Own Your Shit Weekly - January 15, 2019

TurdDoctor · 2019-01-15T16:57:59+00:00

It’s been a few weeks since my last OYS and a lot has happened- I don’t have enough time to unpack everything but I’ll hit the main points.

A few weeks back I become increasingly overt in what I need in the relationship for it to continue. I have progressed through the dread levels over more than 1.5 years and I gave less fucks about saving it and more about what I need. I figured the possible paths are: more sex within the marriage vs. sex outside the marriage to fill in the gaps. I understood that either path would be okay. There were a few days of building tension and me withdrawing attention/affection and then it started to come to a head, not a main event as defined by Rian Stone- there were no snot bubbles. One day I was out, went to the gym, then went to pick up a burner phone and gift cards for op sec when I received the call and “we need to talk”. Two hours later I arrived home and was greeted with “you don’t love me anymore” followed by an emotional vomit with full on tears. My response was “of course I love you but I need sex in the relationship and don’t give me a reason to have an affair” then I went on broken record”. After some time I laid out my vision for the relationship including physical intimacy as a requirement for me. For me, it was just a conversation , no arguing, then a hug and I went about my day. We went to dinner and had a good time, later BJ in the car (yeah, that’s never happened before). Sex later and some BJ’s a few days later.

So things have improved since then but I think it’s also related to something else- my frame improved. Hard to put into words but my frame is more confident, fun, and caring less what anyone else thinks; less like training a dog with discipline, more creating laughter and being unpredictable. I’m consciously making myself pull out of negative emotion and follow my mission.

After serious consideration and debate I made a conscious decision that has brought some clarity and peace to myself. I pass no judgement on others- I don’t give a shit what you do, but for me, it became clear that I will not get a side piece/plate, for reasons are important to my mission. First, it would be bad for my business. Second, it would be a time and energy drain. Third, it’s jus t not me- I would rather divorce and move on without having to be secretive and operate with something to hide. Better for business and better use of time/effort in pursuing my mission. This is me and my frame. Others- do what you want, you have a different situation, I don’t care.

I’ll post more when I have time.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-01-15T09:17:47+00:00

OYS #9

Been at it 6 months now.

Stats: 36 yo, 6’0, 151lbs (+1.0lb), 12.0% BF, married 3, together 6, kids 2 & 12 (12yo mine from previous marriage)

Lifts : SL5x5: 180SQ (265 2-rep max) / 225DL / 70 OHP / 165 BR / 125BP

My Mission?

Become the best version of who I am. Be an engaged father, a strong male role model to my son & daughter, and lead my family to where we are going. Be the oak.

Why am I here?

I’ve accepted a new mission to undo the shit I’ve done with honest effort. My family has been held hostage by my wife’s emotions. I have allowed all of this to happen.

Reading: Moving beyond TRP/MRP knowledge

NMMNG x3, MMSLP x2, Pook, SGM, Rationale Male, TWOTSM, 48 Laws of Power – 30% done

I went through NMMNG again for a third time, but I found an older copy of mine that I read about 7 years ago with all my notes. The same things that I struggled with then are the same things that I struggle with now. I haven’t made the kind of progress I had hoped, but there is some progress.

Physical & Lifting: Excellent. New accidental PB.

What the actual fuck. I max squatted over 80lbs what I normally do. I went back to SL 5x5. I traveled overseas this last weekend and hit the gym. I accidently forgot to do the KG -> LBs conversion on the squat rack. I went through my normal warmup of adding weight up to my normal 180lb squat. During my warmup I thought – shit, this is heavier than I expected. At first I thought I was just weak from travel until I discovered that I was maxing out my squat at 120KG, or 265lbs. What the actual fuck?! I lifted it all. I basically found out my max on accident being an idiot – but I’ve surprised myself greatly. I am so fucking happy and I’m not hurting at all.

I was sharing the squat rack with another dude. As we were trading in and out he kept looking at me and thought I was crazy and now I know why. I also noticed a few of the bigger dudes in the gym looking my way and pointing. I had no idea wtf was going on. At the end of our sets he asked me if that was my PB.

I looked at him and said, “Nah. But I’m done on the rack it’s all yours.” He fucking went googly eyed. Then I realized that I had just maxed well over what I thought I was even capable of doing, ever.

Family: Work in progress, still.

I spent this last week making sure the house was well put together for my absence this coming week. Everything was taken care of and in it’s place. I left notes behind about important things that needed to be done this week by my FO, which she thanked me for more than once. I am finding as I lead my family more in a concrete way through actions that they all fall in line.

I called a family meeting this week, the first time I’ve done so in many years. My wife was surprised and apprehensive about me calling the meeting, but I ran it as I do in business. We had topics to discuss relating to the responsibility of my son. He has been slacking and not taking care of his end of the deal including chores and respect. We all talked in this meeting, and the weirdest thing happened. I watched my wife cry as she talked to my son about our failure to discipline him when he’s done wrong – saying that she had failed him in leading him to be responsible. I saw this as a reflection of both of us because it is true. This was the first time I’ve seen my wife have positive emotion towards my son in some time. It was good progress.

Relationship: Learning why I chose my wife again.

Pretty good week here. It was shark week this last week and we fucked once at the end and I got a mid-week BJ. Wife gave me one of the most enthusiastic BJ’s to completion that I’ve gotten in many many months during shark week. I managed to lead her during that to some dirty shit, which was fun. The variety part of DEVI was on point.

I haven’t cum inside my wife in two months. Mostly because she’s in between BC and needed a few cycles to clear up the old meds and get an IUD. But, at the end of shark week when we fucked and two days before I traveled overseas I decided that I wanted to. Towards the end of fucking I told her I was going to cum inside of her – she protested a little – I pushed through – and I saw her really get into it biting her lip and moaning (she’s always very quiet which I’m working on). After a month of leading her through great intimacy it was a nice conclusion before my trip and we both enjoyed it. I felt as though this was some kind of power struggle since she threw up LMR to the final act.

This last week I have observed my wife being very sweet and generally in a good mood. I can see the rope tightening as she’s figured out that all the changes that I have made are sticking for good. It only took about 6 months. She ordered and began using a planner, started a new hobby, started counting her calories, began listening to a few new audiobooks about self-improvement, and taking serious her health. She began planning meals each night and cooking, although I did take over cooking one night this week since I like it as well and it gives her some downtime. She hasn’t planned or cooked like this in a year. I can see now that my leading and changes have made a positive impact on my family and the rope is getting tighter and tighter. Things are improving, and she doesn’t want to get left behind. She still makes mention of her failings as a wife daily.

I have been playing the long game here knowing I was leaving this entire week overseas. As I said my goodbyes to the family I watched her cry – first time I’ve seen this in a while. I sat with her on the couch and provided her some comfort. I listened to her say things she hasn’t in a long time – “I’m going to miss you…. You’re going to be so far away…. I don’t like it when you leave... the kids don’t understand that you’re leaving for a week… I wish you didn’t have to go” Had I not began playing the long game about a month ago this would have been much different. It was nice to get that kind of validation but I didn’t want or expect it.

I left a bottle of my cologne on my nightstand and didn’t say anything about it. When I called her after arriving, she said she saw the cologne on my nightstand and said “Thank you for taking care of me”. She recently began to spray my pillow with it each day before a nap alone, and I could hear her tearing up as she thanked me. It was very nice, and helped me remember why I chose to marry her. She is a very sweet woman and she does love our little family despite what she says at times as she gets her feelz out.

Only one major shit test this week, which is down from 5-6 a week. I didn’t exactly pass this one, but I like the progress here. Comfort tests have been up to at least one everyday, which I like a lot better than shit tests. Given the approach that I’m taking now, I’m able to offer comfort with true OI and with no validation seeking behavior. That is why the comfort tests have increased.

Spiritual:

Listened to TWOTSM a third time though this week as i think it helps ground me. I would like suggestions on similar books that are in this vein.

I used to drink nightly, about 3-4 beers. I bought a six pack of beer about a month ago and drank the last one before I left. It took me a month to drink them. Haven’t said a damn word about it, just owning my shit here.

Persaeus · 2019-01-15T15:26:13+00:00

OYS – 1/15/19

Health 5’6” – 170 lbs – 14% BF – 50yo

Current 3RM are DL: 335, SQ: 345, BP: / OHP: not worth mentioning, but back in the game

Been cutting since late November, holding steady on lower body. New year, new insurance, strong start on medical issues. Saw orthopedic on left shoulder issues. Current diagnosis is bursitis/arthritis aggravated by BJJ issue two years ago (separated shoulder). Got cortisone injection week ago, and restarted OHP/BP this last weekend. Weak, but no pain. At this point, it’s just jumping through medical/insurance hoops. I’ll keep lifting, it will start hurting again, I’ll get the MRI, it’ll still hurt, and I’ll get the surgery to clean it up. Good news, recovery from this surgery is 6 weeks and not three months for tears, etc. Goal is to be recovered by mid-May in time for wakeboard season.

Switched from Axiron to injectable testosterone. Can “feel” the “T” a lot more with injection – clearer head and more strength. Plan is every 2 weeks and then bloods in 3 months. Based on red-sfpplus words, and doctor’s words, was expecting pain during injection. Meh, maybe I’m dead but didn’t hurt at all?

Been running a trap line with some buddies last two weeks. Was slow going at first, but we got 3 coyotes, 2 red foxes, and a bobcat in the last three days. Of course, coons and possums are plentiful and a nuisance. Great times . . . riding around in ATV’s in the snow, drinking beer, etc.

Thanks for the advice

Thank you to RuleZeroDAD, weakandsensitive, and framelessglasses for the advice on my VC investment. Ultimately, I decided to pull my original $200k capital out, and leave in all the $350k house money. The deciding factor was time. As pointed out by multiple commenters; at my age I don’t have time to “recover” any loss and would have to work a little longer (a fact I acknowledged in my OP). As I thought about it more, I have always used “time is the only thing that is not fungible” as a touchstone for life-decisions. My greed/ego was obscuring that time is still my most valuable asset. A week of skiing in Breck brought this into further relief. Without getting into the investment details, I remain confident that this $350k in will pay out $1-3MM between my age 55-65 which is exactly when I need it.

As an aside, wife was very happy with my decision. She was completely against the original investment (to the point of almost signing a post-nup . . . hahaha . . . almost had her). Now she’s praising my risk taking and prudence, and dreaming of fat stacks.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear

Went skiing after Christmas for a week with my son in Breckenridge CO. Had a great trip despite us both having on/off headaches and poor sleep first three days due to altitude. This usually happens to me, and less to him. Thinking about staying in Denver the first night next time to slow the acclimation. During the holiday week, we always take lessons/camp the entire week to bypass the epic lift lines. I’ve been skiing for decades and taking lessons regularly for quite a while, always struggling to get highly proficient at off piste/bumps. The body mechanics finally clicked this time, and moved up to level 9 (the highest class) mid-week. Major increase in my efficiency which translates to being able to ski full throttle all day long. Man-trip scheduled for later this month in southern CO; and then Whistler in late February with son.

Met a lot of interesting people as usual. On these trips, it’s not uncommon for me to game women in front of my son; albeit it nothing to overt like n-closing (although he did once witness a woman hand me her phone and me handing it back to her). He’s occasionally followed up with a “who was that” question to which I answer, “some woman I just met”. As far as I can tell, this does not bother him in any way.

How I met my wife

I’ve often questioned posters on the origin of their relationship. Many (most eloquently, White-Trash-Killer) have stated that if your wife purposefully settled for a beta, then that is what she bought and what you will forever be in HER eyes. Although I abhor the words forever, zero, and never; I largely share this sentiment. Given the fickle nature of a woman’s feels, I do not buy into the “forever” part. However, you will have to destroy that guy she married in both yours and her mind.

So, in full disclosure, how I met my wife in much more detail than originally posted years ago.

I partied too much and studied too little in high school to get into elite state university, so I started at a smaller state college, and then transferred into Chemical Engineering at UofX the summer before my junior year. I first laid eyes on her as I walked into Transport Phenomena the fall of my junior year. I was wearing jeans, leather motorcycle jacket, and carrying my helmet. She was sitting in the middle of the hall amongst her friends, and she tracked my movement across the front of the hall. At the time, I had a GF and a couple FWB side pieces. Nothing of note, at all, would happen until the following spring.

It was late spring, as it was warm enough that I was back on my bike (Yamaha FZX700S), when I went to a Physical Chemistry Quantum Mechanics TA session. These are study sessions with the professor’s graduate student where homework problems are typically reviewed. It often descended into this cat-mouse game where the TA tries to help the students with their assignment without giving them the answers. I don’t remember the exact nature of it, but there was one problem in the assignment for which the solution was so sweet and simple (less than ½ page of calcs) that almost no one had the answer. I had already solved this problem, and was ignoring the TA during its review. This did not go unnoticed by future Ms. P. As I was leaving the building, she stopped me and asked me if I already had the answer. Yes, I did. She asked me if I would share it with her. I said I would not, but she should come to the local coffee shop with me right now and I would show her how to solve it herself. Can’t really say anything about my game (unaware of the concept really; but never had any problem getting girls). We hung out and I showed her how to solve the problem. The segway is fuzzy 30 years later, but we immediately started hanging out a lot and working on our homework together at her apartment. I remember we would sit on the floor with our legs under a coffee table; and play “footsie” (LOL). About a week after we met, I’m buzzing down the boulevard on my bike and she waves/yells at me from across the road/divider. I cruise down a little, and after making a U-turn, basically light it up burning rubber down the road back to her. It’s silly but yeah that was 21yo me (LOL). I ask her if she wants to come see my apartment (I lived alone in a studio above a bar). She says yes, and hops on the back. She was wearing jeans and a pink knit sweater. I made my move within a few minutes of being in my apartment. We ended up on the couch making out. I took her sweater and bra off, she was (is still) so hot. I stood up and was kissing her kneeling on the couch. She unzipped my jeans and pulled my cock out. I remember she just sat there with my dick her hand staring (I was #2 according to her); before gobbling it down. We fucked a couple times that night, and she slept at my place.

She left early the next morning. I saw her later that afternoon, and asked her if she wanted to hang out again that night. She said no, she was busy, and was acting “weird”. I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Later that night she calls me; and starts telling me how she had never done anything like last night. It just happened. I was a “sex monster” (a term she still lovingly refers to me as). I “had arms like an octopus”, I seduced her, she wasn’t that kind of girl blah blah blah. I didn’t argue but basically just ran with nonstop A&A. At the end of the conversation, she asked me if I could come pick her up. We would be almost inseparable for a few weeks, then she started acting avoidant again one day. I asked her why she was behaving this way? She confessed she had a boyfriend, whom she had been dating for almost six years. I didn’t make a big deal about it, and a few days later she was calling me wanting to come over. Within a month, he apparently heard something was going on and confronted her. She dumped him. The rest is history.

As far as now; it’s all good. We get along spectacularly. I get all the sex I want, and am batting around 0.800 on initiation. The only issue I continue to work on is calibration of overall push/pull in the relationship. Having now removed so many omega-variables and my own obscuring ego; I can see how her being wonderful towards me sucks me in and I start pulling a little too much, essentially giving my time/attention to freely or eagerly. A woman thrives on the tension between push-pull, and wants to chase as much as be chased. I’ve only started noticing the finer points of this in the last few months; but it’s already proved very profitable.

ImNotSlash · 2019-01-15T13:22:11+00:00

OYS Week #13

Stats:

Age: 41y
Height; 73in
Weight: 206 lbs (-1)
BF: 13% caliper, 21% Tanita (about a month old)
Relationship: F, 52y (10y, married 5y)
Children: M, 15y

Current Dread Level:

1/2. I am redeveloping my action plan and making good progress in the gym.

Sidebar Reads:

NMMNG (2x)
MMSLP (2x)
MAP
Best of Rational Male

Additional Reading:

Quiet
Thinking in Bets
How to Win Friends and Influence People
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Think and Grow Rich

Mission:

Refocus my mission on me. Fix my shit. I used to be a cocky arrogant pleasing shit making 6 figures. Get that mother fucker back minus the negative beta traits.

Current Lifts:

Bench: 175lbs (Est 1RM)
Deadlift: 244lbs (Est 1RM)
OHP: 101lbs (Est 1RM)
Squats: 169lbs (Est 1RM)

GZCLP. Goal is <15%BF and around 190-200 lbs.

Have had some ankle swelling for quite some time and occasional foot pain. Finally saw doctor who said one of the ligaments between my fibula and ankle are gone; basically scar tissue. Thankfully he said long as there's no pain then no need for surgery but could become an issue later. But I do need to start wearing a brace as my ankle could technically fold over easily at any time.

I feel like I'm getting close to having to switch my BP's and OHP's. Both at 5x3 but failure seems imminent. So would drop weight and go to 6x2.

Financial:

☐ Start putting 10% of each check into my own savings account.

☐ Get a permanent job.

☐ Stock market. Continue to study charts, make plans, paper trade

☐ Raise credit score to minimum 700. Currently 583-592

Hobbies

☐ Practice guitar

☐ Toastmasters

☐ Brazilian Jiu-jitsu (pending permanent job)

☐ Dance lessons (pending permanent job)

☐ Photography

Social:

In looking for something to do with wife this past weekend, neighbor suggested a new dance bar that opened not far away. I wasn't inclined to spend money but the more I thought about it the more I felt it was needed.

Took the opportunity to invite several friends as we've talked a bit about hanging out but never following through. Ended up my wife and I and two other couples going and having a good time. Again, didn't more than I wanted - gotta watch that. But we all had fun.

Family:

Son

Things have been really good between he and I. He's been on good behavior since coming back from the Christmas break whee hee was with his mom. We've chatted plenty and had good conversations.

My failure over the last couple weeks with him is, though I planned to do shit with wife, I haven't with him. So told him this weekend we'll go fishing and I may even take him to some batting cages which he'd like more. Often we go hiking as a family but with his extra school activities and weather this hasn't been possible.

He helped out over the weekend cleaning house bedroom and bathroom. I had given him notice I wanted a very detailed cleaning; dusting everywhere, blinds, inside bookshelves, etc. He took direction very well and didn't throw fits when I'd point out areas he missed and asked him to redo.

Wife

Wife had been in a bitch mood since returning from a weekend road trip during the holidays. For a couple of weeks I practically ignored her as it seemed everything coming out of her mouth was snippy. Telling me to do shit her way, asking why I was doing this or that. So I basically had completely shut her out.

I was really getting close at this point to just saying fuck it and leaving. But it went against how I've told myself I would handle this entire transition I'm putting myself through. I've always understood this is a path. And it starts with me. At some point I'll have at least most of my shit together in which case I have to make a decision about our future together. But that time was not soon.

Then I realized I'm also wanting to make this decision now while I'm not being the man that I want to be. I was not really fun to be around during the holidays. I wasn't grumpy. I just wanted to do my personal shot and did it. I occasionally asked her and her son (adult, visiting from out of town) is yet wanted to do something but he answer was always no.

But I wasn't leading. And while I largely STFU during her tests, occasionally I'd still shoot back.

So, two weekends ago she kept saying she wanted us to get out of the house. I went grocery shopping with her, she walked dogs with me, that was that. But I knew this wasn't enough, I needed to lead.

So, as mentioned earlier, I planned an outing with friends. While we had fun, I couldn't get her on dance floor. I told her I was gong to dance, question is with her or someone else. She wasn't budging. So I backed off.

I tried to get her to ride the mechanical bull with me. Again, not budging. Fuck her, I'll go myself. And I went and did it. Twice. I met another lady over there and we were chatting. She was hesitant to ride but I kept encouraging her. I knew I probably could've taken her to the dance floor. I also knew my wife was watching. I decided not to push it, going Rambo and shit, just exercise a little dread. I laughed, the stranger laughed. Wife saw. That was that.

My wife and I fucked twice in the next 12 hours.

Now she wants dance lessons and she promises next time she'll ride the bull. Thankfully the bar offers free dance lessons once a week. Between that and YouTube we'll figure it out.

On laundry day she folded towels which she never does. Yet to fold her own clothes; I'll ask her to do that tonight.

Regarding initiations, I'm 2/4. One rejecting was really fucking soft and I have to way too easily. Both rejections were before going out. Need to initiate more often.

Myself

This last week was very productive for me and I feel like I have the momentum on my side.

Last Monday I decided to start taking more ownership of shit. I bathed my dogs then proceeded to dust and vacuum every fucking square inch of that house. I didn't ask for help (except the weekend with my son). I just wanted it done and I wanted everyone out of my way. Took several days but in my mind there's not a speck of dirt anywhere.

I'm making good progress with my side projects.

The financials are a bit of a mess ass I don't get paid for time off. But it will be recoverable in a couple of weeks as I had planned ahead relatively well.

I have not begun meditating as I stopped reading over the last week. I'll continue this weekend.

And I need to make my resume a priority. I keep saying this but have failed horribly in this area. I should have something in top shape and submitting at least once a week. I just haven't.

And I need to start establishing a life outside of the house without my wife.

I wanted to close regarding what I posted last week about possibly not loving myself. This is bullshit. I've allowed other people's opinions of me affect me, for sure. But I'm very proud of the type of person I am. I'm not afraid to fail. And my past mistakes don't eat at me. I know I'll get more opportunities. I just need to stay focused and not worry about what my wife and others think.

I know the type of person I am. What I need to be doing is keeping that front and center on my mind. Recognize my mistakes and failures and fix them. Don't dwell on them nor allow others to use them to manipulate. I stick to that and I'll be fine.

Maximus_Valerius · 2019-01-15T15:53:47+00:00

Diet/Health – My LDL cholesterol is very high, so I’ve been cleaning up my diet. I’m still on zerocarb, but eating leaner cuts of meat and more fish. I’m also taking red yeast rice extract, which is an OTC supplement with a mild statin, and fish oil. I will take another blood test in a few weeks.

Fitness/Body – I didn’t get much cardio in this week, but had several good lifting sessions that left me with the good kind of muscle soreness. My ribs are starting to show through, there’s more definition in my belly (no six pack yet), my back fat is disappearing, and the fat on my ass is nearly gone. Clothes are getting loose (waist) and tight (shoulders).

Work – One of my colleagues (I have seniority) was doing some work for me. I was very specific about what I wanted him to do and repeated my requirements several times over a two week period. He gave me his work product three days before the deadline and it did not include a very important aspect that I specifically requested, which meant we had to scramble to add it over the weekend.

I was not happy. In the past, I would have tried to let it go and relied on having him work over the weekend to send the message. In other words, sweeping it under the rug without addressing it assertively.

However, this time I confronted him about it in an assertive, professional manner. He said that he was struggling with part of my direction. Admittedly, my request was a bit outside the box, but I had explained why I we needed to do it. I asked him to ask me in the future if he doesn’t understand why I’m asking him to do something. He came in early Saturday morning and corrected the issue and we’re good.

Passive aggressive tendencies – Nothing to report.

Relationship – Nothing to report.

Sex – Duty sex Saturday morning. I cavemanned.

Kids’ Sports Drama – My 16 year-old daughter came home from practice Wednesday night in tears, and said she was going to quit basketball. She said she had “lost her passion” and no longer wanted to play. (I inserted “right now” after all of her statements.) I told her that she needed to think about it for a few days and that I wasn’t going to let her make such a major decision while she was emotional. She kept crying, claiming that she’s hated basketball for two years. I gave her the broken record response that she should calm down, wait a few days, and reassess when she wasn’t upset. Repeated, “No decisions while you are emotional.” Gave her a hug. Followed up by bringing home flowers for her the next day. After practice this weekend, she was upbeat and couldn’t wait to tell me how well she played. Crisis averted.

The same night (Wednesday), my son came home from practice pissed that his coach was favoring less-talented underclassmen. I told him that instead of complaining he should show the coaches through his actions that they were making a mistake. He STFU’d, came off the bench Friday night (still pissed) and had a great game. He demonstrated his value instead of whining to the coaches or talking about it. I heard that the parents of one of his teammates went to talk to the coaches about the same issue. That was a bad move from my perspective. These young men need to learn to handle their shit, not have mommy and daddy handle it for them.

Puppy training – I sent my puppy to a kennel for training two months ago. He came home a few weeks ago and I’ve been working with him, but not consistently enough. I need to be more consistent and give him his 10-15 minutes of training each day. It’s been too easy to skip a day here and there. When we pick up training again, it’s clear loves it but he’s not as sharp. I’ve got work to do in being more disciplined in this area.

Wardrobe – I went to the tailor to get measured for a new suit. If I like the fit and quality, I’ll change tailors. I’m stepping up my wardrobe game. Getting a little edgier with the clothes.

Social/Hobbies – I’m going on vacation in a couple of weeks. There’s a ranch that offers guided bird hunts near where we are staying, so I scheduled a one-day hunt. It will be good to get away for some Maximus time.

Reading – Still reading Extreme Ownership. It’s a good book and I’ve learned that I have a few weak areas to shore up.

substancehub · 2019-01-15T17:45:17+00:00

OYS 12.5 (month 9.5)

6’2”, 200lbs (20%BF), 32y/o

BP - 190 x 5

DL - 320 x 4

SQ - 280 x 6

Read: WISNIFG, NMMNG, MAP, SGM, Married in Captivity, Book of Pook

Reading: re-reading NMMNG

What I'm Doing

Lifting 3x week, added 2-3x days of yoga and jogging. Starting jiu jitsu in February.

Job is going well, making good money. A maker space I've been working on is set to open at the end of the week.

Discussing NMMNG weekly with a friend of mine. Volunteering to build out the maker space has occupied most of my social life.

Took wife out on a couple random outings.

FR/Victim Puke

Mini OYS that probably belongs in AskMRP.

For the last few months I’ve been getting some brutal shitty-comfort tests. I know there will be more tests, but I had a breakthrough over the last couple days that appears to be a sign from the RP gods to keep walking the scarlet path.

Sunday, the tests reached a head last when I was steam mopping the kitchen. The wife stormed in in an incoherent rage, to the point where even when I stayed calm and tried to clarify what she was talking about, I couldn't understand what I was fucking up so bad. She grabbed the mop and said, “FINE! I’ll finish it! You never listen to me!! Etc”

“I’m taking a break and going to get groceries,” I said, and walked past her.

“Wait! We need to talk about this!! What are you doing?! Where are you going?!”

I put on some clothes and came downstairs. Car key was missing.

“Did you hide the key?”

“No…” she said, coyly.

I playfully chased her to get it, and she flung herself on the couch and started crying. She made a half-assed apology and I sat with her for a couple minutes while she vented, but when I felt the conversation start to go circular, I grabbed the key and left.

Ignored her the rest of the day, did my meal prep thing, went for a long walk, had a great Sunday afternoon.

Later, we’re making a dessert for a dinner party. We’re running late, pull dish out of the oven. Wife says pan is too hot to go in car. I think it’ll be fine with a towel underneath. She explodes again, the same, “You never listen” shit. I DEER like an idiot, then ignored her, put it in the car anyway, and off we go. She’s still yelling at me 10 minutes later when we arrive at our friend’s house. I park the car. She says, “I’m not going.”

“Ok, sure.”

Five minutes later, she walks inside, attitude completely readjusted. Throws shit tests at me all night about my past marriage and other crap, but it’s playful and just ends up making me seem more interesting.

Yesterday, she stayed home (we work at the same place, sadly), and I stayed at work late, getting shit done. Passive-aggressively didn't text her I was going to be late, so when I got home there was another shit storm. You could practically hear the hamster wheel creaking in her head as she tried to reassure herself by piecing together every half hour of the time I stayed longer than normal. I AA’d and fogged and at one point she finally said, “I feel crazy. I can’t keep talking this out. I need you to tell me how you’re feeling. I need you to use your words.”

And I told her, following the u/BostonBrakeJob script, that “I don’t want to be a punching bag for you anymore. I love you and I want to make this work, but I don’t want to live with someone who makes me feel tense all the time.” I kept thinking I was going to say something wrong, but I was in my rickety ass frame and the words came relatively easily. I watched the dread spread across her face when she realized (and I realized) that I would nuke this relationship if she keeps this shit up. And I acknowledged that I have stuff I need to work on, especially around expressing my emotions. After a few minutes, she was bawling and saying how she wanted to change and be worthy of me. The old urge to constantly comfort her with empty promises kept coming up but I STFU and let her deal with her own feelings, validating here and there. I gave her some comfort feels about when we first met/got married/etc afterwards and that segued into the first sex we’ve had in a couple weeks.

Today, the same shit came up. Keep in mind she is already seeing a counselor. The conversation I keep getting tripped up on goes like this:

Her: “We need to work on this relationship. I would like to see a couple’s counselor.”

Me: “I don’t want to see a counselor right now. I have things I’m working on on my own.”

H: “I don’t see you putting in any effort / I haven’t seen any changes / I can’t do this alone / We need to work on this together / All the pressure is on me / I don’t feel validated”

M: (broken record) "I understand, but I still don’t want to see a counselor."

I think the issue is that when I start using broken record, I start to disassociate and become emotionally withdrawn.

I got an email from her saying she wants to have a meeting with me to discuss:

More open communication and vulnerability between us.
Validation.
Verbalizing needs and wants.
Marriage counseling.

The first three I understand and I know I need to work on. I’m not sure how talking about it with her will help, but it seems autistic to just completely shut it down. I guess on some level I’m afraid of having the conversation because I have a hunch it’s going to end with a pile of shame heaped on me for being the one resisting the only solution (counseling). This whole thing is draining. I guess I'm looking for a script, like the one I lifted from u/BostonBrakeJob.

How does one not talk about RP but also convey (emotionally) that they are working to be a better man, without being an autistic fuck?

suprathepeg · 2019-01-15T14:20:26+00:00

Own Your Shit Weekly - Jan 15, 2018

39yo. Together 15 years, married 5. No kids. Started MRP around feb. Dread level 6.

6’-2” 205lbs, down 2lbs from last week.

Primary lifts: 4x11 Squats 185, Flat bench 4x8 155lbs, 4x10 DL 245, 4x12 shoulder press 55 with bells.

Have read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, Pook, RM, WISNIFG, WOTSM, Pimp, SGM, Bang

Reading: Game

Short term goals:

Physical - Keep weight under 207 till end of January and hold current calorie level. I decided this week to go back to full keto and get setup for some prolonged fasts in Feb/March. Get T tested at end of January. Keep increasing weight/reps.

Psychological: No more “I’m sorry”. I realized this weekend that I’ve been saying sorry for minor shit and it’s just weak. So I’m stopping.

Financial - keep my eye out for investment opportunities.i need to make up another 10-15k this year to hit my goal.

Personal - Keep collecting parts for the race car. Work on getting smoother at dancing. Continue working on game with threading people I meet every day.

Relationship - Practice outcome independence. I am mission focussed, she is either a part of that or not. Meet with lawyer and get ready to to end it so I’m ready and not afraid of that as an outcome.

Overall Mission: Increase income by 30% by summer, get fuckin ripped, finish and race the race car by next fall.

Status:

Physically: Dead lifts are up. Actually the most I’ve ever lifted and at high volume which is pretty cool. I’m going back to a keto diet so cutting out carbs again.

Financially, I’m on the hunt for investment opportunities. Nothing firm yet. Planning to talk to a few people this week about investment opportunities.

Personally: Currently working out a sponsorship deal that could really help with timeline and cost on the race car. Dance classes are such a good thing, I get better all the time and it’s a great social outlet. I’ve been doing a bit of social dancing lately which has been fun and confidence building. It’s so out of the norm for me...

Psychological: I have been noticing that i apologize for small mistakes a lot and it’s a weakness. My goal now is rather than apologizing to just quickly readjust and move on.

Relationship - The wife’s father had a bad heart attack last week and passed yesterday. Comfort and structure is what I plan to provide for the next little while.

CrazyLegs78 · 2019-01-15T17:01:30+00:00

OYS #1

Stats: 40yo, 6’2”, 260lbs, 30%BF, married 13yrs, 2 kids 5+9,

Lifts: Lifting seriously since Thanksgiving 2018. Wendler 5-3-1, 186DL, 163BP, 157SQ, 105OHP

My Mission?

A return to former glory and to generally unfuck myself. LOSE WEIGHT to 15% BF!! Finish my civil engineering degree with a GPA>3.0 and gain a promotion or 2 at work.

Why am I here?

I used to be Alpha. Met my wife 3 months before leaving for the Marine Corps. We got married 2 years later, had our first child 4 years after that. I remember when I first went Beta. Wife had severe post partem depression, and she also realized that she then had to get off her lazy ass with a new baby. I ended up being the one that woke up every time to feed the baby, and took on entirely too much responsibility. I was ready to leave my wife then, but for whatever reason I stuck around and took on the role of irritable housewife for the past 9 years while going to school and working. I didn’t even want a second child until her mother offered to watch the children if I had a second one. Now I can’t imagine life without him. I figured all the things I was actively doing were much more important than lifting, and kept on eating my Italian father-in-law’s food.

I got force fed the red pill in January 2018 by my wife. Instead of swallowing, for almost a year I fucking gagged and choked until she eventually made me take it. For all I know, she had a good run with Chad. Chad most likely isn’t 260lbs, 30% bodyfat, and a fraction of the man he used to be.

Now I think I’m approaching the end of the anger phase, and looking to stay immersed in RP while I lift and STFU+DNGAF. I’m staying married because she tends the kids, cooks, and cleans occasionally while I focus on my degree and work. These are relatively new developments due to me almost walking in January. She refuses almost nothing in the bedroom when I initiate, but she doesn’t initiate until she thinks it’s been too long for me. So, 1-2 wife initiated duty sexes per week unless I make a special request. And you know what? I’m ok with duty sex and special requests for now. Trying to change that at this point in time is just going to take my focus from other things. I honestly can’t afford to waste anymore of my time on her; I’ve got shit to do. If she’s around when I have time to spare, I’ll re-evaluate things.

Diet/Lifting: The easiest way for me to restrict my calories is OMAD, or one meal a day. The wife is doing keto, so by default I’m OMAD+Keto. I’ve been fasting all day and lifting right when I get home from school/work, then eating dinner. Lifting program is Wendler 5-3-1 on a four day split. Mon=OHP, Tues=Squats, Wed=ruck or run, Thurs=Bench, Fri=deads, Sat=ruck/run, Sun=off. I intentionally chose this program for the slow pace at which resistance is increased. I’m an old fucker with some injuries that require special attention, no excuses, just trying to avoid setbacks. My 9yo boy has been lifting with me recently and it’s been a great experience. I’m now looking for ways to lay more worldly knowledge on him, especially red pill.

Reading: This is going to be the most challenging area for me as my time is extremely limited due to school, work, lifting, and two young boys that play league sports. On my lunch break at work, I’ve been taking in MRP and askMRP like a crack whore takes dick. I read every new post from rational male, and have WISNIFG on my night stand when I’m not doing homework.

Finances: I recently separated my finances from the wife’s. This was a pretty significant blow to her ego. I presented her with a budget where the bills are split according to each individual’s percentage of household income. All of our previously joint accounts are now hers, but I still watch them so I don’t get blindsided. My wife has never been bad with money, but I need to be able to leave the house and have my own funds when/if the time comes.

Social: Over the holiday break, I made it a point to get out of the house once a week. I usually met a couple friends at Tight Ends for drinks. Wife expressed a little concern, I told her that sometimes a man just wants to be served a drink by a chick in a thong, and that she was more than welcome to fill that void. She loved the idea and got all excited about doing it for “date night,” that was the last of it. What they do, not what they say. In an effort to maintain time away from the house during the spring semester, I’ll be setting up a study time away from home where I will be unable to be contacted. Not sure where yet.

Home: For my own benefit, and for the kids also, I don’t rock the boat at home. I’m ill prepared for any type of dread, not experienced enough in RP methods, and generally don’t care enough about saving what we have/had to expend any effort here yet. I reset every day before going into the house, and I’m trying to find the carefree, fun guy I used to be. Staying busy keeps the hamster at bay.

Also, I wanted to say thanks for the effort and time the mods and contributors have put into this stuff. You are changing the lives of men every single day.

dancing_muppet · 2019-01-15T19:49:03+00:00

OYS #1.

Found MRP in July 2018. Have not fully swallowed it.
34 yo, 72 in, 188 lb, 15-18% bodyfat estimate (picture method). 210 Bench, 379 Deadlift, 266 Squat, 138 OHP (calculated 1RM, 531). Wife 33 SAHM, pregnant, boys 5&3.

Mission.

Provide a positive masculine role model for my sons. Bring fun and levity back to the daily family grind. Lead my wife to a stronger marriage including better sex.

Why am I here?.

Just like the rest of you chucklefucks my wife lost attraction to me because I lost my way. Standard progression of silence, resentment, validation seeking, and victim puking. Found MRP through NMMNG discussion after frequenting deadbedrooms sub.
While wondering how to unfuck my situation I remember flashes of what I now know to be MRP tenets: "What if sex wasn't what made me feel good about myself? What if I just got fucking ripped? What if I acted like I was fucking on the side? What if I stopped jerking it to porn every day?". I am approaching MRP on easy mode compared to some of you as I am still young, have never been fat, have had 100% control of finances since day 0, and have had a rack and weights in the basement for 3 years. Lifting numbers will make it obvious that it hasn't been used consistently, and none of this prevented me from victim puking to my wife about needing sex and crying on her shoulder.

Reading.

NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, Pook, SGM, RM, TWOTSM.

Physical and Lifting.

I did SS initially, have had success with 531 BBB ("less boring" variation). I have been consistent since September on this program and the results show in my numbers. I could progress better if I consumed even more protein. I have been gaining weight at 2-3 lbs a month. I plan to cut starting late February for 10-12 weeks.

Family.

My 5 yo is a handful. He's better when I can wrestle with him or get him on his bike for an hour or more. It's funny how applicable all of the tactics I've learned through MRP sidebar reading are to interacting with young kids. The pattern of these interactions is so obvious and has been great practice for the more nuanced interactions with my wife. It's the same shit on a different level.

Relationship.

I tried for too long to negotiate desire. I am hopeful that someday I will have recovered from the damage wrought by that approach. Just over a year ago I undeservedly bumbled my way through what could be considered a FMOFY conversation. I told her "I don't ever want to not be married to you, but if it happens I already know the reason." The only reason this did not completely nuke the situation is the context. It was said calmly when we weren't having an emotional conversation. It must have hit her hard but I moved onto something else. I didn't bring it up or mention it again. I guess I really DNGAF what she did with the information. It was true, it was not meant to illicit a reaction, and I didn't care what she thought. I actually forgot I said it until she brought it up a few weeks later. Can you guess how the quality and frequency of sex was during that time? I didn't connect the dots until 6 months later, but that's an ongoing weakness. I do not connect outcome to context, even when I'm suddenly getting the aggressive fucking I'd been desperate for.
For over a year now since that incident I have been having sex at a frequency that is acceptable to me. Quality is another story. I remember times when my wife couldn't wait to fuck me in the back of a car, gave road head, rode dick like a champ, wore lingerie, etc. I have made progress in this department but I have not lead her to feel comfortable being that sexual with me consistently. My first month of Rambo-pseudo-MRP-mostly-just-being-an-asshole did lead to her loving every second of anal, which she had never done before (if I care to believe her) and more importantly I didn't ask permission for. I felt that the moment was right and I was correct. A few months before discovering MRP she said post-BJ "I can go deeper if you want, as long as you don't mind teary eyes and a little gagging." Where the fuck did that come from? I am not getting her best, but I want it. I failed to respond well to this. She denied saying this when I brought it up a month later.

Financial.

Got into the financial independence/ early retirement stuff a long time ago. Wife is naturally frugal as her parents didn't have money until she was 16 (they are quite wealthy now).

Career.

Acquired what was the dream job two years ago, but I now see that my growth is severely limited here. Not a ton of options locally and pay/benefits are good. Need to stay motivated to demonstrate the high performance I am capable of.

Social.

This is honestly my most pathetic area. I have become a home body. I do love spending time with my boys. Best chance here is to get back into rock climbing. I don't have close male friends other than my only brother. I don't have female prospects for abundance mentality.

Summary.

I need to keep grinding on the weights, reread sidebar, and gradually become more fun and cocky. There is no reason I can't have the life I want. My wife is a natural at being led by a strong man, I just need to get back there. When she met me (same graduate program) I had options, social proof, preselection, manly hobbies. Like I said, I have it a lot easier than most of you. No excuses, just grind it out.

3legsbetter · 2019-01-16T03:12:11+00:00

OYS #10 [ prev | first ]

Age 34, wife 32. Married 7, one kid 2.

Epic failure to STFU, leading back to square one. Fuck me what a week.

Lifting & cutting

Stats: 176cm, 77kg Deadlift: 170 Squat: 90* Bench: 90 OHP: 65 Weighted pull-up: +20

Started adding weight to my high-rep pull up sets. Yesterday saw +5kgx15, +2.5kgx15 and +0kgx15. Really enjoying these. Adding even a little weight forces the form to become more strict and it's a hell of a pump.

Weight is still dropping slowly. Been relaxing my fasting regimen a bit to keep my mind working at work, but I've still got my eye on the ball.

Reading

Done: MMSLP, MAP. In progress: NMMNG, TRM, SGM, WISNIFG.

Very nearly done with WISNIFG. Enjoying the last few chapters more than I expected to.

~~Progress~~ Giant fuck-up

So I totally failed to STFU. After an awesome family day on Saturday followed by a failed initiation, I made a couple of weak comments resulting in the silent treatment in bed. Followed by whispered bitching, which I now accept as the fair and appropriate response to my butthurt/DLV.

I don't understand why I said it, but I made some comment reminding her about my DB ultimatum about a year ago. She absolutely fucking lost it.

I mean I've never seen her like this. In fact I'm not sure I've ever seen any adult cry like she did. She started with a solid roundhouse slap which caught me seriously off guard in the dark, then fled to the living room and bawled her eyes out. I came to my senses and (drawing on about a decade of high-grade billy beta experience) I went after her and did what I could to fight the inferno. It took her about half an hour to stop, following which we had what I vow will be the very last "dead bedroom" conversation I'm ever going to have. I also did a great deal of explaining myself, skirting around Talking About Fight Club.

I could go into a lot more detail here, but let's not. I have a serious impulse control problem with running my mouth. This is something that I noticed as a kid and thought I'd successfully moved past, but apparently not.

I'm still not sure why she blew up to the extent she did. It certainly wasn't so bad last time I talked about leaving her (although I was shocked at the time). Current theory is 1) she still has a lot of resentment from the previous iteration that she's been suppressing and 2) my actions over the past couple of months have made this sort of threat more credible. She expressed horror that the guy she thought would be with her forever has been thinking about leaving. Anger that I threatened to take her family away (as in, I am that family). Sadness that she couldn't trust me any more. There were worse things said in the heat of the moment but that's the gist of it.

Before anybody tries to tell me I should have played this RP and let her go cry it out before crawling back to bed with a newfound appreciation of our marriage: that was not on the cards, and I'm not autistic. She had in that moment 100% decided she would take our son and leave me. I don't know how that would have translated to reality, but it's certainly not what I want.

So there we have it. Burned all my MRP progress to the ground in about an hour, woke up back at step zero. Strangely, sleep tracker tells me I slept like a baby that night and the following one, and I felt much more relaxed. I think I was playing with fire and got out of my depth, resulting in a lot of stress, last week's victim puke and eventually self-immolation.

I'm not asking for any advice at this point, because I know what to do. Back to DL1-3, take STFU more seriously this time, be thankful I still have a family. ~~Hide their passports and watch her credit cards carefully for a few weeks.~~

Other more constructive thoughts

After last week's puke, I was expecting to be called a faggot and told to get back to work (thank you Persaeus and Steel). Instead, /u/man_in_the_world decided to wade in and save a dipshit. I admit I initially thought that after his recent post on validation he was a man with a hammer running around looking for nails. But he was persistent, and I have to own it: he's right. I have some validation issues tied up around attraction and sex, and I now understand that these are a problem. I am going to work to address this.

Related to this, I have an ego problem. It shows up in my parenting, it shows up whenever I get annoyed when my wife is disrespectful. I don't feel respected at home, and I don't like this. I don't feel appreciated at home, and I don't like this. (Above: I don't feel desired, and I don't like this.) Obviously these are all related. I am going to work to address this.

As I wrote above, I also seem to have a problem with STFU, specifically something to do with impulse control and running my mouth. I am going to work to address this.

Other than that, it's back to DL1-3. I will continue to make myself more attractive, less unattractive and develop a more rounded life. I think I have the tools to manage these. I will stay the fuck away from DL10.

If anybody has any reading material that would be helpful in un-fucking myself re: the other points, they would be gratefully received.

Unfugwitable · 2019-01-17T01:31:46+00:00

Gym & Physical

I've dropped down to 11.5% body fat at 5'9 176lbs

5x5 stats

Squat: 245

Deadlift 365

Bench: 195

OHP: 120

I went to see a specialist about TRT. They said at 641 my testosterone levels were too high for them to offer me treatment. I don't feel like I need it, but I was looking forward to a T bump for the gym and for super dick. The doc offered me Viagra or Cialis... I took the Cialis. Haven't had the chance to test it yet.

Gym has been consistent 3 days of heavy lifting and 2 days of cardio endurance. 2000 cal meal plan...

Relationship:

She moved out almost 2 weeks ago. On Christmas Eve she tried to leave after some fights we had. I pleaded with her to come back, but only for the kids. I couldn't have the kids wake up on Christmas Day and mom not be there. Also, she had all the toys still in the van that was not wrapped. For the kids to wake up on Christmas Day and have no mom AND no gifts? Yikes...

So she stayed and hung around for a while longer. Until "she didn't like who I am becoming."

If anything, I'm going back to the person she first met. I had OI, I had abundance. I wasn't needy. But she didn't like who I was 6 months ago... so why does it matter that I'm someone "new" at this point?

She left to a hotel, paying $30-$40/night? This because she was unhappy with me constantly asking her for her portion of the bills. OK... you'd rather go spend money at a hotel nightly than pay for a roof and the kids tuition? OK...

I let her go and she had the kids on the days she was off. I was fine with it. I'd rather her in her own space than here with me, fighting and having the kids see it all.

MAP

I haven't read mind attraction plan yet but I did read MMMSLP.

I don't have a "goal" in life right now. Or, I don't have what I think are goals... or a MAP. I'm self employed... I feel like I need to secure my retirement. My business doesn't motivate me anymore, But I am motivated to purchase more property. This is my driving force to maintain and grow my business... but it's more about maintaining right now and milking all the cash so I can buy property.

The other part of my MAP is to solid strong relationships with my children. Every time they are with me, my presence will be 100% felt. No shadow dad here... we go swimming every weekend, and I take them to all their activities.

Abundance is the cure for oneitis

I have a severe case of onitis, but it's only because I lack abundance.

The woman I met at a networking event a few weeks ago... we went to a comedy show during the weekend and spent a night in a hotel. She teased me with head and I went to bed after. No biggie... I'm not going to beg you for sex.

Surprisingly the next morning at my house she finished the job. Didn't see it coming. She's been busy with work recently and hasn't been available. Whatever... she was cool to hang out with but I deleted her number. If she has a desire to hang out with, she'll find the time and contact me.

The following weekend... I woke up feeling depressed (Oneitis) and ready to grocery shop since the kids would be coming for a few days. Rather than throw on sweats, I tossed on some shit from the new wardrobe and headed to Target.

While shopping I spotted a chic who I would consider a 7.5-8 out of 10. The type of chic who I would never normally approach and start a convo. But I did... she had some long ass nails and I started the banter off of that. 10 minutes later, SHE asked ME for MY number... I flipped it and got hers instead.

HUGE confidence boost to my day that started off with me contemplating returning to my blue pill conditioning and trying to "fix" things with the now ex. I tried to setup a night for drinks but she said she had a kid and needed to find a sitter. I didn't feel there was much effort on her part to meet up.... so I deleted her number.

My interaction with her led nowhere, but she was a huge boost in confidence. Thank you, "J".

Later on in this week I approached other women and got numbers. None went anywhere also, but mainly because I am not "chasing". If that makes sense... If I don't feel an urgency or high interest in me from them, I delete the number and move on. I've probably gotten 5 numbers in the past week or so. Not huge numbers, but enough to let me know Im not out the game.

Today at the mall I got the number of a chic working at my favorite clothing store. Light banter in the store and 10 minutes later I ask for her number. She displayed a high amount of interest and eagerness to talk to me.

I text her my name when I leave and she responds back in 5 minutes "It was really a pleasure to meet you!". This is the type of eagerness I'm looking for.

I sent her a pic of the cloths I purchased on my bed and she responds... with "Nice bedsheets". I take the opening and tell her, "You'd look great on it" or something tot that extent.... simply trying to test the waters. "Of you're straight to the point huh?" She doesn't respond back negatively....

Later in the convo I try to schedule drinks for next day and she tells me she has a boyfriend... Threw me off guard, but I ignore it and continue to set the date and time. She agrees to meeting up. IDGAF if she has a man or not, I'm not looking for a relationship.

Just to make sure she knew where my mind is at... I close the convo by telling her to wear something nice to show off her ass... she agrees and I end the convo for the night. Will she comply? Who knows... she might flake and I may never see her. IDGAF. However, I know in order to rid myself of this oneitis I need to envelope myself in abundance. That means I must be on point every time I leave the house and be prepared to have random conversations.

Friday is another date night with a woman who is a "feminist." I got her number at the bar after introducing myself and my wingman as polygamists looking for our 18th wives. Don't know her levels of DTF yet, but I have a pair of tickets I initially bought for the Ex that I refuse to let go to waste. She's going with me (unless she flakes) but I'm going regardless.

Today again I almost threw up the red pill, but I need to keep abundance at the forefront so it stays down.

BostonBrakeJob · 2019-01-20T06:08:21+00:00

31 - 190# - 15% bf - 6'1"

I started lifting again a few weeks ago, man I forgot how good that feels. Been taking it way too easy to avoid DOMS and injury, but I can feel all the little muscles already getting stronger so the weight will start going up to some good training levels.

Had some curveballs at work, but ended up knocking one out of the park. Preparation met opportunity, and I'm looking forward to the year ahead.

I'll be getting the ball rolling on a side gig that will pay the mortgage off (1 car note is all that will be left on the debt list at this point) by the end of the year. Moved some investments in my 401 around and have seen it grow much faster. And I've been studying stock market strategies and countless businesses to invest in through the market. I've paper traded for the last couple months and would've made $25k in profit had I used real money. Time to get off the bench and into the game.

Fuck you position is coming together nicely. Aside from paying the house off, my goals this year are to double my 401 and not lose my ass in the stock market.

I've recently had the same realization as u/persaeus in that I get sucked in when things are going great with my wife. In my case, I'm usually pretty boring when this happens, and she lets me know it. One thing I've noticed from all of this is she would become visibly bothered by this (lizard brain and all that) and start to pull back or even push. I know she was just creating some drama/feelz bc I wasn't, but what I have finally heard in all of it is she's pushing me to be the best version of myself I can be. It's not out of hatred or resentment. And that, by far, goes farther than any of the "value" she adds around the house.

I've been owning my shit mentally for a looong fucking time now, but I'm also starting to do it verbally much better too.

We seem to have a natural D/s dynamic going, though she's definitley on the bratty end of the s spectrum. Is this something D/s couples explicitly talk about? At this point it really seems like a bunch of words would kill the vibe, so I have no plans to. I am curious though if others have had "the talk" and if it unlocked a whole new door.

I still need work on balancing work and play, and definitely need to unwinde more often too. This is my main focus at home right now. I know the signals when it's time to take a break from working so much, the easy part has been acting on them finally. The harder part has been letting it go on too long. I get boring, but it's not until the laziness starts kicking in that I actively do something about it. I'd like to change that this year.

weakandsensitive · 2019-01-15T09:22:42+00:00

OYS Week 14

Mission: Have a passionate life and share myself fully with the world.

Stats:

Age: 35; Heights: 74 in; Weight: 206; BF: 20.5%; Wife: 38, (together 16, married 12); Children: 2 kids – 5 and 10

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG (x2), Rational Male, Book of Pook, MMSLP (x2), MAP, Meditations, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Current Reading: Practical Female Psychology

Physical / Health

3x5+: Squat: 180, BP 145, BR 140, OHP 105 1x5+: DL 250

Continue to be good on diet. Dropped calories by 100 (to 2400) a day to see if it helps w. BF loss. Things are still improving just slowly. Waist continues to shrink which is my main indicator of progress here. Slow and steady on what I know I can be disciplined enough to follow. Notice one of my big weaknesses is arm strength. Added curls to lifts to improve.

Career / Finance

Completed strategy for 2019. Present to Sr. Leadership next week. International travel this week for new project.

Relationship/OI/DNGAF

Despite solid advice last week from /u/weakandsensitive I went and got into a victim puking to my wife during an unrelated matter over her falling asleep in the kids’ bed. I regret that and failed miserably. This is another wake up call for me to stop thinking so damned much. Of course, her behavior changed after I stopped bringing up. Breaking the validation needs from my wife is a huge challenge for me. The recent posts regarding validation have helped and I read those daily.

Validation Needs I need Overcome… want to review these weekly based on https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aexeau/validation_and_interdependency/ and

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/

· Attraction (Major): I’m attractive enough for my wife to have sex with me.

· Good Lover (Major): Want to make sure it’s enjoyable for her. Overthink during sex if she’s enjoying it.

· Nice Guy (Major): Resist fully opening myself up to my feelings during sex and the dirty shit I want to say. This is getting better as I add more dominance into the mix. Wife has made comments that I need to not talk during sex because I sound stupid – I think this is more overthinking what to say and not being confident.

· Overt validation regarding fitness (Moderate): Still find myself making comments regarding my improvements for validation from her. This has steadily improved and this validation need is becoming less and less.

· Special Sex Act/Submission (Major): Reading MRP and seeing guys getting BJs, wife sexy for them, etc. makes me envy others versus focusing on how I’m doing and the fact that I’m only 3 months into this process.

· Covert (MAJOR): Biggest issue for me; I want my wife to be happy for me to come home, run give me a kiss, initiate sex or affection, wear lingerie, give me BJs, etc. etc. If she doesn’t then I’m not worthy and a failure. I’m really focused on overcoming this one.

· Negative (Moderate): Despite huge improvements in ALL AREAS OF LIFE that I am blown away by, I still find myself finding reasons to NOT be HAPPY.

Shark week first ½ of the week; 1 rejection / 2 successes. Sex is good, need to make it better… trying to work on this. Sex God Method was a great book but I need to get rid of my ego and nice guy thinking in bed.

Spending about an hour per night by myself playing around with expanding programming / data analytic skills at night. This directly is useful in my career and I enjoy it. Have spent more time playing with the kids and see improvements in their behavior towards me. My wife is supporting me in disciplining the kids and I’ve taken more of a lead in setting their expectations / rewards/ punishments.

An odd situation (for me) has come up in that the barista at Starbucks is obviously flirting with me in front of my wife. She’s not very attractive and my wife teases me on this. I think I’ve handled this ok with responses like “hey I have options”, etc. Wife constantly brings up how she’d be disgusted if someone that ugly liked her. How she is sooo much better than her and I’d be stupid to pursue that. This is a new dynamic for me to navigate. Obvious shit testing and I’ve just been ignoring it for the most part. Any better approaches?

Appearance/Hygiene: Wife cut my hair. Need new jeans… the pair I bought in October are now too big for me.

Goals from last week

Sign up for Taekwondo: C – Heard back from one school. Seemed very expensive ($140 per week). Shopping around and looking for other martial arts available that may fit into budget better.
No victim puking: F – Yeah… see above. Time to reset and get better.
Get out of my wife's head: F – See above. What I will say is after that victim puke, I held much better frame for the rest of the week and wife responded as expected.

Goals this week

Figure out this martial arts stuff, too much fucking around
No victim puking
Get out of my wife's head

redPillOnHard · 2019-01-15T20:24:37+00:00

Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 243 BF: 16%

Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

I feel good. I've been working out like a madman, and I've been pretty strict IF and keto. Down to 243 this morning. Thats 13 pounds down in 2 weeks. Seeing the results is keeping me motivated.

Going to BJJ tonight, going to eat healthy today and get a good night of sleep.

Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Goals:

Keep on top of budget

Personal cash is a little tight after the holidays. I've also had to pre pay for a couple larger purchases. Business is good, we have very solid cash in the bank and higher than normal receivables due.

Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

Be calm
Model happiness

Took my daughters overnight to an amusement park last weekend. We all had a great time and they were dead tired when we got home.

I lost my shit a little with them this morning. One daughter wouldn't get up for school and the other feels the need point out the obvious and argue with her mom and I. The morning rush isn't the best place to correct them, cause it gets us further behind. But I can only let so much slip before I sense we are enabling them. I could have handled the correction a little better, but they got the point. I gave them hugs and kisses when I dropped them at school and I think they were back on track to have a good day.

I need to do a better job prepping lunches and what not the night before, so I can guide them better in the morning.

Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

Be an oak

We still have some dark shit going on. I don't have a lot of empathy in me, and I don't naturally give a lot of comfort. I've done my best to just listen. There were a couple things I took the lead on so that they were off my wife's plate while she deals with this.

In the end, I will let her process the situation, but these emotions are not my fault. So far she is doing better than I would have expected.

Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

Goal:

Initiate when I feel like it be OI

I'm really not very interested in my wife at the moment. I have actually been avoiding her at night. This probably isn't good, but I'm just not feeling interested in her. It sort of has to do with the stuff she is going through, but not really. I just want to be alone. Its so much work and she frustrates me so much at night, staring at her phone, I'd rather read or do something else.

RPeed · 2019-01-16T12:08:56+00:00

OYS 9

Stats: security edit

Finished a 7 day PSMF and resuming the perma-bulk.

Sidebar: Read - NMMNGx2, WISNIFGx2, MAP, MMSLP, Zen and the Art... Reading - Language books, SGM and Bang.

MAP Update: in Europe consulting.

Two weeks of working on abundance, inspired by /u/red-sfpluss's epic poem. Living a single life with wife and son back home. Looking for new sources of revenue, full time work, personal fulfillment and sex. Tried to avoid LARP'ing and/or ego-tripping and keep to actual approaches/exchanges.

Thoughts:

There are literally hundreds of girls in this locality that are attractive and interesting;

There are other niche positions that would earn me a $300k package in other countries;

There are potential startup businesses that would earn me more.

Family: the two weeks of single life come to an end tomorrow when my wife and son will fly over a little early. Brought forward due to family dramas and my wife struggling with single parenthood. Need to drive the childcare agenda, my wife is struggling here and thing could devolve into a circus very quickly.

What we need:

A bi-lingual daycare facility - two open days booked. It is a necessary evil to get them done;
A babysitter so we can go out.

I have forced my wife to own the first one. As I do not have the time and would end up a middleman dealing with her expectations. Item two I will put in some work to get something. I've also found a place for them to go during the day and will be disciplined with work hours until they are settled.

I am at a point where I love my wife but IDNGAF. I can't allow her moods to bring me down. I hope things will come together in the near future or we will be talking divorce. It will suck. My son is three. He needs his father. I need to be abroad. My wife can't even boil an egg but she loves him.

Physical: awesome. My physique has really came together in the last couple of years. As I gazed into the mirror yesterday evening, I found myself thinking: "maybe I'm big and lean enough now?". Never thought that day would come.

I've always had an interest in martial arts and am considering something like BJJ. Not something I'm willing to spend time on in the next few months but might be something I can take my son to in future.

Mental: this is an area where I am under-challenged. Probably it would have fallen under the headline "drinking" before.

Learning a foreign language. Racking up about 90min of practice in the evening and putting it into practice by day.

Mission: build a capital base for full time investing. Start enjoying the life of a wealthy person.

Goals:

Build an indefatigable frame;
Be better to myself;
Put son through private school;
Rebuild financial security;
Resume professional growth;
Get back to travelling regularly;
Various strength goals;
Build friendships with likeminded people.

Action plan (updates in bold)

Stop:

Drinking - 95 days in;
Watching porn - 59 days;
Reddit (Outside of OYS) - 57 day;
Overworking: set disciplined hours for office and outside office emails.

Start:

Build cash buffer;
Remove high interest debt;
In parallel, rebuild cash and cash equivalent warchest;
Remove residual debt;
In parallel, rebuild investment portfolio;
Build some personal property.

Continue:

Passing shit tests;
Performing as an independent consultant;
Networking for more revenue/new revenue/new jobs.

RedPillBluegrass · 2019-01-17T05:21:30+00:00

OYS 032 190116

A birth and the last of my short OYS’

My second son (fourth child) was born last week. It was a short intense labour and ended with me in tears. With my broad at the hospital for a few days and me alone with my other kids, I was given time to reflect.

Pre-RP, I was in a continual loop of self hatred, regret, apathy, bursts of positivity, surges of actions… and then back to the start… back to self hatred and regret.

RP/MRP saved my sanity. RP/MRP saved life. RP/MRP has made me physically and mentally stronger.

I am still working on it.

I will get back to full OYS next week since number four is out.

tspitsatgp · 2019-01-17T08:16:00+00:00

OYS #3

Have been overseas over the past week for work. Fly back tomorrow.

I hit the hotel gym once in the past 5 days. Occasionally popped in for some chin-ups but that was it. No barbells there. Eating habits were shit, drank too much and got too little sleep. But that’s OK, A week like this reminds me that eating good healthy food, getting 7.5 hours sleep and going to the gym 4 days a week feels so much better. Can’t wait to get back to it.

Before I left on the trip my hamster was kicking into over drive. Gotten myself into a sex validation trap. I.e if we don’t have sex soon I can’t continue going through the motions of this marriage because affair. That along with travel day uprightness, a difficult kid and me totally being in my wife’s frame culminated in me having a meltdown the morning I was flying out. I lost my shit, started yelling, started bawling and told the wife’s parents — who are staying with us for a few months to help out with the kids — that I was not sure how much longer I could do this. The marriage that is. They are aware of the situation and I get along very well with them. This is the first time I have melted down like this in front of them. Maybe happened 4-5 times in my adult life. Wife was not present. I apologised to them after and flew out of the country a couple of hours later.

So that was stupid. But a good damn reminder that I may have caught a glimpse of what frame looks like before Christmas but I have so much work to do. And that’s OK, I will do the work.

My goal for my return is to stop being such a nice fucking guy to my wife and focus my time and energy on my kids and myself. There’s been some great posts on validation seeking which have really helped me.

My fear has been that if I don’t put the effort in with my wife that there’s no chance of working it out because she isn’t currently in a place where she is willing to do what needs to be done to save the marriage and when I write that sentence I can’t believe the shit I think and write sometimes but don’t ever tell me I ain’t giving you the unvarnished truth as beta flaked as it is.

So that’s a load of bullshit that needs to stop. I always said having kids was a bigger decision than getting married. God damn it I was right, but once you do the latter it’s pretty difficult to unravel the former. Shiiiiit.

There’s a reason this takes at least a month for every year of LTR. It’s hard fucking work. But I like it. No turning back cunts.

WeightsNCheatDates · 2019-01-15T13:03:17+00:00

OYS 7 Background: age 29, married 1.25 years, together 3. Wife 32. Stepson 9 (dad not in picture). Discovered RP July 18. Only actually dove in about Oct. 18.

Physical: 6’1, 197(-2) 13% bf. Squat 265. Bench 265 DL 365. Clean bulking is so hard, guess I’m just going to have to add another meal/ snack. Quit bitching. Just do.

Relationship: things have been going great. No shit tests lately (period week). Been trying to have a baby but still need to pump the sex numbers up. I not initiating enough and that is on me completely. Besides that, I’m building her a table, and she made numerous comments about how hot and manly I am. Goal for this week is to stop being a pussy and fuck my wife. She is consistently in a great mood the day after sex.

Hobbies: been slowly building my tool arsenal. I love wood working but ever since my parents moved away, I can’t just go over to their house and use my dads tools. Like I said above, I’m making a table for my wife’s new T-shirt making business.

Finances: plannned our a budget for the first time in my life. I’ve always made shitty budgets in the past but this one is completely laid out and actionable. Went over by $18 last week, but have built in wiggle room. Should be(will be) debt free, besides student loans and mortgage, in 8 months.

(Step) Son: this has been my stuggle lately. came into the kid’s life 3 years ago when he was 6. Spend the first couple years as the cool guy, but about a year ago realized that if I’m going to call him my son, I am going to raise him. Took control of disciplining, lesson teaching, homework help, etc. Lately the struggle has been connecting with him. We isn’t into sports, so that’s hard for me. He’s an amazing artist and spends most of his time doing that. But that means he’s up alone in his room most of the time. I can tell he’s getting bored. I need to start doing more 1-1 shit with him. Stop making excuses about time, why I wouldn’t enjoy it, money, etc.

Career: had a phone interview for a new position last week. Absolutely crushed the interview. Would be working under a top producing benefits broker in the state. Just found out they want to bring me in for an interview next week. Funny enough, had a meeting with two supervisors and director about work hours yesterday. They established work hours for the dept months ago, but are now trying to come down on me to change it. Was happy to really try the techniques I learned in WISNIFG. Meeting was good, but they weren’t budging so I compromised staying a whole 30 min later lol.

Goals for this week: -finish wife’s table and plan next project.
-schedule a fun activity with my son.
-start reading MMSLP.
-take a hike instead of going to the gym.

Ireallyamtheprize · 2019-01-15T13:43:22+00:00

OYS #1

My mission

Become stronger and thicker, both physically and mentally. Emphasis on mental health and personal development.

Past 1+ year

Have always been excellent academic performer. When faced with initial lack of results during first MSc research, I began really tearing down my self-confidence. I was slowly becoming a beta in my relationship, and this accelerated the process. Coupled with me setting up all kinds of covert contracts in response to LTR's criticism and thinking I would fix this by doing more in the house. Deep in situation 2.

Current situation

24 years old, 1.86 m, 70 kg. Body fat unkown, but probably low. I am skinny AF.

4 years in LTR

Nice guy, validation whore, beta faggot.

Have diagnosed myself, using the starter guide, as a solid situation 2. Am in the process of reading WISNIFG. Real eye opener. Need more sidebar.

Relationship

Been having (in retrospect) some big shit tests, and largely failing. Girlfriend shouting at me in front of friends and family happened multiple times over the holidays.

Needless to say, sex life is not good, though not completely dead.

I overthink things, has always been a specialty of mine.

Recently passed first shit test. Barely, I give 6/10 because my tone was a bit too angry/butthurt even though I tried to stay calm/unaffected.

The day after, gf in tears, fearing that I was "going to become an asshole", as I found out upon not STFU'ing. See, I made the huge mistake of talking about red pill with her a lot before I swallowed it.

So I told her about the Rambo phenomenon and how, while I do not regret it, and was being fully honest, my reaction may not have been perfect either. Told her that in the beginning I may be a bit Rambo, but she will have to trust me, that the RP ideal is more like Obama.

I think I have lost some, if not all of the ground I gained with the shit test by not staying STFU, but also feel she needed comfort. Need tips on how to strike the proper comfort/STFU balance. Was this a shit test or a comfort test? Shall I read shit tests 101 next, or keep to the curriculum for situation 2 with NMMNG?

Sports

I do bouldering, starting with lifting again tomorrow.

Plan is lifting 2x a week bouldering 1x a week. I know lifting 3x minimum is recommended, but I think replacing some lifting with bouldering is beneficial for me in my current situation.

Goals this week

Improve on STFU/comfort ratio (tips plz)

Work on validation issues

Finish WISNIFG

Re-read the top validation posts

Do 2x lifting, 1x bouldering or 3x lifting minimum

Closing remarks

I know it is early in my RP journey. I hope you will still take me seriously, call me a faggot and give me tips.

Thanks for the starter's guide!

silversum1 · 2019-01-15T17:03:36+00:00

OYS #21

Stats: 28 yo, 6'0", 175lb Lifts: SQ: 225lb DL: 255lb BP: 175lb

Mission: To be a strong man in all areas of my life. Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.

Vision: To be financially secure and build a kick ass life for myself, and anyone who wants to come along.

Physical: When I did blood-work this last September I found out that my T-levels came in at 402 I've been looking for ways to get a natural boost outside of TRT. Started one this week that had an immediate effect on my lifts, especially my weakest area: chest, i saw a nice jump in both weight and reps. Outside of that I have been very disciplined and consistent with both my meal prepping and gym attendance. I have a good PPL program that I follow and have seen gains in all areas. My clothes are even getting too small. My goal is to continue to bulk through March and then cut. My goal following the bulk is to get a 6-pack for the first time in my life while maintaining the strength and muscle gains I've achieved.

Reading. I think I hit a sort of sophmore slump and decided to re-read NMMNG. I realized while I had tackled some of my issues, there are several I still need to address. The biggest one is validation. I shook this early on in the MRP process, yet somehow let it creep back into my frame of mind. I need to be much more vigilant in this regard. Going through the book this time I took a little more time and made notes and actually went through some of the exercises. I will continue to work on theses area's.

Relationship: Since essentially having a intervention for my Fiance last month I have seen a remarkable turn-around in her behavior. The good parts and value she brings to the table is no longer over-shadowed by the shitty drinking behavior. Our house has become much more stable, she is consistently cooking, cleaning, and organizing our new home. She has maintained our laundry and been in a much better mood. I'm not sure for the rest of you, but her and I have always laughed a lot and enjoyed each others company. Her sense of humor (and of course her sexy body) have always been what attracted me to her. Now that the drinking is out of the picture I've never been happier. She's followed my lead with eating well, working out, financials, and in the bedroom. My only concern is if this is sustainable. With her family as a support network I think so, but only time will tell.

Cascadesrising · 2019-01-15T18:07:03+00:00

OYS #2

I wasn't sure where to put this post, in a FR, OYS or Ask MRP, but since I'm relatively new here and have only done one OYS, here it lands. There's a question at the end I hope ya'll can help me with.

Field Report: my dick was in my wife's mouth for the first time in years. Later that same night she gave me a hand job all by her little self, bless her pee-pickin' heart.

Background: 59, wife 47, married 19 years, no kids.

Dead bedroom. Wife's pussy ruined from chemo and chemo induced early onset menopause. At least, that's what I'm told. For the past few years "sex" has been a once a month minimalism of her tickling my balls while I beat myself off.

Anything in the vagina is a shit show of starfish, pain, discomfort, wincing facial expressions, "just get it over with". Sure, the chemo has caused tissue damage, but sex wasn't much better before. She shows very little initiative to please me in other ways, as if she's forgotten I have a dick. After discovering the red pill I now know why. See first OYS.

It has been a while that I have attempted any pussy sex. The hassle is not worth it. A couple months ago I told her I no longer want the minimalist feely-beat-off thing anymore either. I told her if she wants to make me feel good she can do it all herself. She says there is a hormone therapy that might help her vagina, but she has taken no action.

In the meantime I am:

Working through the sidebar (currently on NMMNG)
Listening to weekly RedMan group podcasts
Soaking up RP and PUA through twitter follows and other research
Working through Neil Straus's PUA videos. Applying techniques in the field
Applying Game in the relationship, deflecting shit tests
Working on dominate frame
Working on making myself my mental point of origin
Getting shit done
Giving less of a shit about her and more of a shit about me, more OI
Using game on women outside the home. IOI's higher, interactions more fun (I am starting to have cheating fantasies.)

Results: Shit tests generally deflected. Game works. Relationship much better, other than sex. She shows more deference and is in a better mood most of the time. I am much happier and feel more in control of my life.

Back to the BJ: The recent post on validation was enlightening. One night last week after a shower I decided to practice OI and initiate. I walked naked from the shower to where my wife was in the family room, stood in front of her and pointed at my junk.

She smiled and reached out for my balls, and said, "I thought you didn't want me to do this anymore." FFS woman!

"No, I said I didn't want to just do that feely bullshit while I beat my own meat. I want you to do it all."

"Close the curtains and I'll put it in my mouth." Ok, now we're getting somewhere!

I didn't blow, so later that night in bed she tried to finish me off with a hand job. For a woman who 20 years ago road hard on the CC, she'll need a refresher course.

I am trying to develop push-pull and rewarding for good behavior. The reward for the BJ and HJ was to cuddle her good that night. She asked, "why are you being so affectionate?"

My response, "because you gave me a BJ."

As soon as I said it I thought, uh oh, did I just fuck the whole thing up? Demonstrate, don't explicate!

My question: did I fuck up by being so explicit?

Next steps:

Finish the big bathroom remodel and start the lifting program
Continue studying and applying game in and out of the home
Continue working on frame, MPOO, and OI
Read MMSLP

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2019-01-15T20:20:07+00:00

1/15/19 OYS

Current Stats

Height: 6’1

Age: mid-30s

Marriage: 15ish years with a bunch of kids

Weight: 255 (started at mid-260s)

Pant Size: 34-36 (started at 44)

Squat 1RM: 460 (started at 275ish)

DL 1RM: 475 (started at 300ish)

Bench 1RM: 345 (started at 240ish)

Lifting

A+. Crushing the gym right now. Weights are going up even though I’m on a slow cut and IF. Squatted an “easy” 460 from below parallel the other day which was good considering I had knee surgery 9 months ago.

My deadlift is comparatively ass so I’m hitting it hard with a focus on deficits. I did 3x3 at 405 last night with deficit pulls so hopefully that will help in a few months when I max again. My goals for 1/1/20 are to bench / squat / dead the following: 405 / 500 / 600. We’ll see.

Diet

A. Getting a slow cut in. I’m down to between a 34 and 36 on my pants which I’ll take. Buying jeans is a pain in the ass because of quad / glute size. Levis 541s are saving me. Had to buy a few new belts as well. I’m not really sure where my end goal is for weight… it’s about 3rd on my list in terms of goals for the year.

Right now, I’m doing intermittent fasting with a goal of getting 220ish g of protein per day on a 6 hour feed. It’s working well.

Frame

C. Each time I think frame is better, I understand I know less than I should about it. The validation posts were particularly pertinent to me this week. I’m still too damned worried about her and what motivates her / what she wants / what she is thinking. Enough of that.

STFU

C. See validation notes above. I still care too much about what she thinks and then talk about it. That’s pointless.

Kids

B. Doing well right now. Spring sports is about to start which will be good and bad. Good in terms of lots of scheduled time but bad because some of the kids are more involved than others.

Sex

A. ‘Nuff said.

Personal Growth

A. Working through “Grit” by A. Duckworth right now. Goal is to read 25+ books this year and I’m on track.

Work

A+. Crushing it at work right now. I have a few big projects in the works which could turn into some serious profit in the next 24 months but there’s a bunch of luck and timing outside of my control. Oh well, still gonna swing for the fences.

JCX_Pulse · 2019-01-16T00:35:34+00:00

OYS #2 1/15/19

Mission: Overcome beta personality and become the leader I have to be in order to run my life the way I want to run it.

Why I’m here: Counter-act a lifetime of horrible choices and personality traits I’ve developed over the years. To follow the lead of other great men in this forum who have been able to lead admirable lives as admirable people.

Reading: Almost done with Subtle Art. NMMNG arrived today, also have 2 more sidebar books arriving tomorrow. How do you guys hide your reading from your wives?

Lifts: The cornerstone of my MRP journey. My DL is up 10 lbs this week, bench was up 10lbs last week, but will test again today. Squat was up 5lbs last week. Of all the aspects of myself I have to work on, lifting is the one I find the most joy in and I use as a type of therapy for myself. Last week I had minimal work and had a couple two-a-days, working out once early and once later. I felt fantastic.

Work: New boss is finally settling in. I’m working on being converted to full-time. I got a bonus for the work I did on a project that was very well received. New boss has already been told to get me on full-time, 6 months earlier than anticipated. Week started slow due to a late-night Sunday, but I’ve been able to rebound my mood with the help of lifts.

Relationship: In the shitter. I found MRP too late to save the marriage, but I found it at the perfect time to save myself. Wife has been lying to be about everything lately. Found out she lied to me last night about why she was googling pizza. I walked away, showered, calmed down, but came back and confronted her later, sitting down and asking her why she lied to me. She denied lying while texting on her phone. So I told her to stop. She didn’t make eye contact and continued to deny. So I grabbed her phone and pulled it from her hands. I looked at her and I told her that this is totally unacceptable and wholly disrespectful. I had a firm but even tone as I tore into her about how, in no uncertain terms, I would be continuing a relationship with someone who will continue to be treating me poorly, and that I deserve better, and will find better. I had paused the show she was watching in the background, but at the end of my speech I got up, left her in tears, and went to bed. She stayed up for another 4 hours before I woke up to her kissing me on the lips as I was sleeping. I chose to roll over and pretend to be asleep. She has not said anything to me at all today, no text, no goodbye in the AM. My wife is a stubborn mule. She will internalize my admonishment as a child would after being scolded, and will hide from me in shame unless I DEER or give her an opening to make her feel safe and comfortable again. Traditionally, I would be planning on doing this when I get back after the gym tonight. Instead, I’ve decided to work late and go to the gym late, and thus, get home late. I would prefer not to. I need to meal prep and this will ruin my schedule, but I don’t even want to be in the same room as her right now, so keeping my distance is better overall.

The reason why I found MRP too late was that I am not in the mental space to confidently cut ties with my wife right now. I know I will be heart-broken and despondent if I resort to this too early on in my mental and emotional rebuild from pussy to man. Earlier in the night I practiced OI, or at least my newb understanding of it. I initiated, though fully expecting to be rejected, to prove that I could be rejected and be ok with it. I wanted her to see that I was ok and didn’t “need” her sex to make me happy, and I needed to see that I could be rejected and not be mad about it.

Social: I was able to hang out with a good friend I hadn’t seen in awhile last week. We’re planning on hanging out more and trying to do more guy things, basketball games and such. I started exploring my flirting skills with some girls at work who have been friendly with me since I arrived. I have been making more of an effort to be funny, as opposed to reserved, which is usually my default around women other than my wife. God forbid my wit and comedic charm garner me a harem! But I’ve been slowly lowering that drawbridge. I have no intention of cheating, but I need to relearn the soft skills that I’ve let deteriorate over the past 7 years of my relationship.

Special thanks to the mods and RP vets who have helped me in this process. It’s early on, the most vulnerable time for a newb on shaky legs, and I’ve been using MRP and AskMRP as sources to keep me from walking off the ledge while I go through the difficult changes in my life and face harsh realities beta me would have swept under the rug (not suicidal, just a figure of speech).

Gherial · 2019-01-16T06:51:43+00:00

Oys official number one.

510 208 lbs ~25% bf lifts stalled at 360 squat 325 deadlift 185 bent over row 145 ohp 185 bench

Last week I was drunk and a teenager this week I am doing my best to become a man that deserves my life , nmmng is started approx 1/4 way in rest is in line

Let’s get into this shall we. Last Thursday I posted in here in a real messed up state. Your comments really hit home especially steel and man in the world and you guys helped me see the truth that I was a lazy teenager. I’m 26 years old for gods sake.

 I have this week implemented stfu and stopped deering and my wife has responded tremendously it was honestly surprising that if i gave less of a shit if she was angry without not caring it made a world of difference. So far 5 days in with no arguing but I know that will change and I’m prepared to continue the work.

I’m still kind of buckling down and not putting too much on my plate I’m slowly reading nmmng and I hope to finish it by next oys. I just wanted to say thank you to all you guys and honestly I’m glad I decided to get a punch in the face

MRP_22 · 2019-01-16T07:22:15+00:00

OYS #4 - 01/16/19 Back after almost 5 months, time to own my shit.

Background: Age 39, SO 34, together for 4 years, 1 kid (1.5 year old) and second one on it's way. Unplugged in June 2018.

Physical: 5’7” 187lbs BF(did not measure)

Gym once a week plus two times a week workout at home. I am busy and it is cold to a point where I do not want to go out at 10pm to gym. Still need to watch out for shoulders and I doubt it will change, which means no bench press like ever as even at 130lbs(60Kg)I can feel the paint. Dumb bells are fine so I am sticking to that.

Diet: where I want it to be, gained 4lbs(2kg) but I am looking leaner then before, belly fat is down(starting to get a noticeable V-cut stomach) and I like my gains when I look at my shoulders.

Goal: Get enough sleep. No problems with this one.

This weeks goals:Measure BF and on Thursday at the gym check max DL and SQ, watch for old injury and stay away from bench press.

Reading: Want to re-read NMMNG other then that I am busy with studies(more on that later) so not much has moved in terms of MRP books.

Hobbies/Social: Shooting range is on the backburner. Basic training done and I can come to train like everyone else. When I am done with other things this is back as my main focus. Found my course for motorcycle driver's license once winter is gone I am checking if it is still valid, if yes, then I am getting that exam. Once a week I still meet with my friends, this has been almost 20years now, since we started doing that. Now that I think of it I do feel some pride in it.

Studies: I am back to school; studying psychology. This has been a big decision to me as it will require time for a few years to come. I am happy with this decision; first semester is almost over and I do not see problems with getting this done. I had a killer week where I done and passed more then I thought I will(additional items popped up to which I was not studying but I nailed it anyway, feels good).

Added bonus here is there is a lot of presentations which forces me to go out and do it in front of all people. Everytime I need to do it I tell myself it is more about feelz than what is in the papers, this helps with presentations as the grade is based not only on what I write but also on how I present it.

Career: For past months I was doing all the choirs etc as my co-worker was on a sickness leave. Not putting into it as much as I want but I think I need vacations, already told this to my boss and I plan on taking in at the end of the month. Got a proposition which I am not sure I want but it depends on how much they want to pay me.

Finances: Made a big decision here, which most of you here would advise against. Decided to buy a house as I always wanted to get one and I have this image that I would like for my kid(s) to live in a house. Me and SO took the credit 50/50 my money goes into renovations nevertheless but fuck it, house is new, with good price and I want it. If shit will hit the fan I will loose money put into renovations but not as much as if I had bought it all for my money.

Kid(s): Toddler glued to mom again as both where sick. I am enjoying more and more time I spend with the kid. Can't wait for her to grow up a tad bit more so I can take her to more places.

Relationship: Shit test are down and she helps with house when I need her to call to arrange something but to me it is dead, just dead. For some time in conversations there this name that pops up lets call him Chad. Chad is her boss. Chad sends her picture of things to/for house. Does it hurt, yeah to some degree and I STFU then change subject like I did not hear that(until I figure out how to handle it better). Well few days ago SO did blood tests etc because of the pregnancy and later that day I hear, she needs to message Chad, I asked if she is going to work tomorrow, said yes(she realized she said to much)....well that is awkward why would I message my boss if I will go to work tomorrow. End of the story is this is the moment that I said this is dead, add to this my last initiation for sex, after which I have zero interest to have sex with her, this is dead. I will need to check if second kid is mine I am not taking any risk here.

Why will I not end it ? I need to fix and work on myself first I still have a long road ahead of me, better to put this effort, time and money into me.

Sex: Last time I initiated, we are half naked and our cat came into the room and i can see she is clearly more interested with the cat then me. Pulled my pants up and said I got other things to do. Guess it is monk time.

Plates etc: Turned down an offer and did not pursue a few(this was before my revelation of dead relationship). In 2-3 months I have a mandatory trip from uni which will take 3 days and I do not plan on holding back, nor do I want to anymore.

AWALT: New house bough and renovations are going well. I will rent the old flat to get a bit of extra cash. First thing I hear from SO is that we can pay for vacations with that money. Told her it is a no go and that first I will need to build a fund in case something will need a fix there. Truth is I need a fixit fund for that place as a precaution but no way I am spending my extra income, no more milking the cow.

edit: added AWALT

substancehub · 2019-01-17T02:39:40+00:00

That she divorces me? Jesus I’ve been thinking about this way too much today. I decided to proactively bring up NMMNG and frame the discussion in a positive way tonight. She thought NMMNG sounded great but quickly got back on the MC track and became withdrawn when I shot it down via a mess of fogging/broken record and DEERing. I feel like a dancing monkey refusing to go to MC, like it’s all my ego trying to prove this RP shit works.

gvntr · 2019-01-18T02:24:12+00:00

OYS 1/15/2019

Stats: age 60, married, 2 kids in school, weight 79 kg, sq 115 kg, dl 115 kg

STFU — I read a post about “Stranger theory” somewhere in the RP zone and realized that my wife is rather courteous if not super polite to everyone — except me. She uses a very harsh tone with me in many cases. I started calling her on it, requesting she dial back the tone a bit. She refuses to do so, says it’s just me playing victim, persecution complex, etc. I need to STFU about this tone stuff and do more OYS work. She is not responsive to The Talk. She has a legitimate beef with me concerning my lazy. negligent drunk captaincy for these past 30 years. The 1000 foot rope has a long way to play out yet. At the same time, she does not get a pass on her bad attitude and tactics. LIFT — I started doing 5x5 for the first time. Added in one extra workout per week using kettlebells. Solid workouts. Lifting with better form, following my injury.

READ – For 2019 I have decided to make MRP my primary online hangout. Reading MAP, re-reading NMMMNG, reading How to Make Friends and Influence People. Listened to three episodes of Jocko Podcast.

DRUNK CAPTAIN – Bad logistics resulting from procrastination, poor calendar awareness, and overly optimistic estimation of time and looseness about scheduling is probably my biggest operational shortcoming. I now focus on getting there on time, and possibly a little early. This week I pulled off a very difficult schedule and still made a major appointment way across the region ahead of time. That’s what I am talking about.

SHARPEN SAW – I worked on some skills and tweaked the system some. Part of my review now is to make note of any work during the day to improve skills. For 2019, in addition to asset management skills, I am trying to learn something each day about: cooking, technical analysis, Excel, guitar, passive income generation, BJJ, writing for biotech industry.

SEX -- reading some recent MRP posts I realize that I am additionally an “attraction validation whore” and this has always come out in my dealings with women. I always waited for them to come to me. I would never go out and actively game the one I wanted. And this is at the heart of my unhappiness over our marital relations. It used to piss me off that she was not attracted. She withholds all the validation I crave. I think a sense of anger or really outrage has been the fuel that has kept me going for years of my RP journey. Not any more, though. I now realize it’s not her fault that she is not attracted. It’s on me.

MISSION: bring value — this week I put a lot of effort into and made major progress on my daughter’s college education, which is the priority objective. As a result of the effort we have a much more positive outlook on accomplishing this huge task.

SUMMARY – Made progress this week but use of time could have been a lot tighter.

Slim-Pickins- · 2019-01-19T00:04:11+00:00

Changes:

Old Betsy (2003 Chevy Tracker 4x4) died on New Years Eve. Got it towed to my parents and I got an Uber to a University dorm party. Smashed the plate, watched the ball drop, the traditional NYE festivities people take part in. Called insurance in the morning, ended up getting enough to get a new whip (2012 Kia Optima) which is the nicest thing I’ve ever owned. Still getting used to heated seats and aux plug in which are nice perks to have as a 27 y/o dude who has music playing 24/7 and lives an hour south of T.O (bit frosty this time of year). Also, a potential job opening up within the next week making $5/hour more than any thing else I have on the go atm. Fingers crossed on that one, although being careful not to get oneitis for that one and put all my eggs in one basket (some RP knowledge application for ya*). Besides for that, every thing is remaining constant from previous weeks, so I posted only changes on this one. Next week will hopefully have news regarding the job category and will see if the car gets me some epiphany-phase punetang.. won’t turn it down when its f n’ chuck game plan for the foreseeable future. The party years are covered.

Title	Own Your Shit Weekly - January 15, 2019
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	215
Date	January 15, 2019 8:24 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ag6djy/own_your_shit_weekly_january_15_2019/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-weekly-january-15-2019.197467 https://theredarchive.com/post/197467

Comments

OYS 032 190116

A birth and the last of my short OYS’