Discussion: The aspergers/high functioning autism red pill and blue pill dilemma

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-07-16T01:38:44+00:00

First, you realize that you don’t have “adult maturity” when you turn 18. It’s not like you’re a child at 17+364 and a fully actualized adult at 18.

Second, and I think you’ve almost got this one, you need to internalize the whole “rome wasn’t built in a day”. You can’t go from Johnny Autism to Chad Thundercock overnight. I know it’s what you want, but it takes 10,000 to become a pro at something. If you worked for 24h straight, that’s still nearly 417 days.

So if you’re gonna internalize something to an unhealthy degree, internalize “progress, not perfection”. There will always be someone better than you- someone taller, or with a more chiseled jaw, or who makes more money, or who’s cooler, or who’s dick is bigger, or whatever. Good enough is good enough. If you let perfect be the enemy of good enough, you’ll never be happy

Guilty_System1380 · 2023-07-16T07:54:03+00:00

I was textbook Aspie who rarely socialized outside of work and in high school was the weird “airplane kid”. After high school I worked retail and basically struggled through community for years being a recluse living with my dad who verbally abused me for being a failure every week. At 21 I had a mental breakdown after a girl I dated a couple times broke it off for a mutual co-worker, followed by another verbal tirade by my dad in a restaurant. In a moment of despair drove my truck to my favorite plane spotting site and fed a hose from my exhaust to the cab. Before I turned the key and went to sleep forever I realized if I went through with it I would never have the chance to be a pilot, to try and get into a relationship, and experience the life I truly wanted. I was a bit lost in thought because a hiker saw my hose and called the cops.

That was nearly five years ago. A outpatient session later and 4 years of grinding slowly through community, I’m close to getting my pilots license and getting ready to transfer to my dream college. I maintain a busy lifestyle and have gone from 182 to 168lbs and My relationship with my father has been slowly improving.

-I should’ve picked a quieter spot. In all seriousness I’m thankful the hiker spotted me even if I had changed my mind.

-Idle minds are the devil’s workshop. Stay active, not just video games. Something that requires you to work with your hands and be active. I have a lot of hobbies like Airsoft, Archery, Swimming, Biking, and Running. What they all have in common is they’re active and require you to move. the first two are also large communities so this is where you meet like minded people as well. The side effect is you tend to be a lot more fit as well.

-Practice getting out of your comfort zone, the shy introverted conflict adverse me died that day. If you want something, chances are you need to leave your comfort zone and thats okay. Your CZ will always be there but personal growth comes from going out and doing it over and over until it becomes second nature then moving on.

-join more social circles. This ties into my earlier point but its very helpful. The easiest way is through community colleges. I learned the quickest way to make friends is by suffering together through awful classes

jade_ford · 2023-07-16T01:06:38+00:00

It’s an interesting one. Honestly I think it’d be really helpful if ppl w ASD/ Asperger’s/ autism made more wholesome online communities. Communities aimed at making friends with people who thought similarly, so we can connect with each other easily. Personally I never had close friends before university (tho was luckily so socially oblivious I was unaware of bullying until looking in hindsight 😅) but at uni I suddenly easily found a group of mostly autistic and adhd. I was lucky here as my specific university and subject had much higher rates of neurodivergence than average but it really solidified the idea to me that we can connect easier with each others than with neurotypical, just cause we’re more likely to ‘get’ the thought patterns.

The black and white thinking may be a hinderance here tho. We often have very strong senses of justice and if 2 ppl end up on opposite sides of that it can be tricky. Eg: an autistic woman in a liberal feminist environment may struggle to adapt to the worldview of an autistic man from a hyper-masculine optimisation background and vice versa. But I’m also bisexual w a feminine preference so I don’t always ‘get’ the gender presentation stuff that’s big in red pill communities as my attraction works a lil differently.

Even w that tho, men and women autistics are more similar than different and I believe closer bonds would be beneficial, even if we tend to stereotypically gravitate to different ideologies. Ppl put lot less pressure on improving ourselves in an unending cycle when our social quotas are adequately met. And sometimes finding social interaction is finding the right people rather than trying to change who you fundamentally are for ppl directly next to you.

Annual_Anxiety_4457 · 2023-07-16T10:53:38+00:00

When it comes to autism and the pills ideologies I think the autistic way of thinking categorically and in black/white terms lands people in the extremes. Most socially apt people knows intuitively when to be assertive and when to be more accommodating.

If you go full blue pill you end up a doormat.

If you go full red pill you become a douchbag.

If you go full blackpill you become depressed and suicidal.

The best way is to work with a counselor or therapist to be as balanced as possible and meeting sexual, physical and emotional needs as much as possible on your own. Then if someone comes into your life that’s a plus. The statistics especially for the more severe cases of autism are so bleak that instilling hope through some “just lift bro” type magical thinking won’t work. Acceptance of reality is key.

Philip8000 · 2023-07-16T03:00:04+00:00

Good question and still trying to figure it out myself. I was born too early for all the autism/Aspergers awareness and it's still generally treated as a kid's disorder. That and a difficult family situation meant I never built a social circle, being rejected/shunned, which had a huge impact on my mental state. I've more or less got it together, but haven't been able to form connections beyond a "Hi, how are you?" level.

Mostly, what I do is guesswork through past experience. Even in my 30s, I can't read non-verbal cues very well, and the ones around dating are those even neurotypicals often miss. Autism has a far bigger correlation with lacking romantic success than short men, obese men, etc. both of whom I've seen succeed, even if I'm not believed when I say it. If you don't get your footing when you're young, it's a lot harder to do when you're older. Saw from your previous posts you're 20 years old, so you've still got a decent window to do this.

It's going to take a lot of work and dedication. Autism is a handicap and it's going to make this work even harder than it would be otherwise, but don't waste the opportunity you still have.

_demidevil_ · 2023-07-16T09:08:17+00:00

I’m autistic. I’m not going to use the phrases “High functioning” or “Asperger’s” because they’re offensive, but I am sure people would use those terms to describe me.

A lot of what you said is very true. It’s so sad.
The solution is to fix the neurotypicals, not the autistics. They need to make adjustments to make space for us and stop bullying us. We need lots of spaces without them. So autistic only schools for example so people can complete their education without being bullied by neurotypicals. Places that are more welcoming on a sensory level where we can be ourselves, socialise with each other without the judgment and stupid rules neurotypicals have.

This might se impossible but it’s not. I personally run a social group for autistics. So for example yesterday we all went to a bar, around 10 autistic people. We all get on well, don’t have the worry of not understanding NT social cues, or having to force eye contact. Talked about our geeky interests. You do have to be proactive though and create the spaces yourself.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2023-07-16T01:55:39+00:00

I'm an autistic guy, so I think I can speak to this in a way that a lot of folks can't. I've also been pretty successful with women, though I certainly wasn't always like that.

Like i siad, if i try to be happy, i gaslight myself into thinking i shouldnt be becauase i havent achieved those self improvement goals. If i try to self improve, i end up with depression and anxiety due to high expectations and perfectionism.

Let's imagine you're playing a video game for the first time. You're not very good at it yet, your stats are all base level, and you keep getting killed by other players. You can either throw your controller down in frustration and unplug your PlayStation, or you can keep playing and enjoy the process of improving, getting better gear/stats, and eventually becoming the skilled player that newbies are frustrated by.

How do you self improve properly with aspergers WHILST still being able to enjoy all the hobbies and things you used to enjoy in life

You absolutely can. I'm unabashedly a nerd, and it's not something I hide from the girls I date. You don't think any girls like video games and movies?

That being said, you've got to proverbially "level up" like I described before. That starts with becoming as physically attractive as you can- get fit, take care of your grooming, and put together a flattering wardrobe. This will get your foot in some doors. Once you've done that, practice as much as you can. I actually made my autism work for me in this case: After every date I went on (both the good and the bad), I would keep a notebook to keep track of what I thought had gone well, what didn't go well, things I needed to improve on, etc.

Much like a low level character in a video game, you're going to "die" (be rejected) more often than not. But the more you practice, the easier it gets, and soon you too can be an elite player- it's going to take more effort from you than it will from most people, but that's just life. Enjoy the game in the meantime.

doublecunningulus · 2023-07-16T03:43:08+00:00

Aren't autistic people naturally red pill?

From what i heard it's a hyper masculinized brain. Tendency to speak their mind without regard for social consensus, etc.

harmonica2 · 2023-07-16T19:19:48+00:00

I am autistic and I use to struggle with dating. I read the books The Mystery Method and Double Your Dating and those helped a lot. I would say read those as well, OP.

DerayRevan · 2023-07-16T01:11:55+00:00

This is way beyond victim mentality

I've an autistic cousin turning 18 soon

Watches a lot of RP content from Andrew tate and F&F and so on

He knows very well communication can be problem but l am telling you this guy doesn't care, we were once out at the grocery store and two hot girls walked in

And he straight up went introduced himself and later got their number, and he didn't even think about it like his neurotypical friend with us

Later l found out he been starting approaching girls in school, so experience worked for him

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-07-16T01:07:56+00:00

What are people with aspergers supposed to do?

Pray, and also look for unconventional/non-"normie" women. Normie women are a waste of time and energy for men with ass-burgers.

hannahg000 · 2023-07-16T01:12:07+00:00

i think the only thing that will make a significant difference is greater awareness and support for people with autism. a lot of issues people with autism face is due to ableism. people, businesses, schools, etc only operate to accommodate the average neurotypical person. if everyone made strides to be more accepting of people who act different and have different interests people with high functioning autism wouldn’t be so isolated. of course, people with higher support needs will always struggle but they should also get adequate care from the healthcare and education system (which they don’t).

this is an idealist view but i’m a future therapist and i would like a world where everyone with different neurotypes could interact and have common ground and get similar treatment.

but for now, find community with other autistic people and maybe research organizations that specialize in supporting autistic people.

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Barneysparky · 2023-07-16T01:05:25+00:00

Except reality. You are never going to date Stacey no matter if Stacey is rated a 5 on truerateme. A Stacey is any outgoing well put together young woman with a mixed friend group who has an active social life. You won't date this woman because you can't fit into her world, regardless of her weight, hair color, or N count, she won't date you.

Everyone's reality on the spectrum will differ. There are adult men with Asperger's who go out dancing every weekend because they like dancing, and those that are unwilling or able to leave home or otherwise engage with others outside of a screen.

There are tons of non-neurotypical women out there, but like you they have baggage, and they don't look like the women in porn. Those women are often pretty dam skeptical of men and getting more skeptical every time a Tate guy goes viral and they get to know that their classmates have been watching and absorbing that crap.

Women on the spectrum are ofte unlikely to have sex quickly, but they also often have the experience of being younger and wanting to fit in, so doing things they didn't want to do. It's not a good memory, and you saying she's been alpha widowed or she has to treat you "the same" will make her dislike you.

Leyoniflowers · 2023-07-16T01:37:13+00:00

if it works then more power to you

Twinseo09 · 2023-07-16T03:25:09+00:00

The black and white thinking that eliminates any source of nuance.

The fails attempt to systemize complex situation like relationships and social interaction.

Talking everything at face value.

The apparent lack of real world relationship experiences or overall interaction with people.

It makes sense why some turn to the RedPill. Their approach offers a simplified, step-by-step guide that promises results (do X, get Y). This appeals to a certain type of personality that prefers research over real-world experience when tackling issues. Such individuals tend to value evidence-backed research and may fall on the autism spectrum or be the resentful agreeable ’nice guy.’

Grand-Inspection2303 · 2023-07-16T03:34:08+00:00

Option C. is the cognitive-behavioral approach where instead of fighting against the short-term desires and pleasures you have in life you use them as a tools to support your self-improvement. Trying to motivate yourself by removing all pleasure and getting depressed is a terrible and dangerous strategy because depression literally causes low energy and a lack of motivation. But you're right that simply being undisciplined and doing whatever you feel like will lead to failure in reaching your long-term goals.

So instead try this: set short term self-improvement goals and reward yourself with movie or video game time when you reach those goals. For example, "If I go to the gym 5 days a week, and make small talk with 3 people, etc...I will reward myself with one day of watching video games and/or movies." This way you do not have to feel guilty for having fun because it is part of your self-improvement plan, but you're limiting the short-term fun and working on the long-term goals. The problem is that while "find work, get in shape, make enough friends and become socially calibrated enough to get invited to parties, etc. are working as motivators for you (they're motivating you to try and get depressed.) they're too distant to work all by themselves. You need intermediate motivators to get you through the many steps involved in these end-goals.

You want to set the goals so that they stretch you to improve but are also achievable, and you want to set the rewards they're frequent enough to not be motivated and not depressed while also giving you time for self-improvement. A friend or supportive parent may be able to help you with that part. There's a lot more resources on CBT that would be of benefit to you, and of course a therapist trained in CBT approaches may be helpful to you as well, but there's plenty of it you can find out about without therapy.

Mentathiel · 2023-07-16T15:47:03+00:00

Tbh I was too lazy to read the whole post, I'm genuinely sorry not malicious just no bandwidth rn for it. I just wanted to chime in that finding a therapist who is experienced with autistic people might be a great resource. I have an ASP male friend and I genuinely didn't notice he was autistic until he told me. He says he was really bad and obvious but had a therapist who didn't even tell him he was autistic, but helped him train social skills little by little and only told him about the diagnosis at the end. She helped with various exercises, looking at people's nose/forehead to avoid looking directly in the eyes, recognizing facial expressions and other cues, social norms, everything. I am in pretty nerdy circles so maybe some behaviors are normalized in my circles that wouldn't fly otherwise, but I genuinely would not have guessed if he hadn't told me.

Cjaylyle · 2023-07-16T16:28:52+00:00

Get really good at risky jokes, you will piss people off and some won’t land, but you get better and better and you can quickly become thought of as incredibly confident and funny and unpredictable - you also grow a tolerance for negative attention and minor conflict. It’s like hot dropping in a BR videogame, do it loads and you quickly get very good but die a lot to start with. (Just dont be a perv)

RedBullfrog · 2023-07-16T21:19:07+00:00

There are many ways and strategies to become a better person. Find the one that fits you and one that has a high chance of success for where you are in life.

I feel sad about autists trying to use RP to become better persons. It's pretty much certian to fail

Least_Ride1826 · 2023-07-16T22:01:52+00:00

I’m likely on the spectrum— what worked for me personally was reading a bunch of books (Robin Dreeke’s are pretty much all awesome and the most helpful for me personally) and dating overseas lol. I get sent for work to SEA fairly often, and am looking to move to the Philippines next year. I don’t have advise for dating in America in particular though, all I know is thats hard af haha

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-07-16T23:17:12+00:00

If i try to self improve, i end up with depression and anxiety due to high expectations and perfectionism.

Coming from someone that struggles with this, the best thing to work on first above all else is your internal battle. Once you develop a healthier relationship with yourself, you start having better relationships with other people.

Ok_Cycle225 · 2023-07-17T14:03:13+00:00

I was diagnosed with Aspergers in my teens and I have manage to deal with it... mostly. I work in an office surrounded by Normans but my romantic life is non-existent so yeah. Swings and roundabouts I guess

Title	Discussion: The aspergers/high functioning autism red pill and blue pill dilemma
Author	Business_Window_6232
Upvotes	21
Comments	73
Date	July 16, 2023 12:35 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/150rx4k/discussion_the_aspergershigh_functioning_autism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-the-aspergershigh-functioning-autism.1225411 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225411

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