Don't be a fool. Don't be like me.

iLiketheCeltics · 2021-04-22T20:45:00+00:00

You need closure. Plain and simple. Rejection is closure.

Anhad18 · 2021-04-22T23:42:29+00:00

Coming from a woman, I dont think any woman looks at a guy and smiles at him and then worries he has Corona virus. That one made me laugh. I think you can eliminate that one from your excuses...unless of course you are congested or coughing..then maintain your 6 ft!

yuckyuck13 · 2021-04-23T00:39:18+00:00

The hardest part is convincing ourselves we're good enough. That we deserve good and to be loved.

TiNyUzi · 2021-04-23T00:19:50+00:00

I did this too a couple months back. I just got done shopping at sams club and was pushing a cart full of groceries on a hot day. Outta nowhere this 9/10 behind me sparks up a convo by saying “got a heavy load there, huh?” I didn’t expect it so I just laughed, said “yea you already know” and walked to my car. Her car was right next to mine so then we kept talking a lil bit.

But then it got to a point to where we were just loading our cars up and pushed the carts back and said nothing. I think she was waiting for me to make a move but I didn’t. She finished first and got in her car and was about to leave, I looked back at her and she was just staring at me, then looked away and drove off. I knew I fucked up and it sucks that I didn’t even realize the situation. I just kept thinking that she was just being friendly so I shouldn’t make a move. Oh well we live and we learn 🤷🏾‍♂️

Carpetmuncher69- · 2021-04-22T22:31:18+00:00

Hey man keep your head high. You are only a fool if you don’t learn from this experience!

dogsontheprowl · 2021-04-23T00:02:27+00:00

I’d like to say, you have to be a fool first in order to master something.

zedhenson · 2021-04-23T00:10:13+00:00

I appreciate you sharing this, you sound just like me, except my excuses just change the arbitrary part, “I’m a white dude with long hair, I’m a walking cliche, I’m not tall or interesting enough at 5’10”. In sales they call it a “quantity of arguments”, and those of us who don’t have confidence at times are good at using it to talk ourselves out of selling ourselves at face value. It’s a defense mechanism anyone can do, kind of like math, except it’s carry the “too”. ‘I’m “too” X’=take no action. Thank you for the reminder to act immediately. Good luck out there my friend, let us all be too action oriented to overthink.

Daunt02 · 2021-04-22T20:47:23+00:00

As a fellow black guy for the longest I thought my race would impede my game. After years of being in the field and then finding my swag around when I was 25 (now 33) it's actually a fucking super power. Depending on where you go it automatically puts you into a unique category. Add that to having an incredibly different life experience than a lot of other people makes for wild experiences.

Almost across the board white women love me. Same with Latina and Middle Eastern women. You have to be willing to express your full self without hesitation. Women across the world love us.

And don't beat yourself up on not approaching. When you're in abundance mentality women will smile at you all the time and you'll choose not to engage. The same exact situation yet you control your frame. You're doing alright brother.

Upbeat-Explanation85 · 2021-04-22T23:25:14+00:00

"Mystery" or the "mystery method " book reckons you have 3 seconds once getting the IOI (indication of interest) from a lady to approach or she will see you as lacking in confidence , a weakness as it were , and she will subconscious next you 💯

makethegirlsdance · 2021-04-23T01:45:35+00:00

That second time you knew what you should have done. You should have locked eyes, realized turned around, and approached her to say hi in a fun joking way. Girls don’t smile if they aren’t interested, they fear giving off signs for a random stranger to capitalize on.

(Worst thing you say is “you trying to seduce me with that bike?”)

The way I motivate myself do something is to remember the last time I blew a chance. Huge motivator to not feel that way again.

dogrichards1 · 2021-04-23T10:26:35+00:00

We’ve all been there. I remember I had this super cute girl that decided to sit next to me in college. We talked had a nice little convo and she even asked if I had a girlfriend. Before class ended she kept mentioning how it was her day off and that she thinks she’s going to go grab a drink somewhere. I let that moment slip away like sand slipping through my hands!!

ginandtang · 2021-04-23T00:34:32+00:00

I've don't this a few times. Don't really regret it though. Things usually happen for a reason. Maybe when the right gal arrives you'll now be ready.

Maybe think up a good one liner if it happens again like... "Hi, my name is Bill. How ya doing today?" I know. Brilliant.

lefthandedaf · 2021-04-23T03:28:46+00:00

Agreed completely. I distinctly remember multiple times where a similar thing happened to me, I didn’t approach, and I still regret it to this day. Changing things up now.

VellaPunk · 2021-04-23T04:46:15+00:00

I have lost so many chances cause of overthinking, so i know how it feels. Now when i look back i see that it wasn't that big of a deal, it was so easy to talk to them, even to the Best ones. So don't stress, just talk,. ......or Regret.

JudgmentGold2618 · 2021-04-23T02:41:55+00:00

Sounds like self-rejection , I've done that one.

SenorTonto · 2021-04-23T00:34:41+00:00

Chances of the encounter leading to anything meaningful were slim to none so take solace in that. When I don't approach I beat myself up too. Shit it just happened today but the reality is there's always another bus. Just learn from it and make a move next time.

Rufokami · 2021-04-23T06:12:55+00:00

Sometimes I would wonder if they're actually making an advancement towards me, then try to stay friendly, because I'm scared, not of rejection, but well, the world we live in right now makes it hard for men to be on the 'safe side'. What if said girl somehow then makes it look like you were harrassing her?

I know that my own assumptions are making me lose some girls interests, but I can't help to wonder that. I know not all are the same, but I've seen some shit close to me.

theangeldust96 · 2021-04-22T21:55:28+00:00

Just today i did this although for weeks i teel myself i will begin approaching, your post inspired me more i will not give my brain an opportunity to make mistakes

The_Tomb_is_Empty · 2021-04-22T23:22:52+00:00

Did this happen in the parking lot?

You mention she was getting off her motorcycle. So you saw her when you exited the store and she had pulled up, right? I'm just wondering.

r_m_castro · 2021-04-23T12:17:50+00:00

It happened to me once. I was leaving the cinema after having watched an Avengers movie and was super happy. As I left the mall I saw a beautiful girl and thought: I wish I could kiss her.

Then she looked right at me and gave me a big smile. I got so incredibly nervous that my reaction was to simply walk away looking to the floor. I knew I had chances but I was paralyzed.

Allldasmoke · 2021-04-23T13:18:39+00:00

Dude the girl who cuts my hair is gorgeous and I’m always to afraid to ask her out or if she’s even single lol. I’m a good looking guy. I don’t have really any physical flaws. Not perfect but tattoos. Athletic body. Tall af. Blonde hair blue eyes lol. She flirts with me but has never asked for my umber. What should I do?

dageuse · 2021-04-23T14:33:29+00:00

Dude, you don't have to approach every single girl that gives you attention. That's really needy. Just smile at her or give her a what's up nod and be on your way. It'll still feel great and won't be odd.

Let all your approaching happen naturally. Don't go out of your way. Like, if the chick in line next to you gives you the same attention... that's a natural approach. Shit, I don't even approach women if they're checking me out, I call them to me. Most the time they come. If they don't come, so what? On with my day.

Mistermistery101 · 2021-04-23T12:36:55+00:00

Being black is not a disadvantage. Especially as it relates to seduction. As a matter of fact, if you have the right frame, you can use it to your advantage.

And one more thing you should keep in mind. A lot of girls say they have a type, but when you look at their history of guys, they don't really correlate. What I'm trying to say is that what a girl consider "attractive" vs what they're actually attracted to can be completely different in a given moment with a certain dude.

Women love masculinity. Whats that. It's a lot of things , but in short it's "forward movement". It's assertion. It's dominance. Not even really as it relates to other people. It can be as simple as dominance over your own life.

When a girl meets a guy, they want to feel like they are being reeled in to YOUR story. Your life. Your adventure. Not you being reeled into to theirs.

Finally, do some introspection work. You're not a fool because you missed an opportunity with one girl. That's like if you had a thousand dollars, all in one dollar bills, and you were about to deposit it to the bank when a strong wind picks up and 1 dollar flies away. Why stress over the dollar? You have so much left.

There really are virtually limitless opportunities out there when it comes to women. Don't get hung up over one L (which isn't even really an L. It's you learning more about what you have to work on)

If you can catch the subtlety of what I just said, start applying it. And remember, seduction is not about the girls. It's not about whether or not THEY like YOU. It's about whether or not YOU like THEM

realtripper · 2021-04-22T23:02:50+00:00

I feel as if this happens quite a bit to me but I’ve never done anything about it. It feels especially hard with masks as well. I work in a museum and I feel like I connect often with some guests and I’ve always wanted to ask them out. Do I just cold approach someone I’ve made eye contact with or felt a connection with and ask them for their number or coffee?

MemeStocksYolo69-420 · 2021-04-23T02:27:13+00:00

I couldn’t read this because I’ve experienced this too many times

Enjoyitbeforeitsover · 2021-04-23T02:55:13+00:00

just another lesson, but the sign was super obvious

CoreGeneral · 2021-04-23T13:14:55+00:00

dont feel bad. there is a reason why you developed a habit of holding back towards women, even flirty ones. try to find out that reason and start working towards your own filtration. you will soon realize that most of your regrets were better off not happening.

nosuchthingaslast · 2021-04-23T15:00:20+00:00

Maybe you're making this bigger that it is?
Simply, you had an eye contact with a stranger who you found attractive and who found you attractive as well. There's nothing much you could've done in that situation.

Alternatively, try thinking about what you could've done if those doubts hadn't bombarded you. Critical thinking and introspection are bound to help you with closure as well as not being in a similar situation again.

Tbabydawg · 2021-04-24T06:57:08+00:00

Man im a black man in saint louis missouri and a few weeks ago i went into a walgreens and this girl that was checking me out noticed my hunter x hunter hoodie and immediately started talking to me about anime, gave me recommendations and everything. i know it sounds kinda little but it was a rarity for me. Long story short; i ended our conversation because she was at work and there was someone behind me in the line. As i was walking out, the guy behind said “oh yall good” but i was already walking and as i went out the door i felt so stupid that i missed that opportunity i could have atleast asked her if we could have finished our anime conversation, over the phone, social media, or something.

Btw; i only added that black is saint louis part because i swear most people here are not like me. Its so hard to find other Geeky people here. Its more of a gang cultured city.

b1686 · 2021-04-25T21:27:27+00:00

I am white and live in an eastern European country with almost zero black people. I never thought that skin color could be a reason of anxiety. I feel so bad for you. I really hope that some day we could live in a world, where his/her own skin color wouldn't make anyone feel less worthy.

You must really be a great guy, and being black should never define what others think of you. And believe me, most people probably don't care about it.

Spiritual_Try_246 · 2021-04-23T02:29:24+00:00

Our reaction to rejection shows how emotionally mature we are - you took it well. Nothing more repulsing than a human asking for an explanation why you don’t find them attractive or refuse to go out with them.

DJGammaRabbit · 2021-04-23T10:59:38+00:00

I rejected a 9 about 7 years ago because I was drunk and her boyfriend was sleeping nearby and I’m still thinking about that. Don’t do that. She did all the work for me too. Me in my prime, fit. Don’t be stupid. Don’t be me.

eyesopen1111 · 2021-04-23T06:04:58+00:00

Unless you are advanced in your understanding of Game, please do NOT attempt cold-approach pickup. Cold approach is advanced Game. If you are not over approach anxiety, then you are not advanced. OP beats himself up because he didn't open. Of course he didn't. Learn Game and your performance at Game will improve. Try to get your friends laid and you'll soon see how bad most advice is on this thread.

Sawt0othGrin · 2021-04-23T06:12:42+00:00

We've all got a dozen of em. Learn from it, it's all you can do. Luckily, some half of the population is female so there's always a next time even if we don't feel like it sometimes.

Title	Don't be a fool. Don't be like me.
Author	JavaNeenja
Upvotes	985
Comments	132
Date	April 22, 2021 8:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mwdl7d/dont_be_a_fool_dont_be_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-be-a-fool-dont-be-like-me.1285720 https://theredarchive.com/post/1285720

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