Hookup Culture Statistics are... Surprising

A lot of people - especially the less sexually experienced and skilled - conjure up a fantastical vision of what being a hookup stud is like, and beat themselves up over their inadequate performances and missed opportunities. Hopefully this post can make the more mundane truth of the situation clearer and provide for more realistic expectations.

This APA review is a little dated (from 2013), but I think it contains some fascinating tidbits from many different studies. Sure, self-reported surveys are not particularly trustworthy, but if we can predict how people will tweak their answers (e.g. underreport vs. overreport alcohol consumption), then we can arrive closer to the truth. I'll highlight some key passages below, but you can follow this link to see the whole thing.

In one study, among participants who were asked to characterize the morning after a hookup, 82 percent of men and 57 percent of women were generally glad they had done it (Garcia & Reiber, 2008) . . . Similarly, in a study of 832 college students, 26 percent of women and 50 percent of men reported feeling positive after a hookup, and 49 percent of women and 26 percent of men reported a negative reaction (the remainders for each sex had a mix of both positive and negative reactions; Owen et al., 2010).

A lot of guys get bent out of shape about missing out, but it's a mixed bag even for those who don't.

During a typical hookup, 65 percent of participants reported feeling good, aroused, or excited, 17 percent desirable or wanted, 17 percent nothing in particular or were focused on the hookup, 8 percent embarrassed or regretful, 7 percent nervous or scared, 6 percent confused, and 5 percent proud (Paul & Hayes, 2002) . . . After a typical hookup, 35 percent reported feeling regretful or disappointed, 27 percent good or happy, 20 percent satisfied, 11 percent confused, 9 percent proud, 7 percent excited or nervous, 5 percent uncomfortable, and 2 percent desirable or wanted (Paul & Hayes, 2002)

Take note of the disparity between during and after. Don't be surprised when a box of donuts gives you heartburn.

Another study identified two types of sexual encounters that were particularly predictive of regret: engaging in penetrative intercourse with someone known less than 24 hours and engaging in penetrative intercourse with someone only once.

If you wanna avoid regret rape, one-night stands are not your friend. Anyone worth fucking once is worth fucking a few times - or not at all.

Those with more depressive symptoms and greater feelings of loneliness who engaged in penetrative sex hookups subsequently reported a reduction in both depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness (Owen et al., 2011). At the same time, participants who reported fewer depressive symptoms and fewer feelings of loneliness who engaged in penetrative sex hookups subsequently reported an increase in both depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness (Owen et al., 2011).

Sex may not be the panacea you're looking for. Or it might.

Women's but not men's degree of depressive symptoms increased with number of previous sex partners within the last year (Welsh et al., 2006).

I guess this statistic isn't so surprising, except maybe to the women who go down this path.

Both men and women who had ever engaged in an uncommitted sexual encounter had lower overall self-esteem scores compared with those without uncommitted sexual experiences (Paul et al., 2000). The potential causal direction of the relationship between self-esteem and uncommitted sex is yet unclear (Fielder & Carey, 2010; Paul et al., 2000).

That's a pretty counterintuitive statistic for men, especially considering the whole "stud factor." However, you could make the argument that guys who are more desperate to prove their attractiveness and masculinity would be the most motivated and gung-ho about pursuing hookups. More confident men would feel less need to prove themselves, and may paradoxically pursue pussy less often in favor of other endeavors. This confidence wouldn't necessarily have to be purely sexual in nature either. I'm convinced that proving and validating one's masculinity is a large factor in many men's sexual motivations.

Despite the allure of engaging in uncommitted sex, research shows that people engage in these behaviors even when they feel uncomfortable doing so (Lambert et al., 2003; Reiber & Garcia, 2010). In addition, people overestimate others' comfort with hookups and assign variable meanings to those behaviors (Lambert et al., 2003; Reiber & Garcia, 2010) . . . In a replication and extension of Lambert et al.'s (2003) study, Reiber and Garcia (2010) found that 78 percent of people overestimated others' comfort with many different sexual hook-up behaviors

Rimjobs come to mind. I swear people do that just for the shock factor.

Only 4.4 percent of men and 8.2 percent of women (6.45 percent of participants) expected a traditional romantic relationship as an outcome, while 29 percent of men and 42.9 percent of women (36.57 percent of participants) ideally wanted such an outcome (Garcia & Reiber, 2008).

Just because she doesn't make you pay up front for sex, doesn't mean she won't try to pull it out of you later.

Among the 429 students who had engaged in oral sex, anal sex or vaginal intercourse in their most recent hookup, only 46.6 percent reported using a condom (Lewis et al., 2011).

This is pretty scary, no wonder STDs rates have skyrocketed. The true number is probably even lower, since people are more likely to overreport than underreport condom use to look less bad.

64 percent of uncommitted sexual encounters followed alcohol use, with the average occurring after consuming three alcoholic drinks. Similarly, another study found that nearly 61 percent of undergraduate students used alcohol, with an average of 3.3 alcoholic drinks, during their most recent hookup (Lewis et al., 2011).

Other studies have shown that people drastically underreport their alcohol consumption, so the true figures (percent who consumed alcohol, and number of drinks) are likely even higher.

The greatest alcohol use was associated with penetrative sexual hookups, less alcohol use with nonpenetrative hookups, and the least amount of alcohol use occurred among those who did not hook-up (Owen, Fincham, & Moore, 2011). In one study of men and women who had engaged in an uncommitted sexual encounter that included vaginal, anal or oral sex, participants reported their intoxication levels: 35 percent were very intoxicated, 27 percent were mildly intoxicated, 27 percent were sober and 9 percent were extremely intoxicated (Fisher, Worth, Garcia, & Meredith, 2012).

So about 71% had some level of intoxication. More of the same.

Most people are pretty lame in bed, and I don't see how getting drunk is supposed to enhance one's sexual experience. In fact, I'm thinking the drinking is a cover-up/scapegoat for poor sexual performance.

In first-time hookups, 31 percent of men and 10 percent of women reached orgasm.

Only 31 percent for men! The way some men portray themselves, you'd think they were batting close to 1.000. The true number is likely even lower, since men obviously feel this need to overstate their sexual prowess. The 10 percent rate for women isn't so surprising, but it does suggest they fake it more often than not.

Now if those last statistics seemed like a joke, here's the punchline:

In last relationship sexual activity, 85 percent of men and 68 percent of women reached orgasm.

Now don't get me wrong, relationships can (often) suck, and are not really worth it just to have sex. But apparently lust alone is not very sufficient for proper sexual function.

Summary: Most people have mixed experiences and emotions with casual sex. Lots of people get drunk or take drugs to justify their impulsive behavior and quell their anxieties. Safe, protected sex is the exception rather than the rule. Pumping-and-dumping a girl you just met is the most likely scenario to trigger regret rape if you're in college. Relationship sex may be better, despite all the accompanying hassles. If you're "missing out" on hookup culture, you aren't missing much.