Is there a cure for pornsickness?

brylm92 · 2022-01-12T03:13:30+00:00

Looking at celebrities who've given it up (Russell Brand, Terry Crews off the top of my head), I'd say yes. However these are men who are intelligent, care deeply and sincerely about self-improvement, rich enough for support, and HV enough in another areas to not give into peer pressure or societal expectations. And they did it by themselves, because their lives were falling apart, not because a woman asked them or supported them to. For your average man, who doesn't really want to give it up most of the time, and is surrounded by messages and bros telling him it's natural and normal and other assorted bullshit, that sex and porn are a need that he might drop dead without, I'd say no.

I would rather saw off my own right leg than deal with a porn addict or "support" him through his bullshit, lies, gaslighting, and general abusive behavior, ever again. I had a relationshit with an alcoholic cokehead who started shooting up meth, and even his awful behaviour hasn't left me as traumatised as that of porn addicts. Tbh while I'm glad the movement is gaining traction, I'm sick to death of hearing men whine about their addiction and how it's "compulsive" and they have to reset their "streak" every 2 days. I know addiction, I know compulsive disorders. You're not trying. You want to watch woman being sexually tortured and are justifying it to yourself by avoiding accountability.

Porn addiction affects women too but I don't believe they're viewing it to the same extent, or in the same way (virtual simulated sex). It's not totally tailored for women and their viewing pleasure, and we're just not wired to react to sex in the same way.

Imagine a guy has been watching 2 hours of porn every day. (It might not be every day, but it's more days than not, and no doubt many extra long sessions of "edging" have also taken place.) He started at 11, he's now 25. That's over 10,000 hours of depraved sexual and physical torture he's seen. 100% chance he's jerked off to a real trafficked victim, to a child, to a real rape. And his brain hasn't even fully developed yet. This is the reality we're living in. They might reach a nasty realization and decide its time to call it a day when they can't get it up anymore, or they've caught an incurable STD from a prostitute, or they end up in prison for possession of cp. Personally I don't care; it's too late, they made their bed, my empathy has dried up. Even if the pornsickness heals, you can't heal a lifetime of misogyny and consumption of woman hatred.

Catz10000 · 2022-01-12T00:52:31+00:00

Psychologist here.

You Queens aren't wrong with everything you've written so far.

However: there are no studies on the effects of porn because THERE AREN'T ENOUGH NON PORN USERS TO FORM A CONTROL GROUP.

Unfortunately, boys are exposed far too young. I have talked about how dopamine addiction drives the urge for constant new stimulus which leads to increasingly depraved searches which leads to depersonalization of women, etc.

Even my preteen boys were exposed because of curious peers. Or older boys will show younger kids. Hell, my own relative was into it as a 9 year old because of the sexual abuse she'd suffered. It's endemic. The internet has absolutely spread depravity everywhere.

I remember fellow Gen Xers having a hard time getting girly magazines or seeing "naughty" VHS videos. It seems quaint now. But my own millennial brothers were into tentacle porn by the time they were 15.

I have to hope. I say this as someone who has worked with pedophiles and rapists. The key is that there needs to be a desire for each man to change and a HUGE cultural/societal shift in empathy, feminism, and rape culture.

I personally talk with my sons. I was on the lookout for their exposure, though. I openly talk to them about all things sex related. (Trust me, it's hard and I really don't want to know some things...) My kids, all kids who know me, know they can come to me with questions and no judgment. I have been asked if boners are supposed to hurt. How do you know you're in love. I talk about physical differences between the genders and even transitioning. I talk about how masturbation is normal and not to use a death grip.

It all boils down to HV behavior. I tell my kids what HV behavior is and that translates into the rest of their lives. How to treat people. How to empathize. How to not dissociate.

Being online constantly is crack for all of us.

Edit to add: while porn is an addiction, one can recover from it. Porn use unless heavy (and this goes for ALL screen use), will not destroy any part of the brain. If someone is acting like an idiot, that's a choice. All screen use and social media is bad for you.

melympia · 2022-01-11T23:37:52+00:00

In men, though, I think the first and biggest obstacle would be that they’d have to want to change.

This includes, but is not limited to refusing to use porn from now on. Which most porn users probably aren't willing to do. Porn can be an addiction, after all...

Some might be convinced by the growing evidence of how much damage porn consumption can do.

Like smokers can be convinced by the growing evidence of how much damage smoking can do. Like alcoholics can be convinced by the growing evidence of how much damage drinking (alcohol) can do. Like... you get the idea. It's not very likely.

As studies continue to show the deleterious effects of porn on one’s physical and mental health, as well as the adverse effects on relationships and one’s ability to engage in healthy intimacy, an educational campaign may help stem the tide at least, if not reverse it.

Nah, the pornsick men will just blame the campaign on FDS. Or share their "but my best friend's second cousin doesn't suffer from any of those things despite watching porn" stories to propagate that the study must be wrong.

Sorry, I think I might be a little bit too snarky right now.

ello-motto · 2022-01-11T23:39:31+00:00

The biggest obstacle for men to get over, is the entire Madonna-Whore complex, where women are either seen as a pure virgin or a disgraceful sex-object needing to be defiled.

There was a popular Reddit post recently of a guy mocking his little 11 year old brother's porn history found on his Nintendo DS. In the search term, the 11 year old kid was searching for "whores".

I feel like this is one of the inherently fucked up things about boys and men who are pornsick.

They view women in sexual scenarios as "whores". The women in porn aren't human or deserve empathy. They only deserve complete degradation and be spoken to in a hateful way that reduces their existence to their skin color, their "holes" and their body parts.

I also do believe this type of thinking is what makes men lose their empathy for the women they see on screen or the women they rape, oh I mean, "purchase consent" from in brothels and strip club.

They don't see these women for their humanity, only for their sexual utility - and that sexual utility doesn't come out of love for her (which is what sex in its highest form should represent), it comes out of a lot of hateful, unevolved, entitled and fucked up energy.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-11T23:28:12+00:00

If they used porn while their brains were still growing and their pre-frontal cortex was maturing, I don't believe so. They can never fully become HVM because they won't put in the 100% abstinence and extra effort required to fix the brain damage and unhealthy, objectifying mindset that comes with viewing material where sex+violence gave them massive amounts of pleasure, while poisoning their brains.

And most boys do use it when they're at their most horny and curious, teen or pre-teen. So even if they stop at 20, that's 5-10 years of grey matter destruction.

I've met way too many grown men who have been using for so long now, 20-30 years, and they're just wrecked beyond repair. They have dementia-like symptoms in their 30's and 40's. They can't hold a conversation, remember basic things, plan ahead, remember what day it is, or get excited about anything except sitting at home waiting for me to come over and bounce on their dick. They tell the same stupid stories and repeat the same stupid jokes. They have no empathy and no compassion. They're dull and dead inside and callous to anyone's suffering. They can't even care about the impending destruction of the planet. They have no ambition, drive, curiosity or long term goals. Life is just wake, wank, work, wank, sleep.

Even if they quit today and went to a desert island and ate healthy food and did wholesome jigsaw puzzles for 5 years, as soon as they come back to the civilization that men have built around the objectification and commodification of women, something would spark that 4 lane superhighway neural path that woman=object for my sexual gratification and they'd be in a corner jerking their dick like a chimp within the hour.

edwardianemerald · 2022-01-11T23:41:35+00:00

I think we need to shame porn use, socially. A dude who watches porn? Gross - ostracize. A woman who tries to accept porn, cool girl wise? Gross, not ok. Why are we watching films that have porn in them? Music videos? We turn on the radio and hear porn lyrics. Nope, no more, *do not consume*.

Like other FDS users have said, asking a date "what porn do you watch?" is a great way to vet and spot all the red flags.

I think there's way too much sex in dating today. Why do people have to even have sex while dating? What is the point? Like you said, OP, most of the time it's lacklustre because there isn't a deep connection *on behalf of the man* OR he's a pornsick fool. I don't think there should even be an expectation of sex, and because there is, we should defy that expectation.

Actionwise, various states have introduced legislation to cite porn as a public health crisis (Utah comes to mind). That might be worth pursuing, if we continue to see porn completely obliterating men's ability function and women's ability to stand up for themselves.

For men, I think the only way they could be healed from pornsickness is that they want to change like OP said. I also think they have to live like monks for a bit after being exposed to so much porn.

lansburysoda · 2022-01-12T01:48:31+00:00

Too many men have grown up with no fathers or LVM fathers, and this is the inevitable consequence.

Men need to bring back healthy masculinity as a goal instead of this libertine model of irresponsibility and depravity.

It’s up to men to fix themselves. But doing hard things is hard, so most men will succumb to what’s easiest (porn addiction, alcohol dependency, not working out, eating shit food, treating women like shit, etc)

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-01-11T23:44:44+00:00

Porn sickness causes permanent damage of the frontal lobe. Much like drug abuse, the damage can never be repaired.

The frontal lobe is involved with decision making, will power and empathy. The more they use porn, the more grey matter they destroy, the more unlikely it is they will quit.

It is why even ex addicts are basically a no go.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2022-01-12T01:08:44+00:00

Some might be convinced by the growing evidence of how much damage porn consumption can do.

The evidence has been there for decades, but you can't make a pornsick man read it. They choose ignorance and denial.

I refuse to believe a pornsick man can't turn his life around, but as the fellas from no fap have shown us it's motivated by self preservation, not because they have any empathy for the women abused for pleasure.

For future generations, we need to prevent children seeing porn in the first place. The most recent podcast episode listed 6 changes the industry and other organizations need to make. Feminism, sex education and internet safety needs to be taught in schools, including that porn exists and why it is restricted. This can absolutely be taught in an age-appropriate way.

I also think it would be beneficial for schools need to host evening seminars for parent/guardians teaching them what exactly they need to be aware of, what controls they can put on devices, etc. I know how deep porn goes because I made it my business to know after what I'd been through with my ex, but most people in this "sex-posi = porn posi" culture don't, and they're the ones letting their 12 year old freely access gonzo porn.

anothernewyorklady · 2022-01-12T05:04:17+00:00

I’ve read a ton about porn addiction after dating a porn/sex addict and wanted to share some of that knowledge in case it might be helpful. This mainly pertains to guys who have such a significant problem that they have to seek professional help, but I hope it might be somewhat useful in vetting men who exist along a spectrum of porn sickness.

As I understand it, clinically-diagnosable porn addiction is nearly always an observable symptom of underlying mental illness/personality disorders. These guys almost ubiquitously report being victims of one or more forms of child abuse. Their adult symptoms exist along a continuum of severity that seems to be pretty closely correlated to the degree and type of abuse they suffered as children. They may have been subjected to overt physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and/or covert emotional incest and enmeshment with a parent, usually their mother. The severity and the age at which the abuse began are highly impactful factors - the younger they are and the more severe the nature of the abuse, the more likely it is that they will develop porn addiction into adulthood alongside a cluster B personality disorder, etc. if no intervention occurs. Boys often discover porn/masturbation and quickly implement these as coping strategies to dissociate out of their experiences of abuse. Porn/sex addiction escalates over time and requires increasing degrees of stimuli to achieve the same “high.” I’ve also read that it’s considered to be the single most difficult addiction to treat because it engages all of the brain’s reward systems.

So, on the extreme end of the continuum, the issue isn’t that severely porn sick men can’t necessarily quit porn (though most don’t). The bigger, more unmanageable battle tends to be the unprocessed childhood abuse and underlying mental illnesses and personality disorders which gave way to the porn addiction in the first place.

For our purposes as it relates to FDS, there is no cure for extreme porn sickness and it’s underlying causes, only management strategies. These kinds of men will NEVER be HVM in their lifetimes. My understanding of the current psychology and neurobiology literature is that no amount of therapy, 12-step work, and medication is likely to facilitate adequate development of necessary emotional maturity/relational skills to deem them healthy, worthwhile partners.

JadeBaby2211 · 2022-01-12T00:31:09+00:00

Imo, in order to have a fighting chance against porn addiction, men need to be willing to question and throw out their societal conditioning of what it means to be a man. We have all seen Men who were critical of mysoginy, but would still defend mysoginists because of this or that. They are never willing to fully throw out the trash beliefs, because they still hold out hope on the prizes that mascinity promised them. And by masculinity, I mean all of the anti-women ideology that defines masculinity as what is not feminine; i.e., men are aggressive and violent because women are soft and peaceful, men are not caretakers because women are.

Men would also need to do significant trauma therapy, analyzing every incidence of their male "friend" forcing them to do something humiliating, basically processing their many incidences of hazing by other men. They would also need to do trauma therapy around their parents and societys toxic beliefs.

They'd also need to cut out toxic friends from their life.

Basically, men would need to start committing to self improvement like a woman, and truly value themselves and be willing to turn their world upside down.

I've only witnessed men give a half assed effort towards therapy, so I don't have much hope for a man who reveals addictions to me. I have seen Men try and strong arm their way through addiction, where they just don't do the thing, then binge on the thing, wallow in self hatred and then try and not do the thing starting Monday, after a mini binge before they will work on abstinence.

Psychedelics offer a lot of promise for trauma, but again, I've only seen Men use plant medicine to see visuals and gain social points, rather than removing their socialization and be humble in front of their higher self.

We at FDS may all cringe at our past pickmeism and people pleasing, but men's people pleasing is next level, because they are completely brainwashed to believe that the anti-woman masculinity will actually get them things, or at least keep them coddled and mediocre.

I've been seeing an uptick in scrotes responding to my posts, which is validating because when I receive responses with such feeble logic, it just confirms I'm right❤

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Keepers12345 · 2022-01-12T03:52:40+00:00

No cure for any type of addiction

FOR MEN:*

12-step program, choosing to be accountable, accepting that one is powerless... a 12-step program can help. The 12-step program can also prevent men from cross-addictions, so they don't replace p*rn with a different distructive behavioral and/or substance addiction.

Getting p*rn users to want to stop without real life damaging consequences to their own actions, there is little motivation for men to change.

Most men won't be losing their jobs, their marriages, or their children because of porn use.

How many men whose wives divorced them over their porn addictions have any reason to want to stop?

...

Vetting for p*rn use can be connected to their opinions and experience with other activities, such as strip clubs, bachelor parties, whether their "friend's" or "friend's dads" ever had Playboy magazines laying around when they were growing up

*AGREE. Women are too vulnerable to be joining a coed 12-step program where most men there have built a lifetime's worth (even if they're young!) Of manipulation and rationalization.

Determinedblonde · 2022-01-12T12:43:49+00:00

The cure is to not watch it.

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NOTE: This sub does NOT support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film.

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huevos_and_whiskey · 2022-01-12T17:38:31+00:00

Wow, there are so many great comments on here! I’m taking my time reading them all, and hopefully I’ll have a chance to respond to some. For now I wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone who took the time to respond and share your insights!

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2022-01-12T20:36:59+00:00

Yes, but IMO it takes years “clean” before they are back to normal. They’ll never totally lose those thoughts, but after 5-10 years they’re pretty solidly “rebooted.”

Most men aren’t willing or able to go that long without porn at a time, though.

fdsalt1 · 2022-01-12T02:08:40+00:00

After a three year relationship with a porn and masturbation addict, I talked to a therapist once who treated a lot of porn addiction. Essentially, I learned that pornsickness is just an addiction to masturbation and overreliance on the self. It is Avoidant Attachment in extreme form because the porn addict is terrified to ever rely on another person for meeting their sexual needs. They see porn addiction as a strength and are proud of their self-reliance and independence through masturbation and porn. This really helped me understand that pornsickness is not something that can be cured over night. Honestly, the porn is kinda just a detail and the deep psychological issues, relationship issues and triggering that comes from intimate relationships would exist anyway, the porn just makes it that much grosser. Not sure if it can be "cured" but the first step is a desire to change and a commitment to therapy, which most porn dudes don't ever do. Best to steer clear.

Mignonettefrance · 2022-01-12T04:39:02+00:00

The good news is that even TRP has had to acknowledge that porn harms a man’s sexual performance, so lots of guys are giving it up or at least limiting it.

Since performance is so important to men that they’re willing to give up porn and wanking, let’s weaponize what motivates them!

Once again, from the 48 laws (because RP men use this book as their bible), and as unsavory as it is, for the benefit of all, let’s use whatever the hell works! Law 13:

When Asking For Help, Appeal To People’s Self-Interest, Never To Mercy Or Gratitude. “There is an art to asking for help, an art that depends on your ability to understand the person you are dealing with, and to not confuse your needs with theirs. Most people never succeed at this, because they are completely trapped in their own wants and desires. They start from the assumption that the people they are appealing to have a selfless interest in helping them. They talk as if their needs mattered to these people-who probably couldn't care less. Sometimes they refer to larger issues: a great cause, or grand emotions such as love and gratitude. They go for the big picture when simple, everyday realities would have much more appeal. What they do not realize is that even the most powerful person is locked inside needs of his own, and that if you make no appeal to his self-interest, he merely sees you as desperate, or at best, a waste of time. Self-interest is the lever that will move people. Once you make them see how you can in some way meet their needs or advance their cause, their resistance to your requests for help will magically fall away. At each step on the way to acquiring power, you must train yourself to think your way inside the other person's mind, to see their needs and interests, to get rid of the screen of your own feelings that obscure the truth. Master this art and there will be no limits to what you can accomplish.”

The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-01-11T23:26:54+00:00

As long as it’s legal and easily available for FREE online, the majority of men will watch it.

eternalalien8 · 2022-01-11T23:44:29+00:00

to overcome it, you need Empathy, and that's something that porn conditions out of the brain. so many different additional societal and cultural factors also contribute to the dehumanization of classes of people. when you've been conditioned to view people as objects, I don't believe there's a way back unless the afflicted person feels it's a problem and spends years working to resolve that- flexing "muscles" in the brain that were starved into nonexistence, reconditioning them in the opposite direction. conditioning starts very early and there are few visible role models that offer an alternate perspective, and those are usually not prevalent in media.

honestly I think all the coomers should just be outcast from anything resembling society, but that's not enforceable

people need to fear consequences of porn-use, and they don't, because using it doesn't effect their lives in any meaningful way. women, girls, children, would all have to be valued by society in ways they currently are not, and this devaluation is maintained by porn use. it's an ouroboros of misery.

evezinto · 2022-01-12T02:57:58+00:00

Is there a cure for bad morals and values? Ever seen a misogynist get cured?

The answer to your question is No.

xenon_rays · 2022-01-12T04:42:30+00:00

My experience with porn has essentially been grooming. I spent 2nd-6th grade in private catholic school which taught sex is only for procreation, and I thought only men could have orgasms.

Fast forward to age 14, when a girl I was friends with who sexually harassed me often, accused me of masturbating- which I didn’t know was possible. She also showed me hardcore BDSM porn, and did things like expose my breasts in front of others, blindfolded and tied me up with rope and duct tape at school, spanked me on video chat with boys watching etc. I had other friends showing me porn- and I remember the first time I didn’t want to look because I felt I was invading their privacy- “but they agreed to be on camera so it’s ok!” That year, someone else posted nude photos of me on Facebook.

The next year I was curious, so I read articles on sex blogs on how to masturbate- which said porn and fantasies were ok, and I watched videos of women masturbating to figure out how to (I’m bisexual btw). I generally stuck to solo self shot material, and would look for stuff made by women directors- the so called “feminist porn”, but also try watching male/female couples which were usually a huge turn off because of the aggression.

I think that’s the big difference- if a person is aroused by aggression and invested in their place in the hierarchy, I don’t think they would want to change enough to have the will to overcome their habit. I think men are aware of their dominant position in society, and aggressive porn is like a caricature of their position. It’s arousing for them because it’s an amplified version of what’s already going on.

When I was 17, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend, who said he “watched a bunch of porn” to know what to do. It was painful and I didn’t have an orgasm the entire year we were together.

There were many things that led me to stop watching porn. Personal/Emotional reasons: 1) The shame, I felt very gross watching it, like a weird nerd, and lonely. 2) The fast pace was unsatisfying, I’d rather build up slower. 3) When I was 20 I realized I was using porn to avoid the intrusive thoughts I had from sexual assaults, as a way of focusing. I thought it was unhealthy for me to distract myself like that- and honestly, porn is a distraction from sensation. People notice less and less about their bodies and feelings using it.

The culture: While looking for basic stuff, I’d see the top posts which were disgusting- ie incest, rape, creepy fetishes. I would avoid looking at it, but at this point I’m ashamed that I would stay on the website at all. Like if I have to sift through garbage to get something “acceptable” it’s not worth it. I stopped watching for the above reasons, and the next just solidified my new beliefs about it.

The news: I don’t remember when, but I heard that PornHub recently had to delete a ton of videos because the people were minors or forced into it, which is absolutely sickening. Then, a blogger I follow posted some info on the anti-porn movement which led me into a rabbit hole of anti-porn, which I thanked her for. I hadn’t heard anyone say anything bad about porn as a teen. I’ve have male partners show me their porn and have me watch it with them. It seemed so normal.

After that I learned more about sex trafficking, and how OnlyFans models average $180/month- some boy told me in high school that porn actresses get paid $5,000 per shoot. I feel so silly believing that.

The science: Around that time I learned about how it messes up the dopamine receptors in people’s brains. Since I was 23 learning this, I figured I should heal my brain before it finished developing at 25.

Literally everything about it is terrible.

The awful finale is- after learning all that, I had casual sex on the first meeting of some awful guy. He coerced and then assaulted me- what he did hurt me and I told him to stop, then he kept going. Hitting me too hard, surprise choking, I think he even video taped me at some point. Just got weirder and weirder as the night went on. He asked me to tell him I loved him. He had a breeder fetish. When I got home I realized I was bleeding because he was so rough. Also he lost his erection multiple times. I texted him the next day saying I was hurt, and that I didn’t like his porno treatment- to which he said “I really don’t care.”

It’s obvious he was fully porn sick. Being with him made me seriously reflect on porn use, and I want to be as far away from that life as possible. I found FDS a month or so after, and reading through the handbook I know I broke a ton of rules.

To answer this question- I think I’m “cured”, though I was more of a pick me recipient and sex object; I think the man I just mentioned is beyond hope. 23 with PID. Smh.

Key takeaways: Don’t bother with men over 25, their brains are fully cooked. I think neuroplasticity has some potential to change things. I think women need more political and financial rights, and to reinvent sex education, and make porn illegal, or at least highly restricted. I’m honestly hoping we reinstate matriarchy, prevent the kids from watching porn ever, and for the men who use porn- severely shame them, and penalize when they act badly because of it. I think if the whole culture shifts, they’ll die out. The cure is to pull up this weed by the root.

thefutureisXX · 2022-01-12T14:43:39+00:00

I think it’s super easy for women. I watched for years. Started as a kid. When I got older and found out about how bad that industry is for women I quit cold turkey. Never looked back! I find it repulsive now. The inner pickme is what kept it going, but she’s dead now! :)

necessaryformality · 2022-01-12T17:50:12+00:00

One of my friends was dating a pornsick man (who seemed highly dependent on his mother btw) who was only able to have sex with her one time in 8 months.

After 8 months of promises to get therapy and stop watching porn and work on himself absolutely nothing changed. Even the promise of the love of this great girl with a high sex drive did nothing to change his behavior.

I'm not sure it can be cured.

Title	Is there a cure for pornsickness?
Author	huevos_and_whiskey
Upvotes	144
Comments	53
Date	January 11, 2022 10:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s1q72s/is_there_a_cure_for_pornsickness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-there-a-cure-for-pornsickness.1095789 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095789

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