Has Anyone Went on a Date to Find Them With a Bunch of Friends?

Incognito_Daddy · 2022-06-11T03:32:28+00:00

You should have started hitting on every other girl there. Kind of joking but you could have given her zero attention and paid it all to her friends.

That’s what I did in this situation - I did not get another date but I love knowing that it was probably because I didn’t talk to her at all 🤣

cronasminate · 2022-06-11T02:11:03+00:00

You are absolutely the asshole. Of course you should have just sat there and made her look good in front of her friends. She needed you there so that she could show how dudes are so attracted to her that they wont leave her alone even when she's busy going out with friends. You totally ruined her perfect night. You should have just taken it and kissed her ass like a lapdog in front of her friends.

Very-Dominic · 2022-06-11T05:41:00+00:00

You did a great job. She's an asshole. She Could have told you that this will happen. She's dating you, not them. You should have gave her a straight answer saying that "We all have to have a stronger bond with our dates before they introduce us to their friends" and you're not confortable with what she did, you 2 ain't together for too long and that's how you're not an asshole ; this girl don't have the right to use you to show to them that she can get a man or to use her friends to not feel bored while hanging out with you, while having a date with you, this basically was a group meeting which is embarrassing for you.

kevinsmithburner · 2022-06-11T12:02:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FlavoredButtHair · 2022-06-11T13:23:28+00:00

Nope,shes the asshole. She should've contacted you and asked if you'd be ok with that. You went for a date and she wanted a hangout.

no_spoon · 2022-06-11T13:34:28+00:00

How are people this dumb?

Zenis · 2022-06-11T14:59:16+00:00

Was this a first date / meeting with her? If so, this it crazy behavior.

I don’t mind if women have a safety net when going out, because dudes are scary. A friend on standby with instructions to call 20 mins in? Sure. Give the bartender a heads up you’re on a first date and nervous. Fine. Or even a friend in the same bar watching—a little paranoid, but alright.

But if this was a safety thing for her, you dodged a bullet.

nevertextgoodnight · 2022-06-11T05:12:53+00:00

You did the right thing. You could maybe try to get her out by sending a straight forward text saying you wish to see her one on one but really that is if you feel like putting in the effort and then you'd also have to set a boundary about her calling you an asshole

The other way to handle it would've been to ignore her and make friends with her friends and have her chase your attention amongst the group but that is a lot of effort and not worth it if you're not feeling it

denali_HD2020 · 2022-06-11T05:47:14+00:00

Good reaponse would have been: I asked tou out to get to know you, not your friends.

SadBox4529 · 2022-06-11T07:37:00+00:00

Women do the most childish things sometimes.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-06-11T04:32:19+00:00

I think you played this correctly, sir. This doesn’t sound like someone worth investing your time in.

EARLY20RAG3R · 2022-06-11T03:54:04+00:00

I wouldve done the same thing, good job OP

Riuqlav · 2022-06-11T06:19:45+00:00

Not the asshole.
You are not obliged to be in a place you don't feel comfortable in, mainly because she didn't give you a heads up about it.
Next time you are in this situation pull the girl to the side and asked her to bounce to another spot because you like her friends and all but you want to focus your attention on her, it's even a good one to pull her to your place.

2022-06-11T06:16:54+00:00

Been there. Stayed, danced with her and her friend. Good times.

justadudechllin · 2022-06-11T14:01:08+00:00

jesus that girl was so blatantly lying I'd blocked her right away. She did it intentionally

yennybear888 · 2022-06-11T15:01:17+00:00

A girl I matched on Tinder invited me to meet her and her friend at a rooftop one time. When I got there apparently her friend had met another guy and I was thrown into a situation with three strangers. I could have left and thought about it but the little voice inside my head told me to just embrace it. I ended up hitting it off with the girl and passed about 8 shit tests before taking her home. We ended up dating casually for a few months. Just be yourself! You never know what will happen…it’s not like you can find something else with no notice

Aggressive_Soil_5134 · 2022-06-11T15:24:34+00:00

Who tf brings friends to a date?

Dreamlancer · 2022-06-11T07:44:30+00:00

I don't typically reply to these from this account.

But it sounds like you were meeting up for a night out at a bar, and not a planned dinner date or anything like that. Chances are she brought her friends as a fall back/safety net. Is it sort of lame? Sure. Does it ultimately matter? Not really. All you had to do was say hi, shake a few hands, crack a few jokes about having to meet the entire family for a first date. Wonder if her mom and dad are showing up as well(playfully of course).

Then separate 1 on 1 with her. If you made a good impression with her friends from the jump the night would have been pretty easy. If she wouldn't have been willing to separate then you could bounce.

The way I personally see it is that you already took the time to get ready and make your way out there. Giving 5 or so minutes among her gaggle of friends wouldn't be missed at that point.

Since you asked for advice, I'll expand on the bouncing.

X

This is mostly paraphrased

If she is willing to go somewhere 1 on 1 with you. Great.

If she won't. You have an easy excuse to leave. But you could also say: I thought tonight was about me getting to know you? Us/each other.

You can essentially get her to confirm what the night is for her pretty early on. Whether that be her own hesitation or whatever. She might try and brush it off and say it's just supposed to be a fun night out with no expectations or whatever. Which is fine.

But for me personally if there isn't expectations, I tend to just enjoy my time and flirt with other women in the venue. It tends to get a reaction out of her anyways, but you never know, one of her friends may be cooler than her.

But either way the chatting and flirting with others in the venue will tend to get her to try and approach you once again, if only to ask what you're doing. You just reiterate her words of it being a night without expectations, and they tend to want to walk that back.

The reason why is that she has likely told her friends about the guy she invited as a date. And she might even enjoy the appearance of a guy vying for her attention in front of her group of friends. But if you don't give her that beyond the initial interaction, and instead just talk and flirt with her friends and others in the venue? She doesn't look great looking like the guy she specifically brought as a date got over her pretty quickly. And she'll compete to have that attention back.

Now if this all sounds like too much trouble or work for you? Totally reasonable. It's essentially two parties playing a game of cat n mouse from the jump. But scenarios like this can actually be quite fun with only a few extra minutes of effort being put in beyond just leaving.

Now last notes.

If you try to engage with her friends, and they cold shoulder you at the introduction, and she won't get 1 on 1 with you? Then that's a safe bet to not waste anymore time.

Additionally: why is the only response I'm tackling is a lack of expectations for the evening? Because the alternative is she will set a firm expectation for the evening that you can address.

justadudechllin · 2022-06-11T07:35:32+00:00

Block that bitch

Rori1994 · 2022-06-11T15:34:31+00:00

You’re not an asshole. You were there to meet HER, not meet the entire social circle lol. I think it’s pretty rude to not have given you a heads up. It also adds to the stress of meeting someone for the first time and it takes away from the experience of getting to know someone one on one.

To add to that: I totally would’ve ghosted after that. I wouldn’t even have replied to her long text message afterward bc they would’ve been blocked by then lol Bye✌🏼🤣🤣

panicattackers · 2022-06-11T16:02:16+00:00

r/AITA

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-06-11T06:54:40+00:00

She sounds like an absolute cunt.

Wasting your time like that.. hard not to take it personally.

Tell her it’s an insult.

iluvreddit · 2022-06-11T08:00:50+00:00

You should have hit on her hotter friends. Anyway, that’s what I would have done.

Alex123_UK · 2022-06-11T09:13:25+00:00

Probably hoping to score drinks for all her friends out of you. . . Still, I would have stayed, been awesome and ignored her.

Godisgoodkj142 · 2022-06-11T10:14:29+00:00

She def could've given you a heady up and if it bothered you could lightly bring it up later after the hang out. LIKE hey next time let me know.

That said, unless you were seriously in a non social mood for some specific reason, you should have rose to the occasional and made friends with her friends. They would've sold you to her all day long. But yeah this is definitely over since not only does she think you're am asshole, but her friends don't like you either for doing that

shittyfuckdick · 2022-06-11T06:31:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

iluvreddit · 2022-06-11T08:01:39+00:00

Anyway she’s not hot enough if she had multiple cuter friends

revente · 2022-06-11T09:35:01+00:00

That's why it always should be on you to control the logistics.

insa_max · 2022-06-11T14:41:38+00:00

Best way to deal with it is to ask her why she invited friends.

And then to tell her that you thought it was a date between you and her.

(Give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she has a legit reason.)

And then tell her that you don't think a date can work out when there's a group involved.

And wait for her to say something. And depending on her answer you will be the one to reject her.

Oh the turntables.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-06-11T13:54:08+00:00

Contrary to what most other guys here are saying, you kinda were the asshole. She gave you a vibe test and you utterly failed it.

Should she have given you a heads up that her friends would be there? Absolutely. Does it really matter that she didn't though? Not really.

If you were on top of your game, you could have easily turned the situation into a great one by simply being social and making friends with her friends. You could have shifted your mindset from "this is a date" to "this is a night out with a bunch of new friends and one of them is into me so something might happen, but it's not a big deal if it doesn't" and then behave accordingly.

Worst case scenario, you have a fun night out and meet some fun people. Best case scenario, her friends eventually leave and you're one on one with your girl, giving you a chance to pull. Middle case scenario, she goes back home with her friends, but you've made a great impression on all of them since you were good vibes and she wants to see you again for a 2nd date which you can propose to be at your place directly (like cooking together). That or she texts you after she gets home telling you to come over.

If however, her friends are cold or lame and she's not paying attention to you at all, then it wouldn't be the worst thing to leave since there would be no benefit to you being there. Stay for a bit and then say you're feeling tired so you're going to head home. However, this is only if her and her friends are not fun at all. If they are cool, then just enjoy yourself without further expectations.

Game is all about how you are able to react to whatever situation is thrown at you.

marijuanatubesocks · 2022-06-11T15:17:50+00:00

This has happened to me twice this year with different girls. I’m so sick of their fucking games. Like I’m trying to get to know them not their friends first

cutiepienew · 2022-06-11T12:42:10+00:00

So if you asked her out on a date. She came with lots of her friends she is wrong on that part but as the man you should have talked to the friends keep them engaged and then pull her away to little bit away to see her compliance then start moving to deep conversation. If you search you can find videos for this online. You can check modern flirting they have a good masterclass

recyclablebanthas · 2022-06-11T17:31:26+00:00

1

I went out to meet a girl tonight at a bar and when I get there she's with a bunch of friends and coworkers.

She did not give me a heads up about this. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just met them while she was out, but she told she carpooled and they all planned it.

It's a little odd that you didn't give you a heads up. But it's also not the end of the world. And it had the potential to give you a ton of data on her while you figure out whether you're actually up for it or not.

You can learn a lot about someone by watching how they interact with their coworkers and by the friends they choose to keep.

If you were only looking for something casual, then I could see how this might not have been an attractive setup.

However, if you are looking for something serious, then you shot yourself in the foot here.

2

I stayed for a little but after a minute i decided that i did not want to be here. It was just really weird and uncomfortable. I quickly drank my beer and then said im gonna go this is pretty weird but nice meeting them.

Definitely your prerogative.

3

She sent me a long text later basically calling me an asshole.

Some people like to screen the people they date by seeing how well they handle themselves in a situation like this around their friends.

It's also a way for their friends to give second opinions. A lot of people do this when they have had bad experiences trusting their own judgment or feeling unsafe being on one-on-one dates.

And while you had no obligation to stick around, leaving when you did would have unintentionally come off as a dick move.

Sup3rHD · 2022-06-11T14:24:07+00:00

Get off dating apps.

pdcGhost · 2022-06-11T16:04:19+00:00

Was this the first date? If it was the first date, it would be very awkward to meet all her friends as well as meeting her firsts for the first time so I don't blame you talking and liking her other girlfriends becuase you haven't established a bond yet.

salamanderc0mmander · 2022-06-11T16:32:56+00:00

Group dates especially especially at the beginning will be a dud. How are you supposed to get to know her. Ya handled it well.

PondScum420 · 2022-06-11T17:03:53+00:00

This kind of thing happens and probably has more to do with safety in her eyes than using you to look good in front of her coworkers as some of these comments suggest.

I agree, it can be uncomfortable and I too would prefer a heads up, but you either make it work or walk away. You made your choice, which is understandable. You maybe could have been more polite about it or articulated that the group makes you uncomfortable before you left.

Either way, yeah it is what it is. I would take it with a grain of salt and move on

dingleburry_joe · 2022-06-11T17:17:53+00:00

Bitches be entitled these days

lefthandedaf · 2022-06-11T17:25:33+00:00

I showed up to a first date once and the girl was with a friend. She didn’t tell me. A horrible, bitchy friend. It went horrible.

Title	Has Anyone Went on a Date to Find Them With a Bunch of Friends?
Author	shittyfuckdick
Upvotes	206
Comments	124
Date	June 11, 2022 2:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/v9n8iv/has_anyone_went_on_a_date_to_find_them_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/has-anyone-went-on-a-date-to-find-them-with-a.1257400 https://theredarchive.com/post/1257400

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