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shittyfuckdick
[–]Puzzled_Nail_1962 75 points76 points77 points 4 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Probably more the warming up socially than the alcohol. Doing something social before and getting in that mindset does wonders.
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately I have no friends or social circle so that’s not a normal option
[–]CapSuez 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You might want to fix this part first. Having some friends and a social circle falls under the realm of "life components you need under control" before you can have lasting success in dating.
I'd also recommend socializing before a date, even a phone call to a friend is good for making you feel more confident and chatty before a date without needing alcohol.
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
I’m 27. Making friends is damn near impossible.
[–]geardluffy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel ya but it’s still possible. If you’re looking for tight nit friendships, that’s a little harder to get.
[–]SigmundFreud 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't be so modest! I'm sure you're at least 40.
[–]shittyfuckdick 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No I’m 27
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not impossible. I've done it many times at around that age.
[–]chuckvsthelife 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got divorced at 26 with no friends. Within 2 years I built 5 really close friends. I’ve since moved away but I straight up text these people in some way or another daily.
It’s not easy, it is doable. Find some meetup groups for some stuff that sounds fun. Like board games go play board games. Go out with them, got to a karaoke bar and work on general social skills talking and making friends…. Etc. Then spend the time investing in building those relationships.
Straight up made me much much better at talking to women as well. Invest in yourself and becoming worthwhile and women become honestly relatively easy.
[–]CapSuez 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know the details of your social/life situation, but you absolutely need to change this perspective. You won't be able to be a decent partner to anyone if they're your entire social world anyway. You need to have other people to socialize with to have a complete life.
Unless you live in a low population rural area, there's lots of ways to meet people. Meetups. Classes (social dancing, cooking classes). Exercise (cycling/running clubs, spin classes, yoga classes). I've noticed people seem more receptive to meeting people nowadays. It seems like everyone's social lives were reset by covid, so people seem to be aching to meet new people in the post-covid world.
It's probably extremely difficult to do any of this if you're coming from the point of view of perceiving yourself as "having no friends". Since you feel less confident in these situations, but you'll need to keep pushing through. Having friends is really a prerequisite towards leading an enjoyable life in general and having long term dating success.
My brother moved to a new city at 30. He's been there 12 years and has massive network of close friends and acquaintances he's built from scratch after moving there.
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
just talk to random people on the way, a smile, a hello, a small talk with a by-stander
Lmao thanks I’m cured
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They were giving honest advice.
You have at least two variables at play and are deciding one of them is what changes the outcome.
This person suggested you should find out if it's the other obvious variable before you start drinking more, which you said yourself you don't even like
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
was this helpful then ?
[–]Vigeto619 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“I have no friends.”
“Oh! That’s easy! Go talk to people and make friends!”
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you misunderstood what I said, it wasn't said in the context of making friends but rather getting that social momentum going, which OP is trying to replicate with the help of alcohol.
This technique helped me a lot as I had trouble communicating with people all my life.
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
chit chatting with strangers isnt gonna cure my lonliness.
[–]ChutiyaChutney420 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No OP, I meant it in the context of helping you get into that social momentum so you don't have to rely on shots, sorry that I didn't phrase it right the first time !
[–]chuckvsthelife 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly my advice generally would be to focus on building a social circle instead of dating.
[–]shittyfuckdick2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
At this point I think dating is easier. At least I have an app to setup dates. Organically meeting people is so fucking hard.
[–]Web-splorer 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You just did you went out with co-workers for drinks. Sounds like you do have friends
[–]Rumpleforeskin404 99 points100 points101 points 4 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Taking a shot before a date will calm your jiggly nerves down. However, there are 2 things that you need to understand. Is she attracted to you when you're 'lil' drunk, or the real sober you?
Here's an experience of mine. I took a girl on a date while sober, and I ended up talking about human trafficking. This girl looked at me like I'm some sort of a serial killer afterwards. Thus, ruining the date itself.
So I ended up snorting cocaine right before every date. The pure adrenaline of excitement and happiness turnt me into a sociable charismatic guy in some way. Made girls laugh and feel comfortable around me. Now it's already been 2 years and I'm free from substance abuse.
In conclusion, it's better not to rely on things, but instead, rely on yourself.
[–]ftdrain 30 points31 points32 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You dont need to rely on it, this argument gets touted a lot, but if people used their brains they would realize that:
1- First impressions or first dates matter immensely, keyword is first. 2 - In second and subsequent dates you will be much more relaxed around the person that you already know and not need any or little help to calm your nerves.
In conclusion, yes Im a heavy advocate for using substances in precise amounts to get shit done (this is very different from abusing and getting hammered) you only have one life, its happening right now, not years after therapy when you finally solve your shit (if and when).
[–]depth_charge_ 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly this. It’s a tool to get over initial jitters - doesn’t mean it will be always needed
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (18 children) | Copy Link
I’m so unsuccessful with girls I don’t really mind. Being lonely and sober is so much worse than being an addict and getting girls.
[–]thrxwxwxyxbvxxslx 37 points38 points39 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Im addicted and have no girls....
Sorry to hear that man. Loneliness is horrible. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone
[–]thrxwxwxyxbvxxslx 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Owh im fine iwth it. I try to accept that the sober me is the real me. And if no one fucks with the sober me well then im fine being by myself. Do i miss it, sometimes yes lol
[–]spiderSlayerr -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol
[–]thrxwxwxyxbvxxslx 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hhahahah very funy
[–]SleepyBeast89 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
If you really believe that you have your priorities wrong mate.
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
Lol I feel like people who say this have never been in the shoes of people with these problems.
[–]SleepyBeast89 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Well then you’d be wrong. I’ve been there. If you believe your initial comment then you need to work on yourself man. Self investment leads to better success with women than any alcohol
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been on self improvement for 2 years. Still a loser, just have a little more muscle.
[–]SleepyBeast89 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That’s great but what are you doing to work on your mindset? Your inner self?
meditation, therapy, journaling, lifting.
im tired of doing everything im supposed to do and not getting any results.
[–]ftdrain 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Read my comment, its the best on this thread. People are dumb and just regurgitate shit. Do what needs to be done, a guy like you wont get addicted to shit.
[–]SleepyBeast89 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah sure the people who say don’t rely on substances to game are the idiots 🙄
[–]ftdrain0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Im speaking from experience as I resonate with op a lot. He is seeking help from people that just dont understand his situation at all. Do you think that a dude that journals, meditates and works out is gonna be an alcoholic for shits and giggles? If you think so you clearly have no clue about the issue at hand.
Im not gonna go on a rant about anxiety, but I will just say that in some situations you will need to perform otherwise you wont get a second chance, its now or never. Lets have a clear example, you have an important job interview, you know that you have performance anxiety, would you take a small and precise dose of xanax to help or just risk tanking it? If you have a working brain the answer is clear. "But but be a man yadda yadda im a moron".
Again, clueless people dont understand that anxiety peaks in specific situations, the dude wont need to use substances in his everyday life. Do you know how often I drink in everyday life? Fucking never, why the fuck would I stop drinking a glass of red or taking a shot so I can perform better when anxiety peaks? Will it make you use it often and become an alcoholic? No, again, specific situations, lets say you date 3 times a week and settle it at 2 shots per date, is 6 shots gonna make you an alcoholic? Average drinkers drink more than that per week.
Read my other posts, I have multiple fwbs, do you know when I feel the need to drink after I already met them? Oh jeez, its never again .
Check and mate
[–]SleepyBeast892 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah you say that like a bunch of us never had crippling anxiety either. What you’re saying also isn’t what OP said and what I responded to. You’re saying it’s fine on rare occasions, He basically said it’s better to be addicted and get success than the other way around. You are essentially arguing my point for me
[–]ftdrain2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
But he only said that because people are wrongly regurgitating the alcoholic argument, if anything what Im saying is even more important. Im showing him that there is a way for him to accomplish what he wants when he already made it clear to what extent he would go to get it done while everyone else is just shutting it down with flawed arguments
[–]SleepyBeast891 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I get what you’re saying, that makes more sense
[–]Tetter 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah, a shot before a date is fine, being okay with being an addict is fucking retarded
[–]SigmundFreud 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's not exactly what I took away from your story.
[–]amb56 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol I feel this. I liked how booze gave me the strange superpower of being able to talk to women, so I proceeded to become a huge alcoholic.
10 months sober and just started dating again! I find that within 5 minutes of chatting with a new girl, the nerves naturally fade away same as taking shots would allow.
[–]Liberaler 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
One night I went to a work happy hour before my date. I had a couple drinks and talking with my coworkers warmed me up socially. When I went to my date it was like a night and day difference. I absolutely crushed making her laugh and the convo just flowed.
How do you know alcohol was the (sole) reason for that? Maybe you just had good connection with her. Maybe having fun with your coworkers was the more important variable, that warmed you up. You see how dangerous your thinking is, because you projected all your success on alcohol.
if alcohol has to involved it's better to have a drink with her, instead of showing up drunken.
[–]Mistermistery101 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I agree but I think you're missing the point of what the real issue is. It's not whether or not 1 shot of alcohol is effective (and as a side note, for someone who is generally anxious, one shot will help them be more social. I'm speaking from my own anecdotal experience, yes, but I A/b tested this with being sober back when I had social anxiety).
The issue is relying on alcohol altogether. When I was younger I found out that I was more charismatic when drunk then while sober. So being the young dumb kid that I was, I made it a point to always have a shot or 2 before any social event. It got to the point where it didn't even have to be a social event with multiple people. If I had a girl coming over my place, I would take a shot before I see her.
One thing you're going to realize fast is that you can't always be drunk. For example, you bring a girl home and you're drunk and you guys have sex. But if she spends the night, then you'll most likely wake up sober. And let me tell you, waking up sober to a girl who you only felt comfortable being confident towards drunk is an awkward feeling. From her point of view it's like she just woke up with a completely different person. This will almost always guarantee that this fling remains a one night stand.
A quick fix could be to just take another shot when you wake up(preferably where she can't See you). But by doing that, and for each instance that you do that, you are creating a subconscious reliance to it. Which will develop to you having to drink whenever you intend to interact on a social or a romantic level.
It's bad for your health, especially if you generally tend to be a social dude or go on a lot of dates. It's also bad for your spirit because what you're doing is essentially saying that you aren't good enough, so you need a substance, something outside of you, to feel valuable.
I say all this to say that alcohol can be a good quick fix, but do not turn it to a crutch. Do not rely on it. It can and will fuck you up.
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You were doing it wrong mate, I do take a shot or drink some wine before meeting a girl Im particularly interested in to calm my nerves, but I absolutely do not feel the need for it the day after, for reference most of them sleep in and remain as fwbs without any further need for alcohol. Your whole verbiage about not feeling like you are good enough is not only bullshit, it also doesnt solve anything, people have anxiety, saying coachy shit isnt gonna help them get shit done
[–]Mistermistery101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bro what? Did I not say I'm speaking off of my own experience? Why did you feel so personally attacked by this, buddy
[–]ftdrain -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Im also speaking off of my own personal experience and calling bullshit
[–]Mistermistery101 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're calling my own experience that I experienced bullshit? Ok. Seems like you know me better than I know myself.
[–]shittyfuckdick0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Probably being social helped. But that is not a normal option for me. Alcohol however is always there.
[–]SuperiorTroy 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's how alcohol dependency starts
Yea my concern as well. I also don’t really like drinking to begin with.
[–]thrxwxwxyxbvxxslx 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same hut i use it to losen up
[–]great_account 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I've been on dates that seem really fun when we've been drinking and then we hang out sober and realize we have nothing in common. It's a crutch.
[–]hOmIeCoUrt 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Before dates I always do these things:
Groom myself well: shave, cut nails, haircut if needed, moisturise, at least 2 showers that day, get a good outfit going.
Listen to upbeat music: my lame anthem is girls by Jay Z it puts me in the zone
Eat healthy: energy, prevents over eating that night
Exercise: have a big session. Preferably for back or chest. I often run aswell to clear my head and get rid of jitters
Drink coffee/tea: keeps me alert at night
Meditate.
Clean my house. Setting the expectation that she's coming back and I need to be ready.
Doing all of that will put you in a calm focused and fun mood. You don't need to drink to feel that way.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Learn to be confident sober, or anxieties will manifest when you are sober. It’s a slippery slope to dependency and worse problems like performance anxiety.
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The dude clearly already has performance anxiety, how long will it take for him to be confident sober? How many missed lays?
[–]xiosy 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the exact same thing I told my brother and he said that’s how alcohol dependency starts
[–]miseraa 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I saw a tweet recently that said if you’re neurodivergent, the first two drinks don’t count, they just turn you into a normal person. As someone with mild anxiety and ADHD, I definitely relate to you and also get a lil’ bit tipsy before all my dates.
But make sure to not get too dependent on it. It’s a pick-me-up, not a crutch.
[–]steelmanfallacy 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also, don't forget that your perception is also affected by alcohol. You think you are doing better than you actually are.
[–]shittyfuckdick 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No it was legit better. The girl was even giving me compliments and telling me she was having a good time. There was way more flirting.
Usually my dates are just boring conversations then I get ghosted after.
[–]steelmanfallacy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, you don't know that it was better.
Don't jump to conclusions.
Also, alcohol is terrible for you. It makes everything worse in the long run (and sometimes in the short run too).
Good luck! 🍀
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope. Deal with your insecurities and nerves in a healthy way, don’t put a band aid on the problem
[–]Creative-Cut8103 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m a young attractive man and I didn’t start getting girls up until the last year I started pulling 10’s and I used alcohol as a tool before meeting for the first time and it did wonders for my social anxiety. To the point now I have gained the confidence to go in sober. Alcohol can help bring out the fun side In you. Use it mindfully in moderation and as a tool.
[–]entitledwank 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One time in college I was tripping pretty hard on acid and a friend knocked on my door with her parents there.
I was super welcoming to them and had such high energy because… well I was on drugs.
Anyways the next day when I saw her she kept going on about how much her parents loved me.
Even she didn’t realize I was high, she just thought I was in a really good mood
[–]notonthat 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Always sober. But I’m always calm and relaxed and love dates and have a good time. Instead of drinking before hand I’d focus on getting your 1st date format down, and understanding how conversations work a little better. My date format: mine is 3 places. Meet at first one. I see them often come up we hug, I often tell them they look wildly stunning, guide to bar, get drink, maybe share each other’s drink on way to table and sit across table from each other at first place. Initially sitting across the table allows, imo, a casual low key get to know each other joke around vibe to happen — move to second place near by often walking, I reach for hand and take it any time we cross street — we sit next to each other at second place — usually more intimate. 3rd place is usually a low key fun dive bar I like a lot that I drive them to that is near by — we get cheap drinks, often we kiss and are really close physically and intimately by this point. Often we go home that night (I keep 2 bottles of wine, wine opener and bottle of tequila in trunk of my car to avoid the “I don’t have anything at my place”)
The point. Take them to a couple places. The point is they go to different places with you in one night and each place she goes to with you she’s always having fun and a great time. 2. Focus on what makes good conversation. I never know what I’m going to talk about. I don’t need to because I’m focused on her. To help with conversations maybe look into Todd Valentine, Richard LaRuina, James Marshall — what happens is you learn (from Todd Valentine) that conversation has a Baseline (normal interesting conversation) and a Plotline (emotional spikes and escalations) — simply if you just know that you know if your conversation are becoming too boring and you know to bring it back to being fun you’ll need to spice it up make it emotional (get away from factual stuff — ask her why she did that, make an funny observation, be sarcastic, tell her you’re having a hard time not looking at her, disagree with what she says — do something to spike the conversation in an authentic way) From James Marshall and Richard you learn how as she’s talking what are her Core Motivations. If she says she moved to the city, then you immediately start thinking and asking: WHY did she choose to do a crazy thing that? WHAT was that like? I didn’t initially think you were that adventurous HOW did that happen? - What motivates her (Why would she do that?) - Hiw does she really feel about something? (What does that make her feel?) - Then make Observations about what you’ve uncovered about what kind of person she is…these can be, funny or neutral about how silly or adventurous she is. - Also Relate but also Contrast between what she is saying and offering (it is v important to see why someone might like something but you on the other hand could never do that or like that etc. This can be for something funny or serious. In fact it’s often fun to tease and disagree sarcastically or jokingly about anything)
This may or may not be helpful but with a little bit of work and frameworks for a date in place, and eventually have a framework for how really great conversations work dates are very easy and fun and you won’t need to loosen up
This guy fucks. Love the handholding tip
And I always try to do 2 places.
[–]notonthat 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks mate.
2-3 places, making physical contact effortless and comfortable right away (light hug initial, guiding her by small of back, physically opening your hand to request hers at the table so you can see her rings ask if they have any meaning to her, taking her hand to cross the street, etc) plus just having a low key fun attitude with some good taste she will absolutely love falling into adventures with you
As many girls (even my current gf has told me) the bar for most women from the type of men they have to choose from is so damn low that you don’t need to be Casanova these days to make the women swoon
[–]MrSlippery92 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
This is called alcoholism. Pretty soon it becomes:
“Fuck, I’m about to go into a tough meeting. Better take a shot.”
“Man, I have to drive in rush hour traffic? Better take a shot”
“Gf’s parents coming over? I need a shot”
[–]ftdrain 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Says who? I do that and Im pretty sure I drink way way less alcohol than the average person. No alcohol the entire week (ye no beers watching football games), but some to get more comfortable here and there when going out, last time I got drunk? Cant remember
This entire thread is just parroting the alcoholism argument without actually getting down to the nitty gritty of things. Who the fuck would take a shot to drive? A moron, thats who.
[–]shittyfuckdick 4 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
I would gladly become an alcoholic if it helped me get girls.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]shittyfuckdick 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
im guy number 1 now. it doesnt help with girls, at all.
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That raw desperation is lack of self-worth is a bigger obstacle in this endeavor than sobriety.
[–]shittyfuckdick 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s hell man. I hate myself
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Have you considered therapy? This looks like a mental health problem disguised as a dating problem, and I don't think dating advice is going to fix the underlying issue.
Just started actually. I’m hoping it will fix something
But my mental problems stem from not having any friends or girls.
You might be mistaking symptom for problem here man. Therapy isn't about fixing you it's about changing thought patterns that are holding you back.
[–]P7o7s7t7a7l1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I think warming up socially is great, but i would watch my liquor. Try the same exact setting, bar, etc...and drink a soda water.
[–]Barriers_Bury_Us1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I wish I didn't get so damn tired when I take 1-2 shots. After a little, I will need more or else I will get lethargic.
[–]GordonGecko69 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, I can tell you from experience that it is both a slippery slope and ultimately doesn’t work out.
You get a specific kind of girl in a specific setting. You can’t pull randomly walking down the street because the random drunk dude just looks pathetic.
You never really learn how to run game because the alcohol is doing it for you. You may say that you don’t care. But it will actually hurt your opportunities with women more than it helps it.
It is very very easy to go from drinking to warm up to getting wasted with chicks to just getting wasted. I can tell you from my own experience and that of many many PUAs I have been friends with and winged with. It’s pretty pathetic.
You need to be on your game and being drunk slows that down. You aren’t doing better because you are drunk. You’re doing better because your inhibitions were lowered. Instead, just stop being a bitch. Works the same and with less Ill effects.
MF are so worried about rejection that they want to resort to ANYTHING to not endure it. You will get rejected drunk, eventually more so than when you are sober. Rejection is all part of the game. There is not a dude who doesn’t experience rejection. I’ve seen athletes, rock stars and famous actors get ghosted. What makes you so special?
Moral of the story… stop being a bitch.
[–]nfornear 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Think you have other stuff to work on if you need a shot before the date. Drinking during is fine though and it will also loosen up tbe date (from both sides)
[–]shittyfuckdick1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
For sure. But Ive doing self improvement for a year and nothing has really improved. I just want my hard work to pay off and if drinking a the solution so be it.
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk for me. It's a fine line. And during the summer after an LTR ending, yeah I'm gonna go drink.
But yeah it quickly goes into alcoholism. You have to be really self aware to catch yourself before you slip. So it's a dangerous game to play where the end consequences are 100000x worse than beginning benefits.
But I'll be honest I'm playing it right now. Until I broke my first bone while I was drinking
So be careful. But it sounds like you've already decided what you're going to do
[–]cunningcaring 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cholera and Hepatitis B
[–]Dumpster_slut69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm guessing you rely on alcohol to be social. One of my exes showed up after a few drinks (she admitted it) and she turned out to be an alcoholic.
[–]AssistTemporary8422 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you do this then she isn't attracted to the real you, she is attracted to the slightly drunk you. That can actually eat away at your self-esteem. You don't want your "game" to be overly reliant on a substance or ritual.
The reason you do better with alcohol is because it calms your anxiety, lowers your filter, and you can be in the moment and self-amuse. This is why alcohol is so popular in social events. But you can work on improving these issues without alcohol. Start working on these issues in normal social interactions.
[–]CoNoelC 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Nothing wrong with getting a little loose. Don’t over do it or you won’t get hard later.
I agree with posters about how the social scene probably helped even more that the alcohol. I even find simple things like chewing gum to warm up my jaw before a date help too.
Lol this happened to me. I brought the girl home but I couldn’t get hard. I think it was also nerves
[–]CoNoelC 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This happens to me nearly 100% of the time with a new girl on the first night.
Couple things - Chinese dick pills. Basic variety store 10$ boner pill will change your life forever. My wife is bi so I still go grab one when we’re gonna have a 3sum or soemthing. Just makes sex so easy and enjoyable. Your mind can wander, you can be nervous, drunk, high on blow… whatever. Dick still as hard as your first boner.
Also if I’m clicking with a girl and I can see it going somewhere I won’t close the deal on the first night even if I could. I only close if I don’t think we will go on another date. Just have a good time, laugh a lot, make out and grind up on eachother etc. Let the tension build. She will be back, and she will be ready.
Lastly - if you can’t get hard for whatever reason then just be honest. Worst thing you can do is not address it or get awkward. Make a self deprecating joke about it and tell her you’re nervous, or tell her it only happens like this if you actually like the girl or some shit. They’ll be disappointed for sure, but any girl worth your time will be cool about it. Can always eat the pussy and you never know, it might get you going.
Bonus - at one point I had 3 girls I was cycling through my apartment at all times so sometimes I would be expected to fuck after already being drained and it just wouldnt to happen. I remember telling this one girl to take it slow and work me up. She just basically grinded her booty in my lap spoon style for like a half hour and it worked like magic. It was so relaxing that I stopped thinking about it. I’ve spoken to my doctor briefly about it and he agreed it is anxiety. Happens to a lot of dudes. I tried the not-jerking-off thing but it wasn’t sustainable and I found it actually increased my anxiety because if I missed an opportunity it was DEVASTATING. Where as if I couldn’t get hard or whatever, I could always rely on the warm embrace of my left hand.
[–]Zubi_Q 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, I have 1 before I go on the date, for some extra courage
[–]Finisterre_ 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone here is being dramatic.
I would only go to a bar for a first date (music, atmosphere and drinks help with the conversation) and so I always have a shot and maybe a beer beforehand. It makes total sense.
I wouldn’t feel the need to do it on a second date and wouldn’t take a shot if the date itself didn’t involve drinking
[–]Esmond_Mutt2323 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never. Bad things happen when I do shots. It can be anything.
[–]motherseffinjones 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve always gone into date with extreme confidence and it’s usually works out for me. I’m todays dating world once you get them offline I feel like your chances of success sky rocket
[–]WanyCaleb 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whatever works OP, life is too short. I love alcohol but man, the dependency can get crazy because alcohol does it's job very well. Stay safe, thank you and good night!
[–]curlyhands 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep I take a shot before every date works like a charm. I’m still me, just more relaxed. Then as I get to know them I feel that way normally.
[–]The_fractal_effect 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol one time I went on a date 6 beers deep because I scheduled a date on the wrong day. Date turned out pretty well made out with the chick and went on a few other days with her but that's about it😂😂
[–]Arsenichv 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, and before public speaking.
[–]Soberskate9696 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I knew a dude who would drink like 8 tall boys of steel reserve before his dates, then would order pitchers of beer while on the date
[–]theangeldust96 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man i drank 2 pints of beer once before, the date, which i really liked, i think she smelled then she shit tested me and bc i was buzzed i fell right into it. She said without context like "I'm thirsty", lets get something to drink, i assumed alcohol but when we got there she was like nooo i meant water. Yeah after she left to go meet with some of her girlfriends i downed some cheap vodka and met with some of my friends too just to tell them:)). I don't do that anymore but again I don't go on any dates so who am I to say.
[–]NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Numbing your prefrontal cortex. Congratulations, you discovered science! Yes, the frontal lobe is somewhat anesthetized by alcohol and it is responsible for social behavior (keeps you from blurting out something awkward or gauche). Aka: liquid courage.
[–]CanUnusual8729 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought everyone did this
[–]loosetingles 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If were meeting up for drinks I typically have a drink before heading out. There's a fine line though, I wouldn't have more than 2 drinks max before meeting.
[–]Saxon2010 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I usually have a drink before my dates. Then usually just one during the date. Just be conscious that you aren’t getting wasted or too reliant on it for every social interaction.
[–]ProFriendZoner 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you need anything to "help" you what you really need is help.
[–]SPENCEandtonic 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m a career bartender and love booze and the stories behind all the different spirits and cocktails. One thing I’ve learned over the years is alcohol is a powerful drug. It’s very addicting, and I’ve seen it become a crutch for many people and ruin many lives and relationships. We all consume it for different reasons (to escape, to be more present, to be more fun, to calm down, to celebrate, etc).
What I’ve noticed is we all use it as a short cut to mask our personality flaws. I think the better option is to figure out why you’re using it, and develop those personality traits more.
For example, you’re using it to loosen up, get calibrated, maybe take more risks in conversation, and overall be more edgy and sexual.
Work on those skills when you’re sober and you won’t need the booze. It’s a shortcut that isn’t sustainable in the long run.
With all the being said, I still drink, but with the added awareness of how it actually effects me.
Cheers, you animal, go crush your dates!
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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