"Are you free this week?" = no response. "I'm going to X at X time. Care to join?" = immediate response.

lildanny911 · 2016-10-11T19:50:32+00:00

Absolutely. You take the initiative. You show that you're busy and if they want to join you, they can. If not, whatever, you still have plans. Your life doesn't revolve around them.

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-10-11T19:55:54+00:00

We often recommend you phrase this without any question, using an affirmative suggestion. For example, "I'm going to X at X time. You should come along."

ThreesusShuttleworth · 2016-10-11T23:41:07+00:00

I'm doing community service at 2 tmr, care to join?

pato1357 · 2016-10-11T23:40:51+00:00

The only I problem I have is what if I'm asking her out on a specific date? Like I can't say 'hey I was thinking of going into the city to have a drink by myself at this exact time, you should come'

pg_rated · 2016-10-11T22:29:01+00:00

LA guy, here and I find that girls I'm interested in are pretty busy and just in general people in this city have a million things planned. Most of the time I would get a "Sorry, I have such on such on that night". How would you follow up? Leave it in their court to supply times they are free? Try the same thing again on another date?

Also how much advance notice will you give for such an invite? Seems like day-of invites are doomed for failure, but 1-2 days might be ideal so that other plans won't crop up.

A_Becker · 2016-10-12T05:20:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

IANAPUA_Yet · 2016-10-11T19:57:34+00:00

My thoughts on the matter:

Don't ever ask her "when are you free?". No matter how busy she is, she has plenty of free time, but she isn't necessarily going to want to spend it with you. So when you ask that, you're asking her to think about all the free time she has in the coming week and plan it out well enough for her to decide which slots she's willing to offer up to you. Plus she's going to be careful not to sound too available.

She's probably not going to do all that. She's probably going to give you a vague answer.

Instead, ask her what her schedule is like. Then she can tell you which days/times she's definitely unavailable without promising to reserve any particular slots for you. Once you have a rough idea of what her work/school responsibilities are like, you can suggest a specific date that stands a reasonable chance of being acceptable, which makes it far easier for her to say "yes".

KickWhamStunner · 2016-10-11T19:50:34+00:00

Yep. Girls like to be led.

jasondougies · 2016-10-12T00:29:53+00:00

if she likes you, she'll make time, doesn't matter how you phrase it at all. but the affirmative one do sound better though.

DonElDoug · 2016-10-11T22:45:39+00:00

How do you do it if you want to ask her out on a date particularly?

Bland-Username · 2016-10-11T23:52:50+00:00

To say one works better than the other is a bit foolhardy. I've done fairly equal amounts of both of those phrases and still get similar results for each one.

If she's interested in you, it doesn't matter how you phrase it. She'll want to spend time with you. It's that simple.

Ironchar · 2016-10-12T07:08:30+00:00

If a girl likes you, she'll make it easy to hang out with you when you ask

If she doesnt or she's insacure, you'll have a much harder time, "building and holding frame" and game and all this bullshit.

Dont waste your time with flaky girls

Fuck yes or no.

Move on when its a no

HitboxOfASnail · 2016-10-12T00:31:57+00:00

I recently fucked up a situation very similar to this. I had invited a girl out with me via conversation to which she agreed, and I was going to be her ride to the venue etc. Texting later to arrange logistics, she asked what time am I planning on heading there/should she be ready, and I basically responded with "just let me know whenever you're ready".....no response. Lesson learned, always be leading, always be proactive, not reactive. One of the few times i went against this principles and it cost me on this occasion.

snip3r77 · 2016-10-12T06:44:37+00:00

It's a hassle for me too.

Plan too far ( say a week ) , risk a flake and also momentum. Plan too near ( a few days ), not enough "prep" time for her.

I just hate planning stuff and when she just changes mind with a good reason or not OR if she apologize or not , I just felt it's really a dampener.

I'm talking to a girl and she apologize profusely that she can't make it and she said we should re-scehedule, we still talking but I'm just lazy to ask again .

Maybe I'd wait for her to ask LMAO as I'm also busy.

sweetnumb · 2016-10-12T13:32:24+00:00

Fuck that shit. I'm talking to the girl because I'm interested in her and I want to get to know her better. Sure if im interested in a particular activity and it seems like she would be as well then this could make sense, but otherwise just be a fucking man about it.

Establish something in the conversation you both like doing. "Fuck yea bowling is awesome, im going to kick your ass though, when are you free for this beatdown?" Then you guys work out when you're both free... you know... like normal fucking human beings.

WhitePantherXP · 2016-10-12T15:03:39+00:00

Something tells me "I'm going to Disneyland alone at 7:30am tomorrow. Care to join?" is creepy as fuck. Context folks.

monkeyman114 · 2016-10-12T04:09:38+00:00

Don't say that, say "So what are you doin' this week". This gives her the opportunity to talk about herself and if she's interested she will be thinking of a day slot to fit you in.

SmoothPrimal · 2016-10-13T07:19:11+00:00

You probably texted again before she could reply to the first one.

omegavil · 2016-10-25T14:01:12+00:00

Do NOT say this. If she agrees and comes along, you go out. "So, you were going to come to X by yourself?" How strange do you now look? Does that help with your social value? Furthermore, it can cause confusion. If he's going there already, he's probably with someone else. Should I bring a friend? Invite a girl out and go out with HER rather than making her feel she's there to keep you entertained which is what your current question demonstrated. See when she's available, suggest an activity and a date, if she's interested you will get a positive response. If not and there's no signs of her being unsure, then move on.

ButchMFJones · 2016-10-11T23:21:35+00:00

I'll be honest: I get the same amount of no responses with each phrase. The latter is more assertive if that's the goal however.

elitemage101 · 2016-10-12T02:20:47+00:00

Yea just used this on tinder. Was gonna ask "When are you free?"

Opted for "Lets do it this Thrusday." Worst case I figured she would say she can't that day and I could keep suggesting.

rmbarnes · 2016-10-12T13:05:00+00:00

As well as the second one taking the initiative, the first one is quite hard to respond to. Like if someone asks you if you're free this week, how do you respond? List all the days and time you have free? People aren't ready to reveal to someone they don't know well yet all their free time in a whole week.

My3CentsWorth · 2016-10-12T14:01:20+00:00

I try to do this but the only problem in having something im already doing is i am going to do that thing just to hang with them. I feel it risks giving me some level of commitment to something i won't do if they cant come. Any good ways around this without then lying about doing it?

HannahElaineW · 2016-10-12T17:17:54+00:00

I don't want to sound vain. But for whatever reason a lot of people hit me up on Facebook and I get asked "when are you free?" At least 2+ daily. It just gets old, but when someone already has plans and extends the invite it shows initiative.. it stands out more.

brian242 · 2016-10-13T02:56:03+00:00

I don't even see this is a pua technique. It's common sense. When you ask someone a question like the first example it can be fucking annoying to answer, because they have to think about their whole fucking week and if they want to hang out or not and interpret what you are really asking. If you instead own the message of what you're saying with specifics e.g "I'm going to the movies this Sat around 4pm to see Batman, wanna come?" It's so much easier for them to say yes/no without much thinking on their part. Basically I think the idea is to make it easy for them not to think about what you're saying and at the same time giving them a picture of what it is you are going to do, and they will be more likely to respond. I know for me that's true and I prefer people not asking me questions where I am forced to think a bunch in order to answer. I often end up saying to myself I'll answer it later and forget too. That's what I imagine goes through girls heads when they get that kind of message.

hugaddiction · 2016-10-14T10:17:05+00:00

I like "com with me." as oppose to "care to join me?" personally. emphasizes I already know she wants to and that Im not questioning her interest

NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT · 2016-10-12T07:45:38+00:00

A lot of tough guys in the comments here!

tabman16 · 2016-10-13T04:03:50+00:00

"Let's go get coffee?" This always seems so clear and the answer is always a "sure". If it's a no then well you know.

But saying let's go get coffee implies you want to hang out and it leaves a TBD time to be made. Cheap and great for meeting someone for the first time. It's always busy and not too creepy or intense for the other party.

yadoya · 2016-10-12T00:36:05+00:00

Only issue is that she needs to be free at this specific time

I prefer "How free is your schedule next week"

dayfan · 2016-10-12T01:07:24+00:00

Reminds me of my father. In high school he was not much to look at, but when he called a girl for a date he would always say. Would you like to go to x restaurant Friday night, then miniature golf and then ice cream. Often a girl would say she would call him right back. She would call and break the date she already had, then call my dad back and go out with him. He always had a great time, always got action, and she'd have a great time too. Back in the 50's people dated around more so quality dates won. I also dated a ton before I met my hubby and never accepted vague dates. Didn't have to spend a ton, but you had to have a plan!

Title	"Are you free this week?" = no response. "I'm going to X at X time. Care to join?" = immediate response.
Author	rezadril
Upvotes	958
Comments	116
Date	October 11, 2016 6:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/56zlz9/are_you_free_this_week_no_response_im_going_to_x/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/are-you-free-this-week-no-response-im-going-to-x.1413783 https://theredarchive.com/post/1413783

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