Exhausted from Dating..

seduction-ModTeam · 2024-05-25T21:48:13+00:00

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Trey2022 · 2024-05-23T19:34:58+00:00

Maybe she ghosted you, maybe she didn’t. That has nothing to do with your worth as a man. In my opinion, a good person would at least send a quick text back letting you know they aren’t interested in pursuing this anymore. You should only want a relationship with good people.
If it’s stressing you out, take a break man. There’s no rule that says you always have to be dating. I found dating much easier this time around because I’m happy just being by myself. It takes the pressure off of dating and really empowers you to just shrug your shoulders and keep moving when things don’t go as planned

Radicalmattitude1 · 2024-05-23T21:19:42+00:00

You’re getting ghosted because you’re investing too much too early.

You always have to invest less than the girl at the start otherwise you come off as needy.

It’s hard with dating apps because her investment always starts off in the basement - so it’s kind of a race to the bottom of who can care less + there’s almost no social repercussion for ghosting you.

So I find with dating apps that you have to “bait her to invest”. The basic premise is that you value your attention and time more than you value her approval. Then, you set up little hoops for her to jump through so she can win more of your attention.

There’s no hard and fast rule for how to do this, but here are a few things that I have found success with:

Don’t be her texting buddy on the dating app. Have some playful banter for 3 or 4 back and forth and then ask her out. Get her number and tell her you’ll set it up by text.
I always talk for 5 min on the phone with her before setting up a date. If she isn’t willing to do that, she’s not going to showup anyway or her investment is just too low to work with.
First date should be something extremely low investment such as a 30 min walk or 30 min coffee. Whatever it is, try to keep it short and sweet. 1 hr tops. Don’t tell her too much about yourself to maintain intrigue and leave when the emotion is high so she wants more. Tell her you’ll text her to set up a second date. The second date can be something more elaborate for a few hours.
For dates in general, don’t be too impressed in the first 1/4. Let the date build from low emotions to higher emotions and make her win you over and “figure you out” over time.

I know this sounds like a lot of game playing - trust me I know. I wish I could just meet a nice girl, wear my heart on my sleeve and we would fall in love like a Disney movie. But that hasn’t been my experience.

You have to set up the emotional backdrop so she can allow herself to buy into you as a person and see you as more than a rando she met on tinder.

trifling-pickle · 2024-05-23T22:21:40+00:00

Bro, chill out a bit, 6 hours is not that long, she probably has stuff going on and doesn’t have time to respond. Wait a few days and send a follow up message, you get three strikes before you’re out.

Also, you should go for the kiss. Even if you’re looking for a long term thing the kiss shows interest and let’s her know you had a good time.

Pokeric_502 · 2024-05-23T19:13:58+00:00

Shes probaply just busy, everyone has ups and downs dont give up bro

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-05-23T19:19:12+00:00

In other words, the date went GREAT (I did not go for the kiss tho).

Okay so then did it really go great? Going for the kiss should be the minimum end result of any first date (although you should be aiming to be bringing them back to yours at the end, to be honest).

If you don't make a move, she'll lose interest and go for the guy who does.

TommyLee30197 · 2024-05-24T14:30:23+00:00

Same and I absolutely hate it. Im beginning to hate them

RogerRockmore · 2024-05-23T22:57:27+00:00

I've been there man. I'm married now, but I've definitely had my ups and downs when I was single. The good news is 2-3 dates a week is upper echelon. You just don't feel that way right now cus you're frustrated, but I promise you the more you stick with it and make adjustments where needed, you're gonna be good.

About that particular girl, who knows. Part of the game. Ghosting is an unfortunate part of society that we just have to accept now. As a man, you're just gonna have to take that.

And just because YOU'RE now open to a relationship does not mean every woman you're with is on your level. I was an active dater at one point, too, and I'd say MOST women that I went out with fit more into the ho than housewife category so to speak lol not judging either way. I get it from an attractive woman's POV. But for your sake, keep that in mind. It's not on you. You don't "unlock" the relationship side of women just because your intentions are pure. What determines that is moreso where THEY'RE at in life, not you. So yeah man just keep putting yourself out there, and I'd say open up to these women a little bit emotionally even if it's a little bit embarrassing and hurtful if they ghost you. Those are good signals for a woman who's open to dating seriously, and if you end up getting the vibe that she's not the one, might as well have fun lol don't put too much energy trying to turn hos into housewives though.

And also, I'd go for a kiss even if trying to be serious. Maybe it sounds reckless to some, but it was always appropriate vibes and never forceful. Whether she accepts or rejects, it's good feedback to see where her head's at.

Captain_w00t · 2024-05-23T22:53:05+00:00

Given that 6 hours are nothing in terms of defining it a ghosting, as others have already pointed out, you think the date went great and you somehow already broke the touch barrier BUT you didn’t even kiss her, which (usually) translates to zero emotions or sparks. You gave the same vibes of a friend, brother or colleague, not a potential partner.

Even if you’re looking for a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should act platonic or asexual, that’s mostly a turn off.

Keep this lesson in mind for the next time.

RockSexton · 2024-05-24T05:23:58+00:00

Respectfully - you have developed a "needy" mindset that torments you for validation from these girls.

Abundance mindset is required.

what595654 · 2024-05-23T19:35:53+00:00

Are you looking to hook up, or are you looking for a relationship?

If it's just to hook up. I have no idea. But, if you are looking for a relationship, you are going about this a bit wrong.

My first guess would be, that the type of women interested in one night stands, or flings, or just hooking up, are the type of women who would most likely "ghost" you, or be unreliable in general (not all of course, simply saying more likely) as soon as there is another option. Why? Because if they are just wanting sex, you are at a huge disadvantage. Women have all the options, while men don't. So, it is the type of women you are chasing, that are the type of women who will most likely let you down. Because there is always the next 100 guys on their list, better looking, smarter, funnier, richer, etc...

Because all the women I have dated, for relationships, have all been reliable. No games. No nonsense. People looking for relatioships tend to be much more honest and reliable.

Westernation · 2024-05-24T21:02:21+00:00

Better maybe to be a little lonely and take a break for awhile, than have your emotional well-being tossed into the hands of people who don’t care whether they hurt you.

casey-primozic · 2024-05-25T00:27:09+00:00

If you run from the grind, you won't get to grind.

Yungkodiaktheone · 2024-05-23T20:08:20+00:00

Stop giving a shit. Take a break. Reset. You’ll be aite.

Different_Ad_5967 · 2024-05-23T21:22:15+00:00

I can feel you, even though I maybe manage only one date a month. I get ghosted very often as well.. it's just tough.. we need to stay positive, work on ourselves while it's okay to let the negative feelings take place

Xtheman3 · 2024-05-23T22:34:07+00:00

Yessir I am and it is tough to get out of that self fulfilling prophecy

Ur_X · 2024-05-24T01:36:55+00:00

Bro 6 hours is nothing. I only considered being ghosted after 24 hours. I don’t even sometimes text back within 6 hours to a girl I really want because I’m busy living

jex0001 · 2024-05-24T02:11:47+00:00

Any updates? Did she respond?

burncushlikewood · 2024-05-24T02:54:03+00:00

Don't worry about it man, truthfully women can be tough and fickle, sometimes you can do everything right and still get rejected, maybe she got scared off because you were really smooth on the date, what you have to realize is that women are aware that there are tons of attractive women on earth, maybe she felt like you're a player and can easily attract other partners. It could also be you misreading how well the date actually went, maybe you did something wrong, too aggressive, too passive, maybe she didn't feel any emotional spark with you. I always tell men this, it's just one woman there are billions of women out there so don't fret. I must say though that OLD is not real game, real game is cold approaching and generating a relationship with a woman from scratch, work on your date game, read books and most importantly keep a log of how your dates went right after when its fresh, this way you can analyze your performance

shapeshifta78 · 2024-05-24T04:21:06+00:00

I had to wait a long time for a response, but after a while I sent another message and now we are married. So?

Careful-Onion1406 · 2024-05-24T05:34:25+00:00

Lol, I'm in a similar situation, Modern dating is kinda of messed up. It's all games nowadays, hard to find a genuine connection

KaleidoscopeLower451 · 2024-05-24T17:00:07+00:00

6 hours no see is not a joke, she is checking her phone notifications like maniac, you guys are too naive in the comment section that it has been just 6 hours lol

Chrume · 2024-05-23T20:09:29+00:00

While you await: Next.

SaaSWriters · 2024-05-23T22:24:29+00:00

All the your mom would love her stuff is a sign you just don’t know how to turn a woman on.

Tatleman68 · 2024-05-23T23:00:20+00:00

Should have gone for the kiss bro

nordik1 · 2024-05-23T23:43:38+00:00

We would have to see your text logs and convos in person with these girls to understand what’s going on. High chance you’re doing something that can be corrected

Love_JWZ · 2024-05-24T00:06:46+00:00

(I did not go for the kiss tho)

Savaaage · 2024-05-24T00:12:41+00:00

Please don't fold. I made the mistake of going off for not getting a reply after a day. I thought it was deliberate disrespect, but she just wasn't feeling well. She gone now anyways... If you're thinking of going off at her, ask yourself if that's how a confident man would act.

ArkaStevey · 2024-05-24T00:18:34+00:00

It’s okay man, this is me too. Six hours is a short amount of time, but I know that ‘feeling’ that changes when you suddenly get slower and slower responses. Getting ghosted is all i’ve really known for the past couple years or so. I think i’ve fully prevented myself from getting emotionally invested in any girl, because it would just result in the same thing.

Example, I met a really cute girl who was very sweet to me in person. So many ioi’s. Sent her a chill, normal text the following day. nothing. After a couple days, I just thought eh, why not, and called her. She picked up, surprisingly. She said she’d been busy. Fair enough. She seemed kinda cold… but I just casually spoke and asked if she still wanted to chat over text She said yes. I said feel free to message me when you’re free. Never did. Deleted the number.

At this point, I would be fucking gobsmacked if just one girl I was genuinely interested in was interested in me back and maintained good communication the whole time, but I guess that’s just wishful thinking. I kinda just became numb to the whole thing. It kinda made me laugh with how common it became because when messaging girls i’d get this funny gut feeling and think to myself after hitting send on a normal message ‘’aaand now she’s not gonna respond’’ and then they literally wouldn’t lol. I just moved on each time, it didn’t mean anything to me anymore.

Aside from that, I guessed my choices were to either focus on inner game or go out solo for nightgame / bar stuff, for superficial attention / ons possibilities, but that always left me feeling kinda grim and I think i’m a bit too old for it (But i’d actually prefer that to dating apps). I focused more on the inner game instead. Turned out I have a lot of shit I need to work through.

If I could make a suggestion for your own sake, don’t see the ‘time and money’ as wasted, as if girls owe you some kind of success, just because that will stow bitterness. Assuming you put up good game with them, you did everything right, but what’s more important is being comfortable with any outcome because it can quite literally happen at any time for any reason.

pp604977 · 2024-05-24T00:23:13+00:00

Just came here to say that I feel you bruh, but I have a ton of hobbies that keep me occupied when I am not going on dates.

TelephoneMediocre721 · 2024-05-24T00:29:01+00:00

Why you didn’t went for the kiss?

I mean, the girl might have thought that you didn't like her enough to kiss her, and for her that might be a disappointment.

Seriously guys, go for the kiss, I mean the date was grate, but it could have ended fantastic

romeMAJOR · 2024-05-24T01:33:27+00:00

I know what you mean. It’s better not expending energy on people who aren’t enthusiastic. Women that are into you will blow up your phone, not ghost or leave you on read.

People can say what they want about her being busy yada yada yada but there are women out here who aren’t busy for you. Prioritise your happiness and be with a woman you have a good feeling about

Spiritual-Smoke-9498 · 2024-05-24T02:19:53+00:00

“He fucked my wife so I killed him.”

“He killed my dog so I killed him”

“He killed my brother so I killed him”

“He ate the last pack of kraft dinner so I killed him.”

Notice that all these four men are still going to jail for murder.

That’s how ghosting works. They may have real and valid reasons to want to not see you no more, but it’s not a valid reason in of itself to use ghosting as a method.

You’re essentially always dodging a bullet when someone ghost you.

However! That does not mean you can’t learn from it.

So look at yourself, try to figure out why you were rejected, and if possible ask, because you’re probably making stories in your head as to why.

So yeah, your question is totally unanswerable, I only have your perspective, and you say it went great, which is obviously not the case because girls come back after a great date.

SivA17_ · 2024-05-24T03:21:48+00:00

Today I decided to give up or at least take a very long break I’ve been getting rejected left right and center lol whatever Chadwick Thunder Cock is doing to get these woman hooked he needs to fill me in on the secret because whatever I’m doing just ain’t working

otcsoldier9708 · 2024-05-24T04:27:13+00:00

Can we talk in dm bro I have 1 more question

Lima_Allister · 2024-05-24T05:17:03+00:00

That's why i don't date, but I'm a woman: the guys texting me first ghost me. The guys I text first and they say it's sexy ghost me. Idk what they want. I want something to actually get to KNOW the person. But either I give wrong signals or I'm boring. Idk really. Im afraid to date because not even texting works. It's always the American dudes that live 4K miles away that want me but maaannnn I live in Germany ........

betterthrowaway22 · 2024-05-24T05:34:00+00:00

You’re allowed to take a break from it.

bert_cj · 2024-05-24T06:50:51+00:00

The fact that you wrote this post only after 6 hours

uncorderdnole91 · 2024-05-24T07:15:59+00:00

I would say being ghosted takes multiple days imo, sometimes it just isn’t personal if they have no response

NoMoassNeverWas · 2024-05-24T07:22:44+00:00

Girls you meet IRL are less likely to ghost. OLD, ghosting is just accepted. My recommendation is you push to meeting women at cafe, bookstore, mall, etc.

stanflwrhuss · 2024-05-24T07:56:24+00:00

I’m sorry but you can’t say the date went great and also say you never kissed. It just never works like that I’m afraid

Aristox · 2024-05-24T12:44:07+00:00

Dude that girl was really into you, yet you didn't go for a kiss? Why the fuck not. You should be aiming to have sex if a girl is that into you. Kissing should be taken for granted. She probably went home insulted and disappointed. That's why she was like "fuck this guy. I thought we had a lovely date but apparently he thinks I'm ugly or something cause he didn't even try to kiss me"

You said the date went great, but you didn't kiss. If you didn't even kiss it definitely doesn't count as a great date. It arguably doesn't even count as a date. What are you waiting for?

A girl shows you she's super into you, is touching you, jokes about you being her man, and you don't even kiss her?

You totally pussied out dude. That's your problem.

You're a huge nice guy and aren't masculine enough to make anything happen when a girl is doing everything she can on her end. You deserve to be ghosted dude, girls want to have fun romantic adventures and have guys they're interested in reciprocate that attraction and interest.

She probably went home sad and thinking she's ugly

She probably asked her friends what she did wrong and why you wouldn't even kiss her or make a move even though the date went so well

I don't know why you're posting here dude. Sounds like you're fully capable of getting dates, appearing attractive, and getting girls invested in you. Your only issue is apparently you don't want to kiss women or get physical.

Okay dude. Go date some asexuals, or men or something. You had the perfect situation and did nothing with it. Either cause you're a coward or cause you're not attracted to women and aren't interested in kissing and sex even when the girl you're on a date with is into it.

It could have been a great date and an awesome memory. But instead she went home alone and rejected

Quit rejecting women and then coming on here complaining. Most guys on here can't even get a date. If you go on one and it goes really well and then you just keep it friendly and don't make any physical moves then obviously the girl is gonna ignore you from then on, cause she doesn't want to date an asexual.

She probably got dressed up all nice, told her friends about her date, got their advice on how to look cute and sexy etc. And then you just stood there and did nothing with it. You're clearly not actually interested in dating dude, you just want female friends. And it's dishonest and manipulative to go on dating apps and invite people on dates if, when they go well, you aren't even gonna kiss them, and just keep the date friendly and platonic

If a girl dresses sexy for you on a date it's because she wants to turn you on. If a girl calls you her man etc it's because she wants you to be and act like her man. She wants to see how you behave and what you do when its just the two of you and she invites you to be more than friends.

And you did. You showed her what you act like when a cute girl gives you the green light. And she realised she doesn't want to spend any more time on a guy who just does nothing and disappoints her

If you're so unmasculine and/or ashamed of your sexuality that you won't even kiss a girl who is into you when a date goes great and she makes lots of moves and gets physical with you, then you shouldn't be putting yourself out there as a potential boyfriend because you're clearly not willing to actually follow through on what you're advertising. You're just wasting women's time and getting their hopes up for nothing.

It's absolutely fair that girls ghost you if that's how you behave on dates. You should be up front and honest about the fact that you aren't willing to get physical with them even when the date goes great, so girls who are looking for sex and boyfriends and romantic adventures can know to avoid you. Otherwise you're being dishonest.

She probably spent like half an hour standing in front of the mirror when she got home trying to work out what it is about her that turned you off so much you weren't even interested in trying to kiss her

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-05-24T13:27:51+00:00

Who knows? Patience and ease are essential.

But, if you run into a woman with that kind of chemistry in the future, and you feel similarly toward her, you need to make your desire clear. Sounds like she opened herself completely, told you how kind you were, but then you didn’t move forward and show her that you were a man who could also reach out and take what he wanted

LowExpenseEvil · 2024-05-24T15:27:22+00:00

Remember it’s not over until it’s over. Try not to self sabotage, not every interaction will have the same result or progression.

Sandvicheater · 2024-05-24T15:50:52+00:00

This is why despite many "schools" of seduction many often in conflict with each others on methodology there's one thing everybody can agree upon:

never put all your chips on one girl. Always always keep several on the back burner so if couple ghosts or rejects you then you still have several more pending ones ready to go.

Title	Exhausted from Dating..
Author	EdUNC-
Upvotes	172
Comments	99
Date	May 23, 2024 6:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cz0gaw/exhausted_from_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/exhausted-from-dating.1519322 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519322

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