[deleted by user]

Conscious-Trifle-137 · 2021-10-11T12:45:20+00:00

I think he made his boundaries pretty clear, might be time to respect them…

p00psicle151590 · 2021-10-11T15:53:51+00:00

He's set his boundaries, respect them. He's not some sex prize, don't treat him as such for your own fun.

norwegiandoggo · 2021-10-11T12:36:37+00:00

Seems highly unethical. Why would you try to convince someone to sleep with you just so they will regret it after? He specifically told you he's not into casual sex. Do you want people to regret having slept with you? It's like I tell you explicitly that I don't want to drink alcohol, but then you try to manipulate me into drinking alcohol instead of respecting my stated opinion. That makes you an asshole

tellythesloot · 2021-10-11T12:58:35+00:00

Just one more time? How about you take him out on a date, wine and dine him like men are always expected to do. Go out and have some fun, some drinks, take him home and smash. Get rid of the expectation in your approach and just have a blast. The rest will come...now if you want to keep him coming back why don't you make it exciting for him, take a novel approach to this. You want to fulfill your selfish urges and doing only that has failed you.. give up yourself in this. Why don't you take it to the next level and maybe...bring a friend along every blue moon? Rekindle the desire you allowed him to lose from unfulfilled sex. Men aren't robot fuck machines stop objectifying us and start getting into our brains

Moikepdx · 2021-10-11T16:05:14+00:00

It sounds like he is may be interested in someone else. He isn’t getting anywhere with them, wants sex, and you are available. So he calls. Then he just feels bad afterward since he really wanted sex with the other person. He’s treating you like a bad habit.

This means your question is “How do I convince this guy to keep failing into bed with me?

I think your best answer is to show some self-respect and cut him off. This forces him to either forget about you as an option, or change his behavior patterns. You can do this in a couple ways depending on what you want. Since you said you were looking for a FWB situation, I’d suggest something like:

“I’m ok with FWB, but I’m not OK with this hot and cold bullshit. It’s disrepectful. The first part of being FWB is “friends”. If this is how you treat your friends, I don’t want to be friends anymore. Make up your mind before you call me again.”

eonscrewedme · 2021-10-11T13:47:13+00:00

he doesn't like sex with you and is making excuses.

ApartMeet · 2021-10-11T15:35:37+00:00

He’s just not into you. Realize it and move on

lohvei0r · 2021-10-11T17:03:52+00:00

I can relate. It’s not courage or not enjoying it at the moment.

For me it’s about not feeling right the next day. Something related to not having detached sex from love. Oxytocin is a real thing.

Some people can have the sex act as if were a sport. Others just can’t.

Maymaywala · 2021-10-11T18:15:07+00:00

u/ceswk calm down lmfao

MiscProfileUno · 2021-10-11T12:56:24+00:00

Kinda rapey if you are manipulating him to have sex under the conditions he is not comfortable with.

sugoikoi · 2021-10-11T14:48:04+00:00

What is OLD?

Annabirdy00 · 2021-10-11T19:50:51+00:00

Maybe find someone who DOES want to have sex with you?

aNullBuffoon · 2021-10-11T21:13:44+00:00

Imagine if a man posted this about a woman

HeavyMetalElitist · 2021-10-11T17:33:47+00:00

Sucks to be him. I'd move on.

2021-10-11T17:52:08+00:00

Move on. He's just fucking with your head and more than likely getting fucked elsewhere. He's enjoying watching you get frustrated and waiting to see just how hard you're gonna try and what you'll be willing to do to get his sexual attention. He's a punk, duplicitous behind your back, pretending to have standards to your face, he's playing head games. Cut off all communication and start dating other guys...as soon as other men are getting the attention he thinks he's entitled to and you're not available to answer his calls he'll do a complete 180° on you. But if he does that don't take him back no matter what he says or promises...he's fucked up and will bring you nothing but misery because he's miserable. Sorry to be so blunt but seen your situation way too many times...move on, stay strong, demand respect not immature games, and best of luck.

** DM me if you need support and encouragement. I will not judge just listen and help you resist the want to have this sociopath in your life.

NugsofKarma · 2021-10-11T14:13:09+00:00

It doesn't sound like he's indecisive at all.

This post does have rapey connotations to it.

What should you do? Be blunt, honest and open. Tell him you want to use him. Tell him you only want to hang out to fuck him. Tell him you just want 'your fun'.

You'll see what he thinks of you at that moment. Stop conniving on reddit like being woman makes this post less rapey.

He said no. Now you're looking for advice to do it again.

If you were a man, this ENTIRE reply chain would be popping off

Aristox · 2021-10-11T15:56:16+00:00

Think there's a lot of people in this thread getting off on the "ahah now the tables have turned, how do you feel now, Female?" aspect of this situation, and aren't actually addressing your situation honestly. Fuck em.

It's possible he's had bad experiences with casual sex in the past, so he's carrying all these assumptions about what it would mean, feel like after, etc. By "I dont like causal sex" he might actually mean "I didn't really enjoy the stuff ive classified as 'casual sex' in the past enough to have more of it"

So your task is to show him that what you have to offer is unique enough to not be able to just be categorised along with the other shitty 'casual sex' he's had in the last

I think if i were in your situation if wanna aim for 2 things:

Make him feel like casual sex with you would be safe and easy and not something he'd feel guilty about etc afterwards.
Make him feel like casual sex with you would be exciting and sexy and adventurous and something to be proud about after.

It seems like his mind is telling him to not bother, it isn't worth the effort etc. But then some time later he's sitting alone in bed horny and he sends you a text cause he's changed his mind. Then the next day he changes his mind back again etc.

I think the way to do it is to ramp up the sexy vibes and bd way more forward and make an explicit play to seduce him. It's waaaaay harder to offend a guy by being too forward than a girl, so you almost cant lose by coming in eager, as long as you're hot and actually chill and stable and trustworthy and stuff.

I'd consider taking a sexy photo of yourself lying on a bed / photo of your wrists in handcuffs, something like that, and send that to him along with 3 or 4 paragraphs of what sexy stuff you'd like to do to him/him to do to you. Paint a picture of the awesome and exciting night he'd have if he comes over to yours. Even if he doesn't say yes it's gonna play in his mind until the next time he's up alone horny, so it'll keep doing work for you long after you send it.

If you do something like that, it's so explicit that he basically has to explicitly say no if he's genuinely not up for it. In which case follow some of these other comments' advice and move on.

But I'd imagine since he's at least somewhat interested in you (or he wouldn't still be messaging you, sending mixed signals etc) this could be enough to push him over the edge.

Bonus of you being more forward and pushing for it is it relieves him of the responsibility of the whole affair, which could lessen his possible feeling of "I would want to just have casual sex but what if it turn into something complicated... ill just play it safe and not bother." By you taking responsibility, he's free of a lot of that and is free to just choose whether he wants to take you up on your promise of easy hot sex or not.

In general, if people are on the fence on something, and giving mixed signals, it means they want to do it, but they're not sure if it's worth the price. Solution is to either make the thing you're selling more attractive (by painting this sexy story in his mind) or reduce the price (by removing his responsibility for it, clarifying how easy and safe and stress free it is guaranteed to be).

People who are rejecting you explicitly are a different category. But people who are giving mixed signals are looking to be persuaded. They can intuit there's something valuable worth going for, but they just can't see it clearly enough to commit. So help them see that their intuition is right by painting a more clear picture of what they'll get, and removing as many obstacles etc as possible.

Obviously this means you then have to deliver on having a hot and sexy night and on being chill and safe and trustworthy etc. Otherwise you're just scamming someone. But if you are able to deliver, then the only real problem is he can't see what a good deal it is for him clearly enough, so it's your job to make that more clear.

A guy wouldn't really benefit from sending a dick pic etc to a girl. It's usually actually counterproductive. But as a girl, sending a sexy picture to a guy will often go a looooong way to increasing his interest, and combined with a sexy story to stimulate his imagination, if he's interested at all already that might be enough to push him over the edge.

A lot of guys just don't believe that women are honestly up for fun raunchy sex stuff with no strings attached. There's a lot of assumptions in society still that girls really just wanna get married and will use sex as a way to attract men, but then there'll be a whole bunch of extra shit to deal with. If a guy genuinely believes he can just get easy safe sex with no strings attached he'll almost always go for it.

Narcan9 · 2021-10-11T14:47:07+00:00

What is his hangup specifically? Why or what is he unsure about?

gy704 · 2021-10-11T16:13:06+00:00

If a guy is refusing to have sex with you, then very likely he doesn't like the sex he has with you.

2021-10-11T17:15:55+00:00

You don't get to just will your way into having sex with a person who doesn't want to sleep with you.

Alextryingforgrate · 2021-10-11T18:59:07+00:00

Here's the problem OP. You're both looking for FWB. You both seem to have the B part down. Yet he wants to put effort into the Friends part of the acronym. The problem is you just want more B than F.

This is the major problem with the FWB title. People always want the benefits more than the friendship. If thats the case then you just want a fuck buddy. Real FWB, also includes not banging every time you guys meet up. Maybe a movie like a semi date night but nothing serious or having to go to each others place. Go do some shopping, sex toys maybe do more than just sex for the friendship parts thats all he wants. Why are you so dense on not seeing that?

So OP if you're just looking to smash pissers, and not put effort into the Friendship part as to what your guy wants then move on. Otherwise who knows maybe if you do respect his boundaries and put effort into a friendship maybe it pays off in the long run and you get a great sex life and maybe a great husband.

iwalkstilts · 2021-10-11T19:14:59+00:00

Maybe he actually wants commitment but thinks it will scare you away.

MikeAlphaGolf · 2021-10-11T20:59:56+00:00

You don’t have to talk about life plans and what the future holds. Leave all that to later. Just text him when you want to hang out and then do so.

The key part about successful hookup life is having some kind of roster. Get a couple of dudes in rotation. If this guy doesn’t want to play than call someone else.

steelgripphoenix · 2021-10-12T00:56:45+00:00

Light touching. Dates at his place or yours. Keep eye contact when your talking and sit close.

Two weeks later he reached out to me and suggested meeting up; after only a few days his enthusiasm died down yet again.

You don't have to try too hard, which is why he keeps contacting you. Eventually he'll wear himself down. Just be there when it happens.

funkduder · 2021-10-11T14:12:10+00:00

Benefit of the doubt is that he's tempted to sleep with you anyways and you just have to wait and see. But the part that makes you sound like a psychopath is that he says "I'm afraid of sex without commitment" and you say "I just want to fuck him one more time." This implies that you'll leave after. It's a gender swapped situation where you're now the scumbag guy ready to leave after getting the fucks you want.

You could always just commit and then wait for him to feel safe enough.

Hornyonion · 2021-10-11T16:33:20+00:00

Relax. What you are going through we go through as men all the time.

You aill be fine.

dragonforcingmywayup · 2021-10-11T14:00:00+00:00

Send him sexy snapchat videos/photos

squatch1601 · 2021-10-11T14:01:02+00:00

Part of him is clearly dtf. Just hang out and see where it goes. Escalate when things are going well / high energy.

Also, given this sub is mostly filled with dudes trying to get girls to hook up, the reaction you are getting is ridiculous.

CardiologistNo9916 · 2021-10-11T13:44:47+00:00

Anal

Dbest9 · 2021-10-11T18:15:28+00:00

He set boundaries? 😂 Wasn't he the one who went out looking for casual sex now all of a sudden people speak of boundaries. He doesn't want to have sex with you that's it. If a girl he likes were to offer him some box he'd happily have casual sex.

recyclablebanthas · 2021-10-12T01:51:55+00:00

1

Matched with someone looking for a FWB through OLD, went out a couple of times, banged at his place.

This all sounds pretty standard. This is what a lot of people use online dating for.

2

Then he suddenly realized that “casual sex is not for him” and broke things off.

This is a pretty typical human response during dating. We try things on and sometimes we realized after sex that it doesn't work for us. Sometimes it takes longer for some people to realize something isn't working.

3

Two weeks later he reached out to me and suggested meeting up; after only a few days his enthusiasm died down yet again.

.... he still had his doubts about having sex without commitment.

He has two conflicting desires here. He hasn't been very forthcoming about what's going on and he might not even understand it himself to be honest. So, it's hard to say exactly but there are some pretty common tropes among humans which likely apply here:

He likes sex and finds you sexually attractive.
Something else about you or the overall situation doesn't work for him. A likely situation is that he's actually looking for an LTR, you don't fit what he wants for that, and he's not being honest with himself. There's nothing you can do about this.

4

Now how do I get him to sleep with me?

Seduction is a team sport. If the other person isn't working with you, nothing's going to happen.

Seduction isn't really about getting people to do things. To the extent that this is possible, it involves pretending to be something you're not and/or pretending to offer something you're not.

All of which can create way more drama, complications, and self-harm than are necessary.

5

There are other people out there who want the same thing you want and want it with you. The recommendation here would be to go look for what you want elsewhere.

Casual sex is supposed to be fun, not a headache.

Ok_Fun_6729 · 2021-10-11T14:29:21+00:00

I don’t know why people are being weird on here... This is r/seduction, she is asking about seduction. That being said I saw an older post where a woman was talking about how she seduced a man with intimacy issues. That should be helpful.

WalidfromMorocco · 2021-10-11T16:00:47+00:00

If you are wondering why you are getting downvoted, it's because this post would get raided by every professional virtue signaller on reddit had the roles being reversed. Thay being said, I don't find a problem with this, as long as there's no malice.

elffy852 · 2021-10-11T12:55:34+00:00

As a guy- I’d recommend you to try finding out what did he get from you that satisfied him. It must have been something more than just sex. Is it kink, companionship, or something? Once you find out, just offer him more of it. He’ll not be able to stop coming back for more.

Men are simple. We think with one head and it’s usually not the one on our neck. Good luck!

Notakas · 2021-10-11T13:14:57+00:00

Don't.

Good_Comedian_32 · 2021-10-11T13:22:42+00:00

Invite him to hang out some where private and just create a situation where it's a possibility. If he wants to then he will. If he doesn't want to then you guys can just have fun hanging out

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-10-11T14:12:09+00:00

What is OLD?

Kieldro · 2021-10-11T13:55:47+00:00

sexy pictures

kill_awatt · 2021-10-11T14:52:41+00:00

Not sure why he has no intentions of dating you. That might be the key to answer all the questions.

If he's not in to casual, then date (he dont wanna). Gotta find out why, or did I miss that?

WinstonChirpsehill · 2021-10-11T15:33:14+00:00

Sorry what’s OLD? Thanks.

gmacc21 · 2021-10-11T17:07:11+00:00

This guy is just getting horny and looking for a way to release. If you just wanna be his tool for when he gets too horny keep it with him but if I were you I would cut him off

Alone_Ad_982 · 2021-10-11T19:32:56+00:00

Move on, he was open and honest with you so you should respect his boundaries. You’re a female, finding another man is extremely easy! Don’t sweat it.

NerdBro1 · 2021-10-11T22:33:10+00:00

Sorry I’m out of the loop, what’s OLD?

shodansminion · 2021-10-12T00:22:58+00:00

No means no. End of story

MetaphysicPhilosophy · 2021-10-12T15:46:52+00:00

Anytime I see a woman post on this subreddit, I know it’s about to be some bs

Sgtengineer · 2021-10-11T15:53:35+00:00

Dang I’d like to Find a lady like yourself. A fwb.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-11T14:42:52+00:00

Do what men do and promise him the possibility of commitment.

AceyJim · 2021-10-11T21:59:14+00:00

pumped and dumped by chad aha just find a new chad on OLD

Joker_RH · 2021-10-11T15:19:15+00:00

Focus on other parts of the relationship and build upon those so that he's more comfortable. The real reason might be he didn't like the sex and realized that. One sure way is to talk to him about it. He might not admit it but hey worth a shot. Did he initiate the first time(s)? If he did then he maybe just wanted to hit it and quit it or it changed his mind. Sorry to say some OLD guys just looking for sex. If he's serious about it then he'll come around.

PaPeGa · 2021-10-11T16:25:31+00:00

Sorry if this is off topic, but What app did you use if you don’t mind me asking? Because I’m not getting any luck the ones I’m using.

FreakiLee · 2021-10-11T19:40:09+00:00

Based on your post, his "mixed signals" seem to be him not able to do casual sex but is still attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, but you don't want commitment. Tbh it sounds like he's fighting himself; the part of him that wants the person who doesn't want commitment vs the part of him that needs that commitment.

Something to keep in mind, is someone who only wants a casual sex relationship will not be happy being in a more serious committed relationship, and vice versa. It hurts.

This is worded very badly (at least I hope). It sounds manipulative.

Your story reads like:

"We want different things. He realised that after our casual sex relationship started and ended things. But he still wants me sexually* and wanted to try again. We do so, but he still can't do the no commitment thing. How do I manipulate him into doing the casual sex thing again, even though it probably hurts him? You know, for funsies."

I'm being blunt. But you know, maybe that's a reason why you're getting so many responses regarding boundaries and manipulation.

(*Edit)

Darnag7 · 2021-10-11T21:38:54+00:00

Are you doing the "friends" part of friends with benefits?

Maybe he wants you as a friend even if he's dating someone else?

TheYeeeingHeadbanger · 2021-10-11T21:55:30+00:00

Just be hella clear with him maybe?

poobobo · 2021-10-12T01:08:57+00:00

Grab him by his pussy

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-10-12T01:25:06+00:00

I used to be indecisive...but now I'm not too sure

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	145
Comments	162
Date	October 11, 2021 12:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q5utf4/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1274524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274524

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