We've all seen the headlines that millennials are having less sex. I thought it was hogwash. Now I give this idea more credit.

When I was younger (I'm pushing 30 now, so 21-22), I used to stay at a lot of youth hostels in places like California or even abroad, once or twice in Europe.

Hostels are, of course, communal lodgings with activity nights and fun things to do and meet people from around the world. I remember coming back from pub crawls and seeing every person in the dorm hallway (myself included) making out. Or waking up in my dorm with every other male flatmate with a girl in their beds (myself included).

This, to me, is just the way it "should" be, right?

This year, for old time's sake, I've done a couple of hostel trips and wanted to be very observant about the hookup-ratio and current sexual landscape. What follows are merely anecdotes, but to me it matters.

My most recent trip was this week to the east coast. Four nights in a well-known hostel meant 3 "crazy" nights of pub crawls and activities.

There was about 60 people total I ended up going out with. Somewhat more men than women, but still the potential for at least 22-23 pairings. Most were in the 21-30 age bracket. I did not see one guy or girl traveling with a significant other.

Paying close attention to social and group dynamics, "gossip" and where people dispersed at the end of the night, I concluded that among 60 single traveling millennials, there was ONE hookup. The super sweet, hot 20 year-old Colombian girl got together with the big, older (35ish) alpha guy with a beard.

There was no action among anyone else, at any point, that I saw. In fact, despite my own failed attempts to win her heart, I was thankful when Colombian girl did hook up with someone else because thank GOD someone FINALLY was getting busy.

Overall, I noticed:

  • Complete sexual disinterest among the women toward all the guys present, regardless of nationality or even how much alcohol flowed.
  • My superpower is detecting IOIs and flirting. The only time I saw a girl flirt, with anyone, was said Colombian girl and beard-guy.
  • General "low active" behavior among the men. I recall a guy from the hostel on the subway next to a pretty German girl, and he chose to play on his iPhone instead of engage her. WTF?
  • Some guys made earnest efforts, clearly coming from the PUA / TRP camp. One guy I was CERTAIN would hook up. A big dude from Texas with a lot of confidence and a smooth voice. I saw him get shut down repeatedly. He lamented how times have changed from his prior hostel experiences.
  • Of course I struck out also. I met one pretty Chinese girl who seems to want me to go to Beijing and marry her. However, she was too shy to let me kiss her.

Earlier this year, I took a trip to Mexico and had a very similar experience.

Overall, I wouldn't say women have become completely "icy", either. On a completely G-level, it's not hard to meet women. From this trip, I have a dozen new Instagram / FB contacts from very pretty girls, whom on regular occassions I could probably date (but they live in different countries or parts of the USA). However, the idea of hooking up on the spot is suddenly gone.

Some theories:

  • Tinder Culture: Women are just totally fed up with "hooking up" and have had nothing but negative experiences due to anonymous online dating. They're now shut down like broken steel grates unless it's more "serious".

  • The PUA "movement" created so many aggressive guys in high school that girls are now more on guard, worried to become another conquest.

  • Feminism: Men are evil, the patriarchy, sex is violence, blah, blah, blah.

  • Social media culture: Guys would rather masturbate on their phones than talk to real women.

  • Bad luck: Maybe my experiences are not indicative of the wider whole. However, I have a nagging suspicion this is not the case.