Wife needing advice

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-14T05:11:53+00:00

Guys, why yah all gotta be so hostile with OP?

She did this correct right down to the name of the post. If your not interested in talking to a "wife" asking a question then don't come on her thread.

We won't put up with hijacking threads if it becomes a problem but I thought the earlier hijacking was a hilarious and examplory exchange as some have discussed already.

So for the record: From the posting guidelines:

Finally.....our posting guidelines preclude pouncing and brutality against the downtrodden so yes, Red Pill women ARE permitted to participate and even give advice on /r/AskMRP! We are here to help the newly unplugging, man, woman, girls, and boys.

I am glad to hear OP is ordering Doyle's book.

Give us another update thread with a field report in a couple weeks.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-11-14T07:38:24+00:00

Look, you got a lot of comments saying you're probably a terrible wife and you should just stop crying about how you no longer have your sweet beta bucks with his unconditional love. But this in particular stood out to me from /u/[deleted]:

At some point, if he gets to a point where he's happy with himself, he's going to resent OP, because you will be a reflection of his failures for so many years.

So let's dig into that, because I think this is pretty common. I'd call this "latent anger state." We're pretty good at identifying "acute anger state" in MRP, but too many of us think we've reached some sort of "acceptance," when all we really did was shove that resentment down long enough to not have it completely consuming our thoughts. We're not resentful of our wives, per se, but just the whole chain of events that got us here, and how many different choices we may have made if we understood these core Red Pill concepts earlier. But when I hear some guy write, "I'm not mad at my wife, I literally just don't give a shit about what she thinks"... I mean, come on. How the fuck is that not anger? It's not the active, rage-inducing, HULK-SMASH feeling we consider "anger." But it's still there, lurking, influencing our minds and actions and overall physical and mental state.

So, let's review.

Our SMVs have always been uneven - mine's higher than his

Both mid-30s, married 8 years

He's been staring at/flirting with other women in a very obvious way in front of me.

Look, I am like 80% sure that based on descriptors like these, if accurate, means your husband never fucked as many women as he wanted to in his life. That's where this is all coming from. But why is your husband so angry about this? Because at some point in his younger years, he somehow internalized that a life full of women desiring him wasn't in the cards, probably because most girls he was interested in said shit like: "you're a great guy, you're like the guy ever girl wants to marry, but I'm just not ready for that yet."

So this is how he thought this all worked. He was "marriage material," so "playing the field" was for guys who spent way too much time putting gel in their hair. He probably had a girlfriend for two years in college that he never actually had sex with, and then another girlfriend after college with someone he used to refer to as "his crazy ex," and then he met you right around the time you were looking for "marriage material." So you met your husband, who probably was super eager and happy just to be dating you, and he was kind and had a good sense of humor and was even sort of dopey-cute, so you thought: "yeah, OK, good enough."

He thought he was content with this. A lot of guys are. When your husband would hear "you're marriage material," he'd be told to take shit like that as a compliment. Simply admitting, "I am disappointed that I have so few sexual relationships with women. I don't know why I'm disappointed, I just am, and think I wouldn't be disappointed" would get him shamed. He'd be called "shallow" and be told to "just wait for the right girl" and "you'll meet someone who appreciates you for who you are."

Nobody told him: "Dude, no, being labeled shit like 'marriage material' is BAD. You want to be FUCKABLE material. Then of the girls you're fucking, if one of them adds enough value to your life, you can marry her. Don't you want to fuck more girls anyway? You're a dude. It's OK to want that. It's not something to be ashamed about. It's only shameful if you whine about it and don't do anything about it."

If this is at all accurate -- and I've been known to make some pretty good insinuations on MRP, but I always concede I could be dead wrong -- you can skip the next few thousand words I'm probably going to write, and fix everything in your marriage with this way:

Tell him you're not getting what you want out of the marriage anymore, so you want a divorce. It's that simple. He can move on so he can try and date the women he feels he never had enough sex with, and you can start finding a guy who won't treat you like shit out of some misguided sense of anger at your entire gender. Jumping right to divorce probably sounds extreme, but of course it is. Just like someone being told they have a terminal illness and immediately driving off a bridge on the way home because they're thinking, well, I'm going to die anyway, why not skip to the end and save myself and everyone else a bunch of time?

This may sound really discouraging, and you may be wondering why I'm so convinced this will solve things, probably because of some desperate reasoning that if I explain why, you'll find some nuance and come up with an approach that doesn't require talking to a divorce lawyer. So sure, I'll humor you.

The guys here who swallow the Red Pill without too much lingering anger, fucked enough women in their past to realize they were, in fact, an attractive person. Attractive enough so that a cute girl who hung out with them a few times would be willing to have sex with them. When you realize that level of self-actualization, the actual fucking isn't such a big deal anymore. "Getting a lot of pussy" seemed/seems like an impossible achievement to your husband, which is why he's so bitter about things. Had he been given different information, he could have probably fucked enough women before he even met you that he'd realize "got a lot of pussy" is sort of only a middling achievement in life. I mean, yeah, it's not nothing, but I put it up with something like... winning some sports tournament in high school. It matters, it was a great experience, but is that really going to be your peak accomplishment in life? Don't you have other shit you want to do before you die?

So if you become a high enough achieving male, you end up wanting to achieve more than "get a lot of pussy," in your life, and being married can add more value to your life than otherwise.

I tell people, "sex is like water to men," and they snort. Even other men. I bet a lot of men reading this right now literally snorted. Water is second only "breathing oxygen" in terms of fundamental human needs. You will literally die without water. Do men die without sex? Do we put the pussy on that much of a pedestal? Come on, jackten, how the fuck could you, of all people, say that?

But think about it the other way. Think about a life where all you drink is water. If you've spent your entire life in the desert and stumble into an oasis, that water will be goddamn fucking amazing. Every cool drop will taste like ambrosia your parched thirst glands. You'll drink until you're stuffed, piss it out, and drink some more.

Until you get hungry.

That's my point. It's miserable living a life without water. But it's not really that great living a life where you drink only water.

Now, I don't make this point too often on MRP. Why? Because I have the 'luxury,' if you want to call it that, of stumbling into that oasis. I got divorced in my early 30s with minimal consequences (ie. no divorce rape), and I spent the next few years fucking a lot of women. It was great, until it got sort of boring, or at least boring enough that I wanted to start doing other things. Having a mediocre job and fucking a lot of women was cool, but I still had a mediocre job. But that's easy for me to say. You can't wander around in a desert, find an oasis, and tell every other guy: 'Look guys, it's just water. The goal is to get out of the desert, not just find an oasis. Do you really need water that bad?'

If you're a high achieving male, sex in a mutually monogamous marriage with a wife that also adds a net value to your life in other ways, is usually enough water. But your husband doesn't know that. He's just pissed he never got to dunk his head in a cool refreshing river and drink all the water he ever wanted to. And few sips you offer him 2-3 a week just can't compare to that experience.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-11-13T20:44:23+00:00

So, guys, why is he doing this and how should I respond?

If he's anything like every other dude on here, he reached a point where he realised that the reason he was so unhappy with the marriage, or the amount of sex in the marriage, was that he was not wearing the trousers in the relationship and that he was not prioritising his own happiness. He likely had you on a pedestal for years, and the result was that you ended up seeing him as a combination of dependant and provider. AKA a beta bux. He likely wasn't feeling any spontaneous attraction from you, and was starting to feel like your marital bedroom was dead. When he found TRP, he realised that none of this was your fault, and that by his supplication to you, he was making himself less sexually desirable.

If he's doing it properly, he should be creating a masculine body, a masculine mindset, and learning to leave some space between you for a relationship to exist. Your feelings and emotions are yours to deal with. In the past, he likely allowed his entire consciousness get overridden by how you felt, or how he thought you might feel about something he wanted to do, or not do. He was likely living his life based on a standard he believed was expected of him,rather than by a standard he set for himself.

The advice he would have received would have been to stop worrying so much about what you felt about him, and to focus instead in becoming the man he wanted to be. He would have realised that this may lead to the end of the marriage (if you could not accept the real him), and he would have had to come to terms with that. He likely views the marriage as a promise he made, and intends to keep. He likely views you as someone who could potentially respect his leadership of your family, and someone who he would be happy to spend the rest of his life with, as long as you were happy to follow his lead, or make your opinions known to him in a respectful way so that you could reach a workable compromise.

With respect to how you should respond, I'll tell you the same thing we tell dudes who victim puke : stop acting like a victim, stop seeing yourself as "his victim", take responsibility for your own happiness (and in your case, femininity), and decide for yourself what kind of outcome you would prefer. Nothing is off the table, as a workable compromise, except perhaps making him get back into his cage and be a whiney beta bitch whose balls he gave to you for safekeeping.

Archwinger · 2015-11-13T21:02:55+00:00

First off, there's not a lot of good advice for women here. The Red Pill is about men. Male success, male strategies to improve their sex lives and obtain happiness. Male power. Men taking power in their marriages (or in some cases taking power back). There's a consequence to this: when a man has all or most of the power in his marriage, that means his wife has none of the power or very little.

A "red pill" husband is going to do what he wants, what he thinks is best for him and for the family, he's only going to cater very slightly to how you feel or what you think, and he's not going to be affected by your disapproval, your outbursts, or even by sex -- withholding it or giving it. He's going to do what he wants, and you take a back seat to that. A support role. You bring issues to his attention, and he places them on his list or ignores them as he sees fit. You no longer have any power. You follow his leadership, or you get the hell out if he's shitty leader or you can't learn to deal with him.

Second, you sound like you're really fixating on the negative. If you want to save your marriage, and you think you can deal with your husband as leader of the family, then submit to your husband. Your sex life is good, you guys are financially okay. You have two kids together. You don't fight too much, I guess. Your household seems mostly together, and he's had a hand in doing that. It's not like you built that yourself while he hindered you with his bumbling and assholery. He's given at least a portion of that to you and continues to make this happen for you every day.

Third thing, and this is really speculation on my part. Your husband found a new set of tools on the internet and isn't very well calibrated on when to use which tools and to what end. He's working out, getting positive responses from other women, and flirting with other women while blowing off your disagreement seems to be working for him. He has a good sex life, and he feels powerful now that he's unaffected by your disagreement. I don't think he knows what, specifically, is working, so he's just sort of shotgunning your marriage with shit he read on the internet. He's the one who needs our advice, not you.

Fourth, you're in a funny position. You know that he's reading shit on the internet and "doing" it to you. That probably makes him feel a little silly and insecure, almost like the mere fact that you know is a challenge to him that he'd better stop it. So he doubles down to prove you have no power over him.

He really needs to get himself calibrated and figure out what he's so angry or unhappy about with his marriage, then take positive steps to fix that. Right now, he's got the tools to lead, but it sounds like he might not be clear where he wants to go as a family or what he wants to build yet. Of course, this is going solely on your 25-ish lines of text on the internet. If he were to post about the same thing, his story might look different.

TheWolfMMSL · Sat Nov 14 19:02:47 2015 UTC

Despite all the vitriol, I actually think you've gotten some really good advice here, if you can ignore the vitriol itself and focus on the message. Despite the fact that I think you are feeding the flames with your posts (and inadvertently with some of the things you've said in your OP), I really do believe that you want to have a happy marriage with your husband. So, I'll throw in my $0.02 in the hopes that maybe you (and your husband) will find some benefit in my comments.

First, a number of posters on this thread have implied that your husband isn't really being a dick, but that you just see it that way. I want to expand on this idea and explicitly ask you to carefully examine his behavior and your response to it. When I first started really pushing back on my wife's behavior (specifically being demanding, controlling, and manipulative of me), she claimed that I was being 'a dick', that I was 'acting dominant', that I was being 'macho and misogynist' and that she didn't like my behavior. She used these exact words with me, and also has posted them on the married man sex life forum, just as you are posting here (incidentally, the MMSL forum might be more receptive to you than MRP). I took solace in the knowledge that I most certainly was NOT acting that way, as I was only striving to have control over my own actions. In no way was I really trying to control her actions. How could I be 'a dick' or 'domineering' if I was only trying to control myself, and not her?

So I encourage you to try to take an objective look at exactly 'how' he is being 'a dick', and whether or not he really is being a dick.

Now, if he really is being 'a dick', then you shouldn't put up with that. While the goal of MRP is to teach men to be strong men and good husbands, being an asshole is not part of that. It is entirely possible that the reason he is becoming a dick is because he simply hasn't quite learned how to be assertive without being aggressive or 'dickish'. It's a learned skill, and after 30 years of being supplicating, manipulative, and passive, he's going to need a lot of practice before he gets good at asserting himself without crossing into diskish territory (and even then, sometimes when he asserts himself, you just aren't going to like it - see previous paragraph). So, if he starts acting like I dick, all you need to do is ASSERT YOURSELF. Don't get emotional, just point out that you feel like he is being rude to you. Don't expect an apology, but do expect him to stop the bad behavior. If he doesn't, then simply remove yourself from the situation. Make this a boundary - you will not tolerate bad behavior. That doesn't mean scream and yell and get emotional when he has bad behavior towards you - he will be less likely to take you seriously if you use strong emotions. It means simply don't tolerate the behavior - tell him you don't like it and then remove yourself if it doesn't stop.

TL;DR - Examine objectively if he really is being a 'dick'. If he really is, then don't tolerate 'dickish' behavior.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-11-13T22:14:36+00:00

Since your not my wife I'll tell you what I would tell my wife if she wasn't "a crier".

I understand you have emotions and that's one of the things that makes me love you but I'm not responsible to walk around all day thinking about how you feel. I have better things to do than worry about whether your gonna be mad at me when I get home from work because I didn't text, call or shoot you a voicemail with some lovey dovey shit. I say that stuff when your hair is a mess and your sweaty after a good pounding on the side of a trail during a hike. Nothing more romantic than messy hair and sweaty bodies locker together.

Your emotions are your responsibility, I don't experience them in the same way so when you insist that I understand its like asking me to interpret the phases of the moon and how that affects the direction that's monkeys fling their crap. I can't help you with that toots. I'll support, talk and empathize with you but your gonna have to find some girlfriends to understand, it's not my job.

You're amazing but you can't seem to understand that you are not the person I married. You got comfortable, complacent and took me for granted.

Now, I'm taking care of me cause your not my problem. I'm gonna go pursue my life, desires, dreams and if you want to come along then Great. If not its your choice. I want this to work but it has to work on my terms cause I let myself slip, became what I thought you wanted and would rather be single then unhappy. It's not you its me. I'm the problem and once I'm not the problem anymore, if you continue to hold onto this dynamic we co-created, ill leave cause I'm trying to lead us out of it and not just manipulate it for more sex.

You take care of yourself and figure it out but when I act like I'm not interested in being shit upon.... That's because I respect myself enough to not let that happen anymore. I know I'm still a little rough around the edges but give it some time and your anxiety will fade.... Hopefully.

You work on being happy, healthy and sexy and I'll do the same, maybe we can be that together with each other.

Tldr: it's not you it him. Give it some time toots. A blowing wind takes time to smooth out rough edges. In the meantime, Take care of you and realize hes just trying to be happy, he is just in the discovery phase of whether that's gonna be with you.

Edit:you may want to hit redpillwomen. That's where you can find SOME women that may understand... You know...women things. Thanks for posting.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2015-11-13T22:44:01+00:00

This is going to be long, but I think it can help. Take my words as you see fit, I am not in a LTR or marriage.

You begin with: "something is definitely wrong because we're both unhappy." Solipsism. You're projecting your own feelings on to him. Is he unhappy? Have you asked him, or has he told you as much? He might be actually finding some happiness on his own for the first time in years as he works to be the man he wants to be. Not only that, you're speaking in "we" terms here and relinquishing all agency. You must realize the pattern of thinking you've established. Others on MRP have called you out on this perpetual victim mentality. "Something (such a nebulous word) is definitely (so certain in your perception of reality!) wrong" – whatever is wrong, you're sure it's something totally outside of you! Right guys? Hello?

You complain that, "He won't tell me what he expects!" What reason might he have to not tell you things? He's likely been hurt in the past when communicating honestly and overtly with you (as our fem-centric society dictates), and you probably didn't even realize you were hurting him at all when disregarding whatever issues he had in whichever way you did (female solipsism FTW). Well, you're now approaching him in a direct, overt way, and you're confused when he won't give you anything. "I'm focusing on myself," he states. Well, duh, he has been conditioned over the course of your relationship that approaching you with issues in a direct and logical way does absolutely fuck-all. Now that he's aware of this fact, he's taking action instead. He has internalized this tenet of TRP: no one is unconditionally on his team (especially not his wife!) and he can only rely on himself for happiness and fulfillment.

The victim, no-fault, no-agency pattern continues: "I've always made an effort not to nag," you say. What does this actually mean? Do you nag him or not? Do you trust him or not? Is he capable of leading or not? This, as well as the the entire first paragraph of you 'explaining your history' is actually a thinly veiled disclaimer that states "Hey guys, tee-hee, look at all the things I've done to be such a good wife! I just can't understand why my husband would be disregarding my feelz by using these dickish MRP tactics!!! Don't say it's my fault, cuz we have sex 2-3x a week and I've totally always tried not to nag him!!1" You're still in the frame of trying to manage him because it can't be you. That is your problem. He's finally busy building his own frame and his own happiness independent of you because he realizes that he can't be happy any other way, and you're at a loss... it can't be your fault... and so all that ends up happening is you prod, stir, test his developing frame because... because? I don't know. You want your manservant back? You have nothing better to do? I can't answer this question, maybe you can.

In your eyes, he's being a dick and upping the dreaded dread. It hurts. You don't like that. You want him to be concerned with your happiness. Well, newsflash: he's not responsible for your happiness. Only you are. It's an utterly painful lesson, but it's 100% true. Seems like he's internalized this, and is now working on it himself. Clearly you haven't. Also, you fail to consider how you've maybe been hurting him in various ways over the course of years. If he's been repeatedly hurt, why does he owe you anything in the 'niceness' department? That isn't fair.

You say these changes are "out of character [for him]." Which character are you referring to here? How he 'acted' for probably the majority of your relationship before he swallowed the pill? A guy who was likely too beta, who took your words too seriously and allowed you to dictate the tone of the relationship? Was that really, truly him? Whoever that guy was, he wasn't happy, despite whatever sex you were giving him, and how little you thought you nagged him. So, he is taking it upon himself – no one else – to find some satisfaction in this life. He's in the process of discovering who he really is. You need to step the fuck out of the way and let him become a better person, but you're not: "We have had a lot of fights lately, often because of this (his) behavior." Yep! Definitely his fault! You go grill! Oh, but wait: "...and I admit I get emotional and less than rational when I'm really angry (I'm a crier)." Translated from womanese: "I listen to my feelz and pick fights with him, then when he engages I'm overly emotional and impossible to deal with. Cue the waterworks!" Sounds productive. No wonder he doesn't want to engage you when you prod him about his 'changes' or ask what he wants – it literally accomplishes nothing. In fact, it's a fucking emotional mine-field.

So, what about you? What are you supposed to do? You're unhappy. Can you fix that? Hint: it doesn't take your husband changing his supposed 'dickish' behavior to accomplish this. You're a female. You want to be lead by a strong, masculine man. I get it. So, give him some space to become a true man, a true version of himself. In the mean time, work on your own issues instead of riling shit-up over his developing frame. You should have better things to do than that, right? Sadly, most western women don't, because they never had to. Be valuable and happy for yourself and your children. As his form develops, he may realize that he doesn't want to be with you. Or you with him. Okay, no big deal – because you've learned how to find fulfillment within yourself. You're prepared for this. Just try not to divorce rape him too hard.

edit: clarity and flow

Glennus626 · 2015-11-14T00:34:34+00:00

The funny thing about female posters on RP subreddits is that there's the common thread that they fundamentally don't agree with many main points of our theory. So, they want an inside track on something they don't believe works...

They'll say 75% of the right things like "i'm not awalt, i don't like to nag", then they'll proceed to tell us how they've been nagging their man about following redpill principles.

OP, he's doing this because he wants to be the captain of the ship, not the co-captain. You can be his first mate, but you're pushing too hard to be an equal in all things, when biology dictates that men and women simply aren't equal in all things (this is partly where the term "red pill" comes from -- the fact that some truths are very difficult to swallow in the society we live in today).

Feel free to test your husband's resolve, and keep him on his toes. Keep his belly full and his balls empty as you have been doing. Notice how your hamster wheel is going full tilt as his behavior is FORCING you to seek out advice on how to cope? That simply means our theory is working in practice. Why fight your husband's leadership? You've been the goose that laid the golden egg for too long, and now he's getting his second wind. This is GOOD for your family.

Guess what, the fact that you told thousands of men on the internet that you're SMV has been and is still slightly higher than your husband's means that he's still got a slight ways to go, and you deserve to work for his commitment. You're naturally feeling the vacuum of power being created now that he's catching up to you and withdrawing the one thing a woman needs a man for above all other things: his commitment.

Physically speaking, if he didn't leave the dread on, you would eventually have a dead bedroom as the realization that your smv is higher than his, plus the fact that he wasn't a leader and you've already got kids and a marriage out of him means you don't have to work for his continued commitment.

As for his teasing, since you didn't give an example I'm betting it isn't really all that bad to begin with, and you're so overwhelmed that you are "hitting your smv wall" in your 30's that any disagreement or him showing his spine on any issue has got you flustered.

Readjust your own attitude, and you may just survive his metamorphosis.

Sepean · 2015-11-13T21:44:37+00:00

You think he's an asshole, he's getting kinky sex regularly. Sounds like he's doing good, next up is the main event. Is this you gathering ammo for that, so you can hit him with "you're so fake and all your internet buddies know it" or some shit?

Well, hit him with it, girl. Give him the chance to prove just how strong his frame really is. It'll make you both much happier.

If you're reading this mr. Vampiresquid: don't listen to what she says, look at what she does. Lift and lead, bro.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2015-11-13T22:09:28+00:00

So a thorn in his paw brought him down this rabbit hole. You don't know what makes up that thorn.

You said you attempted OVERT communication with him and asked him what is the issue. But are you sure you asked overtly? Or do you just think you did? If you talked to him about all this in a fit of tears, he likely decided to just shut up and stick to the party lines.

If you were both calm when you asked, then there is two possibilities why he won't answer:

His frame and/or SMV isn't to the point where he is comfortable communicating overtly. He's still in Shut The Fuck Up Mode. If he says anything, he will just be negotiating. Negotiations are useless. So he's biding his time and working on himself. Since you now know about Red Pill, he could be doubling down to get his frame or SMV higher even faster than before. Hence, he appears to be stepping up dread from your perspective. If so, you'll just have to wait.
Or something along the way in your marriage has him not trusting you or caring enough to explain. You likely already know the answer if that's the case.

irateMD · 2015-11-14T02:30:48+00:00

Our SMVs have always been uneven - mine's higher than his

Your perception and his perception of relative SMV will not match. How you will respond to his behavior is influenced by your perception, and his expectations will be influenced by his perception.

since we have always got it on pretty frequently (2-3x week, sometimes every day)

To him that may not be enough. How often do you refuse or make excuses (legitimate or not)?

Non-vanilla sex on the regular

Vague. Is there stuff that he has wanted or asked for that you two are not doing?

makes jokes or just walks away when I disagree with him on something (even tiny stuff) as if my opinion is stupid

See /u/Archwinger's post. Insecurity is a big issue for many of the guys here. Your knowledge of the Red Pill makes this worse.

Teasing me in a very unfunny, hurtful way
I have also calmly asked him directly what he wants/needs from me, and I get vague responses

After a year he still can't state his expectations? If it was in the context of a calm discussion and he's still at the STFU stage after a year, then his implementation of MRP sucks.
We discussed this before. It sounds like he has poor social skills and needs to learn how to interact in an assertive way from scratch. Spending time with other guys is good, but are his friends and soccer buddies omegas? He needs good male role models with good social skills.

I get emotional and less than rational when I'm really angry (I'm a crier)

So stay rational. Develop the same sense of outcome independence that we would advocate for him. Consider counseling for yourself. The past 7 years may have been the facade, and the person you see before you may be the man underneath. You may not like him. Divorce isn't the end of the world. If it's a shitty relationship, it may be better for both of you. Seriously consider your options and think clearly about how each scenario may play out. If you are seriously, and I mean seriously contemplating divorce, then have a conversation with a lawyer.

Lastly, I'll echo what /u/FearDearg2015 said - stop focusing on him. Get out of the victim mindset. Forget MRP. Be the best version of yourself that you can be. That's what he's trying to do. If the two of you are complementary when all is said and done, then you will probably stay together. If not, then you will have developed the skills to have a better relationship with the next guy.

DrXaos · 2015-11-14T03:00:22+00:00

| I would be willing to change, if I knew what to do.

You already do. It's very simple.

| We have had a lot of fights lately, often because of this behavior,

Not because of his behavior.

The fight didn't start because of his behavior; he wasn't fighting. It started because of your decision to respond a certain way to him instead of a different way.

|and I admit I get emotional and less than rational when I'm really angry (I'm a crier)

There you go. You've answered your question already: don't do what you're doing.

He makes a joke? You make a better joke back and go about your day actually not butt-hurt and then have a nice night with him.

If you really feel a need to talk with him about it, tell him "hon, I want the funny Han Solo kind of cocky, not the surly kind of cocky."

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-13T22:21:14+00:00

Meta rant:

He knows I know that he's "doing" MRP

This is why I cringe when guys say their wives know about MRP. You sound like a typical modern woman, struggling to keep the pants by being over-analytical fixer. Trying to "let him lead." Your knowledge of the game is only going to muddy the waters as you try to guess what move he's trying to execute. It steals the very magic of having a man who just gets it^tm. In trying to understand his strategy, you're ruining the game.

And on top of all that, you and him don't even agree on "a lot of what it says about women and what motivates [them]." Some couples with mutual knowledge make it work because they both see the logic in it (see u/thegreasypole and u/thegreasyhole). Its a fun game because they're both playing by the same rules and assumptions. No wonder you're butting heads, if one of you thinks the ace is 11 points and the other thinks its 1.

My advice: stop reading MRP.

Also:

He has been turning on the dread, from what I can tell

How the fuck do you figure that? Maybe he's just always been a bit more of a natural flirt than he was comfortable admitting previously. Maybe he just doesn't care what you think as much anymore. See /u/archwinger 's comment, its gold.

Understand what he's actually trying to become: a man who decides for himself how much he will be influenced by ANYTHING. Can you handle such a man? You might feel like you're losing the sweet, affectionate, cuddle buddy you once had, but the beauty of The Red Pill praexology is that the woman can then completely trust that her man is still with her because he WANTS to be. No marriage license, no commitment, no vows, stand in the way of what he wants to do. Fortunately, he has made it clear that he wants to do you for the rest of his life. Respect his effort, stay out of his business, and enjoy the ride as he figures this shit out.

dandar4600 · 2015-11-14T13:16:36+00:00

These threads always start off quite innocent, but then you hear that there was cheating or sexual promiscuity in the past etc. A bombshell that if op disclosed initially might have shed some light on things.

plein_old · 2015-11-14T20:15:36+00:00

If a man is being hurtful, and won't tell you what he wants, then he's not being a good husband. Maybe he's in a learning process.

There's another sub called "askMRP" which might give you better feedback.

As a spouse, you just have to love your husband. That doesn't mean being a pushover, or being quiet and peaceful all the time. It just means making an effort. Getting advice from happily married women might actually be useful.

For me, part of what makes a good relationship is loving the other person without feeling that you "own" one another. Right? So if he's acting differently, maybe he's freshening things up in the relationship. Breaking up stale old patterns a bit.

Are you sure he's being hurtful? By "hurtful" do you mean "I can't control his every move any more" or do you mean he's being sadistic, or what?

EDIT: to correct grammar

cholomite · 2015-11-13T22:17:45+00:00

Fuck him like his SMV is higher than yours.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-11-13T23:31:48+00:00

Stop posting until you read the book that /u/bluepillprofessor recommends. And start lifting.

You responsible for your shit. Your husbands a dick, it's your fault. All your husbands bad behaviour is on you. Maybe he doesn't want to be nice to you. Maybe your a shit testing harpy who thinks that everything your husband does is his fault. Check your own attitude before you call him a dick. Maybe he just stopped putting up with your shit. If you don't want to fuck him he's a bad husband. If he doesn't want to commit to you or cuddle then make sure your not being a ball busting harpy.

Squeezymypenisy · 2015-11-14T02:41:49+00:00

Lol go to Red Pill Women. Stop trolling.

Redpythongoon · 2015-11-14T17:05:49+00:00

Dread him back. You don't deserve that shit so throw it back in his face. Tell him you'll resume your status quo when he stops acting like a spoiled child.

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-13T23:57:19+00:00

I read that WTF exchange you had in the other thread. A few additional thoughts.

1) You COMPLETELY hijacked the thread. Solipsism at its finest.

2) Every time you DEERed your way into a hissy fit, you finally concluded with an "I understand what you're saying" statement. Saved your skin, just barely proving that you could handle being wrong. I'd hate to be your husband who has to deal with such a bulldog.

3) You're a meddling bitch. I have absolutely no more patience for your shenanigans.

4) You haven't swallowed any pill, haven't read the sidebar, and follow TheBluePill. Then you have the guts to come in here and stir things up.

5) There's plenty of good advice that addresses things YOU can control and improve. Yet you're still concerned with HIS actions. If he's acting like a dick, I would wonder why he would need to.

I hope this joke ends soon.

Scurvemuch · 2015-11-13T21:51:57+00:00

Here is an exercise for you :

Here or elsewhere, list ten reasons why you suck as a wife and First officer.

Obviously he isn't happy with how things stand. You want to help? Cool.

Figure out what you are / have been doing wrong...

why did he even wind up here?

Kale1234 · 2015-11-13T22:13:31+00:00

You said "I would be willing to change. If I knew what to do.". Newsflash it's not about you. You'll find a way to be happy with him or you won't. This isn't for you. If he's going through the motions and doing it for you, he'd be doing it wrong.

Title	Wife needing advice
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	160
Date	November 13, 2015 8:20 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3spbff/wife_needing_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-needing-advice.207911 https://theredarchive.com/post/207911

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