will become a point of contention and more resentment wil build
Read this book: mind the gap by Karen gurney

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-07-22T12:04:46+00:00

I don't think his expectations are crazy. You work 40 hours and have no kids. It sounds like you need to talk to a doctor, not just about your sex drive, but this level of exhaustion from doing daily tasks in your twenties. Married with no kids, working 40 hours is probably the easiest you're ever going to have it.

EyesForYou21 · 2025-07-23T01:53:55+00:00

I’m genuinely kind of surprised to see some of these responses here…claiming it’s “only” 40 hrs a week, so why should you be exhausted and burnt out? Idk, I may be a low-energy person, but 40 hrs is still far too much time to be working in this modern age imho, and I’m sure as hell beat and burnt out by the time I’ve put in my 40, on top of the added chores and gym time and cooking and spending time looking pretty and feminine for the limited hours I get to spend with my boyfriend haha.

I thought this sub of all places would be the place where we could admit the truth that most women are simply not fulfilled and instead hugely burnt out by full time employment. I get that we live in a time where the stay at home wife is rarely feasible anymore, but honestly some of these replies feel a little gaslight-y. You have every right to feel tired and unsexy with all of your responsibilities, even if you’re not yet a mom and “just” working full time.

I don’t have any advice, just wanted to say you’re not alone OP! 💕Part-time is the sweet spot for me, if you can swing it.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2025-07-23T23:43:18+00:00

I've been on the other side of this, where my partner had a very high libido (1-3x day) whereas mine was about average (3-5x week). The reality is, we had to compromise. For us, what that meant was that I never turned her down for physical intimacy but for her, that meant that the form of this intimacy was dependent on what I was up for. That could mean a full session for 45+min, a quickie, me giving her oral, or me just holding & caressing her while she took care of things.

smeeg123 · 2025-07-22T19:23:48+00:00

Not to sound crude but consider hand jobs & letting him masturbate & ejaculate onto your breast/ butt while you talk dirty ect. It doesn’t have to be PIV everytime

sine120 · 2025-07-22T11:16:28+00:00

Full time is only 40 hours. When I had no kids I could easily manage work and chores with 3-4 hours left in my day. Where is your time going?

Ok_Lychee1258 · 2025-07-22T15:52:06+00:00

You talk of intimacy as another chore. It's supposed to be a pleasurable experience that you look forward to....likely reasons are 1. You don't find him attractive = therapy 2. Medical reasons = check up 3. Neither of you knows what you're doing in bed & beyond = sex therapist/classes

LoonerMoth · 2025-07-24T01:49:58+00:00

What I’m mainly seeing here is that you have already been willing to compromise on having sex more often than you’re really in the mood for, which I do think is often necessary for a happy marriage to some extent.

However, he is still unhappy because it isn’t quite as much as he’d like. And the truth is he needs to be willing to compromise to some extent on this too. 4-5 times a week IS a lot for two working people with adult responsibilities regardless of kids, and twice a week is an active sex life. If he just needs the orgasm to relax, well, he has hands (but don’t say this to him directly). It sounds like there is a psychological validation aspect to this, which is normal, but also is something that’s his responsibility to explore and manage.

Just like a woman who gets upset if her partner doesn’t compliment her every. single. day. or come home with flowers every week, for example. These things are lovely and necessary, but also not something one’s self-esteem should hinge on happening all the time. And getting angry or pouty over such things not always happening exactly as much as you want, is sure way to make it feel like a chore for your partner. Well, it’s the same thing with sex.

Last but not least, I disagree with some of the comments suggesting you might have a hormonal issue… obviously I don’t know, but you sound completely normal. While we do sometimes need to compromise as I talked about before, I also think we need to stop expecting women to have a more male-typical sexuality. Some do, most don’t. And this is where the two-way compromise comes in.

mrsobservation · 2025-07-22T12:49:42+00:00

I don’t agree with some other commenters. Women who have to work full time can’t be expected to have sex more than the average, which is twice a week. Frequent sex is a privilege for a man who provides for a woman to be more in her feminine, and a big part of that is financial provision. Women are different than men, they can’t turn themselves off of work mode as easily.

Tara_Rizer · 2025-07-23T21:56:07+00:00

I would suggest that the possibility exists that he's not making you feel safe physically or emotionally and therefore your mind isn't able to turn itself off so you can fully be present and enjoy it. I would also suggest that the possibility exists that he's not taking the time to get you warmed up. Maybe he needs ...more game.?

AutoModerator · 2025-07-22T05:49:17+00:00

Title: I can’t keep up with his libido

Author babyfacedmango

Full text: My (27f) husband (27m) and I have been having recurring arguments about our mismatched libidos for most of our 5 year marriage. He prefers sex 4-5 times per week, I have responsive desire and would be okay having sex a couple times per month based on my cycle. We currently are averaging about twice per week but he says I’m inconsistent and is upset that I don’t prioritize sex. I understand that he requires frequent sex to stay sane and feel loved. It was easier to meet his needs when we first got married because I wasn’t working full time but now that our schedules don’t align, the pressure of maintaining the active sex life he wants feels unmanageable. He does chores around the house (trash, car maintenance, laundry, etc.) and I appreciate him for it. He wants affection and a biophysical release to unwind at the end of a long day but I’m exhausted from work and chores to the point where I’m often not in the mood. Have no children, I’m sure I’d be even more exhausted if we did. We have much less time for foreplay and the time pressure makes it very difficult for me to climax which I’ve noticed is slowly building resentment towards him because he would often be the only who is fully satisfied.

I guess I just want redpill advice on how to navigate this conflict. How to keep husband happy when you feel like you’re drowning? Is it reasonable to expect sex 4 times per week from a wife who works full time? How can I prioritize sex when other things like work, preparing food, household duties and daily exercise seem more pressing? Thank you for reading this! I appreciate any and all advice.

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Icy-Bedroom9724 · 2025-08-07T21:14:37+00:00

Just my opinion but sounds like a lot of your time is wasted. No kids only 40 a week and you have no time for foreplay?

Anyways not my issue. First you have to understand men feel connection through sex. Sex is extremely important for making a man feel loved. So try and be sympathetic and understand it’s his way of connecting with you.

Second tell him if he wants more frequent sex he might have to pitch in a bit more with some of the chores to free up your time.

And third try different ways for him to each his climax. It doesn’t always have to be hour long sex with foreplay and 20 different positions. If you’re a bit tired or low on time do a quickie, a quick handjob, maybe even let him pleasure himself and touch/watch you. Just try and get creative and be open minded.

laktes · 2025-08-08T00:25:38+00:00

Well you state you want to climax too when you have sex, so you are expecting a certain outcome of sex too. So that needs to be accounted for. Otherwise there is nothing against having a free-use relationship?

Own_Ice3264 · 2025-09-19T02:26:09+00:00

37f - Full time university student, mother of four with multiple disabilitys.

Sex 4-5 times a week would be perfect for me. Sex with my ex 2 times a year would have been more than enough 😅

I think you have a low libido and the easiest thing to blame is work or their are issues in your relationship that you haven't mentioned.

I'm a submissive (BDSM) so giving him what he wants sexually, when he wants is a huge part of what excites me and makes me feel like a “good wife”. Withholding sex is death of the relationship.

I'd recommend seeing a Dr and maybe a therapist to see if there is anything going on within you.

Also DO NOT have sex when you don't want to. It breaks you inside.

Numerous_Working_853 · 2025-07-23T20:41:13+00:00

Yes girl, I get you. Sex can be just another chore at the end of a long day when all you want to do is mindlessly scroll while drifting asleep. Also the difference in libido is hugee. 4-5 times/week vs twice a month! One of you might be viewing sex as a release and one as another task to do. I want to ask you, are you authentic during sex? Do you fake moaning or orgasms? Or tell that something is pleasurable when it isn't? Do you do abstain from sex only while mastrubating yourself? Are there any resentments where you are unhappy about something but don't voice it because it is unfair to him or because it is not correct to feel that way? Does he listen to you? Listening is the biggest aphrodisiac for me personally. I personally like to talk for sometime before getting into the act. Can you request him to ask you questions about you and listen actively without judgement for sometime everyday in order to make you more open and receptive to sex?
If you continue to engage against your wishes, sex will become yet another thing to be checked off your to do list at the end of the day. You will resent him, you will resent yourself, and your marriage. Is it that he doesn't listen? Or he doesn't buy you gifts? Or that you need a massage? Do you eat nutritious food? Do you have candidiasis - jock's itch of vagina which makes it dry and itchy? Also him- why does he have to have sex so often ? What stress is he trying to suppress with the feel good hormones of sex? Why does he feel inadequate when you don't give him sex? Why does he not want to just spend non sexual talking/ cuddling time with you? Would he be okay with handjob or blowjob in between? What would happen if you both don't have sex for a week or two? What does he fear? Just get deep to the root of both emotional issues. Which I feel are at the root of this argument more than physical needs.

Title	I can’t keep up with his libido
Author	babyfacedmango
Upvotes	54
Comments	126
Date	July 22, 2025 5:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1m663zn/i_cant_keep_up_with_his_libido/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-cant-keep-up-with-his-libido.1557737 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557737

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