Strategic friend zoning

Pogiako13 · 2020-02-12T09:30:27+00:00

I say do it. Reverse psychology her ass. If she's used to guys hitting on her, and has a big head, this will throw her a doozy. Please update us.

ChicagoCityCowboy · 2020-02-12T07:14:53+00:00

The idea is to make her think “why doesn’t he want to fuck me?” to make her want me even more. Has worked many times for me, I just have never friend zoned someone to do it!

roman99789 · 2020-02-12T10:35:34+00:00

It's too early for that tactic. You should attempt physicality first and then if she goes cold try the friendzone tactic. If she has sex with you its all the affirmation you need.

Xazax310 · 2020-02-12T11:26:54+00:00

This is confusing more than anything. If you're attracted to her and escalated with her, physically touching her/hugging etc then your telling the girl "We did that but I didn't like you". Basically you're throwing yourself out a window for this girl you like because you're trying to play a very dumb game. Play dumb games win stupid prizes.

I'm telling you right now if you friendzone this girl, that's it it's over she'll go off and fuck someone else. Personally, You only friendzone girls your not attracted too or have some sort of relationship with co-worker, friends family(sister etc).

If you like this girl just keep going out, having fun, and make sure you hook-up.

VDKay · 2020-02-12T10:14:54+00:00

Wait, you went out twice and only talked? did you kiss her? Does she know that you like her?

If not, then you've already friendzoned her. If I go out with someone (the 2 of us, as a date) and have a good time with her but not make a move or not flirt with her at all, then it is guaranteed she will be left wandering “what the fuck is going on?”. The fact that she agreed to go out with you a second time and also invite you to activities means that she might already be seeing you as a friend as well.

Don't assume anything and don't try to compare yourself to her past encounters. She might be going to church but deep down she might want to be fucked like a rabbit. Always escalate until you meet resistance, and/or communicate your desires.

Also, falling into the emotional-security/provider figure is the worst thing you can do for attraction. If you want a serious relationship, then it's OK, but only AFTER you establish that she is sexually attracted to you. If you want to explore her sexually first, better be the "bad boy". The guy who is unpredictable and she is not comfortable around because she understands that if she sticks around, she is getting nailed at some point! I get that you want her to chase, well, being the Nice Guy is definitely not the way to go with that.

Edit: confirming in her mind that you see her as a friend, is the worst thing you can do right now. If she isn't sexually chasing you right now after like 2 dates already, I doubt she ever will that way. I suggest you go out (not church), sit close to her and escalate. Look her in the eyes, touch her, tease her with negs, maybe throw in some compliments. Then go for a kiss. If she says no, it's OK. Take it as a champ, be cool, tell her that you like her and you like the time you spend with her and that you'd like to make it even better, but you are both adults and you understand. Then cut contact completelly, and if she is interested, she will get back to you herself. Guaranteed.

SpamFilterHatesMe · 2020-02-12T11:39:08+00:00

Dude, stop playing games. As Mark Manson would say, you will only lose and be miserable in every scenario when you're playing games with women.

Also the best way to woman's heart is by straight fucking her, right now she's not invested in you in a single bit. Be open and honest.

its_going_down_ · 2020-02-12T11:49:38+00:00

Let her qualifiy herself more and be physical yourself. Stop assuming what she might think or not think. Also stop comparing yourself to some guys she dated. Apparently, she's dating or hanging out with you now. Just go for it and judge by her actions, not by your assumptions.

devBowman · 2020-02-12T12:04:02+00:00

I'm not sure I'm understanding correctly. You want to start being deliberately manipulative with her, in a relationship that is just beginning ?

Parmaviolets · 2020-02-12T11:42:10+00:00

i really don’t understand, but maybe don’t play games and just tell her you like her?

blizzard_youaintme · 2020-02-12T12:23:32+00:00

women are just so complex you never will know what works on them - the thousand of seducing tips and rules are just kind of directions you can use

I just had a date where I loved her personality. She was not ugly but definitely not the best looking. And still she didn’t want a second date. Maybe I come over to needy because I made a move at the end of the date and told her I would like a second date but I had to do it because I also don’t want to get friendzoned. She waited one and a half day to response and told me that she thought about it and it can’t be more than friendship. Well I like her still a lot that’s why I try to get her as a friend. Guess I like her so much that I rather have her as a friend than not at all...

On another different date the girl told me she would have loved to conquer me but she noticed that I was into her. Actually I just had a good time and was sitting to close to her. So if I would have been totally shy she would have conquered me. At the end after I left her, she sent me a msg that I could have kissed her at the end to test the chemistry. But no loss because I wasn’t that into her anyway.

But you notice how different girls/women can be? I noticed that it works out or not, you can just be yourself and hope the universe is with you.

WarDiaz209 · 2020-02-12T13:03:09+00:00

It sounds like you've friend zoned yourself. You need to express romantic interest immediately, those hour long conversations come afterwards

modidlee · 2020-02-12T14:26:35+00:00

She'll cave after a while, when she realizes she can't get those conversations and the good vibes you give her anywhere else. The last woman I seriously dated started out telling me I "wasn't her type." But over the course of a month one 2hr conversation turned to a 2-3hr conversation every day (we live about an hour and a half apart). I just kept it cool, never pushed for sex or to take things faster than she wanted, and eventually SHE was asking ME if she could come over. That lead to her coming over and being all over me, I love you's, almost a year long relationship, and her constantly saying how stupid she felt for thinking I wasn't her type when we first met. Seduction is mostly mental.

jcradio · 2020-02-12T16:10:03+00:00

Anything short of being genuine, authentic and vulnerable is horse shit. Unfortunately, whether they are aware or not, people play games. You have a choice not to.

The best advice I can offer is be yourself, be honest in action, words and intention. Not just with her, but also with yourself. It may not go anywhere, and if not being friends can be fantastic, too.

Life is too short to play games and settle. If not her, there will be another (abundance mindset).

When I (45M) was a younger man, I hated the friend zone. I changed my mindset. I demanded anyone I was with was also my friend. It is a fantastic fountain upon which all other things can be built.

I recently started seeing a woman (45F) and we just click. How? By unapologetically being ourselves.

She recently apologized to me (not necessary, imo), that she misjudged me when we first started to chat with one another. I was just being me, and I had no expectations other than having a conversation with an interesting woman. When we finally grew closer it was real and organic. No games, no manipulation.

Do that. Be her friend. Period. If it becomes something more, even better. If not, you still have a great friend.

I went through a heartbreak last year and every single female friend I've made over the last 20 years reminded me that it was her loss. A man who can maintain authentic, platonic relationships with women in the modern world is a treasure.

Be authentic. Be well.

BigBootyBear · 2020-02-12T16:17:17+00:00

If one woman made you develop the kind of elaborate plan of action I wish China's airport security would adopt, you're already not at a good place.

You want her sexually? Escalate.

You want her platonically? Don't escalate.

High value women go for high value men, not men that tricked them into a believing they're high value. Do you think a high value man sits all day masterminding on tricking his (supposed) female friends into a relationship with him?

And don't bullshit us about how this is an "alpha move" because real alphas don't beat around the bush. They go straight for the jugular within 3 seconds. If you wouldn't have this much of a scarcity mindset you wouldn't spend so much thought onto manipulating this poor girl on your church day.

Your post says it all:

I’ve hung out with a really attractive woman twice now, and every single time we get food and have great conversations that last for hours

You severely underplay the importance of sexual tension and overplay the importance of "being a great friend".

The only issue is, that Ive gotten the impression that she thinks she’s way out of my league

Unless she flat out said "im out of your league" that conclusion came 100% from you. That speaks VOLUMES about your mentality, self esteem and attitude. The only way you could have got that impression is by placing MUCH more value on her as opposed to you, or as we call it "pedestal".

The idea of "leagues" is so stupid. Even if they exist, there is zero to be gained from assigning people to different leagues.

but long story short, she has a big head about her

Then don't hang out with her! So what if she's hot? Next!

She has definitely dated more attractive guys and I think is looking for security/personality at this point

Definitely implies "i have no idea, but a girl like THAT must date guys like THAT and im not like THAT" pattern of thought that dries up a pussy faster than velcro sandals.

I don't even need you to tell me anything further - each sentence is like a 10 page open book about your negative mindset. She's out of your league, shes REALLY attractive, she's all THAT so probably all her exes were THAT either. And to finish off the cliche, she's probably sick of all these "attractive jock douchebags" and just wants to settle down with a nice guy that may not have the looks, money, charisma, status, height, penis size...

*THREE HOURS LATER*

Hey but at least he is a nice guy with good personality and security in his life. Damnit man... Personality and security are the first two you come up with? No cool hobbies, career accomplishments, community involvement... Just "decent human" (you are supposed to be one) and a steady paycheck.

Geez, I sure do hope that girl gets lucky at church when she will inevitably get pulled into the intricate "push pull" web of the the human equivalent of a futon stuffed with fox tails.

This is classic Nice Guy TM. The people that have the status, cunning and charisma to pull off your Robert Greene mind tricks at a fucking church of all places are already enjoying the kind of abundance that would make them forget about this girl from the first date where they didn't get to fuck her. Because they went for the kiss, were rejected, and approached another woman on the way home.

Just the fact the top comment is encouraging more over thinking to a Nice Guy TM tells me this sub has gone to shit.

ChicagoCityCowboy · 2020-02-12T09:46:21+00:00

I’ll keep y’all updated!

semaxX · 2020-02-12T12:23:54+00:00

Leagues dont exist, except for people who belive in leagues.

To your question: I never tried it but I had/have some girls where I am in the friendzone. I am not that mad about it because now I have a good friend, I meet her female friends and I also have a reputation. Its really important for girls when they asks another girl about me and she tells her that I am a good person.

I would say go for it, worst case you wont get her. But at the moment it doesnt look like she is really into you. So whats the lose?

Breeza909 · 2020-02-12T09:46:01+00:00

Keep us updated if u do tho

Chompskyy · 2020-02-12T13:42:12+00:00

No dig on OP per se, but this thread definitely brought out the worst of this subreddit

so many of y'all talking blind shots in the dark, funny how many different opinions are "sure its the right way"

C_Moi · 2020-02-12T14:14:05+00:00

Strategic head games....weird flex.

Not sure what the end game is here.

Barzano · 2020-02-12T15:19:39+00:00

Upvoted for your edit. There's a lot of, lets say it nicely, shallowness in this sub.

-Mavs · 2020-02-12T08:35:23+00:00

" I know theres a risk she’ll just fuck right off, but I don’t see things working out if I don’t play the game."

Sounds like you've got nothing to lose then.

youKnowImRightBitch · 2020-02-12T10:36:56+00:00

How do you look like?.

blkswrdsman · 2020-02-12T12:03:54+00:00

It sounds like you should try to make a move. Don’t friend zone her and ignore her. You are at a crossroad. She invited you to meet everyone she associates with. If you get a touch flaky, she’ll lose interest fast. Try to make a move and if it’s a no-can-dou-Ken...move on. Because when it comes to church that’s a ha-dou-wont unless something has budded physically. Usually when I meet people at or from churches its a ha-dou-I-shouldn’t fucking be here...

ImJustSo · 2020-02-12T12:35:26+00:00

Uh, she's agreeing to spend time with you, that means it's touchy feely time. It's not beat around the bush time. You're proving to her that she's out of your league, by not showing her that you totally think you're absolutely, 100% in her league.

The way you're supposed to act is that it's just a thing that's already happening. You're already in a sexual relationship and you just haven't been alone in a place to have sex yet. You should be testing compliance every step of the way until she pumps the brakes. Until then, you just go forward.

She's already compliant. So wtf are you doing, dude? You're acting like she's out of your league.

holdthemic · 2020-02-12T12:44:40+00:00

Curious to know how u plan on letting her know you friend zoned her ?

ZercherSquat · 2020-02-12T13:32:33+00:00

have you fucked her?

kahootofficial · 2020-02-12T14:34:43+00:00

Not only is this such a manipulative way to start of a new relationship, but it probably won’t even work. I’ve had multiple guys who’s liked me get over it and started treating me as a friend, now idk if that was apart of a “plan” or not but now we are just.....friends..... like what else would you expect

ConcussedII · 2020-02-12T14:49:31+00:00

Manipulating her is not a good sign of a healthy relationship if your “friend zone tactic” even works.

skinisblackmetallic · 2020-02-12T14:57:14+00:00

Your update doesn’t surprise me. I think your instincts could be good on this one. If not, oh well. As far as execution/tactics just internalize your intentions and roll with it. Actually friend zone her yet leave an option to work logistics and escalate physically.

Praxis_Bass · 2020-02-12T15:04:47+00:00

It sounds like you're not attracted to her enough and that she would make a great friend! The friendzone can be a treasure trove of goodies, if you do it genuinely, without trying to pull some kind of reverse psychology crap.

twill4 · 2020-02-12T15:23:15+00:00

DO THE OPPOSITE! try to up your flirt game. don't even call someone youre interested in buddy or pal, that shits just weird and confusing.

It's best to just be straight forward. Let her know youre interested in being more than friends, if that isn't clear. If she doesn't reciprocate or you feel like shes using you as some type of emotional support to fill a void, then say that. Playing games only leads to shitty outcomes, usually someone gets hurt or it makes for a weird foundation for a relationship. not to mention if you try to play w her she might be way better at it.

quickjump · 2020-02-12T15:26:34+00:00

I don't find myself in these situations mainly because I don't like to talk to girls for hours... Platonically at that. But if I did, I would approach another girl while hanging out with her. Whenever I run into female friends at the club, I get a lot of girls looking my way just hanging out with them. That preselection is a powerful tool. If you have the courage, say you'll be right back and approach another girl in plain view but out of ear shot, one that saw you with your friend and try to get her number. This is kind of a dope move cause it's ballsy and you may get your friend feeling jealous, even if just a tiny bit. Also, it's easier to get a convo going with a strange chick if she's seen other girls looking happy around you.

And you also kind of reframe the friend zone like you're friendzoning her and hopefully you can trigger a bit of that jealousy.

And if you do get rejected when approaching another girl, when you rejoin your friend you can just say "I asked if she had gum and she said no." Play that shit off and wait for another opportunity.

EveryIceStorm · 2020-02-12T15:48:39+00:00

Just a point to make that may or may not be relevant. I don’t chase a fuck boy. Even if I think they’re cute. Even if I like them as a person. Because I know that I’m just a number to them and I value myself more than that.

Dadoxiii · 2020-02-12T15:49:00+00:00

Also make sure to let her know in a subtle way that you are hanging out with other girls. So she knows like she's not your only option and you are a commodity that's desirable by others.

Say what you want about this tactic but it works.

modidlee · 2020-02-12T16:03:52+00:00

And I'd say if she's asking you to go to church she's kind of looking at you as potential husband material. That might also be part of her not wanting to come across as a sex fiend.

msp827 · 2020-02-12T16:05:39+00:00

Dude, if you have to play mind games in order to get this girl to fuck you or like you, you need to find someone else. I can understand the attachment and wanting THAT person, but ultimately there are so many other people in the world that you can be direct with about what you want without having to play the childish little mind games. Best of luck.

smoothmax · 2020-02-12T16:29:00+00:00

"Ive gotten the impression that she thinks she’s way out of my league."

Study frame (in the psychological sense as taught by PUAs).

Win the frame battle and you're in.

Chimera_Tail_Fox · 2020-02-12T16:54:49+00:00

Make her work for it too.

teocreations · 2020-02-12T16:57:03+00:00

Tell her how you feel. Why wait? If she’d date you after you friendzone her than she’d probably date you now? Why waste that time playing games when you could be spending it with her in a relationship?

SirBlankFace · 2020-02-12T16:58:02+00:00

Start declining requests from her to hang out, start fucking other women, have her know about it. If you play things right, you'll at least end up FwB.

shamrocksynesthesia · 2020-02-12T17:21:28+00:00

Commenting as I want updates

lil_ikaros · 2020-02-12T17:26:52+00:00

You should not feel attached to the outcome. If you do something to win her, likely you will fail.
To achieve 1, date other women at the same time so you won’t be invested in your current target. This displays high preselection which attracts women. Go out and approach more. If you don’t have choices, you will be invested and needy and women can feel that.
Focus on the quality of your life. Everyone loves to be around someone with a good life.

halogirl821 · 2020-02-12T17:39:07+00:00

The woman invited you to go to church with her, I think that’s a big enough step to let you know she’s really into you, don’t fuck this up unnecessarily, also I’m sure she saw something good in you that she wants to be with you sad that you want to play games with such a lovely woman :| what’s up with most guys here getting all unnecessarily insecure? Sure some women play games but you guys here are also talking about playing games only! So either you get your head straight and go to church with her or just break up but don’t play games and if you feel She’s playing then break up, don’t play back.

calum-alex · 2020-02-12T18:02:34+00:00

She invited you to church? Not many girls do that, she sounds like a potential keeper. You should def minimize being over zealous with your.. strategies, sure if shes a little arrogant try showing your world doesn't revolve around hers, as simple as that. Dont ever show disinterest, she will take it to the heart. Please don't overcomplicate it. Ex: If she keeps canceling on you, don't just be posted up waiting for her to be available, do your thing, get things done, if she hits you up that she has time to hang out and you genuinely can't because you're busy then thats exactly what you tell her. But do schedule an appointment on the spot. Make her meet you halfway ;)

TaichoOoz · 2020-02-12T18:13:06+00:00

Text her less (but still be warm and genuine when you do text her) don’t be afraid to flop on plans, and throw in subtle words like homie and sista. Let us know how it goes!

2020-02-12T19:04:49+00:00

This is not a good move unless you set this frame from the start. If you friend zone a girl in the beginning it’s great. Also don’t think a woman is “out of your league.” That’s beta male type thinking, and buying into societies framework. Don’t do it, cuz she will think you are playing games.

You can get her to chase you by being less available with your time, asking her to invest by spending money / time / travelling out of her way to see you. That’s the way to do it, not randomly and incongruently friend zone her and potentially have her assume you aren’t interested.

PPinMyMilk · 2020-02-12T19:48:05+00:00

7/10 with rice

quinnmcd · 2020-02-12T22:27:37+00:00

This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:

A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it belongs in AskSeddit.

No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.

For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person are fine as field should be directed to Ask Seddit (/r/askseddit), not to be confused with Ask Reddit.

DoesntHasnt · 2020-02-12T13:40:51+00:00

It sounds like you have toxic insecurity mixed with an inferiority complex. She thinks she’s out of your league? Or maybe that’s just your insecurities talking. You should friend zone her simply so that she doesn’t have to put up with your toxic traits.

Starhoundfive · 2020-02-12T13:43:08+00:00

Maybe do that if you’re a weird little fuck boy ass bitch, if not then just be real with her.

thelonedorito · 2020-02-12T17:27:40+00:00

As a woman, and a gay woman, all imma say is all of this is just more drama for OP when he can actually just spend his time finding a bitch who actually wants to fuck him.

Not all women will want to fuck you just because you treat them normally. The anount of toxic advice in these comments is nauseating.

A woman decides before anything else, if she wants to fuck you or not. If she did, she would’ve found a way to play it up for you. If she doesn’t wanna fuck, just move the fuck on.

zubwaabwaa · 2020-02-12T14:57:16+00:00

Just be cool - no need to over project. If you start saying bud and pal you’ll be showing her you’re trying to friend zone her. Just be friends, hang out, do things, and just have fun. Don’t go in with expectations and just get to know her. PS see other women at the same time - DO NOT have her be the only woman in your life or you’ll obsess.

chikro · 2020-02-12T15:22:23+00:00

Don't take advice from this sub anymore. Its washed up. It's almost half a mil so people just throw in half-assed opinions

trinaembers · 2020-02-12T19:34:37+00:00

Idk how you're going to "friend zone" her if she's already friend zoned you? If you wanna fuck, say so. If she doesn't, find a new friend. Being friends with a girl hoping she'll suck it one day isn't a good look.

ManDown2000 · 2020-02-12T09:02:28+00:00

Do it brother fuck em

Parmaviolets · 2020-02-12T12:22:27+00:00

Could aways ask her if she's interested in you in a sexual/relationship kind of way.

Like an adult would.

GrooveRedman · 2020-02-12T13:34:55+00:00

Why not, arrogant women play these fucking games with us why shouldn’t we?

Title	Strategic friend zoning
Author	ChicagoCityCowboy
Upvotes	217
Comments	116
Date	February 12, 2020 7:13 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/f2nexm/strategic_friend_zoning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/strategic-friend-zoning.1490441 https://theredarchive.com/post/1490441

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