[deleted by user]

balthazardous · 2022-07-16T07:30:42+00:00

I'm actually more curious about the texts that came before this. Your double text was a bit rough, in that you were skipping ahead to still wanting to meet rather than first making sure she agreed to your boundary.

Who is this girl to you? Have you met before? Meeting to go on some hike alone on a first date, carpooling together alone to said hike, and meeting alone at your place at the start of the hike might all be too high stakes if you haven't met her before/built some comfort.

merchant_of_mirrors · 2022-07-16T07:22:57+00:00

You should make it clear that you want to take her out and you're not interested in being friends. Either you weren't clear and she thinks you're friends or she's just playing games. Either way she'll respect you more for being up front about your intentions. Might even respect you enough to take you up on doing a real date

teachatthebeach · 2022-07-16T11:15:57+00:00

IMO hiking is a terrible first date.

"Yo, I just met you, let me take you deep into the woods where no one can hear you scream."

edit;

The play would probably be to establish you want to get to know her, but still want her to feel safe. "I was hoping to get a chance to get to know you one on one. Maybe we can scrap the hike and do something else like (public, nomal date thing)"

wth214 · 2022-07-16T10:29:38+00:00

Trail is not a great first date idea bro. Its gives off seriel killer vibes and should really only be suggested after you’ve gotten to know someone. Anything thats has the potential to be to isolated on a first date isn’t a good idea. On her end she should’ve asked to bring a girlfriend as to not intimidate you with a male cause that was strange. Again perhaps he was a gay male friend so in no way a threat? Regardless, public dates next time brother, good luck

TH3BUDDHA · 2022-07-16T10:12:35+00:00

Not only is she inviting a friend, but it's a guy friend. Pass.

Soy-tu-ex · 2022-07-16T07:45:02+00:00

Seems like she doesn't feel safe with you yet

GroundbreakingAd8077 · 2022-07-16T08:00:00+00:00

Stick to your guns, but your house and hiking may not be good (safe) so maybe she would be comfortable in public

darnithaha · 2022-07-16T07:13:34+00:00

Shit bro that's tough, I'd honestly just ditch the date (if you could even call it that anymore)

MUhholen · 2022-07-16T07:13:49+00:00

I'm not looking for buddies, if that's what you are looking for I'll pass.

Prestigious_List5878 · 2022-07-16T11:49:17+00:00

I wouldn't have a first date at my place, so many no's about doing that. First date, in my view, should be always done in a public place and if things go well then take it back to yours but if they don't then they don't know where you live

2022-07-16T14:09:47+00:00

This has happened to me before and it’s one of the rare things where I just instantly next a girl for doing it. It either shows that she’s playing games (shit test) or that’s she’s too cowardly to just outright reject your date offer so she’s trying to act like she thought it was more casual. Either way it’s just annoying and childish behavior that I don’t want to engage with.

CuriousDetective0 · 2022-07-16T15:01:21+00:00

Ask her if it’s ok for you to bring another girl

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-07-16T12:19:08+00:00

To all dudes out there: a woman's first and very real fear is the threat if being murdered by a man. Do NOT take this lightly, do NOT brush it off as inconsequential. Once you acknowledge this fact you will gain a better perspective about women's motives & actions.

Make your first dates very public and make her feel very safe. Nothing will progress if you can't do this crucial first step.

NoYesterday6425 · 2022-07-16T09:26:20+00:00

asking a girl out immediatly to your house raises red flags in here eyes for obv reasons

Juiceunderthetable · 2022-07-16T11:36:05+00:00

Did you actually use the word date?

In my experience men are WAY too reticent to actually just say “date” and instead play this game of trying to subtly convey that they want a date without using the word which makes them come across as shady or just causes this kind of confusion.

I mean how would you feel if a girl invited you to grab a coffee? Probably think it was platonic or at the very least doubt whether there was any romantic interest right? What about if she then started emotionally charging the conversation and becoming a bit possessive? You’d probably start thinking it was creepy af.

So how was she supposed to realise you weren’t just inviting her out as a friend unless you actually say “let’s go on a date”? Actually asking for a date has the added bonus of making you come across as confident AND getting a straight answer extremely early on.

ProductivityMonster · 2022-07-16T12:00:13+00:00

It's fairly common to have group dates in certain Asian countries. Even so, I don't live in one of them and am not willing to play those games. It generally means she's not interested.

froze_gold · 2022-07-16T13:32:55+00:00

Invite for coffee or ice cream at a public place next time. Less chance of the girl bringing a body guard.

Stujitsu2 · 2022-07-16T19:58:50+00:00

This was a bad first date choice period. Learn from this mistake. She is certainly asking the other guy along for her safety rather he is straight, gay, friendzoned or whatever. What you don't know is if she is also doing it to establish an unromantic precedent. And even if she is not, this is going to make for an unromantic interaction.

You can handle this 3 ways.

Drop her
Go anyway, do what you can to build attraction and see what happens. The silver lining here is she will almost certainly trust you and meet you alone next time if it goes well.
You polarize her by saying: I just don't think a group outing is very romantic, lets meet for a drink at...instead. Or dinner/coffee/ bowling or whatever.

The 3rd option is polarizing because you are stating clearly you have romantic intentions. Some of the mystery is removed. But if she agrees then she is also open to potential romance. Or she is against it and wants to keep things platonic. It will force her to make a decision about you.

Tyler_too_cold · 2022-07-16T21:25:41+00:00

Ditch that shit. It’s number game bro. This one is not for you.

AngelRipper01 · 2022-07-17T01:23:46+00:00

There's no misunderstanding. She knows it's a date and you're interested. She wants a free meal for her and her man. They do this all the time if they think you're a wimp (it'shappened to me.). Sometimes they bring a female friend or dog to use as a shield so that nothing romantic happens. Stand up for yourself and don't allow them to step all over you.

grizzled083 · 2022-07-16T08:24:40+00:00

I would’ve asked her why so I wasn’t guessing what the fuck she’s on

Gmonkry · 2022-07-16T10:19:03+00:00

Maybe she is polyamorous

carlos1973633826 · 2022-07-16T12:44:10+00:00

Maybe she wants a train

2022-07-16T13:54:43+00:00

I’m cool with a girl bringing a friend on a date but not a male friend. Maybe suggest doing a lunch instead someplace public and she’ll feel less like she needs a bodyguard

Revolutionary-Kale17 · 2022-07-16T14:54:12+00:00

Tell her your not cool with him coming and if she can’t respect that then oh well no date tell her if she can’t find it to respect what u are asking and meet in a setting comfortable to both parties then fuck it there’s nothing else to talk about tell her ok cool and never talk to her again simple

EquivalentAd9241 · 2022-07-16T15:44:16+00:00

Just go ahead and delete her number my guy. This is hopeless. All indicators are clear that you are not the type of man she wants to receive dick from. Don't sweat it. FYI: If you have to double text, you're behind on the scoreboard

fuckouttahea · 2022-07-16T15:50:55+00:00

Sounds like they wanna rob you.

BeefShow618 · 2022-07-16T16:19:20+00:00

Absolutely not. Why would you go to a date with another guy there? Waste of time, move on or get friend zoned

2022-07-16T16:28:01+00:00

I think she’s just not into you and wants you to absolutely know it’s not a date. Sorry Bud.

FrequentPizza8663 · 2022-07-16T17:05:09+00:00

Nope, hard pass. Keep it pushin homie, next one

Responsible-Pin-4029 · 2022-07-16T18:20:25+00:00

My biggest question reading this is: have you sufficiently communicated sexual/romantic intent?

If the answer to that question is no, she either (1) doesn't see you as a romantic/sexual opportunity, or much less likely (2) she's emotionally unstable.

There is no reason for her to want to have a straight male present at your "date" if she's both interested in you romantically and not a narcissistic lunatic. The only reason a well-adjusted girl would want to go on a first date with others present is for safety reasons, which she would have accounted for by suggesting a bar or club.

boxmail2800 · 2022-07-16T20:07:08+00:00

Why does the guy she brings have to be gay for people to be comfortable with it. Is that supposed to be less threatening or something? Anyway… tell her you don’t think that would be very romantic- but ok, you can do the romantic thing another time.. 🤷🏻‍♂️

MusicgoonV2 · 2022-07-16T22:16:35+00:00

She doesn't like you bro. It's just that simple. This was a rejection.

2022-07-16T22:37:17+00:00

Big yikes bro. Keep it moving.

invaderjif · 2022-07-17T00:13:35+00:00

Wow this is confusing.

Does she understand that you're asking her for a hiking date or you two are just friends?

Because based on her texts, it's not clear.

Majestic_Meal_5655 · 2022-07-17T00:15:24+00:00

Do you really have to ask reddit? The answer is always NO!

Illmakeausernamelate · 2022-07-17T01:03:20+00:00

Never double text

funguy4ever · 2022-07-17T02:45:12+00:00

“Or he can meet us there” . You told her he can meet you guys there and then told her you only want her to come

Healthy_Internal4969 · 2022-07-17T04:14:40+00:00

Don't go out with any other people than her alone. Period!

HoseaDavid · 2022-07-17T06:35:05+00:00

It's not coming off as needy to communicate your expectations. You may want to part ways. Telling her you asked her out, not her and her guy friend out, and while you are open minded you aren't that open minded. Since she seems to be reluctant to go insisting on bringing him along, that you think it's best to say that you aren't interested given there seems to be no place for common ground here.

daddysgotanew · 2022-07-16T11:01:55+00:00

Lol. She’s not interested

NoYesterday6425 · 2022-07-16T09:24:53+00:00

wow man. i think it would be better if you were simply unmatched/blocked/stood up. this is a new low

JosephND · 2022-07-16T13:06:43+00:00

I guarantee this was more of a “this dude is insisting on going hiking on a trail for a first date and I need to bring a +1 I know I can trust. Otherwise I can be murdered.”

If not that:

Like, don’t be surprised that a fun outdoor event gets a friend looped in, either. It’s a positive to her and she’s sharing it, you have to attach yourself to that positive and be the association. Hang out with her friend and make a genuine interest in getting to know the guy.

marcusdj813 · 2022-07-17T03:39:27+00:00

I wouldn't want a 1st date to take place at my crib. Regardless of venue, though, I wouldn't be cool with the woman I'm going on a date with needing someone to tag along regardless of gender identity.

DeliberatelyInsane · 2022-07-16T12:33:35+00:00

Trail? As in hiking trail? Is this the first time you’re meeting her? If yes, then I’m not at all surprised she brings a friend along. Hiking trails are sorta abandoned right? She is doing it for her own security.

Meet them in a public place where she can feel safe the first time you guys meet mate.

CptHoytUdall · 2022-07-16T16:13:44+00:00

Establish boundaries early. Trying to change the plans and bring another dude? No way! Tell her when she's ready for a date to give you a call. If she's into you, I'd bet she calls within a week.

By standing up for yourself, you'll show her you'll stand up for her.

Blaphrodite · 2022-07-18T16:13:17+00:00

How are you going to ask a girl you don’t know to meet you at your house?

Of course she needed a body guard.

And hike for a first date?

Y’all be wilding out these days.

No concept of safety. Just pure inability to understand a woman’s perspective.

She ain’t tryna die.

2022-07-16T13:33:20+00:00

You don't meet someone you don't know at their place. As a girl, I'd feel skeptical and would be more comfortable meeting in a crowded public place. Human trafficking is a real thing out there, especially for women and kids. I think her bringing her friend with her is a measure of precaution especially since it's a guy. She seems interested since she agreed in the first place. I hope more guys are more aware of this, and try to settle dates in a place where she would feel safe even with a complete stranger.

nFogg · 2022-07-16T12:51:23+00:00

I don’t see anyone talking about this specifically but why wouldn’t you drop her meeting you at your place. She obviously wasn’t comfortable with that and you kept pushing “meet at my place, meet at my place” dude just meet her out in public.

2022-07-16T22:35:29+00:00

Your first mistake was texting an Androider.

SeanBatemanJr · 2022-07-16T10:25:28+00:00

The only sensible answer is: «Absolutely not, only come if you are alone and if you can’t come alone today, let’s reschedule». Also I would ask why did she come up with the idea of bringing somebody along in the first place?

naughtychick9999 · 2022-07-16T12:18:20+00:00

This is some Dennis Reynolds shit. The implication.. Big time rapey vibes.

kekeBROWN · 2022-07-17T03:48:30+00:00

You’re a weirdo. She was bringing dude because she didn’t feel comfortable alone with you and you gave her every reason to believe that

etherealromance · 2022-07-16T17:30:06+00:00

The right thing to do in this case is just to let the dude come along. He’s probably just a gay friend or orbiter guy. Plus you can utilize conversation with him to build more attraction with the girl. Rookie mistake haha 😉

BreakDance4cash · 2022-07-16T19:43:36+00:00

Has any body here even thought of the idea, that maybe the guy friend that she is bringing is gay?

cormacru999 · 2022-07-17T00:59:31+00:00

Its really important for men to understand how dangerous men are. Women have every right to be cautious & if you can't handle meeting them in stages & being ok with that, then perhaps you aren't really ready either. Most men seem to think only some men are bad or dangerous, but in American, the data says women are assaulted every 9 seconds. In other countries, its much less. We also have the world record for most convicted serial killers. The plain truth is that so many men are fragile & angry, & so many think women are screwing with them or they get taught by other men that you have to be this perfect version of manhood, that they end up unable to just act casually.

She was willing to meet with you & you were so focused on making her spend time with you alone that you blew it. You could have shown her male friend what a cool guy you were but you were too fragile to handle that. I've watched dozens of videos of how men react, in broad daylight, when they casually ask a woman out & she says no. They do insane shit, I watched one guy at a gas station grab a length of wood & cave in a woman's windshield.

And I know you'll feel like ok, so that one dude was crazy, but if you pay attention to what women share about their experiences, you learn very quickly that they are inundated with attention from men. Women often realize they are being sexualized as children, as young as 5-7, girls will realized a man is looking at them in a predatory way. Women should act carefully, they should work to avoid being assaulted & if you're not a bad guy, you'll meet them where they are comfortable.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-07-16T11:25:30+00:00

Its quite normal for a woman to want a third person present on the first meetup because you are complete stranger and she has safety concerns. Even if you get friendzoned, this can be an opportunity to expand your social circle, and meet more women through her. However it is ideal that its just the two of you. You can suggest an activity in a public place so she won't have security concerns. You can even hint at her security concerns to show you understand her perspective.

balthazardous · 2022-07-16T11:49:47+00:00

It's not needy to say what you want, given you are fully ok if you don't get it.

2022-07-16T19:50:04+00:00

If you wanted to date her, then you still can but having a guy (or even girl) come on the date changes things, especially somewhere like a hiking trail where you can't exactly suggest you two leave him. If you go with her and the guy, be very cordial to the guy, but be flirty and fun with her. Don't escalate physically until she starts it. If she likes you she could find an excuse to get away from her friend. Let her lead.

If you're just looking for a hookup then don't bother because it doesn't sound like she's into it.

2022-07-17T05:12:46+00:00

Look up the Ted bundy tapes, this is why

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	118
Comments	142
Date	July 16, 2022 6:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w0ahe4/girl_asked_if_another_guy_can_join_the_date_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1254372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254372

Comments