The downside with being attractive

mitsigan · 2017-04-29T18:27:12+00:00

Wanna hear the downside of being ugly?

People don't bother to remember you.

alexman91 · 2017-04-29T17:08:07+00:00

stop being embarassed and caring. the issue here is your ego. so what if they remember you at the club, just go to another girl let them think whatever.

Flaghammer · 2017-04-29T16:00:44+00:00

First world problems at their finest.

I_Do_Not_Have_Any · 2017-04-29T17:10:57+00:00

It is true to some extension, but when you do something stupid, people think It is cute. It works better for women, but I have no doubt It worked well many times in my case.

MonkeyFist4150 · 2017-04-29T17:13:53+00:00

I'm attractive, and yes it happens to me too, a girl says hi and acts like I've known her forever and I've only met her once at some social thing tears ago. Its not a problem though, because I SHOULD be remembering people more, so it always means I have to step up my game. The trick is always to dispel the awkwardness if possible, just be relaxed and if you honestly don't remember her just ask her. Its better than pretending, hemming and hawing. I always find it a very pleasant experience when somebody remembers me anyway.

Zoidberg22 · 2017-04-29T18:46:36+00:00

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tommysamson · 2017-04-29T18:51:43+00:00

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ImStatus · 2017-04-29T17:55:20+00:00

Bro. Bro. Come on man.

Being invisible in a nightclub is the absolute opposite of what you want.

YOU WANT TO BE SEEN APPROACHING AND HITTING ON GIRLS.

If you see a dude walk up to a group of girls and talk to them for a while, there's laughter and smiles, and then he walks away and talks to a group of guys and girls and befriends them...what do you think about that dude?

It's never "oh he just struck out blah blah". It's always something like that dude has a lot of friends or that dude is really outgoing.

Why do you even give a fuck. This is the hardest thing for people trying to get better at this to understand. If a girl tells me I give off a player vibe or something, I just agree and take it to an extreme. "You're right, so can we cut to the chase and get out of here, so I have time to make it back and hit on another cute girl before last call?" with a shit eating grin on my face.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

All that really matters is that you make her like the way she feels when you're around. Make her laugh, feel sexy, and amazing. She'll crave more of that. Be a positive in people's lives, even the girls you have one night stands with. Always be adding and taking value anywhere you can.

I've had sisters before, because one sister told the other sister how I was just a player but it was an amazing night, etc etc etc, so the sister actually approached me and wanted to see what I was like.

Don't let anyone give you shit for being successful with women. Women LOVE to talk about how they are successful with men, and how many men want them. Why should you be ashamed of doing something WAAAAY harder? All most girls have to do really is show up. You're doing something really difficult, and you'll get better at it.

KingKoil · 2017-04-29T19:34:36+00:00

Also, if you are not particularly sociable (and especially if you are aloof or introverted), people think you are arrogant.

This is the same way for men and women.

Janemba_Corvalis · 2017-04-29T17:19:23+00:00

To me this is like saying 'the downside to being rich' or 'the down side to being a genius'

Yeah life isn't a gold paved road for you to ride down. If you're going to have a stupid mindset like that then go ahead. You've got it so much easier and you still complain.

Turlast · 2017-04-29T17:54:16+00:00

This topic is ridiculous.

Being attractive is easy mode compared to being unattractive. This just sounds like a bunch of excuses on having weak game.

Vistian · 2017-04-29T18:40:28+00:00

I'm going to call this an opportunity and not a disadvantage.

eric22vhs · 2017-04-29T21:59:56+00:00

I agree completely. You're more noticeable when you walk in the room. You'll be the one who gets sized up, talked about, just generally paid more attention. Whatever you do or say is just gets noticed. This is a double edged sword. Some girl can be eying you up for a half hour hoping you'll talk to her, so when you do, she doesn't just blow you off; but you can also be noticed striking out, or if you're doing something foolish, you'll be judged harshly and remembered.

barnun · 2017-04-29T17:45:30+00:00

This is helping me give myself some needed advice too. Reading your post made me remember this girl I was with a couple of years ago.

It was one of those instant, intense attractions for me, and I was so totally and utterly nervous around her all the time. So many times I thought I was blowing it with her when my nervousness showed. I felt too nervous to straight up ask her out, so went the friend route and was convinced I'd be stuck there. In the end though, the attraction was mutual and we ended up hooking up and then dating for a while.

Bottom line is that we tend to think nervousness/awkwardness is an attraction killer for women, but that's not necessarily true. Sure, confidence or the appearance of confidence will up your success rate, but it's worth taking a shot anyway, because being nervous by itself, and even showing it doesn't take you out of contention.

And btw, another reason it's worth it is that you never know what you could be missing if you don't try. This girl was the best sex of my life, and we had a ton of fun together. I didn't even go about things "the right way," but I took as many emotional risks as I felt capable of, and that doesn't always work out, but it makes up for it when it does.

secretmonkeyassassin · 2017-04-29T18:45:32+00:00

That's an actually just another advantage

TheBetterManZA · 2017-04-29T19:44:27+00:00

Wtf man. At least if you are attractive, you can make a lot more mistakes and still get laid more regularly (this applies to both guys and girls).

Fuck, I mean, right now I am dealing with a small amount of bitterness because it fucking annoys me how much attention a reasonably attractive woman gets. I was working with a female friend of mine who I have a crush on, and she literally got told by a guy with a girlfriend today "you're so cute", followed by later "you're very pretty". I'm like "wtf dude, you got a girlfriend". First time his girlfriend wasn't around, the second time his girlfriend was nearby but didn't seemed to notice, or pretended not to. Dudes would be real subtle and try to just talk to her, or hang around her.

I'm like wtf. I work out regularly, put effort into my dress, have stepped up my style, and would consider myself at worst a 6 (unfortunately I have a slight underbite so I can't smile properly), probably at least a 6.5 compared to other dudes my age, and while I do get noticed by girls, it's still nowhere near the same level as my female 6.5/7 friend gets.

Side note: I made a move on her a while ago because she demonstrates attraction to me sometimes, but got politely rejected. I suspect she did this because I am the leader of her core group of friends, and she doesn't want to mess with her social circle/support network, which she has mentioned usually happens when her relationships end. In particular, her last boyfriend poisoned the well and she lost most of her friendship circle, and I am not a complete dick so I keep my shit in check and just do my own thing.

dang3r_muffin · 2017-04-29T22:23:06+00:00

uh, yeah this is all wrong.

jefffffffff · 2017-04-29T23:24:36+00:00

I'm 6'6". I get remembered a lot too. It's fucking dope. Bouncers remember me. Promoters remember me. It helps in every way. Wtf is so bad about being remembered even if it's for a bad set.

Ecurbnon · 2017-04-30T07:19:51+00:00

Real talk, I feel you bro. It's like she likes me but I just always fuck up. Every new school year there's new cute girls who try to flirt with me, so sad I fuck up every time. Looks don't matter, I've been told I have a beautiful skin complexion like 3 times this month by random women but I'm 18 and a virgin. Its to the point where when a girl tells me I'm cute I low key get annoyed. It's all about inner and outer game. Looks really don't matter all that much. Doesn't matter if your a male model, If your a socially awkward nice guy your dicks gonna stay dry.

Xanarxses · 2017-04-30T08:56:19+00:00

Sounds like a whole lotta bullshit to me.

You can't sell me the idea that being attractive has any even remotely significant downside.

saxoriko · 2017-04-30T15:33:47+00:00

she will remember your face for a good month after the approach.

Yeah I can relate to this. The other night I approached this girl using strong eye contact and walking directly to her, but when she noticed me she looked like she saw the most nasty thing in the world and told me to f*ck off. I was shocked and asked her: Hey, do we know eachother? She said I approached her 3 months(!) ago. But she took my neg the wrong way or apparently I said something offensive. I really couldn't remember anything about that because I do A LOT of approaches (and have a lot rejections too...).

DrSleeper · 2017-04-29T17:22:16+00:00

What you're saying isn't really that being attractive sucks. You're saying that having no game sucks. Looks don't really matter, at least nowhere close to how much game matters. So whether you're attractive or ugly it doesn't matter, stop whining and learn game.

dannyfeild · 2017-04-29T15:54:23+00:00

i know you are getting allot of downvotes, but everything you are saying is my exact issue.

Pluglord · 2017-04-29T15:41:37+00:00

So true

almondbutter1 · 2017-04-29T22:21:52+00:00

Halo effect though. You get the benefit of the doubt with your mistakes.

agcameo · 2017-04-29T18:19:24+00:00

This perspective is amazing. Thank you for sharing it. I hadn't heard it in this way

thethrowaway1369 · 2017-04-29T20:04:33+00:00

I am a 10/10 male

mistermorteau · 2017-04-29T20:54:31+00:00

It's like being rich.

Everyone will remember how you paid with your 500€ bills.

positiveinfluences · 2017-04-29T22:23:15+00:00

I'm good looking, and people always remember meeting me when I don't remember them,, I do some stupid shit sometimes but you just can't give a fuck yanno. Life is fun. Just have fun. You're not gonna impress everyone, you shouldn't even bother trying to

lovelybmarie · 2017-04-30T03:31:11+00:00

An attractive and shy man? Shoot, I'll be the cherry on top of that treat.

viperex · 2017-04-30T04:39:33+00:00

Beautiful people get forgiven for their social faux pas. Hell, some will even find it endearing. Not so much with us chuds

recyclablebanthas · 2017-04-30T07:20:23+00:00

I'll jump straight to why it's bad to be attractive, and that reason is PEOPLE REMEBER YOU, no matter how short the interaction......no matter how awkward and bad it was, she will remember you.

First off, no. They'll remember an interaction regardless of whether they personally found the guy subjectively attractive to them. It usually seems to matter more if the guy is particularly creepy or pushy in some special or noteworthy way. Girls will remember that more than what they guy looked like.

The real downside to being attractive, if we have to pick one, is this.

Maybe not for 3 years but she will remember your face for a good month after the approach, and even remember slight awkward details, your nervousness, the cringy line you used etc. You can't be invisible in the nightclub because every girl has already seen you, meaning they see you approaching girls. even though I am attractive it doesn't mean I am naturally socially intelligent.

Girls will be aware of when a guy is making the rounds at the club, especially if he has bad game. (If his "game" is on point, he might not even register to them as "approaching".)

I was actually quite socially isolated most of my life. I guess I can use re approaching to my advantage when I get better at "game" but at the moment being horrible at cold approach and "game" it's fucking difficult.

Well here's your problem, not this bullshit about your appearance. The problem is not that people will remember you or not. It's that you lack social skills and you're trying to build those up by just interacting with girls who make you feel uncomfortable. That's an insane difficulty curve you're choosing there.

What you need to do is stop worrying about "cold approaching" for now and find some meet-up groups to join. You have to build a foundation if you wish to have better luck approaching or interacting with strangers. Social partner dancing. Couchsurfing meets. Hash runs. Or get the Meet-up app and find a group that interests you more.

PeperoParty · 2017-05-01T20:24:16+00:00

Judging from the attention I get from generally everybody, id have to say I'm above average in terms of looks. I feel you. To add on to your list of problems, it seems as if the onus of meeting people lies solely in my hands. Guys and girls alike will throw signs at me trying to get me to notice them, but will never make the first move in terms of approach. Haha I haven't met many people this semester.

fap_fap_fap_ · 2017-04-29T17:18:45+00:00

this feels like reading /r/bigdickproblems/

if you are that attractive, isn't the problem just reverse? your a buyer instead of a seller. why would you "approach" (as coming up with a line) more than one girl?

Ryanmadeleine · 2017-04-29T23:04:26+00:00

What the fuck even is this. This is unproductive and does not contribute to seduction.

Title	The downside with being attractive
Author	tommysamson
Upvotes	19
Comments	84
Date	April 29, 2017 3:24 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/689vgc/the_downside_with_being_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-downside-with-being-attractive.1424024 https://theredarchive.com/post/1424024

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