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[–]Murmaider 97 points98 points99 points 13 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
This is why working on your inner game is so crucial. Read all the text book theory you want, but until you feel comfortable in your own skin, you aren't going to have the courage to get out there.
Congrats man.
[–]pickup_sticks 18 points19 points20 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes. While there are many things you can do externally to help with attraction, all of these are just indicators of what's really going on inside.
Inner game is very zen-like. Yes, you have to work on your insecurities and how you manage the emotions around them, but at some point you realize that you, as a man, are simply perfect as is. There is no "better" or "worse." You are not a loser or even a winner. You just are, and when you stop worrying about whether you are good enough and focus your energy on going after what is important to you, attraction is a natural byproduct.
Sorry if this all sounds like psychobabble. I just got back from an intense two-day workshop about this stuff and so it's bubbling out of me faster than I can put words to it.
[–]samofny 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You just are
That is more powerful than most people think.
[–]boogchang 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
how does one work on 'inner game'
[–]Mogg_the_Poet 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Just like OP says. Start working out, tell yourself everyday that you're amazing (you are), get a better wardrobe and break through the awkward barriers about things like being too afraid to dance, too afraid to talk to people. Eventually, hopefully, it'll just click one day and you'll realize you're really happy with the person you are.
[–]boogchang 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
thanks man
[–]nxc57 points 13 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Inner game is the light inside you, your spark. Do people feel your energy? And if they do, is it confident, comfortable and ready-to-do-anything?
if you want to work on your inner game, you have to do "mental work" as I like to call it. There is physical work, shoveling snow and shining shoes- but mental work is something else. Mental work is imagining all there is in your life, your past, future, what is going on, and organizing it. Your mind should ideally have a doormat at the front door, and racks of organized books, containing everything about you.
Become confident in yourself, keep your mind clean, and be present when you are flirting up a set. Focus solely on them, keep all of those books CLOSED, and only open what's needed to get her, with you. If you are feeling down, people can see it in your eyes. There is much more than just physical appearance, there are all the chains, belts and cogs that have to be maintained deep inside your mind. Keep those running, and naturally, you will succeed.
[–]boogchang 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
bro thank you, I need to work on this. im a good looking guy, or so I've been told... I work out a lot. but I definitely have zero inner game, this is my downfall. saw a girl that I've talked to at a party today at the gym... straight up didnt talk to her because of this. this needs to take priority. have any advice about that 'organizing'?
[–]nxc54 points 13 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, directly relating to your issue yesterday at the gym: this is approach anxiety, you've heard of this. Keep telling yourself you are awesome, attractive and awesome-- you are some sort of ridiculous god-given gift to mankind.
After so long of this, you will just walk right up to women, forget everything else, and be totally in the moment. You'll say "hi", and be able to just stare comfortably, hands in pockets, (thumbs out of course) while she watches mouth open, gathering her thoughts for a response.
But, organizing and mental work as I say is a method of keeping your mind clean, functional and healthy. Like a computer system that must have its files constantly scanned, updated and maintained-- all while rooting out bugs and viruses (social norms, bullshit, drama, naysayers)
When you're in the shower, take 5 to organize all the aspects of your life, your potential paths, the next week of your life, and give yourself a rating out of 10, and respect that sitting at a low 6 is great, by other standards, and reaching 10 is going to take discipline and work. File everything chronologically, look back at times you were wrong or made a fool of yourself today (when you actually fucked up) so you can remember not to do it again, and I think most importantly, in terms of organizing, rate the objects and files in your mind. You are currently talking to seven different girls-- so put them on a list, top to bottom, which is most important to you, which is your goal, etc. (but of course, keep an abundance mindset)
10, is that all out, standing on a New York rooftop with a coffee and a smoke, beautiful trophy fling on your arm and a 6spd Porsche 911 parked downstairs waiting for you. (my personal vision perhaps haha) And the only thing holding you back from getting to your 10 is yourself, and other people. Some will hold you back, and put you down-- they are jealous, it is a natural mechanism of society. We keep each other in check, by making eachother insecure about our actions.
If you can learn to break free from this, and be totally secure in your own thoughts, you can have the world. I think this may be an impossible feat-- it is achievable in moments, sure, like baby under a burning car type of moment, but to really be completely secure in yourself from 2 years before, and at the time of that realization itself, would probably require the mind of an ancient monk.
Learn that you must take for yourself. It is okay to be aggressive, arrogant and cocky. You are exactly what you are, and if you want something, you are allowed to it. The world is yours. See a cute girl in the gym? Walk right up to her, chat her up, and perhaps tell her your intentions.
Keep your mind clean and in proper alignment. Define your morals and values, and stick to them. This is integrity. If you are being a "gold figure", your life shall be gold too.
I'm a rapper, and lets be honest, all rappers do is talk about themselves. I write lines about being a "gold figure" and a "cowboy"-- so you can imagine me with my 6 shooters and horse, riding around taking what I want and generally being a badass. But even then, I am still gold, and I act right- I know which lines not to cross, but will constantly push the boundaries to get what I want out of my human life experience.
[–]boogchang 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Copy that dude, thanks for your thoughts
[–]Qix213 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As hard a time I have with it myself, he's right.
Co-worker in Florida: Huge guy, prolly just under 6 ft, and fat as hell, like 300lb easy. I called him Mr Personality. Confident as hell, and just plain comfortable everywhere, incuding around beautiful women. He was dating a stripper when I moved back to California.
[–]atheistjubu 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By doing. Go out and take some risks, challenge yourself. Hopefully you will return feeling like shit a few times and that is when you learn who you truly are and what you can truly take. You will always get over feeling like shit. When you have done this enough, everybody else's trips will start to look petty and you'll know who you are and what matters to you.
[–]Lough5280 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very good point. All the techniques and jargon can't beat real confidence
[–]CJTheForce 85 points86 points87 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Don't give seddit all the credit you had to make the changes and the reason it worked out was all you.
[–]thecajunone 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah hitting the gym regularly for a couple months straight is a feat of will power....I think a lot of people here underestimate just how powerful that is. I advocate working out to everyone I meet with confidence issues.
[–]salem2474 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
For anyone considering it, it helps to make it not a feat of willpower, and instead make it a habit.
I workout MWF, sometime between 12 and 2, and I record my workouts so that I can measure my progress.
It's one of the most satisfying things I do, and it's very easy to do consistently. 'Going' is the default state, and I have to choose not to go, which has only happened twice in 8 months, and for good reason.
[–]thecajunone 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree 100%. It gets to where one day you are dragging yourself to the gym and then a couple weeks later you are pissed off and feeling strange because something came up that day and you couldn't go. Not only does it get easier guys, it becomes necessary after a while.
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[–]SnoopAlien3 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Holy shit, i have never been this curious before.
[–]kazagistar2 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Beetles song references. Help, I need sombody, help, not just anybody.
Rightfully deleted as utterly off topic, but now this topic is cold and mods are asleep.
[–]SnoopAlien1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Wow, thank you so much! My first actual PM, and then from such a nice person. :) Thanks again.
[–]ThrowawayButRecycled1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Op said dont give up...keep going!!
[–]kazagistar1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Apparently, karma trains are not appreciated around here :P
[–]ivoryhawk1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yowza!
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What happened here?! I demand answers
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SeniorPickleBunz 7 points8 points9 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A massacre of...?
[–]luigicast 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes
[–]mahgurlCholula 32 points33 points34 points 13 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
1 sec....my band shirts fit me....am I doing it right?
[–]ImTotallyNotYourMom 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Nothing wrong with band shirts as long as they fit you and look good.
[–]Rickles360 9 points10 points11 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
As major fan of band shirts throughout high school and in to college, don't let them make up your entire wardrobe. You can have too many and probably already do. Why did I need and wear 3 metallica shirts on a weekly basis when I was an afc in highschool? No idea.
[–]gabriot 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Band shirts are alright they just can't be shitty generic bands like metallica. No one is going to be impressed by your Metallica shirt. Now a good band that might not be as well known, but a chick has a mutual interest in, makes a great way for them to even come up to you and start conversation.
[–]Selthor 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have a Tool t-shirt that I like to wear sometimes, it starts conversations surprisingly often.
[–]ImTotallyNotYourMom 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I agree. Don't wear them all the time.
[–]thrillaveza 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What if he has a Nickelback shirt?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Probably ironic
[–]proonz 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
showing pride in bands you like isn't an issue...sometimes (especially with lesser known bands) you can discover a shared mutual interest you wouldn't have known was there otherwise.
BUT do not let them be the majority of your wardrobe. it makes you look lazy, and like you don't actually care what you're putting on your body. guys, i cannot stress this enough, a button down shirt does WONDERS. it can easily bump you up 2 levels on the attractive scale without changing anything else.
[–]Mogg_the_Poet 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't forget to roll the sleeves up.
[–]CHIEF_HANDS_IN_PANTS 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
or leave the cuff buttons undone and wear a nice watch. Not too flashy but it catches the eye. also stylish.
[–]mahgurlCholula 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I wear far more plain T's these days that fit me great. I mean, I've acquired some musculature so I fill them out nicely. But yeah I get the laziness thing. Although, I specifically ordered that fit of T-shirt because they really look good on me...oh well
Nothing wrong with plain t'w especially if they fit
[–]proonz 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
there's nothing wrong with a fitted T! i was referring more to band shirts or logo shirts that are more blanket sized and don't really look GOOD on many people. there's a time and a place for that, but your entire wardrobe is not it. fitted Ts are A-OK
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Personally I feel most band shirts aren't very flattering, but obviously it depends on the shirt.
[–]wtjones 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Buy one chambray shirt that fits well. You can wear it with almost anything.
[–]nodnarb91 19 points20 points21 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You sir are an inspiration. I gotta start feeling good about myself. Thanks.
[–]Flatline334 10 points11 points12 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you have any negative influences in your life, like a friend that talks down to you for example or belittles you but in a subtle way, get them out of your life. People like that are nothing but poison and will prevent you from feeling better about yourself.
[–]rcdeziner 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I only have 1 friend. I think if i do that i would be even more lonely.
[–]Flatline334 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry to hear that. If this friend is a good friend and not like the ones I told you to stay away from then yes keep him but if he is a bad influence, he may be part of the reason you have not made other friends. Analyze how he treats you and if its not healthy he has no business being your friend. You can always make friends. I know it seems hard but I have been in your shoes until one day I just had enough and changed my life. Start working out, playing sports and just getting out and about more. You will meet people that are healthier for you.
[–]moxiedrinker82 7 points8 points9 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reaction to reading just the title: "Does she know you're there?"
[–]oaktownraider13 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How old are you?
[–]fadingroots17 points 13 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
24
[–]WorstOfThem 26 points27 points28 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
there's hope for me yet!
[–]CryptoPunk 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What I can't stress enough, is keep it up even when shit gets really hard.
[–]maxcaliburx 6 points7 points8 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Goddamnit. I have finals in a few hours and I'm reading your story.
[–]MurkTh3Syst3M 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
im in the same boat, only my job is at stake.
[–]Jaricho 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oke bro, just remember it took you a year to get where you are now. Keep looking forward ! Keep improving. Keep staying positive.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Whoa, bro gratz. Really, you achieved something amazing. However, I feel like your story might "inspire" some guys from here, that are in the friendzone to keep well, let's call it trying to get out of there.
Anyway, gratz again !
[–]JasonUncensored 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, I don't have a problem with that if it helps them work on their confidence in the long run.
[–]KyleGG 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Looks like im half way through the transformation you went through. Guess its time to start observing, and time to buy better fitting cloths (Lost 40 pounds and pretty much done losing).
Anyways, to eye contact while dancing. had this happen to me a month or two back and didnt know how to react. Should you just keep it cool and keep staring into her eyes, i caught myself trying to look away a few times.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This guy. This guy is doing it right.
[–]FrostedFluke 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nothing beats the feeling of looking into the mirror and laughing at yourself because you can't believe how many good things are happening to you. Everyone deserves that feeling and everyone should keep working towards it.
I thought only I did that. Awesome stuff man. I love reading posts like these.
[–]CauseImBatman 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I'd so very much want to do what you did, the only big problem I have now, is that I work as a Lumberjack (I hope that's the right word), so I spend most of my time just working my ass off with two other guys, and that day after day. I can't afford to change my job, this one is paying well enough that I have to hold on to it (father lost his job cause of back problems\spine, mother will loose her shitty paying job shortly). So I sit in these woods day after day trying to earn as much as I can. This job requires me to stay with my parents, cause it's cheaper\closer to the places I work + I can get to work with those 2 other guys and we can split the gas bill. Staying with my parents means ,that after work there is absolutely no place to go to meet any new people (yea, it's a shithole village) and the friends I had here moved out, or have started a family. How do I get myself out of this crappy situation? I'm 24 and feel like I'm abandoned by the whole world, left to rot here, but I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN! I really hope there is more to life than this. I need to find a way out.. maybe someone can help me with ideas?
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you really want to get out you're going to have to leap before you look. Pick up and just leave. Yes, you will be abandoning the security you have right now but you have to decide whether that is worth a life of regret, an looking back when you're 60 and stuck in the same village thinking, "I could have left."
[–]CauseImBatman 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I thought about that, but how do I support my parents when I'll be paying my own bills and earning less (if I get a different job there is no chance I'll earn the money I do now for atleast a year or two \ in my country there is a massive problem with unenployment and the amount of money people earn, for example, there is no chance that you will be able to live by yourself by having a "normal" job, you need roommates to afford a 30 square meter apartment). The parents with no job thing kinda screws me over...
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep it's much harder to let go of everything when there are other people relying on you. It's a tough decision and one only you can make.
[–]NoddicalNarb5 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Get out there man! You can do it.
Go work on an oil rig or join the marines or peace corps. Get a student loan and bury yourself in credit card debt. At least you would enjoy your life!
You are in charge of what you do with your life. Don't let your situation dictate who you are. If something needs to change. . . it does!
[–]CHIEF_HANDS_IN_PANTS 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get out. Save up what money you can and start planning to get the fuck out. You'll never look back.
If you stay there, you will regret it so many times over the course of your short existence on this earth. You only get to do this one time, as far as I know.
YOU'RE A LUMBERJACK AND YOU'RE OKAY.
...sorry. Thats all i got
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]rcdeziner 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What is an HB8?
[–]CHIEF_HANDS_IN_PANTS 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hot Babe 8/10. of course it really isn't a good scale because one man's 10 is another man's 6. And no one will admit to going after a girl lower than a 7.
[–]EvanYork 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe it's just me, but I feel 6.5 is the average and I'd be happy if I end up with a really fun and interesting girl who is just under average.
[–]dannymcoy 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sidebar my friend, sidebar.
[–]Crosshash 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She agreed and I took her out to a nice-ish restaurant.
The question I'm sure others are wanting to ask - did you pay?
[–]wtjones 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The bigger issue is did she get naked and the answer is yes. The whole should you pay or not pay issue is contextual. The end results are what matter.
[–]CHIEF_HANDS_IN_PANTS 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course he paid. Don't get all /r/MensRights on us.
[–]fadingroots2 points 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yes I did pay
[–]worlder_of_destroys 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Let me explain a little bit. I've always felt like the ugly guy, the pathetic guy, the NICE guy. I've always been there for people who need me and taken care of everyone while not taking care of myself. About a year ago, I decided to start giving a shit about me.
May I ask what triggered this change?
[–]chris92253 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
These stories are why I am beginning to turn myself around. Good job bruh.
[–]atavan 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Super clutch faking a leave of absence. Girls want what they cant have most of the time and you played right to her. Bravo keep it up man
[–]jamrock100 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Op you are amazing
[–]readonlyuser 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My only question is... is she aware that you're in her room?
[–]FuckingLoveArborDay 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
they're normal people
Ha.
[–]Ftsk11 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Congrats man, you have earned it!
[–]Balance380 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for posting this. It's been a year for me as well but progress was slow and I had a lot to work on. It's hard at times trying to see that you are improving when you can easily see what you're lacking in. Thanks for the inspiration.
[–]debbelito 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got my up vote at "as you can imagine, i was a zombie at work the next day"..
The moment I read ,"Yeah, you could go, or you could come up to my room" I was like ,"OHHHHH THATSSSSS MY BOYYYYYYYY" Dude, nice job. This post made me incredibly happy.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (50 children) | Copy Link
I really hate to be Mr. Buzzkillington, but I've done all those improvements for the last year. I dropped 80 pounds, gained muscle (6'1, 170 now), studied fashion and style, and inner game. This fit, well groomed, well dressed guy still has the face of a train wreck, and has been told by multiple women that they don't want to be seen around him, in spite of all my positive changes. In other words: YMMV if you're ugly
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok let's get a full body shot, groomed well with face clearly in the pic to see what you are talking about.
[–]styyle 25 points26 points27 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Trust me man, your personality and self confidence is what's important.
[–]dialdfordesi 15 points16 points17 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This to the max. My buddy who is balding and has a paunch is with a beautiful slender woman who does yoga. It sucks that you get told that but you need to have your confidence at the level where if women tell you that, it doesn't faze you and it doesn't change what you do.
[–]styyle 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Another thing is that people perceive of you what you perceive of yourself. BillBurns has a stunning physique from what he has described, but if he doesn't believe that then he shouldn't expect anyone else to.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't know man. I've been rejected before I could get the first word out too many times to count. They look at me and you can tell in their eyes that they don't want to be seen with me.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Dont want to be seen with you? That's too specific to be communicable through a look. You're totally projecting, dude.
Furthermore, everyone gets shut down a lot. For an infinite number of reasons. Most of those reasons were decided before you two ever met.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't believe so. When they see your face and have a look of disgust or that "please don't come near me" look, it's pretty clear. You just might not have experienced it.
I understand that, but do most people have no success whatsoever, and have been told that they are physically unattractive by multiple women?
You are projecting most of that "disgust" onto them, I promise you.
And yes, everyone is physically unattractive to multiple women.
[–]atheistjubu 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Sorry, man, but you are making excuses so you don't have to try and get hurt. Here's the thing about limiting beliefs like "I'm ugly": most of them time, they're groundless; when there is some truth to them, your ape-brain will blow up the perception of their impact by a factor of 100. That is to say, it's more accurate to ignore a limiting belief than to bind yourself to it.
TL;DR: Don't focus on your limiting beliefs. Just work on being awesome and women will notice more than you would believe.
it's more accurate to ignore a limiting belief than to bind yourself to it.
Amen brosef.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I really don't think mine are groundless. I've been told I'm too ugly to date by multiple women, and my best friend even told me I would be better off by stop perusing women, on the grounds that women will not find me attractive (don't get the wrong idea; he told me this in an honest heart-to-heart as kindly as he could.)
[–]atheistjubu 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would be better off by stop perusing women
That's a great start. Just focus on making yourself awesome and having a great life going on around you. Don't make getting laid your primary goal. Make being a guy who's awesome to be around your goal. When you've got enough of this structure built, you'll notice them start to come to you.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Your best friend is an idiot and terrible at being supportive. While it would be better to focus on yourself, giving up on women is ridiculously extreme. You do sound like you need to work on your happy before you will let yourself make with the sexy though.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
My best friend was just being honest, because he saw me trying to do something over and over again that he knew would only end in failure. For the first six months of my self improvement, I really only did it for myself. Then I decided I want to meet new people, so I started developing socially. I honestly was originally coming from a happy place originally, but over time I became less and less happy in regards to meeting women when I realized that a)I'm ugly and b)looks matter and I was doomed to failure because of my face, in spite of all my effort.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
There are a LOT of women who date men who they even think are completely ugly. Looks don't matter to women in general nearly as much as they do to men. I know a couple women who really aren't physically attracted to men. It's entirely the personality and how they make the woman feel that captures them. This isn't that uncommon. Stop making excuses. Your chances will never be as bad as when you go around telling everyone how ugly you are. It's literally the worst possible thing you could do about this. So just stop.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I really don't know of any that date men who are substantially uglier than they are without being famous or handicapped, so I'm not sure what to tell you about that.
You act though as if my opening like with women is "Sorry for the way I look." I can assure you that I try to act with as much confidence as I can. Immediately when they see my face, they want nothing to do with me. I would guess around 70% of the time I get blown off before I even get to say one word, and the other 29% are either pissed or annoyed because I'm around them and they don't want to be seen with me. If I were to "stop" as you say, I would be forever alone. I want success. It just seems unattainable, at least with someone that cares about their self.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lol oh my god I give up. You really don't want success. If you did, you wouldn't completely shut down EVERYTHING I say without even THINKING about the fact that you might be wrong. You're not open to suggestion. You're not open to different possibilities. This means that you don't want to believe anything else. Those percentages are fucking ridiculous. There has never been someone so ugly that that happens. I'll bet a thousand to one odds that you don't get those looks nearly as much as you think you do. You just assume you do right off the bat because you're either too dumb or too stubborn to accept that there is more to what people see than just looks. So I'm done trying.
Fine. You're too ugly for anybody. Have fun being so immensely self-sabotaging.
Well since you don't believe me, I suppose I agree at least that we're at an impasse. I don't know what else to tell you, except for that I have heard all this advice a million times before and it hasn't helped. :\
Because you don't want to listen.
Might as well become a bohemian fucking monk then, eh? Might as well spend the rest of your life wallowing in self pity, surrounding yourself with idiots who make it even worse.
This guy isn't your best friend. I doubt he's even a friend, man.
You know what, you need to stop looking for validation, and just ignore what you can't change. If girls you hit on seem to be affected by your 'looks' (which i'm sure are much better than you think) then they're not worth hitting on anyway.
TLDR: Deal with it. Ignore what you can't change, get rid of people who will make you feel anything but good about yourself.
[–]TheMightyImprov 11 points12 points13 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You know the show Californication? That's based on the life of Charles Bukowski, a guy with cystic acne.
Think about a guy like Russell Brand. This guy is not necessarily the best-looking, but he's got more charisma than most NBA power forwards. I don't get it either.
But now think about the women you find attractive. They are not exclusively beautiful -- they're charming on a non-superficial level, and suddenly it makes them more interesting than a Brazilian model. I mean, I would fuck the shit out of Amy Sedaris even 10 years from now.
So don't let yourself back down from the numbers game we all have to play. Others have won it, and so can you.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'd give my left nut to look half as good as Russell Brand, if that gives you any idea. I've been playing the numbers game for a while now, with no luck whatsoever, so I'm beginning to doubt if I can.
Morrissey believes he has always been ugly.
This means that anyone can feel uglier than russel brand. Your looks are gonna be the same whether you're happy or not, so why not decide they're great and say fuck off to anyone who disagrees? It's a long process to start believing it, but there's only one way.
[–]TheMightyImprov 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to reframe your mindset for real. Currently, it sounds like: "If only I look a certain way, women will bed me." It should be: "If only I develop myself in all possible capacities, I can lead a happy life which may include friends and accomplishments and women." Don't worry about the things you can't control. There are too many other things to worry about.
edit: It's not an unusual feeling you're feeling. I consider myself a very outgoing person, but since I've just started in Hong Kong, it's been hard as hell to find any worthwhile friends. Reminds me of William Gibson:
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
So be careful to recognize the true challenges you face, and then do what you can to resolve them. That might mean finding a different crowd, or going to different bars, or trying new activities. Just make sure you are a friend to yourself, and direct your energies where they can have the greatest impact on your well-being.
[–]Rickles360 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sounds like you are those changes to receive validation from others. Get fit and dress well for yourself. That is an important part of self improvement.
It was honestly a 50/50 split. I'm happy with the changes I've made with myself, but I was hoping women finding me attractive would be an added benefit. If anything it made me more unattractive.
[–]dillpiccolol 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Don't hang out with such shallow women. Additionally, facial hair and haircut can help your face a lot. I have a very long face with a weak jawbone, but I pretty much always have a 5 o'clock shadow or a full, big beard in the winter to square out my face.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wish I could do this as I have the same problem. But I'm pale and just get patchy reddish pubes on my face.
[–]dillpiccolol 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Patchy stubble is acceptable. Just don't let it get too long.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I currently have stubble, and was blown out multiple times without success this past Saturday as well as multiple times before.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you not see how you're setting yourself up for failure by expecting a woman to like you when you dont even like yourself?
I like myself in every regard but in meeting women. I even used to like myself physically until I was shut down time and time again based on my looks, without any success whatsoever.
[–]dillpiccolol 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea, you're right, this stuff only works if you're inherently good looking.
[–]MurkTh3Syst3M 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with this . the 5 o clock shadow helps me IMMENSLY (odd, i know) I dont understand why, but it seems to work. glad to hear im not the only one!
[–]Mogg_the_Poet 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Sorry to hear that bro, sometimes it really just can come down to numbers. Fall down 7 times, get up 8. You're fit, well-groomed, well-dressed. You said so yourself. Now you just need to play the odds. Good luck.
For me though it's like fall down 100 times without any success whatsoever. But thanks for the luck. I hate being so much of a debbie downer.
[–]Mogg_the_Poet 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know that feeling. It's hard but the only thing you can do is keep trying. Never understimate a good wing-man. Aside from that, keep your head up.
Every failure feels like it lasts forever, and every success is preceded by a thousand failures.
Point: no matter how it feels, dont let it get you down.
Dude if you've read the game, it took Neil Strauss a whole year and a half and thousands of approaches before he got his first f-close. Keep at it.
[–]Zachfersure 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude if Sean Stephenson, motivational speaker, about THREE FEET TALL can get girls and i think was just recently married, you can do it. Here he is with his wife.
[–]dGasim 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't work out. I know I don't have a good facial structure. But I make out with people willy nilly in the bars. Cz I know I'm hot. I know I have characteristics most people like. Yes, attraction is a very important part in seduction; especially physical attraction. But if you know how to act around people. Like the way you stand, the way you touch, the way you escalate to kiss, the way you talk. The way you look at people; you can easily get a girl attracted to you. But not every girl, there might be something a girl gets turned off about you. I knew this girl who told me I'm really sexy but I'm not her type. She told me I'm too much because the DJ bought me and her free drinks all night long; and also I knew way too many people. She told me she can't trust a person like me, so I went and made out with another girl right in front of her.
Tl;dr you gotta KNOW you are awesome. You gotta KNOW you are good. Someone doesn't like you is their loss.
[–]july25 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Stop being a faggot and go out there and get hot bitches. What the fuck is with these limiting beliefs, if you're out there believing you're the fucking man, that's the only thing that girls are going to see. You're insecure as fuck and sound like you hate yourself. If you don't think you're awesome, how are women supposed to? Drop the ego.
EDIT: Also, you're coming from a paradigm that looks matter. Drop that shit.
I go out at least once a week, as I said initially. I'm sorry, but you really don't know what it's like to have a women be physically repulsed by your face before even get a chance to say one word to them. If you had that experience time and time again, you would have that paradigm as well.
[–]july25 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3OhvYNdvRw&t=5m16s
[–]xphx 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I once met a girl and beforehand she said (we did not see a photo beforehand) "well, just so you know, in case we are not attracted to each other, we can just turn off the light" - so even if your face is that bad (train wreck sounds like that) you can find a woman who simply does not care and likes you nevertheless. Maybe you should try and go for women you do not meet in person the first time. For example, try to find a woman on the internet or via a good friend and talk to her on the phone or on skype. If you are great together, you will talk for hours, day after day. And when you finally meet her you will not regret it. Maybe the women you meet are the wrong women and this happens because you look at the wrong places.
If you see yourself as the guy with the ugly face, you will act like the guy with the ugly face. It doesnt matter what you look like. The ugliest people in the world to you are someone else's 8's and 10's
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm not so sure about that. From my experience there are some a few cultural standards that are deemed unattractive by 99.9% of the opposite sex which will pre-select you out from attraction. We can agree to disagree.
Well you don't want any help and you don't want to hear the truth, so why are you bothering to ask anybody?
I didn't ask anything. I was just sharing my experience.
Yes you did.
And you're not just sharing your experience. You're whining to a bunch of people and arguing with them when they say anything other than "You're ugly and hopeless because you're ugly and there's nothing you can do so don't bother trying anymore"
[–]D-DayDodger 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got laid for the first time in two years to a really sexy girl and I literally had zero sleep that night. Went to class at 6 AM and I was the happiest zombie in the world.
[–]flying_velocinarwhal 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
slow clap
[–]Falc7 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did you pay for both of you at the restaurant?
[–]Lunched_Avenger 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are an inspiration to all good sir. Welcome to the "I'm awesome and I know it" club!
[–]Crusty_Magic 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome.
[–]2TallJones69 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just got a "how about we get together after break" text from a girl I really liked and was feeling pretty shitty about it. Then I read "Giving up is the ONLY surefire way that something like this will not happen to you." and i have ambition to actually give her a call next semester instead of bailing. Thanks man
[–]rhenze 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
inspiring story is inspiring. good for you. here have an upvote.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's either bad luck or something you like to do provokes this. Either way, dont be so full of yourself. Go out and try again
[–]TeaStainsAndTobacco 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wait, you're telling me that you had a successful night without: * 1) Trying to seduce a girl who had a boyfriend * 2) Acting like a cocky asshole * 3) Subtly insulting her to lower her self-confidence and then later taking advantage of her when she's drunk
AMAZING!
To be honest though, one of the best posts I've read on here in a while. I love seeing the slow and steady improvements and dedicated work on inner game. Plus you just sound like a good guy.
[–]mwql1 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
That is fantastic, it is good to know that you've enjoyed the results of your hard work!
[–]Crane081 point 13 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Hey man props for getting there mate!! I wish I could do the same I'm already 25 almost 26. Hope it's not too late for me. Again gratz!!
[+]n8dawwg -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good story bro. I think I would rather just be miserable though and not be able to seduce my wife. Can't fail if you don't try.
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