How do you keep someone interested in you?

Workamaholic · 2020-04-02T21:29:42+00:00

I'll take a stab at this one although it would be good to have more info about you to pin-point it.

I was and I believe I frankly am in a similar situation. Success in the short term. Lots of relationships sexual and emotional, but still something is missing. There's a gap somewhere. I know it's there. I felt it. Still do, but I'm learning to close it.

Here's what I've seen from my own experience. A lot of the techniques and skills you find on this site and in the seduction community are behaviors that some people will do naturally, they are naturally busy, they don't ever prioritize a woman as a prize above their own priorities, they build a balanced life with a friend group that they often lead. Anyone can imitate those behaviors but if they aren't built on real substance eventually the truth of someone's identity will out. They are skills that will get a woman curious about you, and may allow you to seduce her, thinking you're mysterious, emotionally intelligent, driven, and a leader until she realizes that you are just wearing a mask and then loses interest.

In my opinion, what you need to do, if you want to have longer lasting relationships is to build a life around a purpose and a mission. I can already sense some of the die-hard "pussy-slayers" on here saying "Oh my mission is to get laid often with lots of sexy women. And hey pussy-slayers, that's cool. Good for you. If that's your mission, then so be it. You have one life, like everyone else, and you are ultimately in the driver's seat for how you want to live it. When I say purpose or mission, people sometimes jump to the biggest possible thing they can imagine, and frankly I don't want you to. To find a purpose or a mission is difficult. You have to start listening to and strengthening an inner voice and get in touch with parts of yourself that some people deny their entire lives.

I want you to do something right now.... Imagine you're on your death bed, now think back about your life up to now, imagine two buckets to sort moments of your life into.

What were the things you did that were an important use of your time?

and what were the things that were an unimportant use of your time?

You should immediately be able to make two lists, write them down if you need.

Seriously, do it. Be specific.

Now look at those lists., why were the things that were important to you important? There's probably a reason, a core feeling, so what is it? That core, whatever it was is going to be the heart of your mission. That's all it has to be. Right now, what would be an important use of your time?

There's a book where a researcher visited people at the end of their lives and asked them, what do you regret? People invariably had regrets sure, but the phrase that kept appearing again and again was

"I wish I would have chosen to be happy."

Let me tell you, choosing to be happy is fucking hard, scary work. It takes dedication, gratitude, and some fucking balls. Most people choose to make others happy, and it doesn't fucking work. Ever. We are raised to think that there is some magical bag called success, that we chase our whole lives, and some people have it (the rich, the famous, the genetic lottery winners of attractiveness) they MUST have it right? They MUST be happy, they must have the thing we don't but if we can be like them we'll have it too. But they're not happy, not all of them. The ones that are understand something important.

"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen."

That's right. You may have expectations you or your family put on yourself that you will NEVER fucking achieve and that's perfectly fine. Some of those expectations are bullshit and need to be called out as such. Does this mean you have a hall-pass to whine and say, "Oh what's the point." Sure, you could, but it won't help. Instead you have to get in touch with your expectations for you and by you and start acting on some, and throwing others out.

You have a choice right now that will repeat itself every hour of every day, it is answering the question, "What do I need to do to be me, What's important to me and am I doing it or not?" Not WWJD what would I fucking do?

You have to learn to answer that question with action, not thought, and maybe, just maybe one day you will do it instinctually and you'll become a truly centered individual. A real man, and it will likely be hard as fuck and probably risky but you'll be able to look back on your life and know that you chose yourself and fought for yourself. The only good fight there is.

If you're not centered, if you're not acting on whats' important to you, then you need to spend time and figure it out, and start doing those things. You need to start strengthening that inner voice. The real one. If you feel like something is missing so go out and find it and do it. Don't talk about doing it, go do it. Because NO one gives a shit about your purpose until you've built about 80 percent of it. Seriously. Even your parents won't really give a shit about it until you start building and pushing hard yourself. And that's totally fucking okay, that's called adversity. Don't talk... act. Learn to act on that voice and to push. Then all of these behaviors won't be an act, they'll be who you are. And women will throw themselves at you and you likely won't give as much of a shit about it. Because you're one of the few men left who choose themselves every minute of every day. If you're tenacious and a little lucky, on your deathbed maybe your only regret will be, I wish I would've chosen to be happy sooner. But you'll probably say it with a smile before you croak and shit yourself.

A book that might help you. "Open Her" by Karen Brody and "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.

Good luck stranger, I hope you find yourself almost as much as I hope I find myself. The world needs leaders and people who finish the mission. All the best.

HoosierProud · 2020-04-02T21:04:42+00:00

Girls get bored if you continually have conversations via text when you’re getting to know each other. It’s hard to be interesting and different from other guys over text. (Attractive women have lots of guys texting them) Their interest will fizzle unless you make moves early. Early on, texting should be primarily about business. Setting up dates and times to see them in person so you can differentiate yourself and show them who you truly are, which is almost impossible via text.

It’s kindof counterintuitive, I know. You feel like if you like a girl you should text her often and try and be funny and smart via frequent texts but it rarely works, esp on high quality women. So put the phone down. You don’t need to text her a lot. Just set meetups and dates those first few times, and if you guys start dating then the cute and funny daily texting can commence.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2020-04-02T21:24:09+00:00

I used to have the same exact problem when I first got into game. I would meet a ton of new girls, attract many of them, and sleep with some of them. But even the girls that I slept with would only stick around for a couple weeks before they ghosted me or thing just petered out.

I realized that I was attracting all these girls by using the game tactics that I learned. I could spike their state and get them really excited about coming home with me.

But it was only a matter of time before these girls would realize that I was actually a loser.

So for a while, I kind of divorced game all together and focussed on “just being a cool guy”. And what happened? Well, I get a lot better about myself, and had a few longer lasting relationships. But I also unequivocally got laid far less and with way less attractive women.

So then I went back to the game concepts and reintegrated them into my newfound “just a cool guy” persona. The result was getting laid the most ever in my life with the most beautiful girls and having some long term relationships too.

The moral of the story:

Focus on both self improvement and game concepts. To get great results with women, you need both. Anyone that is too invested in one or the other is being narrow sighted in their approach.

With all of this being said, don’t rush into anything long term. You might look back on this period in your life when women will fuck you and just leave you alone afterward as a blessing in disguise. I know I do 😉

jbitmik · 2020-04-03T00:10:14+00:00

Look into the book “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene. It describes the psychology and techniques behind seduction and provides historical examples.

One takeaway from the book that might be helpful is that seduction is a continuous process (if your looking for something long term). You have to keep finding new ways to maintain interest. Show the girl that your lifestyle can align with hers and the idea of a long term relationship will naturally come to her mind. Try to understand why she makes her decisions and highlight aspects of yourself that fit those.

Something more practical that may help is to discuss a future plan like a weekend trip. Could be something bigger but just make sure it’s a destination/activity she is interested in. It shouldn’t be a specific date but just the idea of potentially doing it. Going on the trip isn’t the point right now but just discussing it will do a couple things:

She will think about spending that time with you and doing whatever activities are involved
It will give her more of a reason to remain in contact with you and will give her the idea you may be together longer
It’s fun to plan a trip. It gives you an opportunity to get to know her interests better and your compatibility.

Essentially, you know these girls are interested since you’ve made some progress. Most girls are looking for a relationship but there are a million reasons to say no and look for someone else. Your goal is to provide reasons to say yes.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-04-03T03:22:23+00:00

This is such an incredibly relevant question - you have NO idea! My suggestion is to try and get relationships into the real world as soon as you can (Edit: After COVID zombie apocalypse)

Dude, seriously females on their phones - their social networks - it's Orwellian.

They have so many options for swiping and clicking and poking and, oh MY GOD, they are impossible to keep interested. I don't know how you young guys DO IT, really.

I say cultivate interests that appeal to you. Do things IRL that you enjoy doing. Find someone that is willing to invest the time it takes to give you at least a CHANCE to showcase who you are IRL. If she's not willing to do that, you're just a node (with "priority") in her fucking social network. You've been reduced to an avatar she can swipe on at her convenience.

Kind of dehumanizing... isn't it?

So... how can you NOT invest all kinds of time in the modern "attention whore" social network game? PUSH FOR MEETINGS. If they don't want to meet "yet", put their priority level WAY down. Do not feed the monsters and the trolls.

Find a human female who likes actual meetings, actual food, actual touch and actual... mating. If you stay on social media, just play the numbers game. There is no other mathematical result than playing the numbers game, sadly.

Women want investment - thoughtful posts and inquiries. So what are they bringing to the table? "Will fill out later". Yeah. Right.

letsplayhydeandseek · 2020-04-02T20:54:14+00:00

Strike when the iron is hot

MV412 · 2020-04-02T20:43:42+00:00

I have almost the same exact problem consistently. I think the issue is probably over texting after a while you'll eventually run out of things to talk about and momentum will be lost.

excentrik-art · 2020-04-02T21:45:23+00:00

Don't become the personification of her phone. Don't be available all the time.

Make her miss you. Make her desire you.

Be unpredictable, making her think about you.

Don't try to get to know her over the phone. If you want relationship, you will have all the time you will want to get to know her IRL

skaag · 2020-04-02T22:11:48+00:00

You do this by finding your love, in the form of a hobby or a job, and then becoming successful at it (and remaining passionate about it).

For example if you're an artist and you've become good at it, and you sell your art (online or offline), and you're passionate about art and you can talk forever about art, and it keeps you busy, then that's very hot.

Being in the place I'm describing automatically fixes the situation you're in.

specialtoken · 2020-04-03T00:06:22+00:00

Be yourself, if they like you then they like you. If not, then they aren’t the one for you.

bobers654 · 2020-04-03T01:30:22+00:00

Be sure to show love, support, and appreciation if youre shooting for something serious. Those qualities are very important. To truly show love to someone is to give the gift of yourself without any strings attached, but do that slowly. ‘Hey I saw this at the thrift shop last week and it reminded me of the time you...’ give tiny gifts occasionally or compliments with no steings attached. It should be clear from other things you say or do that you would like something serious, but you wont force it.

oe84 · 2020-04-02T21:02:08+00:00

Texting does not mean much if you can not have dates with her i guess. After all face to face interaction is what counts.

elect46 · 2020-04-02T21:55:19+00:00

You’re fear of not being able to maintain or create a relationship is causing you problems. Im sorry but you have to understand that being interesting and someone liking you are two different things! Live life follow your dreams improve on yourself constantly and when that person walks into you’re life the confidence you created will be so great that the those negative thoughts won’t even cross you’re mind! And stop texting so damn much!

noobmaster1991 · 2020-04-02T22:23:32+00:00

It probably says more about you then the women. You probably got something to work on men. Women are very good at reading red signs. Instead of trying to get a long term relationship work on yourself and invest on your goals and aspirations! You're probably lacking confidence or you're probably giving out bad traits that don't work in a long term relationship.

Also it could be the women you are talking to. If your picking up bar chicks or druggies/single mothers that could be an issue.

Am not saying you should go for a conservative women or a religious one. Just filter out the toxic women and set boundaries and things you are looking for long term. Also go out to salsa/ dance classes were allot of women dwell who are high standard women.

brownhoosierboy · 2020-04-02T23:23:17+00:00

100% comes down to keeping the mystery alive. Be a person full of surprises

FlakeyGhost · 2020-04-03T03:44:03+00:00

Since nobody else is fucking saying it and apparently it’s so fucking taboo to say it in this sub.

Become more physically attractive.

Mr_Clean-Up · 2020-04-03T06:09:32+00:00

Well, make your goal "to have a long-term relationship" or maybe even "to marry" (if that's what you want), then aim for it.

This shift will eliminate a lot of people from your dating pool, but after some time, you'll find people who want the same thing. These will be the type of people who will stay, and hopefully by that time, you are one to stay too.

You have to take it seriously though. If you want to have a long-term relationship, then be the kind of person that another who wants a long-term relationship would like to have it with.

minimalistcookie · 2020-04-02T22:44:46+00:00

Stop giving a shit. Girls get bored. Boys get bored. Everybody gets bored. Stop giving a shit. Life will be better.

brackattack27 · 2020-04-02T22:39:50+00:00

Happening to me right now. We had a date before corona and now that we can’t really go out the texting is completely dead. Like one word answer dead. I’m scared she’s losing interest but idk what to do.

bosslessmindset · 2020-04-02T21:16:58+00:00

Are you looking for a wife a gf or just an FWB?

DonutTry · 2020-04-02T22:36:02+00:00

💵💵💵💵💵

johannthegoatman · 2020-04-02T22:42:55+00:00

Same

felderosa · 2020-04-03T00:26:33+00:00

You don't "keep someone interested", you keep yourself interested in things and people.

People will come and go, there is no 'keeping' involved. Unless you're talking about dogs and slaves.

floppadopada · 2020-04-03T01:36:26+00:00

Be mean to keep em keen

aubounty · 2020-04-03T01:40:36+00:00

Treat the conversations like a string between the two of you. Too slack and she wanders off, too tight and it snaps.

Too frequent is boring.

Too distant she will wander off.

2020-04-03T03:14:02+00:00

guys honestly...just be your most authentic self. You're fine lol

Killjoys13 · 2020-04-03T03:49:52+00:00

Am no expert but I found this video and this just might be what you are looking for. Go through the video once.

0pt1mus_Pr1mus · 2020-04-03T07:15:33+00:00

Well, I think you shouldn't think about it as "keeping someone interested." If they like you, their interest will keep up automatically. Just keep waiting for the right person and do not change, just to make someone chase you.

pupcakeonthelamb · 2020-04-03T12:13:22+00:00

There’s a good chance it just means there wasn’t a real connection. Are you being authentic in the relationship? If you are then it’s likely just not the right match...which is what dating is about. If you aren’t being yourself and are maybe trying too many “strategies” instead of just being a person then that may be blocking a real connection from developing.

highchong91 · 2020-04-03T12:48:45+00:00

Be a mystery, match or go under her effort, game other women so she knows you’re wanted and desired by other women, get a good job so you can travel and do interesting things so you have interesting stories and hobbies.

A_solo_tripper · 2020-04-03T14:47:30+00:00

Need more context. This is very vague. Give us an example of the last girl the happened with, or a field report. Where did you meet her? How was the initial conversation? Who texted who first? How was the texting? Did you meet up with her within x days? etc.

MrMemper · 2020-04-03T16:13:17+00:00

You are the problem. Not something external to you like the woman or some missing info found in a book. You need to objectively assess your behaviors from the past and be honest with yourself

meth_is_fun_BOIS · 2020-04-03T19:20:25+00:00

wow! u/workamaholic all this stuff you just said has confirmed everything I was beginning to figure out in life. I am young, like high school young and I am just beginning to figure life out. but all the things you have said are so helpful and I will be sure to use them in my life. btw you seem like a fucking smart, amazing person, I really wish I could meet you in real life. I think you are my new hero

thehoederiks · 2020-04-02T20:53:19+00:00

Well, I think I can relate to you, so thinking about myself, the answer would be: Be more open and don't be afraid to take risks. Don't mind being the one telling how you feel first...

2019istheworstevr · 2020-04-02T23:16:53+00:00

Maybe more interesting dates will help?

Not just netflix, smoke and chill....

Perhaps roller blading, fishing, rock climbing, karaoke, trivia night, salsa class, biking, volunteer work, short vacay, anal

Switch it up! Keep it spicy. Keep ‘em guessing. Oh ! and make sure she’s the relationship type (most women are, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure y’all are on the same page).

Greaterbird · 2020-04-02T20:24:30+00:00

Be an interesting person

muuhfi · 2020-04-02T21:21:26+00:00

Ask her to be your girlfriend quickly. If you've dated a few times, just ask her to be your gf.

pagenumberr · 2020-04-03T00:56:30+00:00

By being interesting i guess?

Title	How do you keep someone interested in you?
Author	Star_Dust__
Upvotes	468
Comments	135
Date	April 2, 2020 6:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/fts2hi/how_do_you_keep_someone_interested_in_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-keep-someone-interested-in-you.1493378 https://theredarchive.com/post/1493378

Comments